There’s a guy who keeps blowing hot and cold, one minute he’ll be really flirty and the next day he’ll ignore me. Then I’ll think he’s not interested and suddenly he’ll show me interest again. Why does he do this? Is it a tactic to keep me interested?
He knows I like him, but I end up feeling hurt by it, because he’s so up and down. What’s his problem?
I was with a girl who did the same thing. One time we were together she was all in love and telling me how she can't live without me. She never felt anything like that with anybody and we would spend entire days and nights in bed or hanging out. But then she went home and radio silence, well she was with he boyfriend and I was just the fun sex toy for when she was board.
I guess she developed some feelings because when her relationship fell apart she cam back to me wanting us to be together, but it obviously didn't work out, because she was so used to blowing hot and cold that she didn't actually know where her head was at.
Over 10 years later to my knowledge the situation has not changed and she's still screwed up and single, sometimes in a relationship that doesn't work out.
So if he's blowing hot and cold it's probably because he's got another "friend" on the side. There are two ways you can handle it although the mature one probably won't work. One you can try and talk to him. You can decide what to do and find a way to make it work or two you can say screw you and blow him off. There's a bonus one, you can just say it's only fun and use him the way he uses you and just do the same hot and cold. Have fun when you're together and forget about it when you're not, the trade of is that it will fall apart pretty soon.
I remember when I was with the above mentioned girl, when I blew her off for half a year it made her go crazy and she literally started stalking me and trying everything but calling me to run into me. Eventually she called and we met up and had a great time again.
Thank you for this, it’s so helpful having heard from someone else who has gone through it. It’s crazy isn’t it. Sltjats interesting what you say about potentially having someone else, so why do you think they blow hot and cold in this situation? They can’t manage the two people?
Thanks for your advice, so I recently messaged him to say I think we should talk, but he has responded which I’m a bit gutted about, because really I just want to have it out with him, so I know where I stand I guess. Every time I try to have a deeper conversation about it, he seems to not want to go there, but when i see him act like nothing happened and continue on. Urghh it’s so annoying! I kind of feel like maybe I should blow him off and see what happens. It’s so hard though when you like someone and they give you a glimpse of hope. Sometimes he is very full on.
**hasn’t responded
I mean when I blew her off completely. It was after fight and she said she never wanted to se me again, I did just that. Never wanted to see her again. I did want to but I was not going to let it happen. She tried to "accidentally" meet me for three months and it drove her crazy. I finally got a call from her at 3am and I said okay let's meet up and we talked and started back again. So if you care less than he does, he'll keep coming back. But that doesn't change the problem that he's screwed up anyway. He needs to work on that too, just coming back is not enough for a relationship to work.
Yeah ok, thanks for this, it’s really helpful. Nice to hear from someone in similar position. Thank you
Theoretically, it can be a manipulative tactic, to bait and then trap you into a guy's web. Because when you fall for that, you're robbed of your decision power while he gets to control your emotions. I remember a youngster describing this as his modus operandi in dating.
To determine if he's really manipulative, you'd have to examine his behaviors and his speech in general, more closely. Because such tactics come from specific personalities giving you hints and vibes of fakeness/forgery. Pay attention to what you feel in their presence, monitor and decide if that theory is right.
Happy hunting 👌🏼
Thank you, that’s interesting to know. Why do you know he would want to manipulate me? Just to have control? Does he even like me then?
Take it as a hypothesis and test this hypothesis in the real world:
The goal of manipulation is power and control, to reach a state of psychological comfort, if he controls you then he cannot lose you. But "you" is just an idea for him, you don't exist, that's not you he needs, he needs the comfort coming for controlling you. Because you, as a person, are disposable, viewed from a manipulative mind, you're just a tool to own.
As such, he's unable to like or love you, because love implies taking risks, risking to lose the other one, risking to lose the love someone gives you. By controlling you, he's not putting himself at risk, all the contrary, he's creating your obedience, to ensure his own mental safety.
Amazing insight.. thanks
I just learned something new !
Much appreciated
His "problem" is that he's not into you. He's keeping you on the hook in case he happens to be single and wants to go out with you to fill the void. Don't allow it. Just move on.
