Well, almost anything can be considered selfish easily. The moment you expect someone to behave a certain way or force someone to a situation that makes them unhappy for the sake of your own happiness, we can consider there's a selfish behavior.
So, in couple situations in which one part wants a commited monogamous relationship and the other desires to be able to open to other people and not feel limited... both can be selfish. Either the monogamous forcing monogamy to the poliamorous, or the poliamorous forcing the monogamous to poliamori. Both situations can be considered selfish. When both part are poliamorous and monogamous and agree, there's no selfish behavior.
When a poliamorous person criticize a couple of monogamous that are happy beign monogamous by calling them selfish (when they are not forcing monogamous behavior to each other and aren't forcing it to other people)... what I understand is that this particular poliamorous person is the selfish one and has the selfish desire for everybody to be poliamorous so that they are able to get more sexual partners for their personal pleasure.
No, not at all. I wouldn't do it. If my partner had an issue with that, they could break up with me and find someone who was okay with it.
It IS selfish, however, to expect someone who is NOT okay with it, to be okay with it or to go behind their back and cheat on them. Just break up with them and find someone more compatible with your lifestyle. It's really that simple.
No it's not selfish if that is how your brain works. I think some people are wired to be more monogamous than other people. We'd like to be with people who are wired similarly. Not wanting to share is mostly an emotional connection thing but, also, a real physical safety thing.
No. Its selfish to want what some one else has. Its kind of like saying that its selfish that your not giving me your paycheck. You worked the hours, you put in the effort and time, why should I then come in and take the reward? That's not selfish, that's just respecting yourself and your relationship. I put in the effort with her, I have to protect her and provide for her, I have to care for her and make her feel special and wanted, then you come in and say you want to have sex with her but your not going to do all of that? That's you being selfish not them.
I think this is a question that you can't get a normal answer for from people that have grown up in a society that indoctrinates monogamy. One half is saying it's not normal or immoral, just because, with no valid arguments whatsoever. Then the other half is saying that they wouldn't or couldn't, because obviously they've had no prior exposure to it. Most children have trouble sharing their toys too, that's why we teach them from an early age to be kind to each other, jealousy is inherent to humans in general.
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48Opinion
Not selfish. It's normal and natural
PARTNER... They would be SELFISH then. xx
To have only one person and keep him/her only to you is not selfish. Well, sometimes I say I am.
Sharing love? I think it's not that people who don't want to share are selfish or not. It's people who "like to be shared", they only love themselves. If their partner is not okay with open realtionship, it's selfish. Normal people would be afraid to risk getting diseases and depression from inequalilty.
I found this days before. It'd be great if anybody would like to discuss.
www.economist.com/.../the-link-between-polygamy-and-war
Who is actually selfish?
If you want open relationship, then you should have not married a person in a one to one relationship in the first place.
Now, after you married, and you expect the other person to be okay with the fundamental agreement of marriage, then yes it is selfish. There is divorce option, but still that doesn't change the fact that you hid your open relationship hunger before marriage and that's cheating and very unethical.
If you only realized after marriage about open relationship, then it's still selfish in a way to choose your path and abandoning the person who thought you were the only one.
It’s personal choice. Like favorite food/color. If your partner doesn’t want the same type of relationship then you break up.
That said, it’s extra pathetic if someone goes outside of social norms and is then later crying about how their life sucks & blaming it on everyone but themselves
I don't like anyone being with my girl I'd fucking kill him. I don't know how there is guys who let other dudes fuck their girl.
That's honestly weird to me. You have to have some low ass self esteem to need more than one partner in your life. Like really how much validation do you need before it's enough?
At the end of the day sex gets routine eventually and if you're chassing the new relationship energy that will die off eventually with every single partner. So how many people is enough?
3?4? 20?
It's stupid
Let’s be clear on this! YOUR PARTNER IS NOT A CHIP BOWL! You don’t have to pass him/her around at parties and let everyone dip their hands in! 🙄
No. The whole point of committing to someone is that there is no one else. If both individuals decide that an open relationship is what they want for each other, that's fine, because they made that decision together. The selfish one would be to want an open relationship just so they can have more than one lover, regardless of how their partner feels.
