Friends with Benefits...does it ever become more?

[princess25sarah]

This is for guys and girls

Have you ever had a Friend with Benefits? Did you develop feelings for them? Did the relationship ever turn into more? Did you want it to?

Guys: What are the chances of you being in an actual relationship with a FWB?

Girls: Have you ever had a FWB become more? What happened?

Any and all answers appreciated. Thanks!

No. If I wanted to be in a real relationship with that person we never would have been FWB to begin with.

Depends. Sometimes feelings change.

Not likely. They're usually just a distraction until I find someone that I really want to be with.

Yes. If we're great as friends and great in bed together then we could be great in a relationship once we're ready for that.

[Anonymous]

I'm a girl and my FWB has mentioned a few times how he would date me, but there's too many complications involved. He says it would be awkward and difficult and then he'll bring up how he wishes I would hurry up and turn 18 so it'd make things easier, but because I'm not sure how serious he was or is, I just have told him a few times that I wouldn't want to be more with him and I leave hints that all I want is a FWB out of him.

All in all, I really do have a lot of feelings for him. I deny it just because I know I deserve better than what he is. I know that sounds bad, but he isn't going too far in his life. That's mean to say because I know he tries, but it's true. and I don't think he could ever give me the love that I'm looking for and I don't want to ruin what we have by letting him know I have feelings for him. I really don't believe that we could turn into a serious relationship after just being FWB for almost 2 years now. Every time we've hung out, we've hooked up (not necessarily meaning sex, but you know.) I don't know if he has feelings for me back because I don't know if he's just saying that to keep me around or just how serious he is about that.

This isn't just in my situation, I think probably 98% of FWB relationships don't turn into anything more serious, and if they do, they don't work out. I think almost always the girl gets very attached and the boy doesn't. Most girls only have sex with a guy when they are attached or they become attaches after having sex. For some reason this isn't the same for the guys. Guys CAN have sex without attachment. I think girls are just walking down a path to get left behind in these situations.

[princess25sarah]

I agree and you offered a lot of insight. It's amazing that you can realize that no matter how much you care for someone, they might not be right for you. Thanks! :-)

[Opinion Owner]

Yeah, but its one thing to realize it and another to move on. like you said above, I wish I could say no to him, I wish I could move on, but I guess I just have a little bit of hope that we might be together some time or another. even if it doesn't work out, I just want a shot at it, you know?

[princess25sarah]

Then what's stopping you from going after it?

[Opinion Owner]

I guess it's the fact even if I told him that I had feelings for him right now, and even if he had them back, we wouldn't be together for at least another year or so and by then, ill be going off to college. I'm not even sure if he does have feelings for me back. He's mentioned us dating before, but if he really liked me, I'm pretty sure he'd want to get to know me better or spend time with me other than just hooking up& that's never happened. I really don't want to make things awkward either..

[princess25sarah]

Makes sense. Well good luck to you. Hopefully you'll find a guy out there just as perfect but is interested in more than what's in your pants :-)

[Opinion Owner]

Thank you :) same to you!

[Petal]

Ah Friends with benefits previously known as %&^$ Friends.Yes I have had this kind of relationship with a friend.it actually lasted nearly four years! Ah very dysfunctional indeed. We were friends that would occassionally have the urge and do the 'whole' so dya wanna? This did not turn out well in the end.wasted years.he was my best friend.not wanting to commit but not wanting anyone else to have me either.so we just kept going as we were in the end very good friends. I did miss out though on a 'real' relationship and anyone else that was interested in me kept away because 'he' was always around.

I don't really suggest this kind of 'friendship' as it's impossible to remain objective no matter how hard you try. Just creates a lot of confusion mentally and physically either for one of you or both.if you truly are attracted to your friend .which you have to be to have a FWB.then don't delude yourself! You either like someone or you don't !

Now I have learned.there is always a 'definate' line between my male 'friends' and 'other'.

Good luck and I hope this helps :o)

[princess25sarah]

Thanks for your answer. So did you guys remain friends? How did it end?

[Shlei3]

Girls: Have you ever had a FWB become more? What happened?

What happened was that I was stuck in a 6 1/2 year FWB relationship where I developed feelings but he didn't. However, he did love being my best friend and hanging out with me all the time. I would spend the night, hang out with his 2 kids, met his mother, listened to all his hard days and hard times. We dated for 7 months officially but then a comment on my myspace from a friend that was a joking around set him off and we went back to FWB. I loved him for 6 1/2 years but he didn't love me back. It was pretty painful. I finally got the self love and the self worth to walk away. He is now dating a 22 year old (he's 38) officially and very smitten about her. I am now happily engaged to my best friend of 4 years. It's funny how life works.

[princess25sarah]

I'm very glad everything worked out for you. Thanks for the response! :-)

[oolbl549]

In general, girls are less able to separate their feelings from sex, and will ultimately be drawn in by the relationhip, even if there were no feelings originally.

In general, guys have little or no connecion in their minds between sex and love, and unless there are pre-existing feelings, they are unlikely to develop.