Guys who do the whole push-pull things are usually just shady and manipulative to begin with. Is that what you want in your life?
Thank you, no not at all. I hate the not knowing. Why do you think he even does it?
It's a red flag. I hate guys like this especially back when I wasn't married and single. They just love the chase and the attention nothing more.
Stay away from game players and only date men that are crazy about you. "If he wanted to he would" that's the saying I tell my friends
So true thank you
Opinion
42Opinion
No, for your own sake, take it as a tactic that he is attempting in order to screw you over.
Yes I definitely feel like he’s doing that, but I’m not sure why?
He is either exploring other options, or he enjoys playing with people's feelings, or he keeps you around just in case his attempts with other women fail. Either way, it is a red flag.
Please prioritize yourself, look after yourself and remove yourself from toxic situations that are created by people who do not value you and are unable to see your worth
Thank you so much, really appreciate your advice. Yes will do, I am so over it.
No I would say easy to bipolar. Or is it straight up manipulator? Or he just doesn't know what he wants.
I'm going to say it's a little bit of both of the first I would watch out for that guy. If I was you, because anybody that plays game. It might just be he's out there. But I've been really watch out and pay attention to things because his words. His actions will tell you everything before you get to involved.
Thanks for this. Yes it’s really confusing. I think you could be right. I’m not sure if it’s also because he went through a divorce recently do his head might be mashed up, but anyway, I’m really hating the up and down of it all. Especially when he seems like he doesn’t care and then suddenly he’s full on again.
It’s like his actions show me he likes him, but like maybe he doesn’t want too with his head.
He may do, I don’t totally know. Ah I see yes you could be right and the drinking could cause him to have mood swings?
And if he's catching a good buzz, he might still want to be with his ex. But he can't, so one moment he's feeling good bout. What are you doing, and then the next thing you know. You might feel guilty so then he's gonna drink more. L, o, l, and it's gonna be a vicious cycle. And the whole thing's not gonna be any good until he figures himself out
If a guy resort to this type of behaviour, run.
A. He could be "manipulating" you into chasing him. (You are down for headaches down the road)
B. He is unstable. (You will be more babysitting him than relying on him)
C. He could be unsure whether he wants you or not. (If someone is unsure on such things, well it can be a trend throughout his life.)
So either way, just run.
Thank you, this is very helpful. Appreciate it
Maybe he's not as aware of your interest as you think he is. Guys can be pretty bad at picking up on hints sometimes.
Maybe he's trying to match your energy with his own. And he tries to show more or less interest in you, depending on how much interest he sees in you that day.
He's probably worried about seeming too eager, or too clingy, or something.
Just a guess.
Thanks, I have told him I like him, but it was a while ago and maybe he could doubt it I guess, That’s an interesting perspective though and would make a lot of sense. Thank you
Are you both in your twenties? How often do you run into each other?
He’s a bit older early 30s. Daily we work together.
He might be worried about getting fired. A lot of companies aren't too keen on romance between coworkers.
How old are you?
Have you two ever done anything together, outside of work?
Yeah he might with our work. I’m 25.
No we haven’t, we have been on a several conferences and squally end up talking in the corner.
Do you know for fact that he's single?
Have you ever caught him checking you out? Like looking at your ass or whatever?
You can chat me if you feel like it. Just a thought.
Hmm I’m not sure if he is single, he hasn’t said.
Yes I see him checking me out and he always stares at my face, I don’t really see him looki below that. We tend to lock eyes a lot and to me it feels like there’s a mutual attraction. Thank you
And you go to conventions together you said? Are these like business trips? Are there like hotel rooms involved?
Could one thing lead to another, maybe, at one of these conventions?
Yes we do, usually they are based in our city, so no overnights, but when we go for after work drinks with other colleagues, we usually end up sitting together and talking.
Are you in the United States? Just curious.
No we are in Australia
What do you guys talk about? Is it always work-related? Does it ever get flirty?
Not always work related no, our lives really, we were into etc.. it gets flirty with body language but not taking as such, I guess because we are conscious of being colleagues maybe.
Do you think he's like struggling internally? Wanting to make a move but scared to because you're a coworker?
