Unemployed boyfriend keeps vowing to quit smoking weed... but doesn't?

[Anonymous]

My bf of over a year and half is unemployed currently and has been smoking weed during our entire relationship. I don't have a problem with weed unless it creates a problem for me. Before he lost his job, his smoking wasn't a problem for me. Now it is. He spends his days smoking and "chilling" instead of applying for jobs and even if he got one, he wouldn't pass the drug test. I've been patient and silent about this issue, and multiple times he's vowed "today is my last day smoking. it's time to really focus on finding a job" and then he doesn't do it. When he says that I say " I'll believe it when I see it" and he says stuff like "well now you're seeing it babe!" but then two days later he goes and buys more weed. I'm sick of it! What can I do here? I'm sick of paying for everything! I'm sick of being the only one pulling my weight in this relationship. I'm sick of him making promises (without any provocation) and then breaking them!
Do I just have to dump him? Help?

[cheeseburgermafia]

I doubt that he'll quit smoking. He already doesn't care what you think. Until now, you've been an easy sell. He knows you fall for his shit every time, so he has every reason to believe that you'll continue to do so. He has zero reason to quit.

If you live in an apartment with upstairs neighbors and weed is illegal in your area, phone in an anonymous tip about a pot smell coming from your place. Mention where to find his stash. When the cops arrive, if he accuses you and promises again to clean up, tell him to go through rehab and that you need to talk with whoever is handling his rehab before he's allowed back into your life. Depending on how he reacts (without you letting on that it was you who called the cops), you can figure out where to go from there.

If his name is the only name on the lease, just move out. Stop paying rent, use that rent to get yourself a storage unit, hire help to move all your things to it, and stay with a friend or family member while you hunt for a new place. If the lease is in his name and your name is nowhere on it, you are under zero obligation to pay a dime.

If your name is the only name on the lease, you can still move out. Just start doing so right in front of him, and don't believe a thing he says. If he promises to get his shit together, tell him to fuck off for a year. If necessary, get a restraining order - if he violates it, they'll arrest him and drug test him, which will land him in jail and in court-ordered rehab. I suspect the order will be necessary, as you're his meal ticket.

Right now, he has zero reason to quit. You keep showing him that he can just keep smoking and you'll take care of everything for him. Where is he getting money for weed anyway, if he's unemployed? If he has access to the shared account, cut him off. If he pawns stuff that isn't solely owned by him, it's theft. Kick him out and call the cops.

I think you'll have to dump the loser, and don't let him back into your life. But find out.

[Bluemax]

His lack of ambition is a huge drawback which might drag you down. It might only be a matter of time before he starts asking to borrow money to waste it on his habit or other pointless things.

I've personally known people who smoke weed who have PhD's and MBA's who are quite successful, creative, and driven people. However, they seem to be more the exception than the rule. I think your bf is showing behavior that he's the rule and not the exception.

[LovelySerene]

I would have dumped him a while back... but I wouldn't date anyone that smokes weed.

But I would talk to him and tell him that if he doesn't get his life together, then it's over... maybe that will will snap him back to reality.

[rjroy3]

As long as you pay for him, you're telling him you're ok with this lifestyle even if you don't like it. 1: stop paying for him, you're making it worse. 2: your boyfriend is someone who has proven himself to be unreliable. You have to decide if you're ok with that.
Maybe he stops and gets a job. But if you keep paying for him you will never get to that point

[MothMonsterMan]

Do I just have to dump him?

I can't say it in big enough letters: YES! He's a loser. Get rid of him NOW.

[MacWinters]

Wow, women will put up with or believe anything. You are not alone as I have a few lady friends who live with deadbeats.

I've never met an ambitious pothead. Like finding a non-racist KKK member.

It is what it is, leave him and move on.