Does developing feelings for someone else while you're in a relationship make you a bad person? (Page 2)
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No. You can't help it. It's out of your control. It's what you do next that'll determine whether you are a good person or not.
You can help it, actually. It is something that lead to that consequence which could've been avoided from the beginning.
How do you prevent, for example, a partner that despite discussing things with them to attempt to work on whatever the issue is, from repeating the same thing that was causing the issues in the first place? I guess people would argue that if you talk to your partner and things don't change then to leave them. It's that simple, right? But it isn't for some people. Consider living situations and whether or not they have somewhere else to go. I think we don't always factor in every single possible reason for why someone hasn't just broken up with a "bad partner".
Developing feelings is rather normal but whether you act on them or not determines if you're a bad person or not. You can chose whether your feelings process into the friendly territory or the romantic one.
No doesn’t make you a bad person unless you act on those feelings and cheat. But it does show that the current relationship your in might be quickly coming to and end. So if I were you I would make a decision. And re-evaluate your relationship.
You're not a bad person until you trespass against me, but it makes you stupid, stupid people date people they don't want.
Depends if your feelings and thought the other person are strong enough to warrant an action. Just let it be if it would just complicate things.
As in if things are going smoothly right now and there isn't any need to change something about the current relationship that you don't like.
Why is it that women are always posting these bullshit questions? Seriously find me a link when a guy is asking the this kind of question.
We really can’t trust any of you.
hey... not all women are cheaters and do things behind their mans back..
@scorpios yes I agree. But really think hard. How often do you see guys posting questions about their temptations? Really?
Damn you do have a point there
@scorpios because we know there is no justification for it, period. If a guy asked the same exact question you girls would tear him apart.
These girls are trying to do mental gymnastics to placate their guilty conscience.
Lol yeah I see what ur saying.. that’s one thing I love about myself is that I’m so loyal 🌹
@scorpios stay that way :)
It’s human to find other people attractive when you are in a relationship. But this girl is contemplating ACTING on her feelings. She is trying to find reassurance that’s it’s “okay”. Its not and she doesn’t have my sympathy if she acts on it.
Yeah i agree it’s human it think other people than ur babe is hot.. like if I see a hot guy ill think to myself mmmm but I don’t wanna fuck him lol & this girl went so far as to put her self in the position to be spending time with this other person for feelings to grow like she intentionally put herself in that position knowing she’s in a relationship...
@scorpios what she is doing is bullshit. She’s will either eventually cheat or dump her boyfriend for this other guy since she is “following her heart”.
She’s just a whore basically... like ok you developed feelings for another person so BREAK UP with the guy ur with so he doesn’t have to waste his time with a low class whore
@scorpios she’s just lining up new guys so she doesn’t have to be lonely. She obviously doesn’t give a shit about her bfs problems. This was done to me once a few years ago. I was a “placeholder” while she was looking around
I’ve gotten better at identifying these kind of women. If they are attractive I might hook up with them, but I’ll never trust them.
yeah dude people are fucking so untrustworthy these days everyone is always thinking they can get better.. tired of people being in relationships and flirting with other people lol I hate people for real
You guys are adorable for really just sitting here spewing a ton of crap about someone you don't even know. Plus you're assuming things. But I guess this is the internet. I'll let you return to your interesting life where you make up things about other people.
I’ll ask again. How often do you see guys posting these kind of questions? Seriously. Find me a link of a guy doing it.
Hehe 😂
Why does it matter if guys post them or not? That wasn't a need to call me a whore for asking a question. If you had taken the time to ask for more information maybe you would have gotten the details instead of filling in the blanks randomly for yourselves. If you still decide to call me a whore after that then that's fine. But don't say it without having the whole story. I was asking the question as a general idea of how people feel about it and how they personally would resolve it.
For me the way to resolve it is by looking at my relationship and figuring out what issues we have to address. But that's just it. WE have to address them. A relationship does not depend on one person. So even if I talked to him (which I did) it doesn't mean that it will work out. We need to give it time to see if we feel okay with changes being made. And if not then we will go our own ways. It's that simple.
You just don’t get it hun
Well speak up to your boyfriend and do it soon. Don’t him to read your mind and think everything is just “fine” if you make the jump.
But this is showing a deeper issue. Women are always testing guys.
I have spoken to him about it. I explained before that how I was feeling about how things were going for me and him. I asked if we could address a few things. He said we could. So we did for a bit but then things went back to the way they were before. That was before my friend was even in the picture.
I've confided in a lot of people about relationship stuff before and I had no intentions of my friend being any different. I just apparently let myself confide a bit too much which is my fault. He asked if I wanted to leave my boyfriend and live with him and I said no. After that my friend started treating me like crap which kind of answered my question for me. That he was working an angle. I was suspicious of that in the first place. I wasn't going to just break up with my current partner to get with someone else either way. I've never done that and I don't want to do that to anyone.
So we're just back to square one. I'm not talking to my now ex friend and I'm trying to address issues with my boyfriend. Again. And if it doesn't work out then I'll just be single for a while.
That was sneaky of your friend to do that. But a part of you admitted having feelings for him. He might have picked up on it.
Your ex friend is not content with the friendzone. There is nothing in it for him. But did you meet him before you met your boyfriend or after? If he had a crush on you before you met your boyfriend and now he is friendzoned I can understand how he feels. But if he is acting this was when he just met you and found you had a boyfriend then he is being a bitch.
