Never Settle For Less Than You Deserve

[Heynashville]

Alright so here's the deal, I've seen so many people on here, and dealt with friends in real life who settle because they are scared to be alone.

IT'S A TRAP!

Society wants us to believe that being married and having kids before 25 is what you're supposed to do. While some people take this road, (i applaud you if you do, and are happy in your situation) i am proud to say im not one of these people.

I am a single, nearly 26 year old female with no children. I've considered looking into fertility stuff as I fucking love kids. I want my own babies, and I don't wanna be an old mom either. That being said, I went on vacation for a week on whim, because I could. My brother went a few weeks after and could only go for 2 days because he has kids. And a marriage. You can't exactly do that when you have obligations. I have dated a lot of "husband worthy" men.. but none who I could see myself growing old with.

I have very high standards according to the people I love. But I dont believe they're unrealistic. I just wanna be happy. I want a man who i am attracted to, who makes me laugh, I can consider my best friend, and have great sex with. That's it. So anytime anybody says, "well maybe you should lower your standards a bit." Umm, would you like me to end up unhappy?

I'm a very laid back person. I'm cool with seeing the guy im dating 5 days a week, and I'm cool seeing them 1 day a week. I dont need all day texting, just acknowledgment that they give a shit. 20 years ago, I would have almost low standards, but with how the dating world works now, normal ettiquite is seen as high standards.

Thing is, I'm willing to have these high standards and wait, and so should you. I know too many people who have a similar story.

"I have a kid with so and so, they're a great parent but I'm not happy".

"I married too young before I knew how life really was, and I'm not happy"

Cheating

Growing up

Money and bills changes people

Settling

Are you cool with getting married or having a kid, and ending up with a divorce or broken home? Society has made these normal. I came from a family where my mom was married 3 times. Found out when I was 17 that my father isn't my father. I've had my fair share of life lessons, and that is exactly the reason I have such a strong standpoint about waiting.

I'm not saying I have it all figured out. I absolutely dont. I'm a single 25 year old woman. But I've learned through years of mistakes, who I am, what i want, and what I deserve. If you don't feel this way, take some time to evaluate your life. The saying, "you have to love yourself before anyone else truly can" is the truest thing I've ever heard. Don't settle to temporarily relieve the lonliness. Don't settle because your standards are "too high". Don't settle.

*need to add, if you're in an abusive relationship, leave. Now. You deserve better whether you believe so or not. Too scared to get away? There's literally hotlines to get people out of these situations. I've been in a similar situation, it took a restraining order and packing my bags as soon as he left for work to get out, but I did it. I may have lost 70% of my belongings, but things are replaceable. You, sweet child, are not.

There is someone out there that thinks you shit rainbows. Find them. Stop believing you deserve someone who wipes their dirty shoes on you, you're not a doormat, you're a person who deserves better. It's not going to be a one time thing. I don't give a shit about how you or them justify it, it's not okay.

Never settle for less than you deserve. Have enough confidence/love for yourself to know your worth.

[charlotte5]

I am on your side

I think it's the same for other aspects of life
some people get so scared that they rush into something that they can live with but doesn't make them happy or not really what they want to do.

I have friends who give up their jobs and work in charities, or go travelling around the world, etc. I also have friends who have a so-so life, so-so marriage, live everyday like a same day and put all their hope on their kids. But in general , I find people who is dare to go out of their comfort zone lives a happier life

I believe it's all personal choice, getting a relationship because you feel forced to is no use.

[Heynashville]

THANK YOU!
I agree completely. I have several friends who just aren't happy with their lives. Some will end up divorced, some not (few religious friends who refuse to divorce, so will remain unhappy for the rest of their lives) which is all personal choice. I dont wanna live that way. I'm not saying, you deserve a 10 rockstar billionaire. But happiness, absolutely. And im not going to settle for less than that, and no one else should either. I don't understand how people seem to be fighting me on that.

[charlotte5]

I think some of them make assumptions that you want to earn happiness without effort or you are someone who doesn't appreciate her life. But I just understand that you want to follow your heart and not get shaped by the society. It's not wrong at all, you get what you pursuit for.