It's not selfish, it's a preference. Some people prefer to not have sloppy seconds... Some people don't care.
Claiming selfishness implies some sort of obligation to allow the other to have multiple partners, but they're not.
Simple solution?
If your views on this topic conflict with your partner's, then it's time to find another partner.
I neither here nor there on this topic, so the above suggestion applies to whichever view you hold.
It's not about SUPPOSED. It's about what works in your relationship. If you aren't willing to share, then that doesn't work for you. If your partner wants to, that's a dealbreaker. He or she needs to find someone else. It's reasonable to know your limits.
I don’t think that a woman who’s fearing to get an std that his partner might got from his sidechick, or a man who refuse to raise another man’s baby can be seen as selfishness,
It's not about selfishness... It's about intimacy, having a special bond, commitment.
The desire to have things that are exclusive to us is not new or weird. It's evolutionary. It's got to do with territory and property. Is my girlfriend my property? Absolutely she is. But I'm also her property. We belong to one another. No one else should have access.
It's only selfish If you want to sleep around while keeping your Partner to yourself
This isn't selfish at all.. If your in a good relationship, you shouldn't even want to be getting intimate with other people
Do you get physically attracted to ur partner only? Or are you in relationship because you are attracted to her/him. Well every one wants it but if u are in relationship u shouldn't because ur partner may hurt his/her feelings... Unless he/she is okay... keeping that in my mind i am a selfish guy😝
Its common sense not to share your partner or have an “open” anything. People these days are sad and whorish and feel the need to have their cake and eat it too
I agree with you but the have your cake and eat it too doesn't make any sense. It's my cake, why wouldn't I eat it?
@SirRexington "Have your cake and eat it too" is an old saying, describing someone who wants to have their cake (as in keep it, whole and uneaten), and eat it, too. They don't realize that they can only have one, not both.
In this scenario, the person both wants to be committed to someone who does not want an open relationship, but wants to be able to sleep with as many people as they'd like.
@aWes0MeNeSs the phrase is old and I've heard it all my life but it still doesn't make sense.
@SirRexington It's basically someone who wants to have two things at once that can't really go together.
If you want to eat your cake, you can't also have it in whole, uneaten form. The cake will be gone if you eat it! "Have your cake and eat it too" refers to someone who both wants to keep their cake whole, but also eat it. Not possible!
It’s not selfish. It’s only selfish if your partner is pressuring you to have an open relationship when you don’t want to or to be monogamous if you don’t want to. It’s better to be with someone with similar interests
If you want a monogamous relationship, and when you entered the relationship with your partner it was understood the relationship was to be monogamous, then in no way are you being selfish.
If your partner tries to convince you other then they’re being manipulative and you should leave the relationship.
My opinion also depends on the definition of what you mean by "share". I don't mind having a partner and letting them go out with their friends of the opposite gender for work or social purposes. As long as it is not anything sexually related and doesn't affect the relationship, it is alright.
Of course not. My ex tried this shit.. We're divorced now. Its all very well in theory but see how you'd handle it if the other person came to your house with your partner and decided to do that in front of you. Its glorified cheating. Either you're in a relationship or you're not.
If you entered a monogamous relationship, you should be monogamous, and you are saying that you expect monogamy from your partner.
Therefore it is SELFISH to then expect your partner to be fundamentally ok with non monogamy when YOU now feel like it.
The partner abiding by the rules of monogamy is not being selfish, but only fair if they entered such a relationship. The partner trying to break the rules of monogamy is the one being selfish if they entered a monogamous relationship.
If it's selfish, then I'd be guilty, unrepentant, and not sorry. An "open relationship" is not a relationship, it is a fool's arrangement. A relationship is by nature exclusive; the bodies of both individual are a closed set and belong only to each other.
Nope. I'd want my man all to myself. Why the hell would I want to share?
It’s selfish to expect for someone to do something just because you want them to. But, it’s not selfish to want to be in a monogamous relationship nor is it selfish to believe that you are in one. If your partner never specifies that they don’t want a relationship with just you then THEY are the selfish one.
