Should I have told his girlfriend that he cheated?

[splashofyellow]

So, I met this guy in a bar and we ended up hooking up. I lost one of my earrings there so I looked him up on facebook to ask if he had found it. It didn't require much detective work as he told me his last name.

While I was looking at his profile, I noticed that he had a girlfriend. I felt like an idiot. Not for a second did that thought ever cross my mind. I left him a passive-aggressive message that was kinda pointless and stupid but I felt like I had to let him know that I was mad about it and that it wasn't an okay thing to do. After seeing the message, he obviously blocked me on facebook. Which is fine cause I don't have any plans of seeing him again.

But I started thinking, should I have told his girlfriend? I don't want to intentionally hurt her because it's not her fault that her boyfriend is a jerk. But on the other hand, I think she deserves to know. At that time, I decided that it wasn't my place to meddle. But was I wrong not to tell her? For all I know, he could have told her himself or they might still be "happily" together. I guess it's not really any of my business but it bothers me sometimes.

Updates

+1 y

I decided that the right thing to do was let his girlfriend know. I realize that I should have done this sooner but I guess late is better than never. She deserves to know that her boyfriend is an asshole. I just hope that she doesn't think I'm lying for some reason.

Updates

+1 y

Just to give you a little update on what happened: Also the girlfriend has now blocked me on Facebook without reacting to my message in any other way. I guess I know who she wants to believe. But hey, at least I tried.

Updates

+1 y

Crazy update to this question. Now, a year later, the girlfriend unblocked me on Facebook and asked to know what happened. I guess she decided she might believe me after all.

[AL3XUV]

"I left him a passive-aggressive message that was kinda pointless and stupid but I felt like I had to let him know that I was mad about it and that it wasn't an okay thing to do."

You left him that aggressive message because you were angry that he wasn't single, available or because he cheated? Those are two completely two different things.

If it bothers you, I would just contact her via Facebook and spit all the jems by telling exactly what happened and you didn't know he had a girlfriend, it's not your fault after all.

You know, if I were in her situation which she didn't know probably, I would like to know. If he cheated it's his problem as he shouldn't but it usually when someone cheats they do it over and over again until they significat other breaks up with them or become aware that their "love" is cheating on them.

By exposing his sorry ass, you will bring a lot of pain and you need to be prepare just in case for any backlash you might receive from his girlfriend. However, in the long term it checks out because you will save her feelings for the long run as no one should be dating a cheater maybe except those people who don't care or are always giving them the "last chances".

Burn his ass and help former female, that's how I see it and would do if I were in your shoes.

[madhatters4]

i would want to know. i was cheated on by an ex. someone who was a friend of hers told me about it and i was so grateful that she let me know so i could deal with it

[madhatters4]

regarding your update. you did what you could and that's all that matters. her reaction is not uncommon as people tend to believe what they want to believe. also you never know she may challenge her boyfriend about it at some point

[madhatters4]

Thanks for MHO

[estoydorado1]

You should have told her. Condoms aren't always 100% and the fact that he made no show of remorse but instead blocked you, shows that he probably does this regularly. 1 of these days he can bring his girl an STD. Or what if she decides to start a family with him or something and she finds out after the fact? How would you feel if you were in her shoes and you found out after you'd married the asshole. I'm glad you didn't stay quiet and I respect that you didn't want to to hurt that poor girl but he already dragged you into it by using you to cheat. I think you should let his girlfriend know so that she can make an informed decision about his dumbass.

[estoydorado1]

I know it's rough when the other injured party thinks you're guilty but I have a lot of respect for the fact that you gave her a heads up. Who knows. Maybe it just hurt her to hear the truth (and she believes you) but she wants time to process. Anyways, you don't owe her anything but you did a good thing.

[splashofyellow]

I guess it's better that she just blocked me instead of blaming me or getting angry at me or whatever. At least now I can wash my hands of this mess and leave them be.

[estoydorado1]

Yeah, try not to blame yourself for his b. s.

[Anonymous]

I've been on your side and I get the whole being honest vs. staying out of it.

A few guys who have tried it on with me, I tell their girlfriends and I either get one of the two:
- get called a slut and the whole blame is shifted on me like I'm the one who cheated on them instead of their boyfriends cheated on them... in other words denial.
- get asked for more info, then told that they appreciate my honesty and deal with however they want to deal with it.

If my boyfriend was cheating on me, I would want to know. I wouldn't get mad at the person who tells me, they aren't the ones cheating on me.

[dwboutit]

Definitely. Once you explained the situation to her she wouldn't hate you and try to scrap if that's what you're afraid of, she'd probably be relieved in some way and I don't see her taking it out on you because you went to her and told her, her anger would be towards her boyfriend. What goes around comes around.

