Should I be worried that my boyfriend is liking photos of girls in bikinis? What should I do?

[PearIyn]

on instagram, i saw that my boyfriend is always liking photos of girls in bikinis or just selfies of really pretty girls or girls showing cleavage. those girls are all pretty & they are all popular bloggers that he does not follow - so he probs saw them on explore page or something. he didn't comment or anything but it's really worrying me. on the following tabs on insta i can see that everytime his name pops up, it's showing that he liked photos of GIRLS, particularly pretty and hot bloggers. i just feel really insecure and like "what the hell is he doing"ish. should i be worrying & what should i do? it's really disturbing me. please don't ask me to talk it out with him and ask him to stop because 1) i dont want to seem like a creep stalking on him 2) we've been dating for less than 2 weeks, i dont want to be restricting his actions and acting like an annoying girlfriend right from the start.

Updates

+1 y

update: I'll be okay with it if he does it occasionally but every hour, i will see the notification that he liked several photos of girls (selfies, photos showing cleavage, or in bikini). it's SO OFTEN. what should i do?

Updates

+1 y

hi, i took up the courage to talk about it to him and he said they were just likes and nothing went on. i dont know if i should trust him tho, do u guys think i should? by the way, he also said he understands and he will stop.

[Moray]

I might be in the minority with my opinion here, but I think it is disrespectful if a guy does that kind of thing while in a relationship. Shouldn't he be admiring you instead of those bikini girls? I would give the adoration and admiration to my girlfriend and not to any other woman. If I'd go on liking random girls' pictures while I'm supposed to be exclusive, I'd be sending a message to my girlfriend that she's not good enough. Sure, in your case you've been dating him for less than 2 weeks and maybe he doesn't take your relationship seriously but still, I think he's being disrespectful towards you.

I disagree with the guys who say "he's just a male, he's going to look at other girls". While it's true that men's attraction towards women does not go away even if they're in a relationship or married, what they do with the (hopefully sudden and not deliberate) sensation of attraction is a whole another matter. If I suddenly see an attractive woman on the street even when I didn't mean to look at any other women, I will promptly make a decision to respect and cherish my SO and not think anything of the woman on the street. It all comes down to attitude and commitment, whether or not you want to respect the person you're with. And don't even get me started if the guy's lusting over other girls is deliberate..

[lMike]

yep... your a minority

[PearIyn]

what should i do then? should i break up with him? i dont want to talk to him bcos its only been a while since we started. im 90% sure he'll find me restrictive and annoying.

[Moray]

I can't answer that for you, listen to your heart.

I'd recommend discussing it with him but in case like you said that you don't want to confront him about it yet, do you like him enough to put up with what bothers you about him? Are you willing to tolerate something that makes you feel uncomfortable? Again, a discussion could solve it, but if it doesn't, I recommend you weigh in the pros and cons of the relationship and then decide what to do.

[PearIyn]

i feel that its weird to ask him like "why are you liking those photos excessively constantly?" he'll be wondering how tf i know and what a big stalker i am. and its just weird to ask.

[Moray]

Sure, it must feel like he could think you a stalker or such if you talk about it now. You will know what to do, just listen to your heart.

[lMike]

fuuuuuuuck that guy. date me im better. but im not looking for gfs right now :( sowwwwyy

[Browneye57]

You're already an annoying girlfriend. But that's besides the point - if you don't like it that's your prerogative.
Guys will look. The problem is he's seeking them out, so he's just getting his jollies doing this - likely not making him good mate material for you. And he's likely jerking off to porn all the time so he'll be worthless as a sexual partner as well.

No, sometimes it's just not a match. That's why you date, a LOT, so you have experience to be able to make these kinds of determinations, whether they're actually worth your investment in time and emotion. Just don't have sex with them all - make sure they're worthy of your attention - most will not be.

[PearIyn]

so you're asking me to break up with him?

[Browneye57]

I'm not 'ASKING' anything. I'm telling you he may not be what you think he is or hope him to be. It's your duty to discern that - to be able to determine if he's worthwhile. Sometimes they're just not. You can't make someone into something they're not.

Guys get with girls hoping they'll never change.
Girls get with guys thinking if they bug the shit out of them for long enough they can change them into someone they could actually stand to be with. FAIL

[iva_mikulandra]

@Perlyn, you asked for opinion and she gave you one. No need to be rude. I agree with her. I also have a boyfriend and he never had the need to do things like that since we've been together. I wouldn't really call it cheating, but it is lusting over other women, and just because he doesn't have a chance with them doesn't mean he doesn't want a chance with them or doesn't want them because he probably does since that's what he is constantly liking and lusting over. And I find that disrespectful to the other person especially because those images set an unrealistic standard of beauty for girls which causes insecurity and body image issues.

