Marriage a thing of the past? :'(

Question

It seems to me like marriage is becoming a thing of the past. Anyone else agree? It really bothers me that no one enjoys commitment anymore. I want to come home from work to a hard working man and screw him before bed. I like knowing I don't have to share his penis. If you are for or against marriage. Share your thoughts. If you agree or disagree with that marriage is dead share that too.

NO JUDGEMENT HERE. Be honest.

jdcpa · Accepted Answer

Here is why it's dying . . .

Imagine an employer (man) and an employee (woman) - for the sake of analogy.

They begin their relationship as an "at will" relationship. That means, that anyone can exit the relationship - ending it - at any time, for any or no reason, without any prior notice. If the man really likes the woman, he has incentive to keep her happy and not sh*t on her - so she doesn't leave, and so SHE WANTS TO STAY! If the woman really likes the man, she has incentive to keep him happy and not sh*t on him - so he doesn't get rid of her, and so HE WANTS TO KEEP HER!

Imagine that relationship turning into a contract. That means that nobody can simply exit - end - the relationship at any time, for any or no reason, without any prior notice. The two may separate, but their contractual rights last forever, since breach of this contract will result in damages (to be paid out over the lifetime of the parties). Let's consider what effect that has. If the man really likes the woman, he has no incentive to keep her happy or not sh*t on her. Where will she go? What will she do? Assume he has nothing. If she's unhappily in this relationship, she's NOT there because she WANTS to be there, but because being there is better than the alternative. If the woman really likes the man, she has no incentive to keep him happy or not sh*t on him. Where will he go? What will he do if he's not happy? Leave her, and work the rest of his life to pay her support? Thought so. Congratulations, the economic (not financial, but economic - as in emotional motivations) incentives that held the relationship together are now destroyed.

As a quick aside, people can still LOVE each other, and GROW OLD together, and have a COMMITTED RELATIONSHIP, and be FAITHFUL to one another, and have a MEANINGFUL relationship, all without being married. You can have ALL of that with an "at-will" relationship. There are unmarried couples that are together for 50+ years, and married couples that divorce in just a matter of hours!

So, when a woman is all like "omg, I want to get married! I've always wanted to get married, like, ever since I was a little girl!" That scares the sh*t out of me. What she's telling me is that she KNOWS we would NEVER last with an "at-will" relationship, and that she NEEDS to enter into a contract. Why? The thing with a contract is that ONE person holds the power. LEAVING makes sense for ONLY ONE PERSON, and if the value of the relationship is higher than the financial benefits of leaving, ONLY THEN will that person not leave. This is why it's no surprise that 75% of divorces are initiated by women. The person with more to lose financially (usually the man) has less of a reason to leave. The person with more to GAIN, has more of a reason to leave. So, I'm sorry, but marriage is just a bad - and unnecessary - deal. No thank you. Snap out of your "omg I wanna get married" bubble, and grow up.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

The problem is not with the institution, it is the loss moral bearing of people who view sexuality as a social commodity.  There are men who believe as you do.  They may not be rich, kool, handsome, etc., but they will come home to you and be faithful to you.  The key is finding them (us) which requires a social commitment on your part to something other than the hair/clothes/makeup/waxing/grooming dating/hanging out/texting sexual battlefield of dating.  Church, non-dating interests, character development, etc. is where you should look.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

Btw, not everyone feels that way about marriage. I came from a broken family which makes marraige look a lot more practical considering my mother and grandmother endured a lot from corporate America, having had children out of "wedlock" no husband etc. Let's be honest, it looks a lot less pathetic on paper to say I've had children with my husband as compared to I had children with my boyfriend. Monogamy my behind. It's a myth. Most very successful people marry just because it's almost needed to maintain a certain rep on their level. A lot of young people frown their heads when it comes to marraige simply because we are INFLUENCED by the media. The media portrays marriage as a whirlwind of difficulty when it doesn't even have to be that way. I know people that have had successful marriages and applauded by it. My mother spent her days as a fourth grade teacher as Ms. So and so with two young children. While all of her former coworkers were Mrs. So and so with children or Miss so and so without children. So you be the judge of your own life and future. My opinion is I just believe that marraige IS needed in our society.