[Goochbreaker]

how many different guys have you fucked? It's better to sell your virginity to land an amazing guy rather than have a few failed relationships then take that baggage with you to the next one because you are 'picky' or didn't want to settle. If you stayed single that whole time because you haven't met the right person, you have my utmost respect, but if you've gone around and had a few boyfriends or fucktoys in the past then clearly you weren't that picky and aren't deserving of these high standards!

[Heynashville]

I've had 3 serious relationships. In my life. One for nearly 5 years where I was engaged. One high school boyfriend/virginity loss. One for a year and a half, a week after sleeping together he "wasn't ready" to be together. Now, yes I am currently sleeping with someone. It's semi casual, yet we've been doing this for almost a year. Judge me however you want. So my tally count at nearly 26 is 4 people.

[Goochbreaker]

You would be wise to heed my words and have some respect for these judgments. You are going in the wrong direction. Highschool boyfriends are a bad idea, the long relationship with engagement is obviously a better direction, even though you didn't pick the right guy, it represents a desire for commitment and stability moving forward. Sounds like just terrible luck with the third, I can imagine you being dismayed and see why you've turned to casual sex, but you gotta know that is the wrong direction. You are getting older. Casual sex isn't a good investment for a women of any age let alone one on the other side of 25. You just gotta keep trying for that right guy and learn to live with yourself for maybe a few years maybe more before you find him

[Heynashville]

I agree completely! Which is very uncommon for me to say. My standards really aren't that high. My standards include a mirror of who I am as a person. Funny, smart, attractive (to me), passion, drive, honest & loyal. I don't believe this is anywhere near the realm of 'impossible'. If I'm willing to do/be these things for someone else (I am in my own independence) than I'm unwilling to settle for less than someone being these things.

I'm hopeful in my endeavours. If I dont, than I'm perfectly fine with being a single woman with child. As noted here, I have considered doing fertility treatments as I really want children before I become too old. I refuse to be my mother. I won't be someone with several divorces under my belt. While I respect the shit out of my mom and am happy she finally found, "the one"... I'm willing to wait until I find him to settle down.

[Goochbreaker]

it's just that if you are having casual sex your odds of settling down decrease... and seeing as you've gone from relationships to now having casual sex it seems like you're going the wrong way. The guy you're looking for might not be too happy to find out you are currently fking someone when he meets you and asks you out. You will also be less emotionally available... I'd say just face the fear of being completely single and stop trying to avoid the suffering of loneliness... this coming from a very lonely person loool difference is I could never mess around with fuckbuddies for long because I get strongly attached faster than any person I've ever known. That is a trait someone should ideally want in a partner, the ability to form a strong bond, and the fact that you are in a friends with benefits situation and are even able to cope with that emotionally is a bad sign. You've made me MHO so clearly there is a desire here, do what you know to be right and turn this car around

[blackisnotacolour]

All in all it's true, but... it could be that men that would meet those requirements are either considered "below your league" or "way above it" (although the latter are same as exceptionally beautiful women - you'd rather avoid them). It's not a secret that most women aim higher than they can shoot (especially regarding looks, status, etc.) and discard everybody who's considered "above average or lower". I do not know who are you and what kind of person are you - what I wrote is only a general rule.
Apart from that, people nowadays tend to throw everything out of the window if it starts to malfunction (that goes for both men & women), so it's way harder to maintain a relationship. Since remarrying stopped to be a taboo, people marry carelessly, knowing that "in case it goes south, I can pack my bags and leave". Hollywood-ish caprice.
People started to look more after themselves and stopped even thinking about caring about somebody. Even the way you describe shows that. "I want", "I deserve", the man has to be like that, that and that. Demands. Not even one sentence with mutual overtone. Not even mentioning lack of sentences like "I want him to love me as much as I would love him" or things like that. Just expectations. And if you consider, for a moment, that men could have the same selfish approach, then you could come into conclusion that where's too much "me", there's no place for "we".
There's no "I deserve". That would imply that not matter what you do you have to get something. You get what you deserve, literally, when you work your ass off to get that. Then and only then you know the true value of what you got. Same for people you meet and are in relationship with. Be a good person and don't expect miracles and you'll bump into good people. Be somebody that has only expectations and demands and the only male that will be happy to greet you when you get back from work would be your cat.

And (maybe) before I get berated, please note that I'm in the same situation, I just don't use the "I deserve" argument, because nobody, universe included, owes me anything.

