How can I stop Netflix and chilling with him and get him to take me out?

Question

Basically we’ve been talking for almost 3 months. Not a long time at all. We’ve been to each other’s house. Slept over. Blah blah... I don’t wanna keep doing this and let him be comfortable with just coming over and not taking me out or planning things that don’t need to be pricey or out of the world. I also don’t wanna go over to his and stay over all the time. I can honestly say that I’ve been setting the pace and just taking it slow and casual because I broke up with my ex about 6 months ago and didn’t wanna jump from one relationship to another. So I didn’t mind just chilling and kicking back but at this point I wanna be taken out and made feel a little special : ) How do I get out of this couch dating / Netflix and chill situation? Like when he asks me if I can cook for him and if he can come over to see me.. what do I say without seeming like I’m rude, overthinking it, demanding more, or wanting him to work for me. I dont want him to feel like he has to take me out cause I want him to. I want him to do it on his own. So clearly I have to stop letting him come over and send subtle hints his way. I need overall advice with this situation. How do I convey this without scaring him away or seeming too needy or pushy? I just wanna be myself which is a very chill - never forcing or stressing anything kind of girl. Also he’s 28, he’s not dumb and I think he can really figure it out on his own without me having to ask to be taken out. I wanna avoid having to ask to be taken out... but if communicating that is the best thing than lmk ! I just need some good advice !

AlphaMale1 · Accepted Answer

Gift him with something he is interested in. If he is into cars or trucks then get a couple tickets to see the vehicles or the event. If he is into sports then a couple tickets to that would get him off the couch.

You know his interests so plop down a couple bucks and give him something he will instantly realize you paid for that he enjoys. Now he is motivated to get out of the house. And when there make it as enjoyable as possible. Then tell him without overdoing it that you had fun and would like to do it again.

This reminds me of when I was working a lot of hours and my office was a seventy minute drive in good weather conditions. And seventy minutes return trip home. I was exhausted. My woman felt as you do and even tho she knew I was exhausted she got us a couple tickets to an antique auto show. I reluctantly went as old cars are not something I am interested in. And I don't think she is either.

However, it was something different for the both of us so I went and found I really enjoyed the event. It was not the "guy" event I thought as there were mostly couples attending. After we left we took a drive in the country in the jeep with the top off and ended the day having dinner at a country restaurant. It was more fun and memorable than sitting at my home office desk developing a computer program. I really enjoyed our day together. And I still remember it very well.

Hope there is something you can use from this...

Necdump · Accepted Answer

Hey, I like you, I like our relationship but i feel we are doing too much netfliz and chill and not enough actual dating which i would like to do, what do you think?

PrettyKitty31 · Accepted Answer

Why are you playing games?
I mean this is a game.
You're making him guess what you want.
Why not just be upfront and honest?
It cuts out a lot of unnecessary drama and confusion.
What's the worst that happens? He says I don't think of you like that, don't want a relationship, don't want to date you, or whatever else.
Yea it's gonna suck at first if that's what he says but it sure as hell beats killing time waiting for him to figure out what you want to only have him tell you that shit anyway.
So really in addition to saving everyone on the drama and confusion part it also saves time. Time you could spend finding a guy that actually does want to date you.
Who knows, it could work out well and he could be thrilled and want to date you. And if that's the case, it shows you're not going to play games with him, make him read your mind, because that is what you're doing right now.
I get why you're wanting to go about it this way but if he's 28 he's played these games before and he's probably getting tired of them. At this point he probably wouldn't mind a woman being straight up and asking for what she wants.

newbie2015 · Accepted Answer

Set limits and tell him what you want, firmly, calmly and kindly.

"I like spending time with you, but i'm looking for someone to date, for example taking me to a movie or out for drinks or for a burger sometime. I'd like the person I do these things with to be you. However, if it's not something you're interested in its important I continue to seek out a partner who is into exploring these ideas with me."

Next time he asks you over for sex say "sorry, I'm not available." Becauae you aren't, for someone who won't treat you like a lady. Don't be rude. Don't attack. Just state facts. He may decide you aren't worth taking to an actual movie theatre. So you may lose him after you say the above. But really... if he thinks you aren't worth a box of popcorn are you really losing anything of value?

Next time insist on dates prior to sex. I actually put that in my online profile "looking for someone to take me on actual dates". Because a lot of dregs think they don't need to now a days. I don't even pay them time of day.

lumos · Accepted Answer

Ugh, why bother with the mental gymnastics when you could just be honest with him and have a brief talk about it? Like ”I’m enjoying our netflix nights but I would like to go out sometimes too”. I don’t think that’s demanding or pushy at all, you’re just telling him how you feel. Trying to get people to do things for you by ”dropping hints” or not being straightforward is frankly dumb as hell. 90% of the time people won’t notice the ”hints” and then the person who dropped them will get upset and automatically think that this means they just aren’t paying attention. No, it just means that straightforward communication is the best way to convey what you want/don’t want, and dropping hints is only going to make you look manipulative or passive aggressive if the other person DOES notice them.
What’s the harm in being honest anyway? You think it’ll scare him away? Well good riddance then, imagine being in a relationship with someone who’s scared of having an honest discussion about something relevant. Sheesh.