Brooke03 · Accepted Answer

For starters, marriage doesn't equal committment. So people who are in a relationship for 5 years before deciding to get married aren't committed? A friend and I were just having this exact conversation about an hour ago.

To me, marriage represents a male chauvanistic society where women are less than men. In the original vowels it states "love, honour and obey". What the f***. I'm not a dog, I don't "obey" anyone. Originally fathers married off daughters to the highest bidder. Not the one they loved, the one that was going to bash her the most. I don't want that. I want to live my life knowing I am equal to my partner, and that he will love me for me. Not the the piece of paper the Births, Deaths and Marriages department has sent me.

I'm not against marriage but I get defensive when people say its about committment. You have no idea what sort of committed relationship I'm in. Or how serious we are. Marriage isn't what its made out to be. People got married if they were too poor, too rich, too young and too old. Marriage is rarely about love and "committment" that's all Hollywood bullsh*t.

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

" Why are people blaming the laws and rules of marriage instead of the GREEDY, lust driven, self-righteous people that defame it? You can not blame marriage for the Crappy people you marry?"

Well said, that's why my boyfriend never wants to get married, but it makes me feel like he doesn't trust me to not be one of those people. It hurts. I'm with you, I hate that marriage is a dying tradition. I've always dreamed of the day that I would meet a man I loved more than anyone and marry him. I've always wanted to have a truly committed, meaningful relationship with someone I could grow old with. And I feel like marriage is a necessary part of that. But people are afraid of the quoted 50% divorce rate (which is flawed by the way, it's actually more like 33%) and the people who have abused divorce laws. I just wish that marriage was still sacred and something that even men felt was import to do. A lot of guys seem to think of it as a joke =(

Anonymous · Answer

Marriage is a "sufficient" condition to (children, commitment, exclusivity, monogamy, love, sex, living together, etc.), and sometimes, not even "sufficient."

Think of it being analogous to being Jewish in order to be a taxi driver. Sure, you could convert to Judaism in order to be a taxi driver. You don't have to, but you certainly could. You could also drive a taxi cab while being Christian, Muslim, or Atheist.

In short, marriage is not a "necessary" condition to all these things. You can be exclusive and monogamous, have a family, live together, love each other, have sex, and even spend time with your non-single friends without ever being married. You don't NEED to be married.

People (society) are starting to realize this. Religion and marriage were largely an ancient form of birth control. Think of it as an emotional condom. You can't have sex until marriage, otherwise, you're a very very bad person, and will burn in hell, FOREVER! Muahahah!

But as people are waking up, the logical side of the brain seems to be overpowering the emotional side of the brain. This is especially true for men, who usually get the short end of the deal when it comes to divorce. After all, there's a 50/50 chance he may have to (1) give half of what he sacrificed his youth, and struggled to acquire, to a person he was compatible with (once upon a time), and may even need to (2) continue working for the rest of his life, supporting an other human being who he's no longer with, because he was compatible with her (once upon a time).

The logical side of the brain SCREAMS: "it's not worth subjecting one's self to such a legal and financial risk."

After all, logically, if marriage is not NEEDED to enjoy all the wonderful things two people can enjoy together, then the only reason the other person would insist on it (i.e. though emotional blackmail, or through the guise of tradition, ect.) is because she WANTS her partner to be subject to those legal and financial risks. After all, likely negative risks for him, mean likely positive risks for her. So while he risks to lose, she risks to gain.

It's a conflict of interest between the sexes (in American culture) that is recently being made public. With the help of the media (movies, music, the internet, books, etc.), the "less than good and noble intentions" behind wanting to get married will be so obvious to everyone in society, people will almost feel ashamed and embarrassed to mention it, or even think about it.

From a behavioral economic, or game theory view, relationships will benefit from the absence of a contract. People are happier when they are together by choice, voluntarily, each and every moment. This is in sharp contrast with people who are together by a historical one-time agreement, that may no longer want to be together, but are forced to be involuntarily, by force of law and financial consequences.