Does he seem kinda turned on when you two are talking by yourselves?
Yeah I reckon he does seem a bit conflicted internally, which I guess could explain the hot and cold. He does seem excited to talk with me and like the other day, I could tell he wanted me to stay once the conversation has stopped, because he kept coming up with ways for to continue, like he didn’t want me to go,
It's night in Australia now, isn't it? I guess you could email him a pic of you in your bra and underwear. That would probably be a little too forward though. But I bet he'd enjoy it.
You could make up a story about something you did that involves being naked or in your underwear or something, and tell him the story the next time you two are alone. Just to maybe get him a little extra turned on, you know?
Haha you reckon? I guess I could. See if it’ works. Yes it’s nighttime in Australia. Do you think it would work and he does like me?
I mean, it would be funny, but you don't want to risk being fired, so you probably shouldn't send him a bra & underwear pic.
You could make up a story about sending a bra pic to the wrong person, or something like that. Just to add a sexy element to your next conversation. Like back in high school you accidentally sent a bra pic to your friend's dad or something. I bet he'd find the story fascinating.
Sorry if that was too graphic.
Never do this. It could go wrong. Be straight with him in conversation about your feelings and watch how it turns. If it turns well, it would be great. If it doesn't turn great, you can move on.
Either way you won't end up wasting more time on him.
That just sounds like a natural shift of focus. One day he will prioritize you and really wants to flirt with you, another day his mind might be preoccupied with something else - maybe chores, urgent work, deadlines, a football game, etc.
It's very common for me, as I am kind of a spontaneous guy who is driven by bursts of energy - one day I'll be busy trying to entertain and talk with my girlfriend or friends, another I'll just be silent as a rock as my mind is elsewhere completely.
Can be. But he also might be going through his own issues. Not always a telltale sign he’s playing you.
Is he a “nice” guy at times by chance? If yes, he might be trying to play the game on you because he’s gotten negative dating results being his nice guy self in the past.
Thank you, yeah on good to know. I wouldn’t say he’s a particularly nice guy, he’s friendly but yeah people wouldn’t overly say he’s nice I guess.
I don’t know the whole story. It is true that some guys do the “push and pull” game. The problem is too many women (not all but too many) get bored with, reject and/or friendzone overly available guys.
So some intentionally act mysterious/challenging. Not healthy behavior for mature adults. But I’ve confess that intentionally did this a few times ago (I was a “nice guy”). What really depressed me is how well it worked in the short term with women.
Anytime I've done this it's because I'm unsure how I feel about her. I'm not trying to play games it's just there is something missing from an otherwise wonderful woman and I can't put my finger on it. I've learned to just walk away so as to not lead her on.
Ok thanks for this, good to hear a different perspective. So it’s more the uncertainty of feelings towards her? Makes senseless
Sense
That is correct. It's just that I feel something is missing. I could have a wonderful time and be lost in her but the next day I feel different towards her and honestly don't know why. So I push through and it keeps happening. That's why now if I feel this way I just end it. It's not fair to her.
Seems like he's just trying to pass time. I want to give the benefit of a doubt and say he's busy, because I have texted then couldn't respond but never that "on" and "off" stuff, but I don't think that's the case for him honestly because if it's a pattern then he's just using you to past time or something like that.
Thanks, this is definitely a possibility. Yeah I have noticed it a number of times, worse thing I think oh yeah he’s not interested and then suddenly he’s full on again.
This type of boy is someone who you should stay away from. He will take your energy, heart for his timepass and when he gets bored, he will leave you. When he feels you are seeing someone else or stop caring about him he feels no attention from you which he wants to get up his ego, he will show you love again.
His love is for timepass. Players or playboys do this. Don't fall for the trap. Save yourself from future heartache
Yes I think you’re right and mostly I end up feeling sad form it, not good that he is hot again.
It’s a tactic you should run the other way from , Hot and cold is usually a sign that person is manipulative and controlling that likes to play head games , You are best not to waste you time with him Trust Me
@Finchie40 Hell yeah 👍
Meee too!
Thank you, yeah I can understand that, why don’t think he even bothers?
Hmm , I’d say he isn’t interested but is likely a little flirty by nature generally on his good days.