So in general, the guy and the girl have fun romping around, but when the guy finds someone, he leaves the girl and benefits behind without a second thought, while the girl feels abandoned and betrayed.

Though these are all generalizations and either men or women could go either way, I still caution women against FWB relationships to void undue distress.

[princess25sarah]

Agreed. I am in quite a mess, but I can't get myself out. Mainly because I don't want to. Like I could be great being just friends with him, but I can't make myself say no when he wants to do other things. Thanks for the answer!

[Pants]

Recently my ex and I had this idea of fwb. She is thinking about it and so am I. I know she still has feelings for me. She decided to break up to have more fun and might be trying to get me back. I'm more worried that she will think that if she can have me as a friends with benefits then she is justified in not needing me as a boyfriend now or in the future. At the same time like you said the emotion might bring her back. I love her period. I don't want to confuse her or me. I would appreciate any advice!

[Hercules]

I don't think FWB frequently turns into a relationship, but I know people who have had that happen and the relationship is great. So, don't lose hope.

[princess25sarah]

Aww thanks. Sometimes I feel like hope is all I have. But eventually, when he's made it perfectly clear that he feels that way toward someone else and not you, don't you have to let go of that hope? That's where I'm at right now. I don't want to, but I hurt so much anymore that I just don't want to keep on hurting. Thanks for your answer.

[Hercules]

Well, if he's made it that clear, then it might be time to move on. It hurts, like you said, but hope is only good when you aren't lying to yourself.

[princess25sarah]

Very very true. *sigh* Time to throw in the towel. Thanks so much for your help

[Hercules]

Your welcome, and I'm sorry it didn't work out. Just feel proud you're throwing in the towel, it isn't easy.

[ShyGirl24]

I can't answer the part of it becoming more but I'm in a situation where I guess FWB is the best way to describe it, but I often feel like we act more like a couple. We talk almost every day and see each other almost as much, he'll text me asking how my day is and we'll end up on the phone for hours. However he got out of a bad relationship and is still dealing with drama involving his ex and I'm not sure how long I'm staying in the town we live in. So neither of us are looking for a serious relationship from one another. Yet I know that I can't have sex and not be attached so I know in the end that I'm only going to end up hurting, but I like him and I like the sex so for right now I'm continuing it.

I think it would be easier if we didn't act like a couple all the time anyway to look at it as just sex.

[princess25sarah]

But doesn't the constant texting and talking and see each other make it that much better??? To me all the extras is just as good--if not better--than the sexual side. Don't get me wrong, that stuff is great too, but I feel like it's the whole person that I'm in love with and not just certain parts.

[ShyGirl24]

It would be easier to just be FWB without all the extras - but I do love them, I like hearing from him and I find it nice that he checks in to see how I'm doing. It just makes it harder not to want a real relationship with him, because I already feel like we are in one.

[princess25sarah]

You're right and then it makes it easier to fool yourself into believing that it could and would be more if not for --insert reason here--. You are a very smart girl to realize this, a lot smarter than me that's for dang sure. Well I hope it all works out for you. Thanks so much for your response.

[waterbaby]

After the end of a long-term relationship I hooked up with someone I had dated 10 years earlier. We had always remained friends, and it was clear we were still attracted to each other. Neither one of us were ready to jump into another relationship (his had just ended as well), but we were both looking for. how do you say. a little consoling? :)

We discussed boundaries ahead of time so that we minimized the chance of one or both of us getting too hurt. This included being honest with our feelings, so if either of us were starting to feel something stronger, we should say that. And we did. And it wasn't me.

In total it only lasted 6 weeks, but it was really nice for that period of time. We both were there for each other as friends first, hanging out watching movies and cooking dinner, and lovers second.

It can be done - but you have to be really considerate of each other's feelings if you want to do it without breaking someone's heart.

It's a toughie - good luck!

[princess25sarah]

Thank you for your answer. So far it's the closest situation to my own. We're always friends first. And we don't even really talk about the lover side, we just do it, then afterwards we're back to just bein friends. But I'm the one that fell. And hard. I hope you are still friends with him. I'm afraid of losing a really great friend over this.

[waterbaby]

We are still friends, but we needed almost a year break from each other to get there. Tough, yes, but necessary to allow him to break the feelings he had for me and look somewhere else without a constant reminder of what he can't have. With good communication you can talk to each other and make a decision - take it to the next step if you're both in agreement, or end it immediately in order to save the friendship.

[princess25sarah]

Yes that's true. I did tell him how I feel and he doesn't want to hurt me. He actually wondered if we should end the friendship so that I wouldn't hurt, but I refused. So we're still really great friends and my confession hasn't deterred our benefits side. If anything it makes him more...I don't wanna say sensitive but it seems to be the best word I can think of. But thank you for your thoughts. :-)

[rebell1975]

Been there done that. Not for me, didn't work out. Now there is no friendship and no sex, sucks all the way around. Feelings developed on both ends, but for some reason it did not work out, maybe because it didn't start off right? Who knows, good luck!

[princess25sarah]

Did you date first for a couple of months before you moved to the next level?