OlderAndWiser · Answer

"didn’t wanna jump from one relationship to another" so you just sleep over with him. Not a great strategy He is getting what he wants.

Maybe you need to have a talk and ask him if he sees you as anything more than a friends with benefits.

Allie_Oops · Answer

You sound like you're dating my ex except he is 29 and lives in the Midwest. Tell him how you feel. If he doesn't like it then you may have to find someone else.

HereIbe · Answer

You can't. You set the bar VERY LOW, and you'll have to live with it or start over. It's that simple.

Women are SO FUCKING STUPID! They are fine with no standards at all then decide it's time to CHANGE THE FUCKING RULES and MOVE THE FUCKING GOALPOSTS. Then they get pissy and whiny when a man doesn't just go along with the new agenda.

If you want a certain level, you have to INSIST ON IT FROM THE BEGINNING! If you're so thirsty and desperate that you can't handle not getting laid every night merely because you have standards, you reap what you sow.

My wife has to put up with bullshit whining from her friends and co-workers. They want to know from her how SHE got a proposal within a year of us meeting. They want to know how SHE never got stuck in the "netflix and chill" rut. She tells them directly and honestly: When we made contact, she made it plain that there will be a decision one way or another by a year. I was free to walk away at any time. She made it plain that she would NEVER put up with "netflix and chill" situations. I was free to keep hunting. Since I wasn't looking for a thirsty, desperate woman, I liked how she HONESTLY laid it all out. We're married.

When she tells her friends and co-workers the SIMPLE TRUTH, they get all huffy and pissy and say "Well, I'm not you." What that translates to it "I'm a desperate, thirsty, horny piece of ass that will settle for anything, and I'm offended that you didn't."

Truth hurts, but it's still truth. If you want better than "netflix and chill", make it plain FROM THE BEGINNING and stick to it. You want a proposal? Make it plain FROM THE BEGINNING that a proposal is your goal. You will weed through a lot of worthless little boys that way.

CT_CD · Answer

So you're easy. You've been "Netflix and chilling" with this guy and now you want him to take you out and treat you special? Just lol
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Sounds like you're just fuck buddies. You said you're not ready for a relationship and you're sleeping with him. Why would he take you out?
Why would he want to go anywhere? You're letting come over and casually have sex with you.

dancing_in_nebulas · Answer

You are just his friends with benefits.

If a man wanted to take you out, he would have 2 months ago.

Men respond to us being direct, so just be upfront. He can't read your mind, so in his head, he thinks since you started the relationship sexually, that thats all you wanted.

If he runs off when you tell him, let him go, because you two have different wants at this time.

He has no obligation to you to change or take you out on a date at this point so - you might be too hopeful on this one.

Unless he thinks the couch relationship is what you want.

Be direct and ask him.

Do NOT assume men just know... they seriously do not function like that.

MimiHashima · Answer

They have that saying sometimes “what you give is what you get”, but in this case, it’s “you reap what you sow”.

For him to have asked you before, he was probably already thinking about it, but you rejected him and the efforts he could be taking careful time with you.. if he asked for a relationship, it might’ve meant doing more for each other.

Can’t expect someone to do something more for you if your not willing to put much effort for them.. friends with benefits (friends with benefits/one night stands): temporary; relationship (hopefully a lasting one): lasting. A relationship is more worth it to work for on both ends.. a temporary one.. well.. it’s self explanatory. This is also what i could understand when they say no strings attached... it’s like basically signing yourself up for it... if you want something to change, something has to change.. and that likely will include you and things/actions on your part. I’d say talk.

Dause · Answer

I'm sorry to say but the reason it would seem like it would be demanding and rude is.. because it would be. If you were to say that he might take you on a date but he wouldn't stay in that mindset of wanting to. Dating is supposed to be give and take, equal. If the guy likes you and feels you've been treating him well or equally then he subconsciously won't think of it. If you 'ask him out' instead, that guarantees there is give and take in terms of consideration. If you ask him out a few times I would almost guarantee he would start to take the lead to ask first instead.

markscott · Answer

This may not fit here, but I do find, that women often want men to read their minds, and often get upset if they don't. Men don't think like women. Men can be incredibly dumb, when it comes to understanding women. (Just as women can with men) I understand that you want him to feel your need, and respond without being asked, as that makes you feel more cared for, more wanted, and more loved. But you may be asking too much of him, to think like a woman. Just let him know you want to go on a real date sometimes, or more frequently, if desired. If he drops you for this, then you never had him in the first place. But don't get caught in the never ending loop, of "I want him to think of it on his own", but he never does, so the issues goes round and round, until it festers, and infects the relationship. Take charge of your needs, and let him know what they are. Again, this may not fit here, but it seems to.

GingerGuy · Answer

"what do I say without seeming like I’m rude, overthinking it, demanding more, or wanting him to work for me. I dont want him to feel like he has to take me out cause I want him to. I want him to do it on his own." - He may not be the guy for you?