[winterfox10]

I can appreciate your viewpoint (as a 25 year old man who's hilariously single too!), but I have to disagree about this concept of deserving a certain caliber of partner. I was told one time that you should never compromise on the things you want out of a partner, but that you should reduce the number of things you absolutely must have. Basically, you pick 4 or 5 things you absolutely have to have, and then you have wiggle room for everything else.

I don't know when people started thinking they could be so choosey, but the reality is that many people simply don't have the caché to demand much of anything in relationships. In the most respectful way I can say this: there does come a point for people like us, where we have to acknowledge the possibility that maybe we aren't as desirable as we would like to think.

Now, when we accept that we aren't as desirable as we want to think, the relationship becomes about compromise. This doesn't need to look like desperation... just the acknowledgement that you may need to adjust your perspective on SOME things.

[Heynashville]

Has nothing to do with how "desirable" I am. I'm not saying i deserve god damn brad pit as everyone in the comments seems to believe. I'm saying I deserve someone who makes me happy. Everyone does. I don't know why that's such a hard fucking concept for people to understand. You wanna be a doormat your whole life? Fine, but you don't have to be.

[winterfox10]

I think the confusion comes from your wording. People tend to use the term deserve when they expect something better than what they've gotten. Happiness is also a flighty idea because many women use it to justify rejecting people who they simply don't think are hot enough. That's why I was saying that you kind of need to understand that everything you expect of your partner, you should be bringing to the table as well.

[Heynashville]

I absolutely agree!
I don't know I could have worded it any better. Deserve apparently means something different to me than it does to most people.

[winterfox10]

Well what do you think deserve means?

[Heynashville]

Examples:
Kids deserve the shot at a good life. (Their kids, they can't "earn" it)
Kill someone, you deserve to go to jail.
You're a good person, you deserve to be happy.
I lost 18 lbs this week, I deserve this cupcake.

[J4Zzi3]

well i can only say that your way of thinking is probably ok for your age coz you're kinda independent.

But I need to remind you as you grow older and if your expectation stay probably you won't ever get married at all? Life is all about compromising. You dream to travel all around the world all the time and don't have to work at all, but you have to live your life behind a boring desk job which pay for your bills. It's true idealist people become great but the percentage is too low.

Let say when you reach 30 and there are others younger than you, with less expectation what you have i think the guys will choose the younger one. coz for guys wife is never'll be a good investment:
1. they get uglier every year
2. their sex drive is lower as they age
3. they want to take care all your money
4. they always wan't guy to listen, but never actually listen
5. they are consumtive
6. weaker ( easier to get sick )
7. etc

don't worry too much about marriage. it only become a problem if you have kids involved.

Anyway not marrying someone is also ok. lots of guys nowdays think that way as well, even up to 50 we can still get laid without hiring an escort. and coz we don't have kids and only buy what we need we don't spend much at all. even hiring escort when we need them is actually cheap coz escort is always hot physically.

Sorry if i sound harsh, I'm just stating the fact. rushing or not is your own choice just make sure you don't regret it later. well I was married when i was 21. but kinda regret why i'm not too picky either but commitment is a commitment so just live with it.

[oddwaffle]

I don't really like the "deserve" part. Nobody deserve anything. It's all about choices.

Everyday, you make choices. Good choices and bad choices. Good choices are prepared, careful, logical and require good thinking. Bad choices are made on impulses, greed, regret, emotions or forced.

Getting into a sunk cost situation is a bad idea. You're 30. You haven't got into the MLB and stuck making 2k a month in the minors. It's time to quit. You're 32. Your husband is a lazy bum with no jobs. Time to call it quits.

It's called sunk costs. You put so much time and effort into it and it's failing so you put more time and effort into it to make it not fail instead of a success.

Relationship is the same. Have a plan 6i make it work. If you can't get on with the plan then it's time to quit before you throw more time and effort at a failure.

[Heynashville]

Apparently "deserve" was the wrong word to use lol. There's been like 20 dudes telling me this, usually in a not so nice way. What I meant by this is, everyone should wait, not settle, and find the person who makes them happy. I'm not saying have standards like won't settle for less than Ryan Reynolds. But, have a realistic set of standards you know you wouldn't be happy without. Example:
I'm a very hard worker, I will never do the stay at home mom thing, not against it, just not for me.
I'm smart. I'm funny. I'm cute. I have my own money. I'm honest. I'm loyal.
Now because of this, my standards are:
Hard worker. I work my ass off, so should you.
Smart. I need to be able to have an intelligent conversation with you.
Funny. Laughing is the cure to almost everything.
Attractive to me.
Honest and loyal.

