Boyfriend said this happened because I'm weak and vulnerable?

[Anonymous]

My boyfriend and me went to a dinner for a charity and a politician looked down my shirt and I told my boyfriend about it and he laughed and he told me later on that if I wasn’t so weak and vulnerable the guy wouldn’t have done it and I took that as so insulting. Would you tell your girlfriend/boyfriend that? I just am really big on respect and he always believes in telling the truth and that’s okay but you can tell the truth without being rude to your girlfriend. He said if I was a strong independent woman the politician wouldn’t have done that. WHO DOES THAT?! That’s just rude and then when I tell him it’s rude he said he’s not sorry and that a real woman wouldn’t get mad and try to fix it. To all you real women out there would you deal with that? I believe a man should never cut a woman down or make her feel bad about herself. He acts like he’s done nothing wrong and doesn’t even apologize that was a rude comment and that would upset anyone your boyfriend is suppose to make you feel good about yourself and not bad or am I wrong? I know I have flaws trust me I’m not perfect but that stuff hurts me I like being told the truth as well but how can I take advice from someone that just hurts my feeling that’s not helping me. I also don’t like being compared I believe if a man loves you he should respect you and not say things like this and if he does and it hurts you he should see it and apologize. I know people try to grow and benefit from each other but how can you benefit from that I have feelings I’m human.

[DebiPie]

I agree, he was both hurtful & rude. A true partner builds & helps you grow, not cuts & disrespects you as he did. I think he should have told you what the man did, I also think he should have told you about your shirt before you left the house.

As a woman, you need to take more responsibility for your actions, meaning, that blouse. Know that if you wear something like that men & women are going to look down it. It has nothing to do with weak & vulnerable, it has everything to do with be self conscious of yourself & your surroundings.

Back to him, if he cannot see that you are hurt by his words, if he cannot accept that you are hurt by his words when you tell him, and he cannot apologize for hurting you, then perhaps you should rethink this relationship. He doesn't have to say he did the worst thing in the world with bad intentions, but he can be sorry he hurt you. Does that make sense?

And I should think, at the very least, if some old perv looked down my shirt & said something to my boyfriend, that my boyfriend would at least tell him that he is being very inappropriate. At the very least.

[Asker]

I agree with you I should have been more aware of my outfit and I would have been okay if he would have just said that my outfit was not appropriate. I don't think it has anything to do with being weak or vulnerable either and I have absolutely been rethinking this relationship thank you for your advice you seem like a very strong woman an I respect your opinion thank you.

[DebiPie]

Thank you, good luck girl. Do what is best for you.

[croqueta]

i'd take it as a compliment. you're overreacting in my opinion. the only thing that would have disturbed me is that he didn't seem to care about another guy looking at his gf's boobs

[FlightAuror2]

He's wrong. The politician would have done it anyway. Creepers are creepers, but your boyfriend needs a wake up call, because he clearly doesn't understand you... From your post, you seem MUCH stronger and independent than a gal I once dated, he seems like a douche... To be honest. No man should cut down a woman, like you said. He doesn't seem to respect you all that much.

[Asker]

He does not seem to respect me at all I feel like he's my enemy at times but then sometimes we do great and I fall in love again. I am a very strong woman inside but he has broke me down over time. Thank you so much for your advice = )

[Joe814]

The truth has room for tact too. He is not talking to one of the guys. I would ask the politician if he was married or just wondering if my girlfriend was. Something anyway. That is not funny whether you are vulnerable or not, he should defend your honor right?

[Shaun]

If you don't want people to look in your windows, close your curtains.

[Asker]

I agree lol but that wasn't the point I agree with that it was the statement that he made that bothered me

[Shaun]

Your boyfriends comments not only made no sense logically, they made no sense emotionally.