[rebell1975]

We dated for about 21/2 mos we were only FWB the first time, and after that we were dating and we fell in love, all happened rather quickly, but sometimes things do. I would love to be with him today, but I think he ran scared, he was afraid of his feelings for me.

[princess25sarah]

I'm sorry it didn't work out for you. Thanks for your responses.

[jaylow]

In my opinion FWB never turn into anything more than that. Been in the situation before were I had feelings for him and I thought he had feelings for me but he went out and met someone else to have a relationship with and I couldn't do nothing about it. I really wanted more from him but looking back now it never would have happened. People end up getting hurt if feelings are involved so best not having a FWB unless there is no feelings involved

[princess25sarah]

And what if you totally love the person?? How do you say no? Especially if you really don't want to...

[jaylow]

You have to learn to say no.It never worked for me either I only learned after I got hurt and realised he got himself a girlfriend only then did I tell him it was over.Think of it from his point of view he is the 1 getting friends with benifits for him but your pleasing him hopin for something more which isn't going to happen so why do it?Your giving him what he wants and your not getting what you want. There is more guys out there that want a relationship with you

[jaylow]

In my situation we started out dating but then he got a new job and it clashed with mine so it turned out to be FWB as we never got to spend time together it went on for about a year and since I found out he had a girlfriend half of it I haven't seen nor spoke to him since.Sometimes the friendship means nothing to them.It just sounds like your going to get hurt so stop everything now before you get hurt worse than this

[princess25sarah]

Thanks. I wish I could say that I would, but he's a really great friend and he's been there for me through a lot. I don't want to lose his friendship. But you're right. If I don't cut off the other things then I'm only going to get hurt worse. Just gotta be strong I guess.

[jaylow]

Yeah you do and good luck

[justthefriend]

GIRL I'm in the same situation ur in, I want to have a relationship with my FWB soooooooo bad, but I don't know how he feels or if he even likes me as more, I need to tell him but I'm scared of losing him, the best thing you can do is tell him

[princess25sarah]

Yeah, we just had that talk last night. He said he already knew. Problem is that he really likes this girl who's just playin games with him. It's a sick love triangle. Damn cupid!

But John's also my very best friend. He knows me better than anyone & he's been there for me through a lot. So I just have to put my feelings aside cus I don't want to lose him. He said it might be better if we weren't friends cus he didn't wanna hurt me, but I won't have that. Fate stuck us together for a reason.

[princess25sarah]

So I know how you feel too. Just hopefully you guys are good enough of friends that you can overcome all of it. The problem is that when you fall for your FWB you don't want to stop the WB part but if you continue on with it then you just hurt worse. Life can't ever be easy, can it? Best of luck to you. If you ever need someone to talk to or someone for support, hit me up. I'm here for ya girl. :-)

[justthefriend]

Well at least you talked to him, I get to the point where I wanna tell him and I blank out. it sux.. I hope everything works out for you, and me.. haha I plan on telling him this week

[princess25sarah]

Well for me the only thing that made it easy was that I was pretty upset and tired of hurting and he asked me what was wrong. I tell him everything pretty much so I didn't have any other excuses. So I just said "I'm in love with this guy that doesn't and probably never will feel the same way about me." He asked "And who would this guy be?" Then all I had to say was "You know." And he did. It made it a lot easier that way. Just to give you an idea on maybe how to go about telling him. Good luck!

[sportbarbie4]

Me and this guy became FWB because he wanted to be single so he could flirt with other girls. We both liked each other but we both agreed just to be friends with benefits cause it made it less complicated. I really wanted to be in a relationship with him, after a week of being FWB he told me he didn't want to be with anyone but me. So me and him are together now.

[princess25sarah]

That's amazing!! Aweeee! I wish that would happen with me too :-) Thanks for your response

[Anonymous]

Im actually a FWB right now and I don't have feelings for the guy. But he does and he hopes that our relationship will turn into something more, but I doubt it. Since he's not really the boyfriend type and he knows where I stand in this relationship.

[l-hedoniste]

Ahhhh--sucks when that happens, doesn't it?

[Opinion Owner]

Yes it does, because he tells me all the time we get together that he has feelings for me and I feel bad cause I don't and then everything becomes akward.

[l-hedoniste]

Don't feel bad. Your boy is sweet, but dumb. Not your fault.

[princess25sarah]

Ha ha, why does it always have to work that way? Why does one person always have to have feelings when the other doesn't? It'd be easier if either both people didn't feel for each other or both people did feel for each other. Why can't life just be simple?? Damn Cupid!! :-)

[adat1408]

not very likely.chances are you don't like them, you just think theyre hot

[princess25sarah]

Would you continue with it even knowing that they really cared for you?

[BUBBLES-13]

i honestly don't think guys ar e into being in a relationship with someone they consider an FWB.

[Pants]

My ex and I have been talking about fwb. I could have a relationship down the road with her again. We talk about that a lot. Its more timing that has us apart right now. My concern is that I will be used and if she can have me as a friends with benefits then she is justified in not needing me as boyfriend now or down the rd. The other is we'll get back together and if it loses its excitement she will break my heart all over. Plain and simple we are very horny for each other but love each other more. So confused!