I need who I am reflected in my significant other, and I'm not willing to settle for less than those things. So "deserve" was the wrong word, just assumed it would be taken diff.

[oddwaffle]

Yeah "deserve" is a bad word to use. It shows that life is somehow fair. We all know it is not.

It's not about standards either.

It's about making do you have rather than what you wish for.

Because frankly, none of the hardworker, smart, funny, honest... etc can be confirmed until much later on in a relationship. People lie on job interviews. Guys lie a hell lot more on dates. It's hard to distinguish truths from lies when you are deep under the rose tinted glasses.

By the time the prince charming turning into a perverted lazy tyrant, the girl would be in too deep and follow the sunk costs down until she is burned to a crisp.

That's why one of thing I said smart girls always check - the guy's wealth. It's sounds materialistic but it's the best indicators of something he is likely not: lazy, dumb and gambler. You can't fake your wealth long.

[Kuraj]

The issue with this line of reasoning is believing that excellent people are just waiting behind corner for you somewhere, still willing to begin a relationship with you at whatever old age that you decide to look for it.

Well, sorry to break it to you, but the reality is very different.
The longer you wait, the lower quality of people will be left for you to choose from.

Not wanting to settle is totally fine, but you HAVE to accept the reality that doing so, might just leave you with NOBODY for the rest of your life.
And most people with your kind of thinking will arrive to the painful realization that having nobody sucks a lot more than they imagined, and that they, perhaps, should have settled after all.

Don't just wait, believing there is something "better" ahead of you.
Because it might just turn out, that there isn't, and you better be fine with that fact.

[Browneye57]

So here's the thing... you DESERVE NOTHING! You get what you EARN. Nothing in life is DESERVED.
This mental hang up will keep you from a successful relationship because of your expectation of entitlement. Guys see right through that, especially the high value ones.

Women all want to talk about what THEY want, but you NEVER hear them talk about what they have to offer. So what exactly do YOU bring that would be consider high value? Cuz a high value guy will expect it.

[Heynashville]

For the love of god, I never said I deserve the entire fucking world. I said I deserve to be happy. I'm not entitled to shit. I deserve someone who isn't gonna cheat on me or whoop my ass. I'm a loyal person who would never do that, so it shouldn't be done to me. To be fucking happy, my god what a crime to think people deserve happiness

[Browneye57]

Uh, no, you don't even DESERVE to be happy unless you EARN it. YOU get to decide what your world is, what reality you create for yourself. And no man is going to make that happen for you, it's up to YOU.
When you get there, then and only then will you be in a place to possibly share your life with a high-value guy. Standing there expecting him to make you happy is a recipe for disaster.

Now, what exactly do YOU bring to a relationship that would be considered high value? What makes YOU special?

[Heynashville]

What has been done so badly to you that you believe people don't deserve to be happy?
I'm a catch. I have a good job, I make good money, I have a pretty high confidence level, I'm funny, I'm smart, I'm great in bed, I'm generous and I'm loyal. I deserve someone who is the same. You can argue all you want, but you won't change my mind.

That's why I said the saying, "no one is going to truly love you until you learn to love yourself". You have to be happy first. I'm happy with myself. Until I find someone who makes me as happy as I make myself, single

There's some tough breaks in life, adulthood kind of sucks. I'm not for giving out trophys for participation. But i believe everyone deserves to have a break from all the bullshit life throws at you, just by seeing your person. Aka that person makes you happy.
My grandma dies. I'm heartbroken and miserable. My person hugs me, suddenly I feel comforted and it makes the awful situation just a tiny bit better.
THAT is what people deserve

[Browneye57]

Well, YOU call it deserving, I call it earning it. And we agree way more than we disagree - but you seem to be the argumentative type and I'm here to tell you that if you do this with your man you'll blow him out, cuz no upstanding guy will put up with it.

The whole 'deserving' thing is about a sense of entitlement. We have a whole crop of young people that think they are entitled to something here on this planet. The minimum wage thing is a good example - they have a job and actually think that their choice in careers in irrelevant and that they are 'deserving' or 'entitled' to make enough money at it to actually live on it. People who earn their financial status understand that what you get is what you work for, choices, how you go about arriving at your career.

