Guys, My boyfriend told me he was indifferent?

[Anonymous]

The thing is that summed it up perfectly. I always feel like I'm the one moving things along. Sometimes I feel like I could just walk away and never hear from him again. We weren trying to decide plans for the night and he is babysitting his friend's dogs for weeks. So I suggested getting food and bringing it back to his place. Problem is I have a dog too so my dog either has to come or I have to pay someone to walk her (which is what I suggested doing).

Deciding whether or not I should come he said he was 'indifferent' which broke my heart. We've only been dating a few months so I basically decided that is that and I don't want to see him anymore. I'm falling for him and he feel apathetic towards me. But when I was walking him to his car he was on the verge of tears and blamed it on the dogs.

Still I feel he may like me more than other girls but may be a bit Aspberger and will never be able to meet my emotion needs to be wanted. He can watch his friends dogs but my dog is too much? The little dog he is watching is the shit starter my dog doesn't bark or anything.

I feel feel bad if I break his heart but I don't think he has the same amount of concern for me and I'm so broken up about it. Am I making too much of it?

[kingofkong]

It's a pretty common trend among guys to be emotionally disconnected. Most woman in relationships don't ever get their emotional need totally satisfied and I remember reading a statistic on that as well. You need to decide your boundaries. Not every guy (like me) is like that, and not to the extent that you are described, he sounds like a total jerk.

Don't worry about breaking his heart. This decision has nothing to do with him and everything to do with you. I'm hearing a lot of pain, confusion and misunderstanding. The last think you need to do is try and rationalise yourself out of your emotions anymore. You need to leave him. When someone tells you they are indifferent to you, it's a really really bad sign. I would be out the door the next minute.

[Asker]

Thanks so much for your response. I feel like I'm totally being gas lighted probably because I am. I know a few months from now when I'm dating someone else I will see that. I did break up with him tonight because this is t the first time something like this has happened.

He invited me to go boating after I bought him a crazy expensive birthday dinner. He said they were renting a boat. Day of he totally ditched me. He spent night at my place and bailed whole I was in bed. I found out this weekend he Owned the boat. He told me he ditched me because they ran out of seats. That excuse doesn't fly when it's YOUR boat. I regret not leaving him then. I just feel so used and stupid. I'm totally to blame for deceiving myself into this.

[kingofkong]

Whether you are dating another guy or not, you made the right decision. I'm proud of you, it's not easy to do I know, as we always want to hope for the best in people. Narcissistic like your ex are not normal people though. They make a life off manipulating others.

You are not to blame! You let yourself be vulnerable and tried to create partnership with another person. This guy choose to use that against you. That's not your fault. Use this time to find out why it took you so long to end it. Empower yourself with wisdom from this experience to influence your next relationship.

Most importantly forgive yourself, don't beat yourself up over this. You are not stupid and this was not all your fault!

[madhatters4]

i think you should simply explain to him that acomment like him being indifferent to whether or not you hang out with him gives you the feeling that he doesn't care. if he truly is into you he should see how that might make you feel and realize that either a) he handled the situation wrong OR b) he truly isnt' that invested

are you making too much of it? I don't think so, a comment like I'm indifferent towards whether or not you come is kind of harsh to someone you supposedly enjoy spending time with

[Asker]

Yeah I guess we are going with B.

He was on OK Cupid this morning so I texted him to ask when I could get my things. He said anytime today. He's definitely throwing in the towel.

I know there are other guys that will treat me better. I'm just really disappointed by how quickly he is letting me walk out of his life.

[madhatters4]

that definitely sucks... but at least you learned it sooner and later so you can move on and meet better people

[Asker]

I broke up with him. Funny thing is once we broke up he changed his dating profile to say "taking a break". He was upset over the loss of a relationship but not losing me so yeah I'm better off. I can breath now. I know I didn't break up with someone who cared about me, he was just going through the motions. I want and deserve to be needed and loved. He isn't capable of that with anyone. I do care for him though so I ended it telling him I glad I knew him and hope he finds what he's looking for. That I wish him nothing but the best. He couldn't even reciprocate a proper good bye. I care for him it what an ass I'm glad I finally saw the light.

[madhatters4]

this that was the smart idea. indifference in a relationship is just as bad as not liking someone, might be worse. to basically not have a feeling or not know how you feel for someone but be in a relationship with them is like being in purgatory... purgatory is almost worse than hell because hell you at least know where you are and will be whereas in purgatory your just waiting to hear your fate

[Asker]

Yeah it was a sigh of relief for sure. You must be Catholic. I'm a confirmed Catholic and though I'm not religious it's a big part of me. Love Pope Francis he's a breath of fresh air.

[madhatters4]

no not catholic, but I did go to a catholic university.

I am a big fan of Pope Francis though and haven't really like a Pope in the past. Like you said he is a breath of fresh air and a really REALLY good person by any standards not just religious or Catholic standards. Even the Dalai Lama who has often had words of criticism for Popes has stated his admiration of the new dude

[Asker]

Yeah you don't have to be religious to admire Pope Francis. He is making amazing changes. When I heard Justice Scalia's questions during the trial overseeing gay marriage months ago I was on my way to Yoga and could barely concentrate in class. I was yelling at the radio at him that it is a sad day when your Pope is more enlightened and leading the church in a better direction than you are. Luckily the other Catholics weren't so closed minded as Scalia.

[truthbeknown]

Ok, just so I have this right, the dog story is the straw that broke the camels back, right? He does this all the time by showing little need for you and this indifference attitude all the time? I totally understand how you feel, we all want to feel needed by our SO, we want to matter to them and it totally sucks when they seem like you don't matter. This may be one of those situations where he needs to learn the hard way what you mean to him. You may need to break up for a while so he can realize what you meant to him, "didn't know what he had until it was gone" sort of thing!

[rjroy3]

Based on the story alone I would say you're overreacting to his response. The fact that he didn't leap out of his seat for you to come dogs it with him really doesn't say anything about how he feels about you. Now if it's more than that, then maybe. But solely based on this situation I would say maybe you should reconsider the situation, trying to look at it from new eyes.

[JustinCaseUDontKnow]

I agree he should compromise with you if not than you need to consider moving on
it's sad when girls give their heart to guy and he acts that way i can't see why he
couldn't of made other arrangements with that friend and about the dog.

[guyintac]

You should move on. You guys obviously aren't on the same wavelength