Was this disrespectful for a man to say to me?

[Graci_e]

So we were at my brother and my boyfriends basketball training and my boyfriend dropped his brand new water bottle (that he bought with his own money) and it broke and water went everywhere. He was pretty bummed about it. We went and got stuff to clean it up and my boyfriend put the towels over the puddle and went to sit down.

I asked him to come help me but he was kinda sooky about it and my brother is a lot like him, so I’m used to having to clean up a bit after my brother so I didn’t really mind doing it myself (if that makes sense).

But I asked my boyfriend to come help and one of the players dads butts in and starts to tell me that it’s a woman’s job to clean up and I should do it myself, not my boyfriend. I was kinda shocked so I went and sat down and the guy kept carrying on. I then realised my boyfriend wasn’t gonna do it and we couldn’t leave a mess, so I sucked it up and went and cleaned it.

As I was cleaning it the man told me I’d be a good wife and once I was done, made a point to tell me twice what a good job I did. He then started explaining to the man next to him how he was raised and that women should do those jobs.

Before we left he also accused my boyfriend of stealing his hat and had words to him, but that’s another story 🤦‍♀️

Am I crazy or was that really, really disrespectful?

[Summeroflove]

Yeah that was disrespectful and really just frankly uncalled for. There is no reason for him to act like that. You're not his wife or his child so he doesn't have the right to be bossing you around.

I would let a trusted adult know about this situation and you don't have to put up with that kind of behavior. It was not his business to begin with anyways. That was for sure a asshole thing of him to say.

I really don't understand why so many people feel the need to say the stuff that they say. He isn't the boss of you or your boyfriend and I assume he isn't either of your fathers so that is dumb

[Graci_e]

Yeah he’s one of the other players on my brothers teams dad and I felt super uncomfortable about it. I didn’t really want to be bent over on the floor wiping stuff up either cause I had a short dress on but I did it cause I didn’t want my boyfriend to get in trouble and he was sad about his water bottle haha

But that guys comments made me feel even weirder about how I was sitting in a way cause he was telling me I’d be a good wife and stuff. I dunno how to explain it.

[Summeroflove]

Yea it’s definitely weird and I would have felt uncomfortable too. It’s not normal behavior at all.

The way he wants to raise his family and the way he wants to live with his wife. That’s his decision. But not to be going around telling random girls and boys what to do. Yeah that’s fucking weird

[SnowedIn]

This is an easy one: very rude, very disrespectful. Sounds like you handled it very well.

You know what the real issue is here, right? The man is irrelevant. He's just being himself. He doesn't matter. The real issue is your boyfriend. This is two HUGE red flags. First (the smaller red flag) doesn't sound like he said anything to the man in your defense, unless I missed that. I'm not saying he needed to fight, or be rude, or be disrespectful back. Just that if he cares about you, he should stand up for you. The second and much larger red flag is that your boyfriend felt okay leaving a mess and not doing the right thing. I get it, he's embarrassed. But if he's unwilling to do the right thing when everyone there is looking, then chances are he's not willing to do the right thing when no one is looking, and that's bad for you and your relationship.

[Graci_e]

Yeah normally I would agree, but he's a 14yr old boy and still developing those skills. He's a great guy and it'll definitely come in time, he's just a little young and unaware. He 100% cares about me and he treats me really well, he just hasn't developed that maturity yet.

[SnowedIn]

I'll agree with you on that up to a point. At 14, every person, boy or girl, should know to clean up a mess they make and not walk away. And although you're being very gracious and accommodating about him, even if it's a skill he needs to polish, when he saw you start to clean it up, he should have joined in. Adding to that, in your initial post, you said you asked him for help and he didn't help you. That's not appropriate or normal for a 14 year old.

I think you're awesome to think the way you do but those things are concerning for a 14 year old.

[Graci_e]

Yeah I understand that. I think he might of agreed with the man to be honest cause my brother and him have a habit of getting me to do things for them and clean up after them and get them drinks and stuff. So they kinda always do that. I can be kinda traditional to though so I dunno, I just don’t appreciate a random man saying it

[SnowedIn]

You nailed it right there! :) Well said!

[weysally]

total disrespectful, but you added to it, no way would I have cleaned up

[OlderAndWiser]

Sounds like a crazy old coot and, yes, it was disrespectful. None of his business.

[MementoMori777]

It was disrespectful cause why is he even talking in the first place but what can I say, people like that are everywhere

[Kyyroz]

I don't think it was disrespectful, historically, it was the women's job just like it was the men's job to fight in wars...

[WhitneySnow]

Really disrespectful!

[LimitedBenefits101]

That wasn't disrespectful.