Why does my boyfriend get upset when I go hang out with my friends?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and I have been in a relationship for almost a year now. We live together and we spend most of our time together. However, it seems like every time I mention spending time with my friends or I make plans to go do something with my friends (which is maybe once or twice a month) he gets upset and tells me "well I didn't think you were gonna stay out all night" when I'm home by 10:30 or 11:00 p. m. or he says that I care more about seeing my friends than I do him. I'm getting really tired of feeling made to feel guilty for wanting to see my friends especially when I have never stopped him or gotten upset with him when he goes and hangs out with his friends. I want to sit down and have a talk with him about it before another argument happens over it but I'm not sure how to start the conversation. I don't want him to feel like I'm attacking him but I do want him to understand what I'm saying and not get defensive. This is literally the only thing that we ever argue about. He really is a great boyfriend and treats me like a queen. I just want him to not freak out or get upset because I want to spend time with my friends.

[vintagegirl90]

Sit down with me and tell him calmly and nicely that you love him and that the relationship has been wonderful in the past where you’ve treated me so well I was grateful and still am because we’re still together. However lately, whenever I go out with my friends you get upset with me because I don’t spend enough time with you, but I need you to understand that we need to be free to be ourselves outside of this relationship which is healthy and that means respecting there are days where I need to spend it with friends. If you really love me you would trust me and not get jealous, if you wanted to spend one day with your friends, I would give you the space and time to do this. Relationships are about being balanced and respectful of each other’s time needs to be divided equally with you and other friends I care about. I hope you see my point and appreciate what I’m saying?

[markscott]

It sounds like a control issue, possibly mixed with jealousy. You have the right idea, to sit down and talk with him when feelings are not raw, and to discuss this with him. Try to stick with the 'I feel like' comments, rather than you this or that, or you always this or that. Understand, that he may not be used to having an honest conversation, and may not know how to handle it at first. But this is an important issue, as you not only have a right to personal freedom, but have a need for personal freedom. Going out once or twice a month with the girls is not a lot of time away. It would help is you don't go to places where guys are drooling over you, and trying to pick you up, or you go dancing with other guys.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a control freak. You probably want to have a discussion with him about doing your own thing every now and then with your friends. If he’s going to flip out whenever you do things without him, is that something you really want in your life?

[Dmann80]

Start with the last part you write here.. Tell him the good things and that it will only be him... But you feel sad and upset when he acts like that

[Twalli]

That's a problem. My girlfriend and I are integral parts of each others lives, but we make sure we have other social lives. It can be hard because we have mostly the same social circle

[TheDud3]

Are your friends bunch of guys? If so, that's the reason why. If not, it's jealousy and control problems.

[Asker]

No not at all. my friends are girls or they are couples. Almost all the friends that I hang out with are in a relationship. We will go out with them and it's all couples when we do. That's why I don't understand why it is such a big deal.

[TheDud3]

So you even invited him? Well i don't understand either. Probably and seriously a jealousy or control thing.

[Asker]

yes I invite him all the time. Sometimes he goes and sometimes he doesn't. Sometimes if he says he doesn't want to go out I won't go. But there are other times like my friend's birthday that he was tired from getting off work late and didn't want to go so I went by myself and he was "upset" because Ihe didn't think I was gonna stay out all night (I was home by 11pm)