I have been diagnosed with terminal Breast Cancer! Any advice?

Question

I have been diagnosed with terminal  Breast Cancer! 
I have an 8 year old daughter and 13 year old son. I just don't know how to tell them,or what to say. 
I have accepted i may not live another year,but i can't cope with the thought of my children growing up without me.

Any advice will be appreciated. Thanks!!

Frost_Byt3 · Accepted Answer

The sooner you tell them, the better. That way they have more time to accept it before you pass away. Meanwhile, work on finding a loving, responsible godfather to take care of your children when you pass. You need to be able to die with the trust that someone will take care of your children. Take off as many workdays as you can, so that you can spend as much time with your children as possible before you pass away. I'm so sorry that this has happened, and i hope that everyone will eventually be able to cope with it. Good luck, to you and your family.

PS: If you believe in God, or whatever religion you follow, call on your god for help, and guidance, and blessings. He may be able to perform a miracle, and if not, you can at least hope for a blissful afterlife. Pray for Him to protect your children as well. I'm sorry if you don't believe, and if this insults you in any way. But if you don't believe, i highly encourage you to open your heart to the possibilities. Maybe there is a God, and maybe there isn't. But believing in God won't cause you any harm, because you will pass away anyway. Wouldn't it be better to believe in God and to find out that he doesn't exist, then to refuse God, but find out that he does exist and perish in hell and miss out on the blessing of heaven that you couldve had? If you are skeptical of God, send him one heartfelt prayer. It couldn't harm you in any way. Just say "God, if you are there, i want to ask you something. I don't know wether you exist or not, but i you are there, i would like you to give me a sign. If you show me one sign, anything that will move me, or give me hope, i will accept you into my heart. Please give me a sign God, open my eyes to what COULD be there". If you are Christian, and would like me to pray for tou ajd your family, i would be happy to. But if not, then i won't. But i would like to help in any way i can.

Red_Arrow · Accepted Answer

The best advice I can give is to find a support group. Maybe more than one. You can probably find one by asking your doctor or any large hospital near you. there are general cancer support groups and support groups specific to the cancer you have. The cancer group in turn has resources that will amaze you. They are your best source for just about any info you need. They also support family of cancer patients.

I have an adult daughter, permanently disabled by a brain tumor. And I lost my wife to a blood cancer. Both were helped by support groups. So I speak with too much experience with cancer. these groups are your best source. If they don't have the info handy, they have people who know how to find anything.

And the advice already given about a memory book is Ace! You start it now, and later when the kids are on board with what is happening, you can let them share their feelings in the book as things progress.

Best wishes to you, especially hoping you can beat it. But I know the odds, too.

Em_Power · Accepted Answer

Lovely lady.. I am so so sorry this has happened to you.. if I could give you a giant, warm cuddle to try and battle some of those worries and fears down that must be racing around your head, then I would. Life is so cruel. The thought of leaving your children behind must be tearing you to shreds. I have now experience of this but I did lose my dad when I was 15 - they will hurt very much without you but they will learn to live without you - I can promise you that. I think that you need to first try to come to terms fully with the situation yourself, or telling them without some level of sturdiness and strength in yourself will make it worse for them. Be honest and let them know what is coming - have a big bucket list of all the things you want to do as a family and ensure that you spend all of that time enjoying each other's company. Perhaps think about making them a memory book for all these things to go in as well as all the times you've spent when they were younger. I'm sure it will keep you busy and distracted too. Just keep telling them you love them but keep the time you spend together light hearted and not heavy.. the time for heavy emotions will come eventually. I am sure you are a wonderful mother and the lessons you've taught you're son and daughter will always stay with them. I always think of my dad - every day, don't ever think your children won't do the same and forget. Find every reason in their company to laugh and cherish. That will give them a mother's smile to remember :) Stay strong if you can, love every minute of live you have and be with the people you love. Sending you hugs.

Redlily78 · Accepted Answer

Firstly, I'm so sorry. My mom had stage 4 lung cancer when I was 23. We were very close. She just told me what was wrong with her. I know I was older than your kids, but honesty is the best. Just say what needs to be said. Be gentle and answer any questions they might have. Make special moments together. I wish I had better advice. Did you try looking it up online on how to tell loved ones?

johnlonga · Answer

Sorry to hear of your diagnosis. . . cancer is such nasty stuff : (.

Just be honest with your kids.

I work in a hospice and I've come across some patients who don't tell their families until a few weeks until they are suppose to die. It's really sad and unfair.

If you love your kids, explain to them in simple terms what is going on, and what they can expect, and how they can be supportive of you. And perhaps have some things in line (such as grieving counseling) for them for emotional support once you pass.

It's going to be a sad conversation. We are never prepared to give our "end of notice" speech and it's never pretty, but your kids will appreciate you informing them in advance.

Take care and good luck! <3

Misunderstood07 · Answer

Im so sorry to hear that. There is really nothing i can tell you but let them know so the can be prepared for what ever happens. I really wish i could do something to help. But be strong minded because there's a great chance that you can overcome this so always keep your head up and smile. l... I just found out that my grandpa has 2cm of cancer on his lungs and im just numb rn. Its like i dont wanna feel anything. But i wish you the best and im not too religious and hardly ever pray but for you i will.

Meedo · Answer

May you live long and prosper. You and your children. In best of health. I just said a prayer for you and them sister . You are in my thoughts.

Ofcourse it is going to be hard for them. But... nevertheless, all humans have built in mechanism to cope. And many kids that lost their parents early went on to be great people.

I am not sure if it is a good idea to tell them. May be enjoying your time with them while they are happy is the gift you give to them. And probably this is how you want to see them.

Is their father around?

NYkid27 · Answer

I'm very sorry to hear that. Is there really no hope? If you ever need to talk or just vent to a cancer survivor feel free to message me anytime

Klaatu51 · Answer

damn that's so sad... better tell them the truth so it won't come sudden to them...:-/

Anonymous · Answer

Sorry to hear. I truly am..

I have been diagnosed with terminal Breast Cancer! Any advice?

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