I pinched my boyfriend and he hit me back?

[nayamarareyes]

I want to start off with saying that this does NOT about "a man should not hit a woman" or a "feel sorry for me" post. I simply do not know what to feel about it, and want to hear someone objective's point of view to help me gather my thoughts and see the situation more clearly.

So here goes.
Me and my boyfriend were gaming yesterday and he was sitting beside me and we were talking each other as usual. He said something and I gave him a little pinch as a haha, which he did not like very much. He went back to his computer, but seconds later came back, lifted his hand and smacked me moderately hard across the left side of my face. When I said "come here" because I got scared, he got angry and said very clearly "No, fuck off."

I went downstairs and got a text message "Don't get so sulky when someone gets even with you."

The thing is tough. I don't see genders in this equation. I see action against action, and I feel that my pinch wasn't justified a burning slap across my face.
When I got home I got a text message saying that he was sorry, and that he didn't mean it. He also came over to say it in person, but it all comes back to the pinch. I've done this on other several occasions, but I have clearly misunderstood him, because when I said to him that you're laughing and playing back, I thought it was a game, so no I didn't understand that he didn't want me to stop.
He thinks it's justified, but I don't feel it is and I have trouble trusting him now. This also stems from having violent boyfriends who have undermined me, threatened me and hit me for reasons I cannot fathom. (i. e not looking good enough, making the food wrong, talking to much)
I tried telling him that I need some reassurance and that I am a bit scared now, but all I can get in return is that reassurance will come and that he doesn't know what to say. And I don't know how to make him understand that a pinch vs. slap is not fair.
What do you guys think? Should I put it behind me? I need help here.

[MrOracle]

That was definitely uncalled for and over the line.

If he had grabbed your arm and held it, yeah, okay. If he had swatted your ass, okay. But slapping you across the face? That's WAY too much unless you REALLY, REALLY pinched him hard and with malice - and it doesn't sound like that to me at all.

It also is a red flag issue to me. If he thinks that was okay - and apparently he does even now - then what is he going to do if he's really upset? If you don't leave him outright, I would at LEAST make plans so that if something like this happens again, you can make a quick, clean break and aren't stuck in a position where you have to stay with him for some reason.

I'd love to tell you how to educate him, but honestly, if he can't understand how his actions were wrong on his own, I doubt he can be taught. Morals and values take a LONG time to adjust, and I'm not sure you want to try to make that kind of an investment considering YOU are potentially at risk. Sometimes it's better just to make a clean break and let someone else deal with him.

[Kimosabe]

What has me really concerned is the time lag between your pinching him and his slapping you. It sounds like he went away, thought about it, and then decided the proper thing was to smack you, not that he overreacted impulsively out of pain or irritation. I can't put this in a context I can understand, so I'm pretty scared of it. Given your personal history, I'm guessing you don't have a lot of room to absorb anomalous violence coming your way; I'd clearly step away from this relationship. You seem self-aware enough to know the danger for you getting enmeshed with someone who's inclined to violence. You're going to need a safe, predictable partner who can absorb and flex a bit, and understands where you're coming from. They are out there. And you deserve one of them.

[nayamarareyes]

I would say it was pinch, ten seconds with him rolling his chair back to his computer and coming back and then doing it. I did not see it coming as I was turning back to my computer again. I thought at first ok, he just needs some space or something and then this happened and I asked him to come back and he went back to the computer again and said "No, fuck off."

[Kimosabe]

Yeah, I'd be very concerned about that. He thought about it. It wasn't an unchecked impulse. He has issues going on, doesn't understand what they are, and you are very much the wrong person to try to fix him.

[This_is_my_username]

That's what I call over reacting. That's like me snapping my fingers by someone's ear to grab their attention, and them smacking me back because it's TIT FOR TAT. Like Cmon are you serious? How much of a kid are you. And it's scary for you because your boyfriend can't grasp that fact. He thinks it's justified. It's better to just leave him and move on before it increases to beating, or hitting you harder or whipping your ass.

If you went all batshit crazy on his ass and was handing it to him for no good reason and he hit you back in self defense. I would have understood.. But this situation is ridiculous. The man's got no self control. (so unattractive) but you did nothing of that sort. Please leave chica 🌟🌟🎊

[tty06949]

If he would have hit your arm or something like that I could see it not being a really big deal because sometimes guys don't realize how strong they are and accidentally hurt you. But him hitting you across the face isn't okay. I play fight with my boyfriend's and never get mad if they hit me too hard because it's normally an accident but they would never hit me in the face same way I'd never hit him in his. I don't know honestly I could see both sides, but I think he went too far.

[HazellaHaze]

I do not like that it took him a while in between your pinch and his slap.

If he did it right away you might be able to justify it as a reflex or startle response.

You have every right to be concerned. He should be able to be grown up enough to *tell* you in words that he didn't like being pinched, instead of getting angry, thinking it over, and slapping your face.

That would be a deal breaker for me.