More to the point. Why are you interested in a guy like this?
Yeah I dunno, he never used to be flirty, but it changed after we got to know each other more and he felt comfortable. I guess I just like him, I get a glimmer of hope and then no. I
Nah, it's lack of commitment in my opinion.
Should be consistent in how you would behave with others. Immaturity may be behind it..
Yeah I’m, would make sense, but why is he hot at times though like he’s really keen?
Not really, because I don’t just want to be used, I’m looking for more than that.
Why do you choose to be anonymous on here?
Of course, You have your reasons and it’s always allowed here to be anonymous if a person chooses to.
Personally, I feel it’s more effective when I’m communicating with others here to reveal my identity for genuine reasons.
No offense… just saying…
No. That's generally more a sign that he just can't make up his mind because he doesn't feel strongly about you one way or another.
I know what you mean, but sometimes he seems really keen, like it surprises me and then suddenly it’s like a switch. It’s so weird
Yeah... it's like, why even bother? Unfortunately, I have way too much experience of putting with that kind of crap from women. The big thing I've learned is that if seems like the person can't make up their mind, they have; and they're looking for a better option. They're just find you "acceptable" and are wasting your time until they find someone they're excited about.
I have played this game before yh it makes someone on their toes and interested yh but it is hard to stop until the other person gets tired and move on is not a game he should be playing
Ah ok thank you, but does it mean if was ever really interested or not?
He is interested
That's why he is flirting on and off
Ok, and he wants me to be interested too? But he knows I like him, so why does he bother?
He knows you like him like you told him? Not by showing sign you told him
Yeah a while ago I did, maybe 3 ‘months ago,
Then he is not ready to be in a relationship with you he is just playing with you as with different other girls keeping them and you interested and into it makes him happy
To boost his ego
Yeah ok, I see. Does that mean he doesn’t really like me then?
Soooo, i'm like this with a woman that I like but she's like that with me. When it's just the two of us we get on great and she's flirty etc but as soon as there are other people she knows around it's like I don't exist.
Thanks for this, so why do you think it happens, are you worried about people being around you?
Is it not becuase he's him unsure if he's interest in you or not?
Yeah possibly, I don’t know. He’s acts super keen one minute and then cool the next, it’s so weird
It’s a practice to get you to get sexual with him as quickly as efficiently as possible so he can move on to the next girl (figuring you’re into him enough that he can always come back later if he gets bored or runs low on girls one week)
No... it means he is confused or maybe is seeing someone else also. Are u sexually involved with him?
Ah ok thanks, if he was seeing someone else, why would he respond hot and cold? No we are not sexual intimate.
Sometimes the women in my 20s and so far my 30th to 31st have had habits like that and they're the women; doing that. Lol.
All I can do is just think "hell, they're not going to go anywhere with me anyhow, so I just be polite yet ignore their eyes or their banter, as if I'm just another nobody" to their hearts 💔😉💔
Yes, quit playing his game. If he's not 100% invested in you then walk away. All he's going to do is drag you down and hurt you by his hot and cold b*******.
No he's oblivious, egotistical, and/or taken
Ok maybe something to it there, thanks, when you say taken, why would that make him act bot and cold?
I'm always amazed how oblivious women are. He's keeping your attention because he's blowing hot and cold. That is what you are attracted to.
But it’s actually quite hurtful.. the cold part, I mean it’s a natter of time before a girl will get fed up. So iotherwise I get it’s a bit of a game, I. The long run I don’t know how it would make a girl want him more? Wouldn’t him just being hot work?
@Asker Lol, I needed a laugh. NO being just hot will never work. Woman want to constantly know they have the best man, the only way to do this is to show her that you are a man that has other options. She will appreciate the time she gets with you more and constantly wonder about you when you are not around.
Because it's fun seeing how they react, you get to guess how they are going to react. It's like a game for him anyway, as a grown man that's so weird
For fuck's sake... Just ask/beg him to give you a damn good fucking... And get this nonsense over and done with once and for all... Simples!
naw. it's probably just that he's hot when he's horny and cold when he's not. not a good sign of actual interest in you.