No, women as a whole tend to have a mindset that they deserve all the best. It's mostly because that's how they were raised - from day one their parents kept telling them how they deserved everything - cont. -->

[Browneye57]

... how they deserved to be happy, that one day a prince would swoop in and sweep them off their feet. Disney even got in on the shtick with Cinderella, and Beauty And The Beast. So we have girls and guys, but mostly girls, that have this completely unrealistic concept about what their place is and how they got there.

Even your girlfriends and relatives will tell you "You deserve to be happy." "You deserve a great life." If you don't like your man then it's "You deserve someone better." They don't say, "Well, you DID pick him."

No, what you get is what you choose for yourself and what you put into it. But we're arguing semantics and you're not chill about it or open to self analysis - which is also common for women your age. There is ZERO introspection. But whateves, we're done here.
Enjoy your time on GAG. I sincerely hope you reach great success in your endeavors.

[Heynashville]

You're not wrong. I realize I came off as rude, but opened this and saw like 30 men telling me that I sound like an entitled bitch for believing I deserve happiness. Instantly pissed me off lol.
Yes Disney movies and society have raised a bunch of little princesses. The world seems to believe that flipping burgers deserves the same wage as an emt who literally decides life or death. Should not be the case. We're in a world where everyone is offended by everything. And if were offended, let's shoot up a joint to make them "pay"
This world is a shitstorm. Life is not fair. But when all the tragic things happen in this life, I want to be able to hug my person and feel some relief and comfort in their arms. Not a lot of people make me feel safe like that. I want someone who will and I'm willing to hold out until I find him.

[MrMAC777]

I stopped reading this half way through just so I could comment ASAP. Big shocker that your standards are too high. Too many people have high standards, and you used the word "deserve". What exactly does the world owe you that you "deserve" the perfect guy? there's probably some guy that works at the deli you go to every day that is THE perfect guy for you, but you will never give him a chance because of your standards and you will miss out on the love of your life. That is what you "deserve", to miss out on happiness because of your self entitled righteousness. Good luck!

[Heynashville]

As I replied in nearly every comment, deserve was the wrong word to use. I am not self righteous or entitled, thanks dick.

[MrMAC777]

Np twat!

[Anonymous]

Nice take and I agree that being married with kids by 25 isn't convenient for everyone,
But if you have very high standards that isn't necessarily a good thing. now I'm talking about those women who think they deserve and will find the hottest, wealthiest and best man there is. believe me, this is just a fantasy and a lot of women end up alone later in life if they keep chasing this idea. if your standards are high but not this high, then I don't think that's an issue.
Now I'm not saying you don't deserve an attractive man, you're a pretty girl and you can get a good looking man if you wanted to I'm sure, but please don't have such high standards that it's unrealistic. I don't know what you mean by high standards so I just thought I'd say this.

[Heynashville]

My "high standards" include:
-someone I'm attracted to physically. Doesn't have to be a 10, matter of fact prefer if isn't as he would then make me self conscious about other women and I'm typically very secure in my own skin.
-Makes me laugh. I'm a sucker for laughing as I think most people are. Whether it's whit, sarcasm, or straight up jokes, I need to laugh.
-has to fight fair. I've been in a few relationships where they would be crazy mean when arguing and say shit i still think about years later.
-not abusive
-not crazy controlling
-faithful

That's my incredibly "high standards" lol. I don't need their money, I just want someone I'm attracted to that I click with. Doesn't seem to be crazy

[Opinion Owner]

Then how are those high standards? lol I thought it would be worse.
Your standards are within the norm.
If those are your standards why do other people tell you they are high?

[Heynashville]

Because my family wants me to have grandbabies lol. They dont necessarily know my standards but, being married with 4 kids at my age obviously means I have too high of standards and I should lower them to find someone faster. Not willing to do that. Not willing to compromise my happiness for their longing of grandkids.

[Kiran04]

"Never settle" is the entitled person's way of saying, "I'm special, I deserve everything". In fact, you do not. It's about "settling" or not "settling". It's about earning. You don't deserve anything. You are not entitled to anything. You get what you earn. If you don't feel like you have what you deserve, that just means you haven't worked hard enough yet. Work bitch.

