Why is it so hard for guys to lose to a girl?

Question

So this happened in my yesterdays bjj training.

There is a new guy in our club he was training for a few weeks. He is like 5'6 and yestarday there wasn't any guy his size so he had to have a sparring with me. Before we started he made some stupid comments about how he will have go easy on me couse im a girl. His buddies told him im good so he dont have to worry but he just laught at it... It kinda offended me so i decided to not go easy. After like 3 minutes i pinned him 4 times (on the last one i hit him in a painful armbar) and he coudnt stand it. He started screaming im a bitch and how its not fair... He left right after that and everyone just laughed at him. Why is it so hard for guys to accept the fact that girl might win against them? Im bigger than him and a lot more experienced so its not a shame to lose...

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

A big part of me might say it’s a socially constructed. Men look at other men, judge them, things like that. So when other men see a dude lose to a girl they see him as weak. Even if he’s less experienced which you pointed out. Doesn’t matter to them that he was less experienced, a lot of men feel as though they can destroy a girl regardless of what kind of training she has. As men were taught to be protectors, maybe it’s instinctual as well I’m not sure. I kind of think it is when you look at all things in nature animal wise. So when he loses to a female he questions his manliness. Can I really protect my girl? My family? Etc. I don’t know how to compare that to being a female. Like what would make a female feel less of a woman compared to all other women who do what they do that’s seen as feminine. When I use to work in the prison inmates would have to stand up for theirselves even if they knew they’d get their ass kicked. Because if you didn’t other inmates would take advantage of them. So this may be a similar issue. It may also play a role on whether a girl picks him as a partner or not. If she sees him as weak, can’t protect him, etc, she may not let him date her. I don’t know what your stance is on dating men, but most women want a man who is able to defend them. Sure you might be able to defend your man against some dude who has no experience but don’t really want to? Probably not. For one it’s embarrassing to him, maybe even to you. The king of the jungle, the lion, has multiple lionesses because they chose him. The strongest, to protect her. I’m not saying a man should have multiple women, but I think you get the point. He may just be cocky as well. So maybe it’s good you put him in check. Plus it may have taken shit at his confidence. It’s been proven that a lot of people have more confidence when taking some sort of self defense class. I’ve always taken Muay Thai, yes it has given me more confidence in a lot of areas, not just self defense. So when he lost his “confidence” may have been shattered.

libsaretards · Accepted Answer

It is a societal issue. Men have been taught that THEY have to be the protectors. If they lose to a woman, it is a threat to his mission as a man who is supposed to protect her. That is the base of this thinking.

I grew up a bit differently. My father was not in the picture. My grandfather made sure my mother knew martial arts. My mom, grandmother and grandfather raised me to respect everyone and that the person with the hardest work ethic wins, male or female.

When I started martial arts, I was frustrated with higher belt students. I get holding back a bit against a white belt, but these guys never sparred hard enough to test my limits.

There was a girl in my class who made sure to give me hard sparring sessions. I already knew not to underestimate her, both because of how many belts above me she was and because I had seen her spar with the black belts and hold her own. My matches with her were my favorite, both because I did not need to hold back and because she found new ways to push me.

At first she dominated every spar. After all, I was a 13 year old scrawny white belt with no athletic background sparring against a 16-year old purple belt who did other sports. When I had a growth spurt and my strength could match hers, she switched up how she attacked to rely more on speed and technique.

Sorry for the long post. This question just brought back memories.

IslaTheWitch · Accepted Answer

tell me about... every time I prove at work I'm right, it means some guy was wrong... a lot of them collect grudges against me, lol

Zoi99 · Accepted Answer

Probably masculinity they probably feel emasculated.

lightbulb27 · Answer

women can be very strong, even super strong at times for their size.

because he's an idiot... that's why...

we don't like to lose to girls because it lowers us as a man, but girls can be highly skilled.

JoePro_ · Answer

Well, first, I can tell you what your average guy would have done differently. He only would have slightly showed his hand, by only slightly winning every time. One to another, we don't take shit talk too seriously, but if we know what we're doing, we make sure they get the idea. Not the whole book.

Second, you're right. It's not a shame to lose to someone more skilled even if she's a woman, and if he were a little more mentally grown, he probably wouldn't have shit talked to begin with, and he would have taken you more seriously. Experience is almost always the education process for someone lacking knowledge. Not books. Not internet. Experience. And that day, he learned that a skilled woman can beat his ass. Had he stayed for a couple years, he might have learned that a skilled man, despite his size, might eventually win against that woman, despite her size and skill. But he lost out on that part of the education process.

That all said, I would have asked you to go easy on me. ;) I know better. I've played a number of sports and was in the military. There are some incredible women out there, and I wouldn't have doubted you were one of them.