[iva_mikulandra]

p. s. this was suppoused to be a reply to the anonymous opinion owner girl who gave you her opinion

[PearIyn]

then what should i do? break up with him because he's a normal guy that finds girls attractive? i really dont know what to do. even though im annoyed, im aware that him being attracted to girls is normal. its just like how almost every straight guy will be attracted to a hot girl when she walks past them. just that on social media there's a "like".

[iva_mikulandra]

If you find it normal and acceptable, what's the point asking this question? If it's "normal" there's nothing you should do. I just have a different opinion and I feel like when you're really madly in love with someone, you don't really pay attention on other people like that, you focus on the person you're in love with. And show a level of respect. at least that's how it is for me and my partner. You have a total right to disagree with that, but then you shouldn't complain about something that is so "normal" to you.

[PearIyn]

its normal for guys to be that way but it bothers me a lot thats why im asking this.

[Universum]

if he doesn't know them it's okay for me. I mean I like looking at abs so he should have the same freedom as me.
I understand that you're insecure about that but I think there's a huge difference between you and these popular bloggers. He knows you and your personality but he only knows how they look and that they look hot. He probably doesn't think about them longer than five seconds to like their picture but he thinks about you all the time.

[PearIyn]

it really bothers me that he likes those seducive photos. ughhhh. and sometimes i realize he likes more than one of the same girl's photos at once so its like he went to her account and liked her other photos.

[Universum]

I know that you said you don't want to talk about it. But if it really bothers you then you should talk about it.
He doesn't do it secretly so he sees no problem with liking these pictures. So you need to say to him that you are feeling insecure with him liking other girl's pictures.

[PearIyn]

if i talk it out with him now I'll seem like a restrictive crazy stalker girlfriend - we've been dating for less than 2 weeks.

[Universum]

Better than saying 1 year later that you hate it and that he should change it now.

[PearIyn]

i really dont wanna be so restrictive now.

[acooke-13]

Quite a few years ago, I had the same problem. The photos my boyfriend at the time liked were 99.9% girls, it made me insecure as that's how I used to be, not his fault but this made me worse. I spoke to him and said I didn't like it and he started to stop.. he then carried on a while later and I said it was disrespectful now, and he should respect how I feel. I said he was fine too look, he just didn't HAVE too like it. He finally stopped

[PearIyn]

yeh but i dont wanna tell him now that i dont like it. its only been 2 weeks since we started dating, i really dont want to seem so restrictive and clingy. do you think i should just break up.

[acooke-13]

No I don't think you should break up, I think you should drop it in a conversation, but not make a huge deal and serious conversation. Either that or as it's early days, leave it for a while and see as the more the relationship grows, the less he'll do it

[Cmasterson]

popular bloggers.. aka people he doesn't know. I would be fine with that, you should feel insecure because they are just photos. If he genuinely thought he was doing something wrong he would think about what you have access to aka seeing who he likes on insta. If it bothers you you can talk to him about it.

[PearIyn]

i found out that there are normal not so popular people too. (that he probs dont know as well). and i realized that he likes many of their photos and some of them like his photos back too. do u think its shady. it looks like they are exchanging likes or something but he only likes those good looking one aka showing cleavage or something.

[Cmasterson]

hmm its a bit rude if he knows you can see everything too.. so I do see it from your perspective however I wouldn't pick an argument over it choose your battles wisely.

[PearIyn]

everyone can see everyone else's activity on insta

[Cmasterson]

Not really, unless you don't follow them!

[rach_adams]

social media just ruins relationship.

i was initially bothered too when i saw my boyfriend was following hot girls.

drove me mad and insecure.

but then i got sick of becoming mad.

i just stopped monitoring his activities.

my only rule. if he cheats on me, bye. otherwise, look all you want.

[PearIyn]

hahahahah

[PearIyn]

i can't stop myself from monitoring, its like an addiction

[rach_adams]

i know what you mean! but you'll be able to do it over time. :) as the saying goes "out of sight, out of mind." hopefully you'll get there too!

[PearIyn]

but honestly, if you dont monitor his actions, you won't even know when he does shady stuff like commenting on their photos and hitting on them.

[rach_adams]

well for me. if he cheats, itll eventually surface no matter how he hides.

trust me girl, if you keep monitoring, you'll just become more insecure and itll eventually put a strain on the relationship (even if he wasn't cheating).

[rach_adams]

reply to your update: he won't stop looking at them fyi. he'll probably stop liking them for your benefit. as I've said earlier on, you should just let it go. its nothing personal to you. as long as he's not cheating, its good.

[PearIyn]

yeh i know and idrc as long as he doesn't go do shady stuff like liking several of their photos which will catch their attention.