It's a matter of knowing yourself. If you wanna be exclusively monogamous, its your preference. Find a partner who agrees. Its selfish for others to have the expectation you're okay with an open relationship when you're not.
No it’s the only right. If you love someone truly there is no way you’d want to share your partner or have more partners
There is no blanket answer to this one. It depends on the nature of the relationship and the individuals involved. Some established couples do share but usually within defined parameters. If it's a friends with benefits arrangement just be sure everyone is clear.
I could neverrrrr be in an open relationship. Like it’s not even a real relationship. It’s stupid
We are all selfish in a way. If we weren't at least a little bit selfish we wouldn't be alive. But generally, the most important thing is, share your opinion with the other person, if they don't like the idea, move on. An opinion is an opinion. Besides, they're as selfish about keeping you for themselves, as you are selfish for wanting it your way, to have your partner AND at the same time plough other people. It's a matter of perspective.
Its not selfish its just your preference.
some people aren't cut out for open relationships, while others are.
If your partner can't accept whichever decision you have then they are not the partner for you
I have said no to that before and it just meant I have standards :3
Yes it is a bit selfish, and involves repression of normal human nature. At least in my opinion. Repression leads to negative emotions and behavioral slips.
That said, being traditionally exclusive has a host of advantages. Including risk reduction and the social advantages of marriage.
Not at all, it's just the way you are. Both people have to freely agree to something like that.
Is it possible to love 2 people at once? Or to find more than 1 person attractive?
I think it is but that doesn’t mean it’s right... I would want my partner all to myself
why should any one share their man or woman with someone else? be selfish and get your man or woman when you want them and not wait on someone to use them and share them
Yes, it is selfish. Everyone saying it's not selfish is biased. If someone wants to tie you down to satisfy their own feelings with zero consideration for your desires, it is selfish. Monogamy is selfish.
It depends on what you mean by share. You can share their friendship, humor, intellect, sportsmanship, kindness, etc. But that doesn't mean you have to have any interest in sharing their bodies.
It’s not selfish at all, that’s just their preference
I have no intention of ever "sharing" a partner. I don't care if it's selfish, lol
No, it's natural and it's how we're supposed to be.
It's not selfish, it's how it is supposed to be, how it's right. "Como Dios manda", say the Spanish.
I'm monogamous and very jealous.
Doesn’t make sense to me 🙄
Either you’re single OR in a relationship.
Don’t make it complicated
I call it proper. Having an open relationship sets a bad president if you decide to tie the knot.
not really
why isn't it selfish for something to WANT one?
we all have our preferences
I'm monogamous. I can't have feelings for everyone else while I'm in a relationship.
What's the point of being in a relationship if you want to be with someone else?
i mean you could label it selfish. buying food so that you can eat is also a pretty selfish act but it's just the most reasonable thing for someone to do.
In a parallel universe perhaps. Not wanting to share your partner is natural
Sure it is, but who said being selfish is bad? Being selfish in the right ways is great, your partner should be selfish too and then y'all can own eachother and thats what most of us want
Selfishness is too frowned upon, you can't be a total martyr and have happiness at the same time, just don't be an asshole about it and set your boundaries.
It's normal for someone not to want an open relationship. The ones who do want an open relationship should be publicly shamed.
Whoring around, that's the other word for the open relationship.
How would you be a man If your girlfriend sleeps with someone else other than you
TF
Nonmonogamy isn't for everyone. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be exclusive. Just like there's nothing wrong with polyamory or open relationships. To each their own
Yes it selfish. Women should let men to sleep with other women. But while she sleep only one man. That is more true.
It's also selfish to breathe. You're taking oxygen from others.
There’s nothing wrong with being selfish. And yes, that is the definition of selfish
It's selfish to want to share your partner.. why should you be in an open relationship
ITS IMMORAL
No dude, ITS IMMORAL
Doesn't mean you do them
Depends on the relationship, if one on one than no, if it's a poly then yes, polyrelations are for everyone, not just you ✌
Id say it's more natural than it is selfish.
Yes, a woman should share herself to please her man
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