Why would a guy who's been interested in me for several months suddenly tell me out of the blue that he's married?

[Anonymous]

I never asked him about his personal life it's actually him who's always asking me personal questions like where I've studied, where I live, who's in my family, my likes, dislikes etc.

He was the one who initiated everything with me but I wasn't responsive to his advances like the touching, flirting, spending extra time with me, changing his schedule just to see me etc.

2 weeks ago, one of his old friends at the office asked him how the marriage was going, I was standing a little far behind him when this happened and saw his face in utter shock and he was totally tensed and kept looking back at me apparently to check if I had heard his friend.

I couldn't make out the whole conversation but from what little I heard he said that "you should only marry the right girl and it's been 3 years let's what happens".

Yesterday, while we were talking about work related stuff, he mentioned that he has a wife, I didn't react to it nor did I say anything. I don't think it's any of my business to do so but I do feel bad about why he kept doing all that he did for so many months.

It's just that I don't know what to say or how to react since we're in a professional setting. I can't yell or shout or have an outburst.

After telling me about the wife, he continued to stay back after work to hang out with me. I didn't speak to him during this whole time as he was just quietly hanging about.

Updates

25 d

So apparently he's not happy with the marriage, it was an arranged one. He told his friend that you should only marry the right girl and he didn't marry the right one. Also that it's been 3 years so let's see what happens to his marriage. From what I got to know is that he told the same thing to another of his friend, that he's unhappy.

Updates

25 d

I'm just adding the details not justifying his actions in any way.

[Finchie40]

He doesn’t value or appreciate or love his wife anymore , he might care about her , but he doesn’t love her , he pretty much has the hots for you , and he was hoping you had the hots for him , he didn’t tell you about his marriage, because he was afraid of losing the connection he has with you. Why he has been spending a lot of time with you and investing a lot of his time into you, Sadly this sort of thing happens more than we like to think , why most marriages today don’t make it the long haul , People fall out of love or get bored with their current partner and think they deserve something better than what they already have in front of them , especially after they been married for so long , it’s a 50/50 chance if the marriage will last the long haul or short haul, because most people get married for all the wrong reasons , thinking they found the love of their life , to realize they aren’t the love of their life. Most married people that are unhappy in their marriages , will either cheat or find someone else before they end the marriage with their current partner, mainly because of financial reasons or if there sex life at home sucks. Or if there are children involved , they are afraid of losing everything they invested. into that marriage or relationship , so they latch on to someone else , hoping that someone else will love them and be by their side fulfilling their wants and needs. while weighing their options to decide what to do , they will string their spouse or current partner along because they are afraid of being alone, and afraid of making the wrong decision if things don’t work out with the new person in their life It’s sadly a selfish behavior , most people possess within themselves. They don’t have the courage to just end the relationship with their partner , because they are unsure if they are making the right decision or not I have been the other guy a handful of times with girls’ that were married or already in a relationship, that lied to me or didn’t tell me they were already in a relationship with someone else. Thinking this girl was really into me and wanted to be with me , to find out she wasn’t telling me the truth about everything. When I found out the truth , I asked her why she cheated on her husband or boyfriend with me and they all said because they don’t feel loved and valued by their partner anymore. They fell out of love and wanted to feel wanted and appreciated again. I hate to say it , but probably the best sex I ever had with a girl that wanted to feel wanted and appreciated again

[Mr_twoface]

You answered yourself your own question by stating that you overheard him talking to another colleague about marriage. He is therefore now seeking companionship in you with the idea that you would reciprocate his feelings and would consider being with him now given you can understand his situation and the fact that he has opened up.

In my eyes, no matter what he is going through in his marriage and how hard things are, he should not show interest in someone else whilst still being together with his wife. For me it's another form of cheating, that you don't come clean to her and instead try to find a smooth path for yourself so when the time is right, you can move on from one soul to another. If he didn't marry the right one, then be a fucking matured man, and tell your wife you need to separate and/or divorce. Don't let her waist her time so he can play on her feelings and emotions for his own sake. That is such a dick move and is red flag in my book. I couldn't care less of his excuses, rip the bandaid and move on.