[Joelski440]

Damn couldn't have said it better myself. I may have suger coded it a bit, but that wouldn't be as helpful. 👍

[Heynashville]

At any point did I say I deserve fucking brad pit? Nope. Deserve to be happy. I work my ass off daily, I have a great job. Relationships take work, absolutely. I was with someone and engaged for 5 years. Came home to find him in bed with another woman a week beforr my wedding. I should settle with that, thats fucking fine? NO
But according to you and seemingly every other dude here, I should be cool with being with an asshole who's gonna whoop my ass because, I deserve nothing.
You people are why women seem to have such low self esteems.

[Kiran04]

@Heynashville It doesn't matter if you think you deserve Brad Pitt or Tiny Tim, the point is you don't deserve ANYTHING. You get what you earn, period. There is no deserving. No one deserves anything. No one is entitled to anything. And no, not every dude thinks you deserve to get your ass beat, but you don't see any dudes posting about how much they "deserve" someone, because we know that shit isn't true. We get what we go out and take for ourselves. That's the way the world is. And Meredith Grey is a moron. 50% of something is better than 100% of nothing.

[Heynashville]

Everyone deserves something. Kids deserve a real chance in life. You kill someone? You deserve to rot in jail. You're a good person, you deserve to be happy. You and I have very different opinions of the way the world works. Im not saying everyone should have shit handed to them on a silver platter, I'm not an entitled asshole. But different things make different people happy. And everyone deserves to be their version of fucking happy. Happiness shouldn't be something you have to earn

[Joelski440]

@Heynashville I disagree Happiness isn't deserved because you're a decent person. Hell, I think I'm a kind person & have been my whole life but Am rarely happy-- if ever. Then again it's not for me to judge if I'm a decent person. You didn't deserve to be cheated on nor does anyone deserve to have hande put on them (beaten). I agree children deserve a chance & criminals deserve to be punished. The simple fact is people don't deserve to be happy, wealthy, fulfilled just because they wish for it they have to work for it. "You people are why women seem to have such low self-esteem" this is cute this goes both ways! Men have such low self-esteem because they believe they deserve happiness & love, but women will not give them the time of day. That's why men hit on everything that moves; they know they have to work at finding what they want. Why is that any different for women & you? You work your ass off good now apply that to your love life give a fool a chance they may surprise you.

[Heynashville]

@Joelski440 apply this how?
I said "women" because it's all men who seem to be rudely telling me im wrong. Yes, work at being happy for yourself. Work on a relationship I don't have? I'm not an asshole by any means. I'm semi willing to give most people a chance, looks aren't everything. That being said, people who tell you looks are nothing are lying! If I'm not physically attracted to you in the slightest, things like sex with you will gross me out. Even if you're a billionaire, do you want me picturing you as someone else because I'm completely unattracted to you? No. That's a relationship no one wants.
Luckily, everyone is attracted to different kinds of people for different reasons. So everyone has someone that want a them. Someone who would be good for them. Someone who would make them happy. All I'm saying is don't settle for someone who isn't these things for you.

[Joelski440]

@Heynashville apply as much work to your relationship as you suggested you do. Relationships are damn near a second job. It's not just the men telling you they disagree. For them rudly telling you they disagree, I can't change that. You seem intelligent, you know life can be hard, you know you're not entitled to anything. Then you turn right around & spout the "I deserve rhetoric" let me reiterate I don't know if you know this life isn't fair! There are people that have nothing & are happy, there are people that have everything & are miserable! I never said you are an asshole, you're acting like an asshole. Arguing with people that have a difference of opinion. Of course you shouldn't settle for someone you're not attracted to, I never said that. If you're happy single'ish (fuck buddy aside) stay that way until you find someone that meets your standards or is reasonable close to them. In the mean time YOU or a
ANYONE for that matter deserves to have shit handed to them.

[Kiran04]

And yet plenty of kids don't get a chance and plenty of murderers go free. It's not about deserving. Those kids will not get a chance if someone does not shelter them, boost them up, and fight for them. That chance must be TAKEN. A murderer will not go to jail if someone doesn't hunt them down and drag them in. They must be TAKEN. What you think you deserve or what you think someone else deserves is irrelevant. What matters is who has the fortitude o take it.