[crazyinlovemal]

tough call but I think I would have appreciated if you told me what he did. I have to power to make the decision to stay or leave. You weren't trying to intentionally hurt her but unfortunately I don't think you have been the only person he has done this with.

[Anonymous]

I think you should tell her. like what the other comments said , If it were you and your boyfriend cheated on you wouldn't you like if the girl told you? and you didn't know so don't blame yourself. My ex boyfriend cheated on me with multiple girls and when i asked the girls not even in a nasty way i just wanted to know they all lied.. i wish they just told me because other 2 years with him cheating when they could of stopped the pain there and then.
i think you should tell her. she deserves better.
and well if she doesn't see that at least you tried to help!

[Likes2drive]

I guess you're not getting your earring back😊 Probably should have just asked for that back and seen if he would have even answered and explained who the girl was knowing you probably saw her on his profile. I guess no loss there if you're not going to see him again

[Likes2drive]

I guess the girlfriend is getting suspicious of him now because he might be seeing another one on the side again

[genericname85]

i think you should tell her now. like sorry i didn´t know he had a girlfriend but i had some fun with your boyfriend the other night and i just found out that he was taken. i think it´s kind of your duty to do that even. i´d do it.

[ashwilliams01]

you done nothing wrong, he was the scum bag. I would personally want to know. she is sat there being faithful to a scum bag. tell her and apologize and explain you had no idea

[Lillyhope]

I wouldn't tell her.. but you can imagine being in her shoes, and then ask yourself "would you like to know the truth"? Maybe it'll help you to make the right decision

[BreeJM]

he made it your business when he got with you. you should have told her because she has a right to know. it's only hurting her more that she doesn't know. and if she doesn't believe you just end it there, that's on her.

[artie1983]

If you were the girlfriend, what would you want to happen? That is how I would decide what to do

[AL3XUV]

I like how you think mate ;)

[artie1983]

Thanks lol

[JohnDoe3000]

Tell her, anonymously.

But hey, now you've learned that when things seem too good to be true they usually are (and so will his girlfriend when you tell her), that's a valuable life-lesson.

[splashofyellow]

I don't know what you mean by "if things seem to good to be true". I don't know what was so good in this situation that it couldn't have been true.

[JohnDoe3000]

"Hot, charming guy you meet in a bar and who seduces you on the spot, but it's okay because he's single" that was too good to be true.

[RJGraveyTrain]

I mean I would have but you always run into the issue of the girl not believing you or you might not want to get involved. I understand and don't fault either choice.

[Lelaila]

I think that she deserves to know the truth. I would be very grateful if someone told me that my boyfriend cheated on me.

[Mega_illuminati]

Well you helped him cheat on her (unintentionally even), so it is very much your place to tell her.

You should have told her.

[Unit1]

That poor girl.
I would tell her everything including the fact, that you sent him a message and then he blocked you. It seems legit this way.

[ThunderTheCat]

If you had a boyfriend who cheated on you, would you want the other girl to tell you?

[Máiiréad]

I would have told her the moment I found out because I have a burning hate for guys like him. Give her the information and let her decide how she wants to handle the situation.

[BrittBratt2416]

I don't know, I would if she was someone I knew or saw frequently. Hard to say, if you were her would you want to know?

[splashofyellow]

It's hard to say. I don't know either of them so I don't know what their relationship is like. If this was just one mistake and they're happy, why mess it up?

I've never been in a relationship so it's hard to put myself in her shoes. I might not want to know. What she doesn't know doesn't hurt her. But then again, if he is a complete dick she should know so she could dump his ass.

If it was someone I knew, I'd tell. But these are too completely random people who don't even live in the same country as I do.

[BrittBratt2416]

Now that you said that, yes I would want to know. I rather be hurt then be in fake happy relationship with some guy who really doesn't love me and cheats on me when every he gets the opportunity but that's just me.

[Browneye57]

He's a jerk but you fucked him and then sorry you didn't tell her. Riiiiight.

I often wonder what really goes on inside those pretty little heads. [shrug]

[MaisGem21]

You're an idiot.

[Browneye57]

@MaisGem21 - Kettle black much? LOL

Urine... LOL

Like uranus. Everybody got one - they all stink.

[Browneye57]

On update...

Told you... :)

[Browneye57]

Oh, wait... I FORGOT to tell you...
STAY OUT OF IT. :)

[misswierdo]

Just message her and tell her you had no idea. Your duty will be fulfilled.

[Tara234]

tell her. If the boy is not interested in her, he should tell her that rather than cheating her.

[Anonymous]

yeah I would inform her of the situation. She deserves to know her boyfriend is a piece of trash. :(

[slutsdontgetoral]

You should have told her. I would want to know if I was her.

[slutsdontgetoral]

Keep us updated.