My take on racism (personal edition)
You might hear a lot of stories about racism where the people's chauvinism lead to mortification of an individual. This is no different. In fact, you might find it a bit lukewarm because it doesn't contain violence or segregation of a family or a group, but being a schlemiel, I know how it devastated my cognitive state. So, I felt like sharing, how I faced that social anxiety because of that vehement sadism of the people around me and it may help to realise the real worth of oneself to the people who are facing or faced such catastrophic incidents.
I was sad because I am different :(
In the year 1995, I was born in an N-Indian family, as still as a mouse, the very next moment, got slapped by the nurse, to make me realise, the subsequent ventures. I had the same two eyes, the same two ears, the same two hands, legs, the same nose, lips, skin, everything. So, why I was treated differently?
It first started when I didn't attend my friend's birthday party because I was ill. I asked my friends about what happened there and did anyone ask why I didn't come? They replied that they made an excuse on my behalf that I was aiding my parents who are servant. I didn't get it until I visited my friend's house. His father told me that I am a very hardworking guy as I started domestic duties at very young age (7), I kept silent. I asked my friends, how and why they used such disgusting excuse, they replied "because you look like a Nepali". Nepal being a poor country, a lot of people work here as servants, janitors, watchmen, etc. I was petrified to find it out that I don't look like the people around me. I constantly checked the mirror time and again and asked myself "am I different?"
I was often called that I am adopted because my parents look like an average Indian looks but me, I was an Alien in my own homeland. Adding insult to injury, my dad took me to the clinic for my check-up. I knew that it was a genealogical DNA test because I heard my parents discussing about this last night. Fortunately, the doctor was not there. But I was still undergone for a blood test. I heard the lab attendant said that I have A +ve blood group. My dad told my mom that I have AB +ve. She then asked me if he's telling the truth, I said no, I heard A +ve. My mom is A +ve while my dad is O +ve. Till date, they treat me very nicely and nourished me like god. But whatever happened, was indelible memory. Even my parents doubted (once) my ancestry. I felt like I am unacceptable. I was at a point where I was about to... (you know) but thank god, I was so weak to commit this.
My school was like a Tophet to me. The students used to stare at me randomly. My expressions were timorous, according to them. Like every victim of such prejudice, I faced violence too. But my dad taught me a lot about how to handle the things corporeally but cognitively, I was on my own. I was denote as Chinese, Japanese, Korean and as a Denizen of every East Asian country but not as an Indian. Whenever I opened my books, there were pages inserted by bullies having a phrase written "Made in China". A guy approached a girl, on my behalf, without my consent, to make fun of me. She came to me and said, "how dare you to approach me? You Thai people are sh*mal*s". Throughout my whole school life, I never proposed any girl. I was never enough courageous, I knew that I... I was hideous. For the annual function, in the cast selection, I requested the teacher to appoint me as the lead protagonist because I remember all of the lines of him from the script and I can play it well, she selected me for the main antagonist. I asked her why, she replied that I look like a villain and then, the whole class laughed at me. During the play, at the climax, I was defeated by the lead protagonist. He raised his bow and arrow in the air, signifying his victory, having the queen in his arms. I was lying on the floor, watching the audience applauding his performance and some people booing at my defeat. I wanted to be a hero, but I did a sin, I had the different skin. I didn't deserve to be a hero because I don't "look" like a hero. The most dreadful moments was when our English teacher gave us a command to watch and observe a video to check various accents around the world. He then left the class, when an Asian lady appeared on the screen. Everyone started to laugh and started passing comments like "look (my name)'s mom haha". This was the first time, I was about to cry, to hide those tears, my inner fears, I covered my face. In that hopeless place, I noticed a silence, my best friend on my adjacent seat, providing me resilience. He also covered his face and said, "believe me, everything will be alright".
At this point you might be thinking that why I didn't take any action against this? I couldn't do anything. I was an impuissant kid. If I tried to report to the elders, they'd laugh at me and take it lightly and there's no law in India against racial discrimination. Racism is not taken seriously in India, only casteism. Yes, you heard it right. I suggest you to read this article to understand what's happening to the people like me.