[yaanis]

Maybe quit instagram and there will be no problems. Have only facebook for messeging and thats all. Why you want to creat problems where there are non.
My answer ye they are good looking, have nice bikini and so one, so sue me. Im loyal to you, so if you dont like it you can leave.

Two weaks of dating, goosh you just getting to know each other, keep it kalm and dont live on internet.

[ALPHALONEWOLF]

2. point make feel like you are going to be an annoying girlfriend later...

he is just liking the pics. and you are jealous ( jealousy is not always a bad thing ).
it's okay. I think. he just like.
maybe you having a boyfriend which is not of your league... I mean more handsome then what you thought you will ever have. that's why you are insecure...
just trust him. just chill...
but always have a eye on his actions...
social media really ruins relationships

[DamnSam]

you should like pics on insta with half naked guys who look better than him... wait until he react, then you can have a real discussion about this

[PearIyn]

i dont even think he will notice and it's weird for me to do that bcos i never do

[DamnSam]

trust me, he will xD

[Wurdom]

Tbh I don't see why you would do that when you're in a relationship, but you are a fresh couple and I have no insight in your relationship. It could be that he just doesn't take the relationship that serious right now. I would give it time.

I get you don't wanna talk about it but if it doesn't get better that's your only choice. It bothers you and I think any decent guy would understand that. In a relationship problems are better resolved sooner than later.
Good luck :)

[AzureGirl]

If you refuse to talk to him about it then just let it go. He's a guy. He's going to be interested in seeing girls bodies. It doesn't mean he's any less interested in you.

[AzureGirl]

To the update: if you can't trust him over social media likes then it may be best to leave. Trust is big in a relationship.

[PearIyn]

like i said, looking at those photos is one thing and liking them which initiates communication is another so obviously I'll be affected by it. and if a couple is gonna just break up because they have abit of trust issues instead of communicating, how many boyfriends do u want...

[AzureGirl]

Liking does not equal communication. A like is a meaningless tool that just indicates you like a post or picture. Communicating is communicating. As long as he's not actively messaging these girls in the photographs and trying to initiate something then he isn't doing any harm.

And you don't have much trust in him because of his social media habits, this question makes that quite obvious. You were even reluctant to communicate with him about this unease.

Hence the reason I say if you can't trust him then it's best to go your separate ways. Holding onto a relationship despite not trusting him is just going to lead to more issues down the road.

[majdric]

Why are you worrying abou instagram shit. Its just intagram. He likes looking at pictures of pretty women. It doesn't mean he is not loyal. If he actually tries something with girls irl then its a problem. For now chill and let him be

[PearIyn]

looking and enjoying the photos is one thing. liking the photo is like introducing interaction between him and the girls. who knows they pm each other?

[PearIyn]

because he EXCESSIVELY likes those photos

[majdric]

Every guy likes looking at girls and a like on instagram means nothing. If you find out he talks to these girls then you have an issue.

[PearIyn]

how would i even know if he talks to them behind my back

[immortaldude13]

think of it like this, he's a lion caught in a cage, the taste of the wild still lingers which will take some time to fade away. so you've got two choices. a) wait it out. b) show him your appeal and grab his attention

[PearIyn]

what if he does that forever

[immortaldude13]

don't worry , he's not gonna do that forever, eventually he'll get sick, every guy will get bored of looking at girls they can't have and instead will pay attention to the one in their arms. The question is , whether you can wait it out? if you can't "TALK TO HIM" the guy is just dense and dosent realize that he is doing something that's making you feel insecure. My girlfriend talks to me all the time about stuff I do that makes her insecure.

[PearIyn]

if i talk it out with him now I'll seem like a restrictive crazy stalker girlfriend - we've been dating for less than 2 weeks.

[immortaldude13]

my girl told me within the first three days of dating

[immortaldude13]

just tell him, PS is he some guy that every other girl would wanna get with or is he some average guy?

[PearIyn]

im not sure if there are girls who want to get with him but i would think so because he's fucking hot and confident

[immortaldude13]

hmm, that complicates things a bit, well I would still recommend you to try talking to him and just make sure you're prepared for the 0.00009% chance that this guy just wants somebody to toy with i. e you

[PearIyn]

if i talk it out with him now I'll seem like a restrictive crazy stalker girlfriend - we've been dating for less than 2 weeks.

[immortaldude13]

yes you've made your point very clear, and I would still suggest to talk with him, if he's really into you then he'll understand, if he's not then he'll just tell you clearly. Ask him why he's liking those pics, is it because of the dresses or the pretty sunsets or the pretty colours , or the vivid colours in those pics. Just ask him and if he says that it's because of those girls then tell him that it makes you in comfortable that he's not looking at you also throw a wildcard in the mix and say that if he likes eye candy then you'll be his eye candy, do that and see what he says.