[Joelski440]

@Kiran04
I agree to an extent, children can't will themselves to be adopted or fostered most are too young to fight & TAKE their lives back. The system failed them! None the less they deserve a chance. Murders & criminals deserve to be cought & punished! Again the system is inadequate & failed. In very rare instances people deserve things.

[Anonymous]

okay... Don't know how this will come off but sometimes you need to know what you're worth. Having high standards is OK but only if you match them to it. Put it this way say there's a bronze neckless priced at $10k higher than the gold necklace right next to it? No one will buy it at that point.

Sometimes its not "settling for less". Its getting your head out of the clouds and back into reality.

[TripleAce]

but isn't that why people are single? hahah
everyone thinks they deserve the best but the market isn't willing to give that back... so they stay single

😛

[Hispanic-Cool-Guy]

Not everyone deserves the best. But for those that do deserve gold they should never settle for one that brings trash to the table.

[TripleAce]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy what i mean is everyone feels they want to get the best they can get

Like i know a few plus size girls and they've been single for like at least 10 years lol
And its cause they like always go for slim guys and like the full package but if i tell her to maybe chill with the standards. She tells me she doesn't wanna settle 😂

But girl. You like 300 pounds though. Wtf lol

[Heynashville]

@Hispanic-Cool-Guy amen dude, you know what's up.

[Lovvyyy]

This is true. But it's also a two-bladed sword, never settle for less than you deserve, but also don't expect to get MORE than you deserve.

A friend of my ex was 25 and never had a girlfriend; he was quite ugly but yet asked out to girls way cuter than he could afford, and then more often than not asked what he did wrong and why he had been rejected.

[DeeDeeDeVour]

For people with enough self confidence, it's easier to say "Go for it!" Many others don't have that luxury.

[Heynashville]

Then gain some. I realize it's easier said than done. I went from a relationship where the guy would put his hands on me and having to slap a restraining order on the table as soon as he left for work, to being a self confident person who realizes her worth. It's hard becoming that person, but when you have no one but yourself, you either make something of it, or break under it. I highly recommend making something of it. Be your story. Be your own reason to wake up in the morning. Be your everything. While I enjoy others company, I am fully happy being just me.

[bubble_tea]

Great take! And wow, I didn't the word "deserve" is so controversial!

[bubble_tea]

*didn't know it was so controversial!

[Heynashville]

Thank you!!! Me neither until this post lol. Obviously I should have worded differently from 'deserve'

[LifeEqualsLove]

26 is still pretty young to have kids and settle down in my opinion

[Heynashville]

See that's what I thought too. We're planning a hs reunion. I graduated with 181 other people (country living, small town). From the 149 that are on facebook, 121 are either married, have kids, or both. Not all, but the vast majority and that's crazy to me! Granted, 20 or so had kids before graduating.

[NYCQuestions1976]

I'm a full-time single parent, marriage didn't work out, so if I can find a woman who is fine with casual and limited free time, that would be great.

[opurba]

Yes, I deserve him at least 15 hrs a day to reduce n change my monky behaviour.

[fueledbythc]

Someone like me has no right to any sort of standard. Id be so happy if i can settle for any girl.

[doflamingo457]

you can that expectations if you are pretty or successful or indepedent okay?

[Anonymous]

But don't women prefer jerky guys and then end up miserable. The process repeats itself over and overagain

[Heynashville]

Not exactly true. To be fair, the vast majority of my friends are men though. The few female friends I have: one is married with a child. They shouldn't have ever gotten married. He can be an asshole at times, but it's mostly her. She wears the pants. She makes the decisions. She throws the punches. They're unhappy and have been since a few months before marriage, thought a kid would fix it, didn't. He is genuinely a nice guy though.
My only other girlfriend is with a nice guy now, but he was def an asshole at first.
I honestly see it as a 'wanting what you can't have' situation. Most the guys that are assholes are hard to obtain, therefore a challenge. Everyone loves a challenge. Men and women alike, dating advice always seems to be:
"Don't be too available"
"Play hard to get"
"Make them jealous"
"Don't text/call for 3 days"
Etc etc etc. All things in which you're a challenge and therefore more desirable.

[Opinion Owner]

I'm very quiet and shy, they treat me like I'm invisible.

[Heynashville]

Gain some confidence. Honestly, the most attractive characteristic of a human.. male or female is confidence.