After my school life, I relocated to New Delhi. I was hoping a new beginning but my vandalized soul was lacking self-confidence. Whenever I tried to initiate a new conversation with a stranger, my inner-self started to hope that they talk to me in Hindi not in English because then I will be labelled as a foreigner. Fortunately, they all talked to me in Hindi. My friends and I were having a party, we all were hungover. So, we (three guys) made a bet. There was a hot girl in the class, we all will approach her and the winner would be decided as the greatest. I accepted, just because I didn't want to ruin that mesmerising night. My turn was last (according to stone, paper & scissors). They both were rejected, my turn, I was watching a mountain from the ground, but winds were pushing me. I don't know how, I approached her and she accepted. Miracles DO happen. I started looking at my past and then I looked at the potential future. I didn't know what to believe. I checked the mirror, asked the same question "am I still different?". I was the same guy, same looks but different atmosphere. That salubrious atmosphere, ameliorated everything. Maybe my friend was right, everything was getting alright. Eventually, she moved back to her home (in another state) and we forcibly broke up. I had no grieves. I was busy finding my inner-self, why I am being treated nicely now? I doubt who was she, I guess she was a messenger sent by destiny, a scapegoat who projected all the evils and fears. I decided to forget my past and believe on my future because it was going to be my next present.
A single quality can cover all of your flaws. I have copious qualities and I ain't scared of that single pseudo demerit.
Now, the racism is non-existent in my life. I am still called as Chinese but only by my friend for humour only and they know the limits. I backfire on them by replying "You Indians are jealous of our army and see, how we humiliated you by entering in Arunachal Pradesh (an Indian state)". That uncle who misconstrued me as a child of a sweeper, realised that I belong to one of the most reputed family of the state. My parents never let me to go to that topic and keep me happy. The schoolteacher who assigned me the role of antagonist, told me how she liked my performance and she misses my presence in the school now. I also realised that "there's no hero without villain" and it was me who got that opportunity. That girl who disgraced me, approached me (for her mean intentions, of course) and found the meaning of tit-for-tat. All those students who laughed at me in the class, treat me with respect and consider me a precious friend.
I am happy because I am unique :)
Be different, be seen. Make friends, say "hi" to everyone. Always stay ready for potential torments. Fight back, keeping the outcomes in mind. Work hard. Study longer. Be strong. You are beautiful too and if you are not, at least you can "do beautiful" things (we all know how celebrities look without make-up :P But the thing is, they do the beautiful things). If you don't give a shih, nobody else will.
YourFutureEx 1 - 0 Racism
I still have some insecurities but thanks to GAG and GAGers, they motivated me a lot. They made me feel loved. A lot of GAGers told me that they will always love me for who I am, not for how do I look. It doesn't matter at all. And after spending six months in this community, I checked and observed every race. Everybody is equal, they all think equally, behave equally and love everyone equally.
So, for all those who requested my pic, I am finally going to put it on my profile and going to ditch these enigmatic profile pictures, I was known (literally, criticised) for :D
Sorry to keep you waiting... #YourFutureExCompleted !
Game on folks, believe!
Most Helpful Opinions
i am happy you are comfortable now! people can be really really mean. they have to be. how else will they feel good about themselves without hurting someone else
people can be hurtful towards those from north-east India too... they are crudely called chinese
all my life i have tried to fit in too. physically i looked like just about anyone else... but i wanted to be gregarious like her, and smart like him, and funny like her, and tall like him... somewhere i lost my individuality. it was too late when i realised that i just have to be myself. i can't suit every single person's fancy.
i have realised that it is not important to fit in. it is important to be that purple thread in an all-white shawl.
Yeah, this was not just limitedto race, it'sabout overall looks. At the end of day, the thing which will matter is that what you have done in your life not how do you look.
I'm glad you are happy now.
And thank you very much for reading :)
Are people from the northeast states, like west Bengal, Jharkand, and Bihar somewhat Asian-looking as well?
I ask because I've seen a lot of Bengali people who have a slightly Asian-looking appearance, while I never see that on western Indians. Lactose intolerance (common in Asians) is also much higher in Calcutta than in northwest or south India.
I'd say the same goes for Europe too, Russians/Scandinavians have more Asian features than western Europeans.
@koko124 - No not that much but being abject to this there will be some. I don't know exactly however.