[immortaldude13]

good, you are progressing, now give it some time and see what actions does he take

[PearIyn]

he said he will stop but yesterday i saw that he liked 1 photo again... at least not 6 photos. what should i do? let it slide?

[immortaldude13]

yeah , give him some leeway, at least he reduced the amount, it will take some time to completely stop

[Happyfella]

We are all sexual creatures whether you want to admit it or not. There's nothing wrong with eye candy. The issue is you feel insecure that he's not giving you the same attention or if he is that it's not enough. That's a you issue. It's hard but you need to let that go not need the validation. Also. Never ever restrict another person. That's selfish and a sure fire way to destroy a relationship. Unless somthing is truly unhealthy then have the self respect to leave.

[PearIyn]

it just affects me that he's constantly liking photos of girls in revealing clothes

[Happyfella]

Go deeper, why does it affect you and why do you let it.

[PearIyn]

i dont even know the real reason why im bothered. its just weird and shady that he's doing these stuff. my ex never did.

[Happyfella]

Maybe you should take some time to self reflect and find out what's really bothering you. Plus two weeks is not long enough to really say it's a relationship yet. You don't really know each other. #selflovefirst

[Anonymous]

Pretty certain what he's doing is harmless. My boyfriend of 3 years follows and likes sexy cosplayers in revealing clothing on instagram. It doesn't mean he loves me any less. Plus, I'm assuming your boyfriend is 18 so he's young still.

[PearIyn]

he's not 18, he's pretty old already.

[Opinion Owner]

How old?

[naturalbornsinner]

omg he finds women attractive , the apocalypse is coming! lol chill out

[Unit1]

I loved this 😂😀

[PearIyn]

finding them attractive and staring at their photos is one thing. liking their photos (sometimes several at the same time) and potentially attracting attention is another.

[Psychlopic]

Just because someone is in a relationship, doesn't mean he/she somehow becomes blind to every other girl/guy on the planet. As long as he/she doesn't cheat, it's absolutely fine.

[TheOne9000]

he just wants to see you in a bikini I think lol
but seriously it's a guys brain we can't do anything about it lol
guys are guys
But if your relationship gets serious just talk to him about this issue and solve it.

[lMike]

hea a guy lol. dont matter how much we love our girlfriend.. its like a fat guyon a diet.. sure the donut LOOKS good... but there's no way he's gonna eat it cuz he's on a diet.. unless he reaaaaaaallly wants that donut and can get it for free. :D

[Anonymous]

well in a newly relationship maybe he should be showing you better respect right off rip. take it as a warning sign. he can't even be faithful in honey moon stage this isn't porn its Instagram like these are legit real people he follows so he's not being 100 percent faithful nor is he showing you any respect. My man of 3 years has never done that to me.

[PearIyn]

uhh what do you mean he's not being faithful. he didn't cheat on me or have sex with someone else LMAO. and for the 2nd time, ffs can people READ. he doesn't follow them. and even though they are real people, they are bloggers whom he'll never get a chance with.

[Opinion Owner]

well then deal with it. if you want to argue its not going to be with me. In my eyes its disrespectful and a huge sign of a cheater if he can't even stop lusting in honey moon stage like i said 2 weeks is very early to be even thinking of another chick outside of what you guys have. Id be saying something to him but that's just me. how do you know he's not doing it on Facebook and how do you know he's not on other sites or texting other women if he'll disrespect he'll keep doing it. I don't know that's how I'd feel.

[PearIyn]

how do you even stay with a guy for 3 years if you have such a serious trust issue. must be a hard time for him tbh.

[iva_mikulandra]

@Perlyn, you asked for opinion and she gave you one. No need to be rude. I agree with her. I also have a boyfriend and he never had the need… [+]

[Opinion Owner]

obviously their is a trust issue with you or you wouldn't be here? Me and my man are both happy and content but that's not how he treats me.

[Unit1]

Ewww, how intensely Disgusting! Some girls and their obsession over social media 🙄
That fella better be prepared for a break up.

[DogEatsCat1973]

You should be more worried if he don't because being bound to someone don't make you blind, but if he was interested in something else entirely it would also rule you out too.

[Doncastar]

That is so rude. Its obvious if he gets a chance he will bang these women. Either confront him or break up with him

[PearIyn]

liking a photo means he will bang them? how did thaaaat escalate

[DamnSam]

In Principe doncastar is right... but its more complicated than that

[Anonymous]

Well do you look in a bikini too? If you do then he likes you too since he is with you but I guess he just likes to look but it's still early the relationship to tell him to focus on you