[Insomniaclove]

Being pinched is annoying, but you most certainly didn't deserve a slap. He isn't going to understand that it's different if he slapped you in the first place. He came back from where he was and slapped you. You will find someone who treats you the way you deserve to be treated. This may have been the first time, but I'm not sure it will be the last. You should leave him and find someone who knows how to treat you right.

[CTaiger]

it's good that you talk with him don't stop yes it's not fair and it's not good to hit someone except if you like SM.
But pinching isn't good either. (If you want to see it that way)

If you want equality and fairness change the roles.
He pinched you and you hit him how would you feel how may he feel.
Next he felt dominated because you pinched him. Or it hurt. Or he just dislikes it. Or something else maybe just the wrong moment.
But why he laughs sometimes why is it sometimes okay for him.
Maybe he is sometimes in the mood or he wants to act though or I thought you liked it.

Don't stop talking to him.

Tell him it's not okay.
Not even a little bit there are other ways to react.
Tell him he has to tell you his boundaries so you can react right.

So all in all you two ha've to find a way. Best would be together.

[Anonymous]

''This also stems from having violent boyfriends who have undermined me, threatened me and hit me for reasons I cannot fathom. ''

You have not figured out why you kept on ending up with violent partners so the problem still exists. What happened with this guy forms part of the pattern, but because it occurred in a more normal environment, and without a major argument, you are trying to convince yourself it is ok.

This is a warning sign, you'd do well not to ignore it. However, I get the feeling that you would not cease the relationship due to this. As far as I'm concerned, if someone lays a hand on me once, it's over...

[iron_smith]

He's going to hit you real hard one day, you're gonna fall and you're gonna get really hurt, ditch him. But to answer your question, I don't know about other guys but I personally HATE getting pinched, so much that I am instantly piss, but I would never slap a girl or hurt her or even yell at her or swear at her for pinching me, the pinch does not justify the slap, especially through your face which is a complete sign of disrespect and gentleness. Leave him.

[iron_smith]

*ungentleness

[NotoriousGeek]

Maybe you pinch him and mock him too much.

You shouldn't always ask for the man to reassure you. He has feelings too. Maybe he felt belittle. I don't like the fact that girls think they are the only ones with low self esteem issues...

Talk it out. Maybe he is in deep pain

[Halfbloodprincess23]

Those two are no were near equal. Smacking someone across the face? That is crazy. I don't care if it's two siblings in the scenario... that doesn't not warrant that kind of a response. Also, the fact that it wasn't even a reflex makes it worse to me. He went back to what he was doing and THEN decided to smack you. So he consciously thought that was an appropriate response. Please let this man go.

[likitb4istickit]

If you didn't pinch a chunk out of him or something and was just playing around he way overreacted and is probably a mental case. I'd dump him unless you don't mind getting more of the same in the future.

[Anonymous]

I will never understand women who physically hurt a guy and then get upset when he returns it. Sorry, I just don't get it.

Ladies, if you don't want a guy to physically hurt you, don't physically hurt him first. I would say that is very fair, wouldn't you?

[Seppelson]

I agree with you

[sadgirl2002]

A joking pinch is not equal to slapping someone in the face and telling them to fuck off

[Seppelson]

ok you are right but it's not nice too. noone likes to be slapped

[TomBowl]

Sounds like you were flirting and he didn't get the hint...

With that being said, don't that that your vagina makes you immune to being even with another person.

[nayamarareyes]

I am abolutely clear about my vagina not giving me a freepass to anything. I am just saying that the action didn't justify his action. At least that's what I feel.

[TomBowl]

I agree with you. You should tell him how you feel and be very honest.

He probably felt emasculated and then over reacted.

Tell him a man wouldn't get all butt hurt about a pinch, and that you'd expect that kind of explosion from a girl.

[meatballs21]

In terms of him, I would consider leaving. You already have trouble trusting him after this, and you know yourself how it's gone in the past. You don't have to put up with this behaviour.

[battlinjosh]

I don't care if you are a girl or a guy, you shouldn't put up with someone slapping you across the face. If a boyfriend or girlfriend is going to get that violent and angry that fast, that's a huge red flag.

[Anonymous]

Oh geez, Pinching is one thing, a slap is completely crossing the line. There are so many red flags raised, he sounds like he can't control himself and sadly might do it again.

[BaileyisDarcy]

He crossed a ine there. You dont slap in response to a pinch.

[sadgirl2002]

You should dump him. He doesn't respect you at all and he's showing signs of abuse already

[Jessicastern]

This was disgusting to read. He's a bad person. Red flag. Like, wake up, he SLAPPED you.

[mapavrili]

send me message pls

[bprum]

That's a complete overreaction! This is not some small thing and in this case it does not matter if boy or girl. If one of my friends would do that they wouldn't see me for a long time.

[Bleepasaurus_RexEwww]

Dude just dump him... If someone ever tried to hit me they'd be in the ER.

[Anonymous]

"Guys!!!
i smacked this dog and he bit my hand :( "

help? how can i smack him without him biting my hand?"

Thats how you sound right now..

[NerdInDenial]

Is this the first time?

[Sal7LBJLM10]

he clearly overreacted just talk to him about hit

[Arya_Christ]

break up.