If had girls I was interested in and/or hook up with in the pad reach out to me with problems with their current bfs. I was younger and dumber I took that as a positive sign that I might be next. Now I’m older I move on QUICK. She just wants free counseling.
*in the past
Since I moved to a different state I was looking to make friends locally, and I happened to meet this guy. So he was a new friend not an old one or a previous interest.
Unfortunately I wasn't aware of how he knew my boyfriend previously and overall didn't like him. So I think because of that it influenced his decision to try to get me away from him.
That makes more sense. Normally I completely respect if a girl is in a relationship. But when I already dislike the guys she’s with AND she is complaining about him I would tempted to move in.
I got a feeling your boyfriend is kinda of an asshole and your friend was a “nice guy” huh?
Basically... that's the gist of it. But I admitted to myself that maybe I was making my boyfriend seem worse than he really is. Having BPD I tend to have a different perceived idea of how someone is treating me. But that's why it's confusing.
To give you a more detailed idea of what was going on. Intimacy was one-sided as in he would get to finish and wouldn't help me. He would say things like why can't you finish from that or my exes didn't ask me to help them. When I want kisses or hugs I have to initiate them. I want to spend what I consider as quality time together, like watching a movie or such. And he said he could play a game and watch at the same time. Which if it was my idea and he just so happened to watch it while playing then fine, but if I asked him to watch a movie together with me I kind of would want him to actually be focusing on me and the movie. I felt like it would be sort of half-assed. And ultimately most of our issues are because of him saying he needs to be more time efficient. But then he never seems to prioritize anything around me.
Meanwhile the guy friend took me to the mall when I had a nightmare from my new medication. It made me dream of my ex raping me. My boyfriend wanted me to deal with it/didn't offer support in regards to it. He got me breakfast once when I wasn't feeling well (depressed). Then a few times we hung out and watched anime. One time which was because I was hungry and my boyfriend didn't want to go grocery shopping. I ate a pickle one day and a bowl of rice the second day. So I caved and asked the friend if we could get something to eat and he sent me home with food from his place.
The problem is that I still love my boyfriend. I just felt like he didn't love me any more. So I wanted to stay with him. And then when my friend was being more supportive I got attached. I may have wrongfully gotten attached to someone, but admittedly without him in the picture I probably wouldn't even be here still. I would've been suicidal more than likely based on how everything was going. So I don't regret meeting him. I just wish I would've found a better way to discuss issues with my boyfriend and/or had someone else that wouldn't have been biased against my boyfriend to be there for me.
^^^ this is so typical and disgusting. Really disgusting. You are in love with your boyfriend because he is a selfish prick. You enjoy the CHALLENGE. So your friend saw this and unfortunately took the beta route (friendzone) which you are ate all up.
If your boyfriend really is treating you like shit then you need to move on.
And you are not really in love with your boyfriend. You just have a low self esteem to tolerate his bullshit.
I already know that I have low self esteem. I have a poorly established sense of self and self image. Welcome to BPD I guess. It's stuff I need to work on and I'm trying to. It's just not a cut and dry sort of thing. But you're right.
Than why the fuck are you staying with this guy? This is all your fault and huge female problem in general.
This is exactly why you see so many pissed of guys out there because of your shitty dating decisions. Your friend was smart to quit talking to you.
Look I'm just trying to get you to quit talking to me like a total jerk right now. Would you please stop talking to me like this? I do love my boyfriend. You said I didn't. I can't get you to leave me alone about it. Nothing I say one way or the other is making you stop.
I don't think anyone purposefully develops feelings for another. It just happens. So, no that doesn't make you a bad person. Even acting on them while still in a relationship doesn't really make you a bad person. It's just a really bad choice.
The fact it happens doesn't define you.
The question is what are you going to do?
If you develope feelings for someone else, it means you dont love your partner.
If you love someone, you can't see others. Check your relationship. If you don't love him don't waste your boyfriend time.
No but if you go with someone while in relationship at least break up with someone first. I found out I was the other woman I was pissed and heart broken.
It all depends on what you do with those feelings. It means push the thought from your mind and certainly don't peruse the person.
Ye i do think so actually. It shows that the feelings were fake with the person i am in a relationship with
Um... no, it makes you normal and human. Anyone who thinks otherwise is an idiot.
People use the word idiot for everything these days.
@Vivaldi I suppose. I only use it when appropriate. Can't speak for anyone else.
Yes it does it shows you're an emotional cheater and have no loyalty to the person you're with
well said i completely agree..
@scorpios i was reading all the answers one by one and the people on this site proved one thing to me.. That the morals went down to shit in this depraved country and the reason why the divorce rate is so high
@scorpios i think you're the only one who had any morals in this whole thread
oh trust me you dont have to tell me that. trust me i know how fucked this world is and is getting
@scorpios i just dont get the point of cheating if you're not happy with somebody leave by a person cheating it just shows they have no morals no loyalty and dont know how to be faithful and can't be trusted in any aspect of their life and the only thing that will result in the end is bitter resentment towards the other person
seriously ill never understand cheaters either
It’s bad because developing feel for smomeone else is like a divorce
no it doesn't a bad person .. it shows you have feelings and love to share :) x
Develop in? Not really but acting in those feelings yes.
Of course not, it all depends on how you act.
No but I wouldn’t allow myself to.