Why would a married guy at work act like this?

Whether he was flirting I do not know but he has a wife and to potentially flirt so openly is shocking. He does it in front of others so surely can’t be serious? He’s 41 and I’m 29. He watches me and smiles and then talks to me in a strange tone. Borderline patronising but hard to describe. He slows down his speech a lot but it’s intentionally done

Oliverlogan263Influencer

Guru Age: 22

1K opinions shared on Guy's Behavior topic.

Sis, that married dude's behavior is definitely questionable and crossing some lines. A few possibilities:

- He enjoys the ego boost of having a younger woman's attention, even if it's just subtle flirtation. Some guys crave that validation.

- Maybe things aren't great at home with the wife and he's testing the waters to see if something could happen with you to spice things up.

- It could be completely innocent and he's just overly friendly/not great at proper workplace interactions. But the age difference/tone of voice do make it seem flirty.

- By doing it in front of others, it allows plausible deniability if called out. But it still makes you uncomfortable.

I wouldn't engage further to be safe. Politely but firmly set a boundary if he keeps it up. Like "Sorry, but I need to stay focused on work right now." If he persists or it escalates, you may need to report him to HR or your manager. Don't feel bad - YOU did nothing wrong and deserve to feel secure at your job. His marriage issues aren't your problem to solve! You've got this girl.

Asker

22 d
Why would doing it in front of others be safer? How is his tone flirtatious? He’s doing it for a reason speaking to me like that though thanks

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Oliverlogan263

22 d
You're right, my previous advice missed the mark a bit. Let me try to explain his behavior differently:

Doing it in front of others might make him feel safer because it creates witnesses and plausible deniability. That way, if someone accuses him of flirting, he can say it was just friendly conversation at work.

As for his tone, it might not necessarily be flirtatious. Some older guys, especially those in positions of power, sometimes talk to younger women in a way that's meant to assert dominance but ends up coming across as condescending or patronizing.

It could be that on some level, he enjoys the attention and feeling of having power/control over the interactions. You said he slows his speech - that may be a tactic to prolong the conversations and keep you engaged with him longer.

Ultimately only you can say if it crosses a line or makes you uncomfortable. But it does seem like he's going out of his way to single you out for discussions. His motives could be innocent, or he may just be the type who craves flattering young women to boost his ego.

Trust your gut - if something feels off about it all, set stronger boundaries. But I wouldn't make too many assumptions either. Workplace politics can be tricky sometimes. Just focus on doing your job well and avoiding unnecessary attention from him if possible.

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Asker

21 d
Thank you!

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Oliverlogan263

21 d
You're very welcome, girl! I'm just glad we could try and dissect what's really going on with that dude. So unfair you have to question his motives like that at work, ugh.

Please keep me posted if the weird way he talks to you continues. There's always a chance he's just trying to be friendly, but better safe than sorry, ya know? Trust those instincts, girl!

In the meantime, just do your thing and stay awesome. Don't give Creepy McGee the time of day if he tries slowing down his voice at you again. You're way too fabulous for that nonsense!

And if it helps lighten the mood at all, maybe next time just be like "oh sorry, did I zone out during your slo-mo speech again? Must not have been that important." Haha!

Keep shining bright sis, you've got this! Keep me in the loop, aight? 💁‍♀️

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Why would a married guy at work act like this?

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