My boyfriend crossdressing and not telling me?

Question

Ok so I've been with my boyfriend 2.5 years. Back in December he was on something called flakka. During that time I discovered he was wearing women thigh high and turning panties into crotchless underwear. He swore it was because he was high. So fast forward to last weekend. I found a laced g string under his bed. Really in plain sight if you walked past. Of course I asked. He has cheated on me before. He swears they don't belong to chick. A few days go by and I asked were those some chicks or you a crossdresser. He admits they were his and it's something he wanted to expierment, and doesn't want to talk about it anymore. It's not something he is into. I've had my suspicions for a couple months. worries about being bloated or to fat. Growing his hair out. spreading his legs to get a bj. Jewels from panties found on the floor, pieces of fishnet. I'm not sure how to remain supportive. I have all these questions for him but clearly he isn't open to it. I'm not even sure how to approach him on it. I want to let it alone, but its my sex life too. It bothers me he would keep something like that. I've shared life stories, sex fantasy, and myself with him. I don't feel like I know him anymore. I've tried telling him I love him and care about him. I have not said I support this, but I understand curiosity. He feels very attacked, and is being defensive when I asked. I feel he had to kinda like it if he's experimented for 9 months. I don't know now I'm confused on things.

AmanoYin · Accepted Answer

First ask yourself a few questions.
Do you support it yes or no.
Can you support that he is dealing with this yes or no.
Obviously a fetish is something you "like". Have you ever tried to stop liking pizza? Or stop liking puppies? Yup... it's impossible unless your personality changes..

ANYWAYS what I advice you do is ask yourself are you down for the long haul. If yes, then you have to try to get him to talk. To do this, don't force it, don't MAKE him tell you, and if you ask him to tell you make it gentle. To ask him... first tell him how you feel, be 100000% honest and calm and true, tell him what you want as well and once again be honest and true... then tell him (if you're down for the long haul) that you do/don't like his fetish BUT you're willing to support it. (don't say deal with and make it seem like it's a problem) but do tell him that you can't even run away from or run towards him without him telling you anything, even though it's his choice. Then let him decide where it goes.

NOW hearing and listening are two different things... You sometimes have to tell someone something a few times, especially something sensitive, before they get it. Just like you have to be told a few times "2x2 = 4" before it clicks...

IF you aren't down for the long haul, for some reason and you are okay with giving up 2 years over a shy very human event that he has had, then simply gently say goodbye to him and tell him that he should be himself without shame and not to change for anyone, no matter how weird they see it, as seeing someone as weird is to to one's on ignorant perception of life.

Dale1982 · Accepted Answer

Too much acceptance of the weird now. Years ago those would be signs of a weirdo and a big sign saying run like hell. Nowadays people want to bash a tambourine and sing koombya. there's normal and acceptable and there's dodgy and unacceptable. If my ex missus caught me wearing her stuff years back she would have ended it not asked me to share. She wanted a man at the end of the day not some crossdresser who doesn't know his own gender so she would have had every right to. If you didn't sign on for this stuff you shouldn't have to bear it

Anonymous · Accepted Answer

I don't know, does that make you unattracted to him sexually. after all, you're in the relationship too... just figure out by calmly talking. Try to open him up by saying it's okay if he is, you'd support it. And then put some limitations or something, like he can crossdress when you're gone.

Jenny57719 · Accepted Answer

You won't know him since crossdressing is not a experiment. It is a sexual fetish that truly never stops. And on that most keep a secret about and deny even if caught because its seldom accepted let alone enjoyed by ones partner.

Deydey12345 · Accepted Answer

You are one lucky girl if it's his.. Ask him to wear it while you have sex and don't forget to rim him

HollyTran · Answer

I'm a cross dresser, and I am in a relationship based on trust, if you love him for himself and not his dress sense then tell him to be completely honest with you and stop sneaking around then take him shopping to Victoria secrets! He'll love you and stop trying to hide it!

AlphaMale1 · Answer

Let's face it. He didn't want you to know his dirty little secret. Now the cat is out of the bag and he is really embarrassed, maybe even humiliated.

Because he kept this secret from you I strongly suspect you feel betrayed and the level of trust in your relationship may have rolled over a cliff over this.

Listening5 · Answer

I read some of the comments, looked around what people thought and I just have so many questions. Not judging but instead trying to understand whats really going on in this relationship. As to why are you with him after he cheated, what is up with someone joining pof, why have you allowed this to go on for months while he doesn't open up about it?

manabouttown · Answer

I can see there's more than one issue here.
1. Is he a recreational cross dresser. If so no harm no foul
2. Is he a cross dresser leaning toward being bi. If he is bi ghat makes for a considerably larger issue. I mean we've gone from recreational cross design to sharing your man with another man

Justinaveragedude · Answer

Why are you with someone who has cheated on you before? I am just go to toss iut, if he cheats on you and keeps secrets from you constantly, you may want to rethink things.

cancan73 · Answer

you have to find out where you stand even if it causes an argument. what would you do if you invested the next 10 years of your life into him for him to turn round and say he wants a sex change?

ilovesexyfeet · Answer

Would u support it if he came clean? If so then just tell him that and help him dress it can be dun for you too

jimmytudeskie · Answer

by yourself a strap-on and see if he'll be on the receiving end other than that the only other thing you can do is buy him antiperspirant for when his thighs start to chap or Spanx

JennaBeach · Answer

He is scared to death that you won't accept or support this. You even said you didn't tell him you support this. He needs understanding and support. He doesn't want to lose you by telling you he is into it without you accepting it.

Intraluminal · Answer

Do you really want to be with a guy who clearly wants a female role?

2shanes · Answer

Sit down with him and tell him u support it and help him crossdress i want a girl to help me crossdress

Blitzkrieger · Answer

"spreading his legs to get a bj." Oh well i guess im a crossdresser too then.

bhmotorbike09 · Answer

this behavior sounds like a fetish rather than curiosity.

Pizzalover101 · Answer

If he can't stop an you want him to get him a shrink

the-mad-german · Answer

u need to confront him...

boysexyboy · Answer

I wear panties but that's all

BigJohnOC · Answer

bullshit! he basically cheated

scorpioDude · Answer

😂😂😂😂wtf

My boyfriend crossdressing and not telling me?

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