Flatmanlewis · Answer

This leads me to three answers:
1- We are hard wired and know that biologically we are stronger than 95% of the women we meet across a mean average of society. To lose to a female implies we’re the 5% of men who are not. Women have been called the weaker sex for generations. It’s not necessarily true at all but some men can’t see past that.
2- BJJ is a place where humility will be provided whether you are ready for it, or not. It’s why I take it. It’s a place of learning and spiritually centering one as a warrior. This is equally true in Krav Maga, karate, Akido, and most martial arts in general. Skill and practice will almost always beat brawler strength, in a dojo/studio anyhow.
3- Men feel a need to impress any woman we are attracted to, even remotely. This dude thought impressing you meant beating you but he probably would’ve made a far stronger impression by humbly accepting defeat, picking himself up, and going again. Fortitude is more impressive than arrogance.

Baddest, deadliest, swiftest dudes I’ve ever known were silent like the “G” in lasagna. Not arrogant boasters.

Phoenix98 · Answer

It's kind of a touchy thing in the US. It's like on one hand if you dominate a girl in a match and don't hold back and fight like you would against another dude then you'd get labeled as someone who likes to hit women ( an abuser ) your sexist, yada yada by people outside of the martial arts world.

And if she beats you well then your not a man no more because you got beat by a woman prepared to get insulted and ridiculed. By people outside of the martial arts world.

So it's a kind of a your fucked if you do, fucked if you don't.

Personally the way I see it as a martial artist of 20 years you shouldn't hold back against a woman skill wise but strength wise yeah you do need to keep yourself in check because you could injure someone. I unforntetely had to learn that the hard way.

But you should still go at them like they are a seriously threat because underestimating an opponent is only going to put yourself at a disadvantage.

And I'll proudly say I've won against women but also have had my ass beat by some who were far more experienced and skilled then I was and I deserved those loss's I lost fair and square.

So if you lose to a woman just take the L use it as a learning experience just like any match, learn from it, train come back and try for round 2 later.

Anonymous · Answer

Damn that guy got rinsed 🤣

It boils down to social construct - men are taught to be 'protectors' and taught by other men that if you lose to a woman you're weak which is ridiculous. THAT to me is toxic masculinity. Women are capable of just as much as men with only strength being the difference (which does complicate things in the milarty, i can't deny that), but any guy that opposes this is rather naive and insecure with his masculinity and has to compensate.

I remember in Judo years back put up against a girl I and back then I was quite young and a bigot... using my strength to just pin her down always, but she was very clever and got me in some insane submission holds where it's about technique not strength. Since then (aged 13) it taught me a big lesson - Women are equally as capable.

Well done by the way, thus dude could have handled the situaiton MUCH better to not look childish. Could have compliemented you and accept defeat gaining respect from all. What a muppet

GuyAnswersGirls123 · Answer

A lot of guys can tease ruthlessly if we lose to a woman. I try not to mind though.

A lot of guys have difficulty respecting a woman who is very skilled at something like a sport or fighting. I used to be a bit like that as a dumb teenager and a bit of a chauvinist but I learned very quickly that women can be very formidable.

I think I told you before but I was trained by a female kickboxing teacher who used to be a women's bantamweight champion and she was personally trained by Kathy Long who was a world champion. This is her: Lisa "Scrappie" Smith together with her former coach:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/i-lEhcGdzpY

I learned very quickly how good of a fighter she is as she trained me. Her jab made my own look so slow and weak and I'm pretty sure she could have easily kicked my butt the entire time.

sawno · Answer

We have the biological advantage, our bodies are tougher and develop muscles easier a lot of the time. Now obviously not all guys, I have a very slender body type so for me its probably just as hard as for girls (I do currently go to the gym every week to train muscle, but its a slow process while I know other guys would gain way easier). But when guys then loose to a girl they are seen as weak because they lost despite their biological advantage.

In gaming its similar for a different reason, these days it no longer holds up since plenty of girls are fanatical gamers to. But back then men would game far more than girls, so if a girl then came in and beat you with far less practice you were also seen as bad.

sukumamu · Answer

Men who talk like that probably think averages they've heard or read about are automatically completely true and apply all the time because it makes them feel good. No doubt this guy's read or heard somewhere that "the average male is stronger and taller than the average female" and developed a weird sense of security around that. Individuals never reflect averages very well at all though, and averages are subject to change with new data/studies. Not realizing that is his loss (literally).

Probably over-analyzing a bit, but him being short could also add to the insecurity you brought out in him with your armbar. Short men often grow up being teased for it, and if they don't find a good way to deal with the negative attention, it could be a point of insecurity for them for the rest of their lives. Again though, being short doesn't force you to think less of girls and underestimate them. He should still get that checked out.

Lynx122 · Answer

He's just immature. Because of societal roles and expectations he feels like he's supposed to win no matter what and he feels like his masculinity is threatened if he loses to you. I never really understood why guys like that talk shit ahaid of time it just makes you look even more dumb afterwards. I mean there's so many different areas of expertise expcting you'll be better than someone else at everything is dumb. Over time I think he'll learn, I hope he grows from this and doesn't just get more angry.

