Should I break the silence?

[burger22]

About a month ago I emailed the guy I had been seeing for about 4 months about where things stood btwn us. I chose email over the phone or an in person confrontation because he has a VERY hectic work schedule & knew this would be the best way to convey everything I had to say. The email was very positive & complimentary, also not demanding of a title or anything like that. It was just stating my obvious feelings for him & asking if things were going anywhere, etc...bc we had never discussed it & the situation was sometimes confusing to me with his busy schedule.

Since that email, I haven't heard ONE WORD from him. He has somewhat of a controlling personality (I haven't seen this side of him but he claims to have type A personality), so I think I mustve said something to upset him & he is punishing me silently. My question now is-do I contact him or just drop it? Up until this point things were great & he had just a week before the email told me he saw a future with us/wanted me to meet his mother, etc. Please help!

Updates

+1 y

Just a sidenote-of course I think this type of treatment is immature & inconsiderate, but what I don't want to do is give in to his silence as I don't think it solves anything. What I really want to know is whether I should contact him again or not!

Updates

+1 y

SO I called him! 1st he didn't answer so I left a message-he called back about a minute later saying how happy he was that I called & that he felt bad for handling things so immaturely. Basically he felt like a jerk & apologized.We'll c what happens-thx!

[Tigerlily]

This seems a little strange to me... first up, why did you send the email if he'd already told you he saw a future with you and wanted you to meet his parents? I'm not attacking you, I'm just wondering what else you would have wanted to know. Perhaps he feels that way too - that he said that and you're still asking for more from him. Personally I can't really see what else he could have said! It might appear to him that whatever he does won't make you happy, so I think you gotta talk to him in person about that, let him know that's not what you meant, see what his response is then.

It probably is best to contact him first. Tell him you just wanna meet up cause you haven't seen him in ages, go for dinner or whatever, wait until you've got a nice comfortable moment to bring it up. Start with an apology for if things came across in a certain way in the email. If he's a nice guy he won't keep attacking you then and he should be more open to hear what you have to say. Good luck!

[burger22]

Tx Tigerlily-good question about why I felt the need to ask him for more-I should've explained it better. Basically, 2 wks before T-giving he initiated the serious talk-then I knew he couldn't go home for T-giving so asked him to come to my place & he seemed excited to meet my fam. But then in the next 2 wks before T-giving, our contact lessened & he seemed to be distancing himself-basically it was sending mixed messages esp.coming after our "serious" discussion so I was confused! I will call!

[Tigerlily]

Aaahhh right. Strange =S maybe he sorta freaked himself if he thought it was moving too fast or something? Hard to tell. But even then, that's still kinda childish of him not to tell you about it... heck even when I had a boyfriend when we were 16, he had the guts to tell me in a mature way when he thought things were getting ahead of themselves. Hope it works out for you =]

[singlegirl06]

I think you should definitely contact him again! I mean, you have been seeing this guy for 4 months. That is a good chunk of time to just stop talking to him because he hadn't responded to an email. Give him a call this time, leave a friendly message if he doesn't pick up. If he decides not to call back or even let you know that he got the email, then maybe you can think about forgetting him. He obviously isn't so serious if he has been silent for a while. How long has it been? if I may ask.

Good Luck!

[burger22]

Thanks for the advice! It's been a month since I sent the email & that's why it's worrying me. I can understand if he needed time, but a month is a little ridic. I just would hate to think things ended because I didn't try-esp.since things were going so well. However, maybe I should just take this silence as a hint to get lost? It all seems so out of character which is why I'm worried he's angry/upset by something I said...

[emily1306]

Hi - a really similar thing has happened to me. I was with the guy 3 months and he suddenly just didn't turn up to something we'd arranged (this was over a month ago now) and he wouldn't answer his phone to me etc. He too had previously said he could see a future and wanted me to meet his parents too. I reckon contact him with a really casual message, not asking anything about why he's acting like it, just purely asking how he's doing and see what happens from there.

[burger22]

Emily-I'm sorry to hear you're in this same position...do you mind me asking what ended up happening? I think you're all right & I think I will call him with a casual message. What really throws me off is that he didn't say anything to me on major holidays (Christmas, Thanksgiving, NYE) & that really hurt. But a guy friend says the silent thing is a way of showing hurt.

If anything, I've already started the moving on process so if he doesn't answer at this point I'll know that he's just a jerk

[graceh326]

I would definitely call him. But I wouldn't bring up the email. Just ask if he wants to go to dinner or something. I would pretend it never happened...that way if something did upset him, you give him an out. Good luck!

[burger22]

Thx for your adivce! I called & we spoke-hopefully everything can be resolved. He did admit having a problem with communicating & that his response is usually just to shut down-guess that explains a lot!!

[Anonymous]

Cation to the wind! Be inept and concerned about one thing, is this always going to be his life and how could you ever fit in it? type A is not the high strung type of person who is always focused on work or the situations surrounding it. ask questions with raising worries. could mean he is going through more than you want to know or deal with.

[wally]

Just call him and see what's going on with him, if he kept trying to avoid talking or meeting you then it's up to you. but talk to him first before you do anything.

[burger22]

Thanks! I called & we talked-hopefully things work out...if not at least I know that I made the effort. Thanks again, it's nice to hear a guys perspective!

[wally]

You're welcome anytime.

[butterfly_girl]

I agree with most of the people who've messaged back. I think you should contact him, call him and see how he's doing etc, if he's still not being straight with you then at least you know that you tried but assuming he's around your age (25-29?) he shouldnt be very childish about it :)

Hope it all works out for you!

xoxox

[burger22]

Thanks for the advice! I am def.going to call him after hearing everyone's support. Actually, I am 28 & he's 31 so I would HOPE he could handle this whole thing maturely! I wouldv'e called him a while ago but all of my friends & fam think he treated me badly & that I should move on or wait for him to make the next move. Clearly he is not going to do that though so I owe it to him & myself to try! Thanks again!

[butterfly_girl]

Hey!! great to hear that he called you back after the missed call, I hope everything works our for you :) What can I say, us ladies are better than the men at the emotional stuff lol

xoxox

[Android]

I agree with graceh326's suggestion... you will never know what made him hurt until you don't talk to him. So, instead of thinking too much bad about it. Most of the situation can be solved by talking. All the best. :)

[burger22]

Looks like you were right-I called & hopefully we can resolve things verbally from here-I agree that silence solves nothing-believe me I was on the receiving end of it & all it does is cause unneccessary confusion. Thx for the advice!

[earz10]

I agree with you it is very immature. If you think that you have any kind of future with this guy then you shud contact him first. It's obvious you still care about him. so go ahead and send him another email.ask him how he is doing. I woudnt bring up the last email unless he wants to talk About it

[Reeses-pieces777]

yes I think if you want to be with him, then contact. but a month seems awful long and I wonder if he isn't attracted to you or he's just too busy for a relationship

[viva100]

So any news? How did it go in the last week? Did he contact you?