My ex had a heart attack because of me?

[MissHope]

We're not together since a while now but I know that he still attached and I can't do anything about it. We agreed to stay together as friends and I'm cool with that because I already think of him as a friend nothing more. Long story short i like another guy now and i'm about to tell him about my feelings and ask him out but as soon as my ex heard of it he got a heart attack"his heart is kinda sick" and he's at the hospital now. I kinda feel it's my fault and i can't stop thinking about it and don't know how to deal with it. Is it my fault? I didn't sleep well since 2 days

[Ozanne]

You can't be responsible for how someone is going to react to something. If you do, then you're going to beat yourself up for many things that will happen in life that have nothing to do with you. Sure, indirectly, you might have done something and it set him off, but what about a regular guy who wouldn't have had a heart attack? Sounds like anything in his life that would have stressed him out would have brought it on. You won't be the last. Some time down the road something else will get to him and it will trigger another episode.

I also don't encourage you to live your life in guilt worrying that you have to pussy-foot around his feelings in order to save his life. You owe it to yourself to live your life and do what makes you happy, and let him take responsibility for his reactions in his own life.

I know how you feel, because when I was 25 I broke up with my boyfriend of four years and he tried to commit suicide. He was holed up in the hospital for two weeks on watch and I blamed myself for making him feel so bad, putting him in that position. I soon realized that, no, he would have ended up there regardless of what I did, and if it wasn't me, it would have been another girl. He just handled things badly in life and I was one more person to add to it. We really have no power over people who end up where they are. They had weak systems (in your ex's case) and handled bad news very poorly. In my ex's case, it was about manipulation and wanting me to feel bad so I might stay.

I didn't live my life for someone like that, and I encourage you not to do this either. They will learn to go on and live without you and get some treatment or counselling on how to handle problems better.

If you like someone else, go for it. Your ex is an ex for a reason, and you deserve to be happy and move on to a better place in your life, a new chapter, without the drama. :)

[dogbert444]

This is NOT your fault, so don't blame yourself. He might have a weak heart, or any number of inherent problems. Yes, breaking up is traumatic, but something entirely unconnected could trigger the same heart trouble.

So stop worrying!!

[MissHope]

I will try to stop it :( <3 thanks though

[Illusive_Man]

Scientifically yes.
You can die of "broken heart syndrome".
www.theguardian.com/.../broken-heart-stress-cardiomyopathy-takosubo

We are still trying to understand the workings behind it but it is a noted syndrome.

[MissHope]

Well thank you :( <3

[Illusive_Man]

Not sure if this is what you were thinking but... here's something to remember in case you're thinking what I think you probably would be thinking...
Don't "get back together" because you feel responsible for what he is going through now.
A relationship out of guilt is cruel to him and cruel to yourself.
You broke up... because you two knew the relationship wasn't going to work.
Remember that. He'll get over it even if it kills him.
Better to live in reality than in a dream.

[MissHope]

You're right I should stop thinking of something like that

[Illusive_Man]

I'm not saying to be cold-hearted and go "he deserves it" but more so... keep things in perspective. If you feel like it , go help him cope with reality and be over it. Cheers for the MHO.

[MissHope]

<3 🌹🌺

[Illusive_Man]

;3 aight

[Hautt]

I've had a similar feeling.

I was so upset over a girl once that I passed out in the kitchen floor. Felt like a lead block dropping from my head to my toes, and I fell like a sack of potatoes.

It wasn't her fault, and neither was it yours. I could just as easily have had a heart attack.

[Phoenix98]

Wow a heart attack at 20 years old? you sure he doesn't have a history of bad hearts in his family or something?

As for what to do, well there isn't really much you can do, except wait and hope for the best, I mean it wasn't your fault.

[MissHope]

Well yeah he have a medical condition and was using some pills for it.

[Phoenix98]

You probably just shocked him with the news, it still wasn't directly your fault though.

[Zigzagz]

He obviously is still hung up on you. You should have cut it off. Not stayed friends. No contact. You're just killing the man y'know?

[MissHope]

But it's not right to leave him like this now.

[Zigzagz]

You can. Just talk to him and explain it out. You have to. Otherwise it will happen again.

[Iron_Man]

I had bad chest pains over a break up Its really hard core

[MissHope]

So you're saying it was my fault :(

[Iron_Man]

I will have to PM you ok? Its to personal to talk in an open thread

[MissHope]

Ok :(

[sexyphil]

It's not your fault at all. He had a heart condition and that is nothing to do with you breaking up with him. Stop blaming yourself and move on

[tenofthepeaks]

no, it's not your fault.