That’s what happens when women only go after looks and $
Why do you reckon it happens then?
Cause women only go after the top percent of men in terms of looks and $. Those kind of guys have thousands of women chasing them. So they don’t care about your feelings
Yeah think you could be right, why does he bother at all then?
I dunno. its not fair to you to put your life on hold. I made that mistake just waiting around. If someone is truly interested, they will make time to talk to you. Game players are terrible people I’m sure you are a nice person, but you can’t allow yourself to be jerked around.
Yes very true, it’s so draining too. Thank you, yes I think it’s time to cut him off.
I apologize if I came off as attacking you. I’ll dial myself back. You deserve happiness!
No that’s all good, thanks for your advice 😊
For some, yes. For others, it could be uncertainty about the lady.
Thanks, you mean he doesn’t know how he really feels about the lady? If it were that, how could he be so excited one minute and then so cold the next.. like what’s he thinking?
Hot and cold could mean he’s busy with his wife or girlfriend
Ha I’d hope not, but I guess it’s a possibility. I guess it would be an internal struggle too if guilt hence the hot and cold eh.
It is possible it could be a tactic. It is more likely he is genuinely hot and cold.
Yeah ok, but why do you think he’s like that, he’s just moody or doesn’t know what he wants? Trying to play it cool? Etc
Yeah fair enough. I tried to message him to say we should talk, but he’s ignored my message. Urgh!
Why are you emotionally invested in an immature person. That's moronic
Yeah I know it’s kind of ridiculous. Why don’t think he does it, even he doesn’t really care?
You mean like, hard to get?
Something women do, ALL THE TIME
Yes exactly that, will really be full on like me and then cool the next. So annoying!
I know, right? It's almost as if it crosses both genders
No. It has nothing to do with you. You aren't the main character
How do you mean? Who is?
Ah right, so you mean it’s just how he is, part of his temperament? It’s really confusing behaviour
Yeah ok, but I guess what I’m trying to figure out, is he interested or not.. because I like him, its all the more harder when he seems keen, but that it’s like teasing when he goes cold.
Yeah ok, I agree. It does seem too hard.
He tries to manipulate you or he is a retard who doesn't know what he wants.
He wants attention when he wants it, but does not care if you get it when you want it.
He doesn't love you, move on.
Some people are fickle. I have delt with this in women more than once.
Yes I can understand that, I guess it’s more how long it’s been going on for a good 5/6 months.
It's possible you are giving him hot and cold signals, so he responds with the same. Both of you may feel very similarly about each other.
In my opinion, he's either doing that on purpose, or he has personality issues. just my two cents.
He's playing ego stupid games. He isn't serious about you.
Just another horny dude not ready to commit , if you find this fun enjoy your time but just don’t think anything will come of this long term
Unclear. It could be just a tactic to deal with YOUR blowing hot or cold. Most men are honest. They have to learn the art of deception from women. After that, they're never the same.
I knew a girl that did that to me. It was a painful experience for me. I am no expert but I don't think it's a good sign when people behave this way.
Digital dementia from smart phones. The human brain is not digital it is complex analog.
There is good chance he will use you.
For some reason Women find that interesting and don't see that as a red flag.
He’s obviously immature and a game player. Run away
If a person hot or cold I have zero interest in them.
I want to be loved.. i don't wanna love at least for a small time..
Then maybe when everything is sorted out, I may confess my true feelings
He only flirts with you when he's bored or isn't chatting up some else.
The only secret men have is that they are perverts.
Do you blow him hot and cold?
I don’t think so, I try to be friendly.
Try blowing him while drinking a slurpee. That’s hot!
lol ha
Trust me, it’s very friendly 😉🍆👅🧊
Yes, I think so.
Why does he do it?
He just wants to keep you more interested.
Yeah ok, thanks
You're welcome
its usually to regulate your temperature
How do you mean?
it means he blows hot and cold
But why does he do that? You mean like moody?
he sounds like an idiot
Yep, it’s so annoying! What do you think is going on in his head?
I think its like a cheesy nerd crap pick up artist technique called push pull. maybe he's doing that? this does not sound natural.
Means he cares up. until he ejaculates
Sounds like mind games. Not my thang!
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