My boyfriend locked me out of the house last night, should I be mad?

[sjoes006]

We were sitting in the backyard and he went upstairs to go to bed and said I’ll be up in a minute. He locked the backdoor on accident but I was still a little upset for a few reasons.

- we’ve lived together for 6 months under lockdown so even though it’s out of habit how does he still forget I’m out there and not notice I’m gone

- I had to knock for a while and the dog woke him up, he said sorry like it was no big deal

- the BIGGEST THING though was how he dismissed my being scared and upset, started yelling at me

I told him I understand it was a habit but how does he still have this habit when we’ve lived together this long, it’s happened before. I moved for him and he is my support system, we haven’t even moved my car to the state yet. We are getting married and his habit should be changing to cohabiting and worrying when I don’t come to bed. But most of all how he dismissed my feelings and being upset as INVALID. He said he didn’t feel well but I didn’t want to let this one go and told him to sleep downstairs. I’m not upset because he locked me out but how he couldn’t just say I’m sorry I won’t do it again and understand you were afraid.

Am I blowing this out of proportion? I let so many things go but I didn’t want him to just wake up in the morning, act like nothing happened and assume I was wrong. It isn’t about assigning blame but just accepting I was upset.

[Smoothing]

If he wasn't drinking before he went to bed, that is a bad sign. The fact that he didn't apologies and brushed it off like it was no big deal is a cause to worry.

In my own opinion, I don't think he values you like he might have in the past or cares about you like he should.

Perhaps it is a phase in the relationship which every couple go through but nevertheless, I would be cautious. Especially since you plan on getting married. You don't want to get married to a dieing relationship.

I am not saying the relationship is dead or dieing, I am just saying be cautious and that is a first sign

[Levin]

It does seem like this is symptomatic of an undercurrent of something else.

Like there are little fears, worries or resentments elsewhere. Maybe you need to work on whatever you let slide before. Otherwise, apparently trivial things are going to make you blow up.

[sjoes006]

Couldn’t agree more, that’s what it comes back to. Sweep it under the rug it’s still there. What I’m mad about is a piling of things not the one thing.

Don’t know if that’s good, bad, fixable...

[Levin]

You need to get it out there because otherwise the anger and resentment is going to eat you up. Without communication and a sense that you're understanding each other, compromising, and becoming closer, then there is not much prospect of a relationship.

[NatashaJ]

Ask yourself why right now you are deeply upset clearly this behaviour is upsetting you? and to be honest there no excuse for him to yell at you because honestly, this is asshole behaviour plain and simple. I wouldn't buy this excuse if he going to keep doing it. I think you need to call him out for yelling at you and point out to him what he did was still shitty. If he still thinks he not wrong and refuses to apologize it's a massive red flag. I always run from a guy who literally in the wrong and still refuses to say he wrong and he sorry these types of men are nothing but trouble.

[VanityFair748]

What about having own keys for door and always locking door with keys?
Some people simply don't realise that little things for them can be really hurtful or annoying to others. I think your boyfriend frankly thinks that this is no big deal and maybe he thought you were overreacting, that's why he dissmissed your feelings.
I think you shouldn't try to explain him for more than once how you feel and why. If he doesn"t understand, he doesn't understand. Accept it or dump him and move on.
I'm giving this advice from my own experience.

[MrHopper]

Sounds like a normal reaction for a girlfriend to a boyfriend :) ... in his mind he was probably half asleep, felt bad about it but didn't think to say sorry as he was trying to explain his actions.. he probably did feel sorry... i do stuff all the time and my girlfriend says she just wants me to say sorry, but in my head i am trying to make her understand why i did it so she knows it was an accident... differences between men and women i think

[worldscolide]

First of all, telling him to sleep downstairs, if i were in his shoes, would have resulted in me kicking you out..

The way i see it, i own the home, i own the bed, if you feel the need to kick me out of my own bed, you're gone.. Second, its a habit, he should not have dismissed you, but you escalated the situation, both of you are at fault for this. and finally, if you live there, you should have your own key set.

my wife and i have been together 7 years, and living together for over 6. If i got pissed off at my wife because she accidentally locked me out, the way you did, i would be divorced, if i let my anger override my reason every time she did something that i didn't like, like you did, i would be divorced.. You either need to get control of that or realize you're not right for each-other and move on. You need to have an ANGER FREE conversation with him about this.. you might find out it was an accident.

[cheapshotbob]

if its a habit and your not i would dump the guy because if anything should be a habiit
it should be the habit of knowing your around and needing you around, he has become used to the idea of you always being there. i think he has lost his appreciation for you.

[Likes2drive]

You wanted him to be more compassionate about it is what it sounds like but he didn’t obviously but he should be out of that habit by now, some of us guys never get it or realize how much of a big deal it is to show how sorry we are with things, it’s how men and women are different I guess. Hopefully he gets it this time and you don’t have to make it more than it was or hold it in, he should not forget about you again

[Grond21]

There was nothing wrong with him accidentally locking you out, but him treating your feeling like they don't matter is actually a very big deal. If it's a pattern that continues repeatedly, a therapist would call it emotional abuse

[2Lips]

If course you should be upset! He needs to change his mindset.

[slatyb]

You aren't ready to get married of you can't get over these little annoyances without an angry fight. How will you handle bigger problems?

[Kit_Kat88]

He should properly apologize and consider your feelings.

[Twalli]

If you're living together why don't you have a key? Also if it's a house you should have a spare key for emergencies.

[mariahjustineb]

If you lock the door before you go to bed on a daily basis, it becomes a habit, and you just kind of do it self consciously, do no I don't think you should be mad

[reptocarl2]

what’s more telling is he didn’t notice you weren’t in bed

[daren0326]

You two sound immature as fuck and probably shouldn't get married if you have issues over the smallest of shit. Get a damn spare house key to put outside somewhere.

[venomhbk1313]

Maybe he has CRS syndrome

[888theGreat]

yep, women would

[mrgspoter]

Strange that