A deal breaker! What can I do?

[Anonymous]

I've been dating XXX for a month now.

My teeth are a deal breaker for him, he wants me to have braces.

I've never had problems with my teeth, I do not believe my teeth need "fixing", my teeth aren't perfect but aren't horrendous, I am happy with them and prefer to be with someone who accepts me as I am.

I'm fat, my skin and teeth aren't perfect.

He's shorter than me, too skinny, too white regardless of my preference (not my "dream" guy at all) I gave him a chance, I am willing to let go of these things cause he's a great guy.

If he can't accept me for my teeth and insists on me getting them fixed, I'm not sure I want to be with him.

What do you think of this? Am I right? Or should I have my teeth fixed, since it isn't a big deal? Should I put aside my preferences to stay with this guy? Is it not worth it to break up with someone because they don't accept my teeth (when my teeth can be fixed?)?

Or since for him perfect teeth is a must, why should I let go of my preferences for him, he isn't perfect either?! I like tall, not bone skinny, darker than my skin toned men, if I was to be picky on looks.

Why can he be picky when I can't?

[aveana]

When look is important for him, it could be something which you can tolerate with. All people are different, they get satisfaction from different things.

When you are in a conflict, you tend to be defensive. Hence it is understandable you "attack" him in return of not tolerating with you. Now that you know it is about your teeth, you should not change the focus to his look instead.

It is more about give and take. Are you willing to fix your teeth to make him happy? Is he happy to accept the current teeth condition to make you happy?

If both of you cannot tolerate to make each other happy, it will cause frustration.

In relationship, you must work together. It is not so much about the teeth, it is to find solution for the problem. He has the need to get the teeth done because it is important for him - and you need to understand that. Further more it is for a good reason, you possibly will be happier with a perfect set of teeth.

A lot of relationships have problems far more worse - a need which is impossible to be satisfied, hence makes the partner seeks for the need outside the relationship. When you can fix the problem, you save the relationship. Your boyfriend possibly could find a girl with perfect teeth but hardly to find someone like you who can meet his other needs. So if you can meet his one need this time, go ahead. There will be other time that he will need to sacrifice to meet your need too to maintain the relationship. :)

[Asker]

I didn't exactly mean to be defensive but I have deal breakers of my own like everyone else, yet still I have accepted him and I was willing to keep the relationship as it is, it's just that I had an argument with him about my teeth and he isn't willing to let go of that I must get my teeth fixed. I'd be just as good with or without perfect teeth, my teeth never bothered me and never in my life has someone commented on, in fact I've been told a have a pretty smile often.

[Asker]

My front two teeth are slightly off and in front of the rest and that's all

[Asker]

And I like that you tried to see my answer from a different point of view, Ill discuss it with him one more time and it really depends on whether we find a solution or not that will decide whether I stay with him or not.

Thank you

[aveana]

I also want to be accepted as how I am. But if my boyfriend suggests to make an improvement, which is beneficial for me too, I will think about it. It takes a lot to build a lasting relationship, and I personally do not want to ruin it by something I know I capable to fix.

Relax and think it through. :)

[pickledxtofu]

If your teeth were truly a deal breaker, he would have already left. I think it's time you leave him and find someone who is OK with you as a whole.

While it's perfectly acceptable to prefer straight, white teeth (it is also healthier to have straight teeth), it's inappropriate and should be unacceptable to date someone and then start trying to customize them into the girl/guy they want you to be.

Break up with him. It's the much cheaper option anyways :P

[no_bs]

"I've never had problems with my teeth, I do not believe my teeth need "fixing", my teeth aren't perfect but aren't horrendous, I am happy with them and prefer to be with someone who accepts me as I am."

There's your answer right there. Screw him. You gave him a fair chance. Think about what kind of precedent you'd be setting by giving in to his demands. It will start with "fix your teeth" and end with "I will put it in your @ss with no lube, and then you'll go make me a sandwich."

You are right, you've got a deal breaker here in the form of "I will not date men who don't reasonably accept my looks (accept me for 'who I am')." You should walk away from this relationship, it isn't what you're looking for.

[Asker]

Thank you, you're right that is a deal breaker for me, what's most important to me is that I am accepted fully, I don't want someone who makes me feel self conscious about my looks.

[no_bs]

It's good that know what you want. Stand up for yourself!

[madhatters4]

he can be picky if he wants. and just hte same you can tell him to take a hike. you shouldn't do things only to please someone else especially when they are superficial things. if he can't lvoe you for you and somehow teeth are deal break for him, then to me it's not worth being with the guy

[Maestro9]

You have already answered your question, a guy who can't accept you because of your teeth is not worth your time. Who knows, down the line, what else he would require you to change. plus these kind of guys will end up making you feel insecure and trust me, you don't have to deal with that bullsh*t.

Juz tell him that juz like your teeth is his deal breaker, his height is urs lol

[Asker]

Thanks I definitely don't want someone who makes me feel insecure

[Maestro9]

no probs :)

[cavmanier]

I wouldn't stay with someone that gave me ultimatums.

[Asker]

Thank you for your answer, I learned a new word :)

[Anonymous]

just because you let the bad things about him go doesn't mean he will do the same thin, it won't work out

[Anonymous]

i would jsut get my teeth fixed. I have braces and I think teeth are really important.

[Anonymous]

i think that if you were able to overlook his flaws he should too