So, marriage is already becoming a thing of the past.

nicenthic · Answer

50% of marriages end in divorce and 75% of divorces are initiated by the woman.

This makes perfect sense when you look at "Family Law" where the guy loses his home, his car and half of his stuff, ends up paying through the nose for child support which his ex-wife uses to buy herself new stuff and forgets about the actual kids. Let's not forget about alimony which is basically a way to enslave a man into working for the rest of his life for his ex-wife who sits on her lazy ass at home and collects money from him because she "is not used to working and cannot get a job" but still wants to enjoy the same standard of living which he provided to her while married. Ridiculous! And if he loses his job for some reason, he can be held in contempt and jailed for non-payment. What about what he was used to during marriage, like a clean house and regular sex? Shouldn't she have to provide that for him?!

So I can't see how any men in America, Canada or Western Europe can still even consider getting married when it's clearly a terrible deal for guys.

clovisx · Answer

Wow, I guess I am in the minority of the group in this question. While I can agree that it might not be necessary, I have been married for almost three years to a woman I have been with for over 12. Marriage hasn't changed our relationship significantly but I feel it was the right decision for us. We're happy together and have been through plenty of good and bad times so I feel confident that we can weather most storms.

I'd had my doubts about marriage but overall, it works for us. We are totally open and honest with each other. We laugh and cry together and while that is not hinged on us being married, knowing that we are both committed to each other gives us both a sense of comfort and stability. We aren't religious so it wasn't about that. It really is just what felt right to us and continues to today.

MrOracle · Answer

Never been married and likely never will.

But I've been in many committed relationships, and have never cheated, nor have I been cheated on (one girl came close, though).

Meanwhile, I've seen men whose lives are completely destroyed because their former wives take them to court and rake them over the coals. For that matter, I've also seen women practically held for ransom by their husbands.

Marriage, to the state, is a business arrangement with FAR and LONG-reaching consequences. Few people give any real thought to any of that when they get married, but the state doesn't care about love or romance. Marriage is inviting the state into your personal business, and I avoid that whenever possible.

RedThread78 · Answer

I don't agree with the religious institution of marriage but that doesn't mean I wouldn't dedicate myself to one woman. A legal union is fine but I would want a ceremony of our own creation. We wouldn't even need to have a ceremony if we don't want to. What is the point of it anyway besides spending a bunch of cash?

kkandbb · Answer

I'm all for monogamy but marriage is meh! to me. I come from a broken home... a lot of people from broken homes tend not to think highly of marriage imo. I like having my boyfriend all to myself too. It's nice.

I don't see the point of marriage to be quite honest. If you're with each other why do you have to spend so much to get married? It's just a piece of paper at the end of the day.

I also think people do that sort of stuff way too early. Like get married and have children when they're only 20! Wth?

Belgie · Answer

I hope it's a thing of the past. Marriage is archaic.

It's perfectly fine to have a committed monogamous relationship. But why the hell would you want to get the church or the government involved in something that should be between two people?

vishal143 · Answer

marriage is totally different thing... once you pass 35 year of age you need someone to hold your hand. to talk to and share tear and happiness... i am not against marriage marriage is must

bob01 · Answer

as I answered before, people should separate themselves in two camps, those who accept commitment and those who are open about sexual partners. that way everyone would be happy as long as they don't mess with the others.

Shaun · Answer

It would be great if women were capable of monogamy, most aren't.

toulouse · Answer

no.I'm just not doing it. I'm not interested in having my body on call for someone elses consumption. marriage leads to emotional blackmail. 'you married me so..'

Anonymous · Answer

I don't trust women, so I don't want to get married any more. If I want to give away half my sh*t to someone, it should be to someone that I either like or someone who needs it.

Anonymous · Answer

this has some interesting points...

brunettebelle · Answer

Yes! I agree. I want to be a bridal wear designer but now it people are holding off or don't believe in marriage. This economy does suck too!

shumailkazimi · Answer

what I hate is people having xtra marital affairs and they all are not even ashamed of themselves

Marriage a thing of the past? :'(

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