He's happy and content with just being with you. So you're going to HAVE TO suggest to him something different. Like, "I was thinking maybe we could do this tonight?" I can't speak for him, but he may not mind, it just doesn't occur or matter to him enough to do it on his own you know? I'm very much like this, I don't want to go out, be around others, spend money etc. I'm much happier just being home alone with you. You women want this more than guys do generally. So you HAVE to say what you want and like. You DO want more (admit it to yourself), because you're not happy just "Netflix and chilling" all the time are you?

MusicMayhem · Answer

He seems to be enjoying the lazy netflix and chill thing you guys have going on. Why would he put more effort in when he gets sex, cuddles etc and doesn't have to spend effort or money on dates?

If you want things to change, YOU must change things! Why is it that women often complain about their relationships not working, but so rarely are willing to put in effort to do anything about it and expect the guy to do it all and have a magical crystal ball that can read their minds?

Hot tip, guys love women who put in effort, and when they realise the girl us awesome, they'll be awesome too and plan cool dates! You do not have to wait (nor should you) for the guy to make every friggin decision for you. Otherwise he'll think you're some entitled princess living in a fairytale with nothing to offer and he'll move onto another girl with more qualities, whist using your for sex until he's chosen the best girl for a relationship.

buttercupshero · Answer

If you want him to take you out dont be so willing to go over to his place. The next time he ask you to come over tell him that you already have plans going to the movies, bowling, sporting event, concert or something. This shows him that you like getting out in the world. If he doesn't get the hint then he's just using you for sex.

rjroy3 · Answer

Next time he asks to come over, just say "Actually, let's go out and do something new. I always have fun with you, but I'm in the mood for something else tonight."

Baller move. Take it a step further and actually come up with plans yourself, rather than trying to get him to think of something you'd enjoy and proactively ask you. Think about something he'd enjoy.

motownplayer2000 · Answer

Wow, we live in an age where people want things handed to them. Here’s a couple of suggestions, but you may not like it! First, tell him how you feel!! Complete and open transparency. Usually works! Just say I really want to go out and have a nice dinner and sit and talk! Don’t want for him to “figure it out” that’s the main problem with women! Speak your mothaf***in mind.. lol. Second, you take the initiative and take him out. Reserve the restaurant, tell him he needs to get dressed up, and that you’ve wanted to go on a “proper,” traditional date for a while.. and tonight it’s going to happen. And if you don’t want to pay, tell him that too.. you may not like the consequences of that, but speak! The reason why your in this situation is because you don’t speak transparently and honestly about how you feel. Say what you want and you would be surprised with the results!

ThoughtCleric · Answer

Stop going over there. Make him come to you. If he calls you to invite you over say (and this is just an example because i hate Starbucks) I'm at starbucks why dont you join me. If, god willing, he comes out you two can leave Starbucks and then you are out and about. If that doesn't work. Call him to let him know you stepped off the curb, you twisted your ankle and you need his help. Right infront of your favorite cafe? If he doesn't help you its time to find someone else. If he does just play off the the ankle for a little while. Like you need to walk on it causenit makes it feel better. This might take some time but it seems you need to wean him off the netflix couch potato pudding. Understand tho im a schemer but always in a good way. You take a risk with my advise. All you need worry about is how badly you want this to work.

NatashaJ · Answer

Find someone else he either thinks A. your too easy (heard this from guys off of here) B. He looking for a better girl then dump you for her. C. If the cow gives her milk for free why would a farmer want to claim you (I know sounds dumb but kinda has a point) You giving him way more then he should get why would he claim you as a girlfriend if it's so easy to keep you around and not need a girlfriend. Ask him upfront if he says no then you know you got to move on.

Pejtu · Answer

he takes advantage of you because u are letting him to netflix and chill with you. If you dont want this kind of thing just tell him Hey i dont want only sex with you im not that kind of girl. And there is the real test for him now it depends what he says after u tell him this. If he says ok then leave it means he doesn't care AT ALL about you and he is not going to do anything to take you out or start relationship. Secondly if u leave after telling him that and u stop contact for like a few days or week if he doesn't ask you whats wrong just leave him if u dont like having just sex with this guy

Cosytoasty · Answer

Just state your hourly rate 😂 no need to beat around the bush with fcuking dinner dates and shit... he’s reached the end of the free trial and now you want him to pay for access.

deric_97 · Answer

Lead him. Show him the way. Show him you want to eat out with him. Bring him. Stop waiting. He won't do it. 3 months is literally gonna be a year real quick.

VaIiant · Answer

Well, clearly you’re easy and he knows it, and therefore doesn’t have to make an effort. 3 months? Sounds like you’re just friends with benefits, not seeing each other. You set a standard for yourself and he’s meeting it- why would he start treating you special now? And secondly, why don’t you ask HIM out?

Makeuphoarder · Answer

It's true.. unfortunately he's already used to doing nothing and getting everything from you. You didn't want to jump into a relationship so you just made it casual well maybe he didn't want a relationship either and still doesn't. You can explain it's not what you wanted from the beginning but you're ready now. So if he's not looking for the same you'll have to move on. Fairly simple and to the point.

How can I stop Netflix and chilling with him and get him to take me out?

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