Are these signs of interest from a man or just a desire to be understood?

[Anonymous]

If a man that you knew in real life keeps answering your questions about himself and opening up and stands up for you with trolls, but acts distant besides on gag? Tells mutual mates that you don’t see eye to eye? I have Autism and I hate my lack of empathy and reading social cues? I suck at it. I’m also useless at reading men.

[robhazelnut]

If he is open about himself and stands up for you on GAG, yet is distant in real life and says you don't see eye to eye, then if he's being honest, he cares about your wellbeing, trusts you not to hurt him, but disagrees with at least one view you have and is not interested in approaching you in real life, at least not presently. I don't know the causes of those things. But hey, if you're interested in him, at least he probably cares about your wellbeing. If he doesn't, then his behavior is an elaborate and cruel play- the more time he's been helpful and seemingly open online with you, the more likely he's being honest and kind rather than cruel. by the way, Autistic people can have profound empathy. https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/women-autism-spectrum-disorder/202006/can-i-have-empathy-if-i-am-autistic

[Asker]

Yes, but we don’t read social cues as well as many people. I personally suck at it. What would you do in this situation? He’s acted pretty strangely sometimes, but he’s Autistic, too.

[Asker]

Ultimately, I’m not sure what we don’t see eye to eye on either. In his mind. However, we don’t agree on wealth and privilege being indicative of a person’s worth. I grew up similarly but wasn’t brought up with elitist values.

[robhazelnut]

Please bear in mind that I've never been in a romantic relationship.

To imagine myself in your situation, I'll imagine I'm a girl, since that's the dynamic. I suppose I'd start by asking what he thinks we don't see eye to eye on. If he doesn't respond, or deflects, I'd gently call him out on it, then ask again nicely, saying it's ok and I'd understand. If he still clammed up after, then I'd give him one more try, the same way but a little firmer. If he clammed up a third time, then I'd start looking elsewhere for romance, but say I'd be willing to listen to his answer whenever he was ready. If he eventually answered, if we could make a conversation out of it, and if I still hadn't found someone else who's just as if not more interesting, then I'd tell him I want to spend time together in person. That's all the planning I've got.

[robhazelnut]

Clarification: I meant telling him about being willing to listen, rather than just saying it to oneself or another person.

[Drew-1990]

Men are a lot simpler than you think him answering all your questions is a great sign honestly. I'm not going to answer any and all questions from a random person. If he is telling people you don't see eye to eye then he is probably not interested in you for a relationship. And trust me most men are just as bad or not worse at reading women.

[Asker]

What’s it a great sign of? He keeps insisting that he wasn’t uninterested in me, he’s just shy and scared to approach women.

[Drew-1990]

From that I would say he is interested. He is being honest but not saying it completely. Probably out of fear. I know because I'm shy and scared of approaching women. If a girl straight up asked me, I'd tell her the truth. Yes, I'm interested in her. Him saying he wasn't on uninterested is probably him saying he is interested but still scared to see it outright.

[Asker]

Is it basically, a desire to be understood and a wish to be friends?

[Asker]

Oh, so he’s shy?

[Drew-1990]

At the very least friends, it's probably a desire to be more than friends but again at the very least friends.

[Asker]

He asked to add me to private messaging on gag.

[Drew-1990]

Well that is a good sign maybe he is interested, I don't know about him being shy honestly. But good luck with your chat

[Asker]

Thanks 😊

[Asker]

I don’t think he’s shy. When I knew him, he talked a lot.