I don't know what your reaction is nor how you will deal with him moving forward, my humble opinion is to tell him straight up that how he is going about his marriage is F-up and he should end it peacefully so both can heal from its process.

[Delle123]

Because men are pigs but he probably realized cheating wouldn’t be worth it in the long run.

[Anonymous]

Why? He's a cheater. He never told you as how far would he get if he did?

[DannyUk2017]

Well, sounds like he just "developed" an "urge" for something younger, so he tried his luck with you, but since his co-worker blew his cover then, he had no choice but face his demons, so you better stir clear from him as you don`t want his wife to come along and cause a scene at working place, as that will feel like "you"just got caught in a cross fire, and you could loose your job, even though it wasn`t your fault that he couldn`t keep his hormones at home.

[Asker]

He's the same age as me. He got married young. I now found out it was an arranged marriage.

[DannyUk2017]

Oh is one of "those things"... darnnnnn

[poshspice123]

Just because it’s an arranged marriage, doesn’t mean it’s unhappy. it’s still a marriage. He chose this. Let me tell you what he’s saying at home “that I’m very busy at work and asking his wife to cook and clean” he goes home and doesn’t show interest in his wife and his wife is wondering and trying to please him. And he comes to office and says I’m in an unhappy arranged marriage.

In case of you are wondering I’m speaking from experience. I was the wife at home in a supposedly “arranged” marriage.

[Asker]

@poshspice123 I didn't say it was an unhappy marriage it's what he told his friend. He said he didn't marry the right girl and one should only marry the right person secondly he said it's been 3 years and let's see what happens to his marriage.

[Asker]

And from what I found out after that, he told the same thing to another friend that he's not happy.

[poshspice123]

He’s not a good person. He’s a narcissist spinning stories. Don’t satisfy him. Plus you don’t want that guilt of being a home wrecker.
I met this girl who lived with that guilt (coz these men who cheat on their wives, cheat on their girlfriends too) (my ex husband cheated on his side piece too) and she used to feel very burdened with that guilt.

It wasn’t her fault. The guy committed to his wife and the guy is more at fault than the girl.

My suggestion would be to tell him that you are dating someone seriously (to get him off your back) and not fall for the trap he is laying out for you.

[Asker]

@poshspice123 Well we saw each other today and I don't know what's up with him. He's being extra nice and helpful even though I told him I don't need his help, smiling, making jokes, tried touching me as well, kept staring at me quite shamelessly. Should I have a talk with him? What should I say?

[BadApple69]

He was looking for something on the side. Maybe his marriage is less than perfect or maybe it’s great… whatever it is he is looking for some side action. Guys will do that. Actually…. Women do it too.

[exitseven]

He cannot live with himself for being such a liar and a cheater. Or maybe his wife was getting suspicious.

[ProbablyClueless]

He knows his behavior towards you is inappropriate in his relationship.

[Asker]

Yet he's still continuing with that behavior?

[Asker]

We saw each other today and I don't know what's up with him. He's being extra nice and helpful even though I told him I don't need his help, smiling, making jokes, tried touching me as well, kept staring at me quite shamelessly.

[ProbablyClueless]

I'm sure that by now, you can tell from dealing with this guy that you're dealing with an unreliable and emotionally stunted person.

[TheSpaceGnome]

Arranged marriages are stupid and not real marriages in my opinion.

He should divorce her before flirting with anyone though.

[Massageman]

Continue the "not speaking" part. Then, follow up with the "leaving you, jerk" part.

[Quigly]

Married people are toxic, Married people have a lot of problems that you don't want in your life. Stay away.

Be happy and single.

[jahaims]

He wants you to be cool with cheating

[jimmy2]

What an asshole stay away from him

[JayBones2469]

He got married.

[pethouse]

Because he’s a cheat