Yannae · Answer

That's society for you. If you let society brainwash you, you're the stay at home wife, we go to work. You have emotions, we don't. We make the first move, you don't. These some of the many stupid rules that society tells us to live by. And one of them is a man is stronger than a woman. We both do martial arts, so we're aware that martial arts isn't all about power. Judo for example doesn't use power but momentum and leverage. Basic physics to throw an opponent who can be much bigger than you. Same with BJJ. You know where are neck is. Squeeze and we die if you don't let go. Blood flow is cut off, it's normal. Bend an limb the wrong way, it'll snap. But because of the basic society crap getting outplayed in a physical contest rubbed this closeminded guy the wrong way. I wouldn't mind, I'm just here to learn, if you can beat me, do it, we learn and move on.

MementoMori_ · Answer

Because men are biologically programmed to be physically dominant in order to fulfill their evolutionary mandate to provide and protect. And 90% of men are in fact physically dominant to 90% of women.

So anything that makes them feel as if they are not suitable to fulfill the role that their evolutionary destiny mandates makes them feel humiliated. It's nature.

It's the equivalent of a woman finding out that she is unable to bear children and then having to display a sign around their necks announcing it to others. That would probably not be something that most women want to do.

TheSpaceGnome · Answer

I wouldn't have a problem with losing in any sort of competition, but then I don't care about ego.

I would have a problem with doing a combat competition in the first place however, because it requires physical contact, and I don't know where you or anyone else has been (you could have infectious diseases for all I know, so no touching is my rule for anyone who's not my girlfriend/wife).

Now in a video game thats a different story, those competituons I'll accept happily, and I can win and not feel any need to brag, and lose and still enjoy the game and want more rematches.

superchan2011 · Answer

I think it has a lot to do with the fact that society has engrained the belief into us men that since were men we need to win against a girl or else we're weak. We're taught to believe that as men we have to be strong enough to be the protectors, so if we get beat by a girl then how can we protect them. I used to feel that way myself but now I just feel like whatever about it because were not gonna always win against everyone guy or girl. Some people will just be better or stronger. That's just how it is.

TonyMetal___86 · Answer

Now with such photos appearing like this to men, well they might lose because they will be distracted by something else 🤣🤣

Anyways, i do believe that there are some women who are stronger than men, when we talk about a big healthy woman with a high fighting experience and martial arts skills against a lazy skinny small simp than yes she will win for sure 😂😂

Personally i don't accept any kind of physical competition against a woman, especially if it's fight, because it's unmanly to fight a woman and makes me look weak, i know that no woman in the world can stand a chance with me 😅😅 especially back in my prime when tough guys didn't have a chance with me haha so what's the purpose of winning over a woman, in both ways i'm going to appear weak and a coward so better not fight with a woman!

Also a woman shouldn't accept to fight a man cause she will lose her feminine trait!

BoopBoopBeep · Answer

JFC. I mean... good job. On... everything. Haha, your back looks like my boxer ex, and I know how hard she could hit, so I'm sure you gave him a run for his money. Some men are just emotionally fragile. You're clearly in shape. He would have no problem losing to a fat man but has a problem losing to you? Or he has a problem losing period?

admles · Answer

Because of society, to be honest.

Men are told we have to be strong, toughest, the biggest, and that women are weak, and competitiveness is instilled in us from a young age.

I'm a three-stripe purple belt, and I don't give a rats ass if I get tapped by a woman, or anyone else for that matter, I like to use it as a learning experience.

If he was a REAL man, he'd compliment you on your technique, then ask you to show him how you did it.

Guys like him generally don't come back to class.

patrick994 · Answer

For many guys it is difficult to accept that a woman can beat a man, in reality if the woman is more experienced, trained and therefore physically strong she can manage without a shadow of a doubt to beat a guy in a fight.

A woman who has been trained for longer will always have an advantage over a man who is not trained, even more so if the woman is taller and more athletic than the man.

AndrewJordon99 · Answer

I don't know why this isn't common sense. Men in society have and will probably always will be deemed the more "aggressive dominant" sex. Men and women each have certain roles in society that influences how they ideally "should" be. Call a man weak, that's the worst insult you could do. Just like calling a woman fat.

aceleon · Answer

he acted childish but he is right about being pissed, it is shamefull to even lose against a male let alone a female.

losing is shameful thing and when you lost against some that was supposed to be far weaker than you it is extra shamefull he also probably has a complex about him being a small guy which makes his masculinity extra fragile.

JacobJordan · Answer

Haven't had that problem so I am not sure why he would get upset. Until I lose at something to a woman though I won't know for sure if it applies to all guys as the question suggests. I do know that I don't have an ego nor do I particularly care to compete on things in general I find most competitions to be a fantastic waste of time.

Why is it so hard for guys to lose to a girl?

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