Did my best friend friendzoned me or is she confused on her feelings right now?

[TranceSai]

I'm a guy and my best friend is a girl. We are both in our 20s, different colleges but same work place. We do lots of things together. The thing is, I've falling in love with her, my best friend. Her response is she doesn't see us dating but yet she loves my personality. She fights back at me to stay in her life because of her reasons. These are the answers I got from her when I asked why she wants me around.
1) She said I care for her more than others
2) She loves my personality
3) I am willing to fight for what I want
4) I go out my way to make time for her
But the thing is, she have given strangers chances to date her and when I asked she said no. I'm very confused. What is the reason why she said no? A little story to sum things up. She had an ex who used her for sex and I told her. She didn't believe me and then she believed me after a couple months and broke things off with him. She then met a kid in school and he broke up with her because he though she was self centered. That was painful for her but I was there to get that closure. Then she started to see another kid. He broke things off one month because the distance was too much he said. She was okay with that break up because I told her to take it easy on him just in case. But aside from that history, I decided to step in and asked for a chance and she said no. The 3 reasons i mentioned on top were the answers I got when I asked why she doesn't want me to leave her when she doesn't see us dating and I want to. I asked her if she friendzoned me and she said not completely. I'm 50%. I'm sitting on a fence. That fence was put up because of what her first and second ex did. Should I stick around and continue to be her friend and in hopes she will date me, or should I leave because I'm wasting time? What can I do? Will she come around to see that I'm worth the date? I want advice on what to do, but I want to know did I get friendzoned? Is there a possibility that she will date later in life?

[Plato]

She's not being fair to you, while she's saying you have a chance, she's saying no for now. While it's understandable that she wants to give it time, it's probably been a while already (if I am correct). It's actually cheap to do such a thing, like to leave a guy dragging - I'd say, keep everything as usual, just start seeing other women, it doesn't matter if she gets jealous, but you have a right to have someone to really love.

[TranceSai]

You're right. It's been a while. I'm still in love with her but she says she doesn't see us dating nor is she attracted to me. But when I threaten to leave she fights for me to stay.. I'm really confused dude. What would you suggest I do? The fact that I can't see other women because 1) I've never had a girlfriend so it's not easy for me

[Plato]

You have to cut your love off, she can't simply play games with your emotion. Nothing in life should be free except for your own consciousness, but love isn't some $0.50 bumper sticker that someone could go to a kiosk and order. No! If she wants your love, you ask for her to reciprocate it, the love you're giving her isn't a friendship, it's a relationship's love, so if she's looking not to date you, then give her some cordial behaviour - semi-formal stuff, you know, but don't treat her better than she should be treated. Be nice, fair, sincere, frank, but don't love her like that. You gotta stick up for yourself, even if you don't have a bargaining position (e. g. you haven't had a girlfriend yet).

[TranceSai]

I see. Just continue to be friends with her but show no more "relationship love"? such as doing nice things for her all the time or making time for her? And start to stand up for myself? Is that what you are saying? Basically distance myself a bit?

[Plato]

Don't distance yourself, just don't be so affectionate, treat her like a friend, but don't try to make her feel like less, just be a friend. Love is something that's gotta be exclusive, if she can't be exclusive with you, then so can you. Fair's fair.

[TranceSai]

Got it. Well this is going to be hard since I love her too much to lose... Just be a friend. Ugh hate this. This is the 20th girl this is happening again. I have no idea what is wrong here. I don't know if it's me or the girls I try to get. In the end, I get friendzoned. All my friends are girls.. Thanks for the help, I'll take what you said into consideration!

[Plato]

Look, the reason why you didn't get a girlfriend is because you're being a pushover. Sometimes if they know you're willing to be single, even forever, it'll give them the idea that you're not a cheap gratifying meal, but more of something that's only best served well-done. I think it's a terrible analogy but I hope you get what I mean.

[TranceSai]

You made it much clear. Don't be a push over and show them I'm not a soft guy. I can defend myself and my overall things in my life

[Plato]

Man, you've got it. I'm proud that you've heard me out. I too would rather be single for the rest of my life if it means that I keep my dignity (ironically, that's what makes you HOT in the first place)!

[Macklin91]

It sounds like your a great friend, something that is hard to come by. Maybe she just doesn't want to risk that by dating you, would you?

[TranceSai]

But if someone loves you, won't they try and be with you? I mean this isn't high school anymore, it's the real world after college.

[Macklin91]

I hear you i just feel maybe her feelings aren't as strong as yours and she just doesn't want you too be added to that list of guys.

[TranceSai]

It could be that also. I wish I can have more feedback on this... Especially from a girl

[Macklin91]

Wish i could help you more try not to beat yourself up

[QueenRussia]

Well, do you not want to be her friend anymore if she does decide she doesn't want to date you?

You are a great friend and I wouldn't want to risk that friendship, I think she might think the same.

[TranceSai]

I do want to be her friend. But I hate the fact that I fell in love with her. Everyday that goes by, I am starting to say I wish I regret meeting her...

[QueenRussia]

I think you should try meeting other girls. You will still be in contact with your best friend of course, but that way you can take your mind off her and see about other options.

This might also make her realise that you won't wait forever and will make her think about her feelings for you

[QueenRussia]

ty for MH!

[MiaWi]

I think she's not being fair with you. It's not your fault that her two ex boyfriends were jerks. You were always there when she needed help, so maybe she just got used to it. Maybe you need to distance yourself slightly from her so she could see you more like a potential partner than friend. Good luck :)

[TranceSai]

Yes, she is not fair with me. And you make a good point that it's not my fault. Maybe I will bring that up next time. Anything else you can advise me with?

[MiaWi]

I know it's gonna sound cliche but maybe you should try to make her a little bit jealous. Like pay some attention to other girls when she's around, maybe she'll see what she's missing :D

[TranceSai]

Hahah I like your thinking! Like the guy who commented, he also helped me think of that. To be a bit more open to other girls and that got me thinking, I should make her jealous! She couldn't take off to come with me to an amusement park but I asked another girl and that girl said yes! So let see how this rolls!

[MiaWi]

glad I could help :D