Is it weird that I find it attractive when my man asks me to do things for him? Does anyone feel the same?

[NorthAfrican]

I know that most people would think it's controlling behaviour but at specific times I find it kinda attractive. I know it pisses off some of my friends and they think it's submissive behavior and whatnot. I'm not attracted to abusive men to make it clear. I know some people also call it "pick me" attitude which is why I'm rarely publicly open about this attraction I have.

The man I'm talking to has (nicely) asked me if I could stop posting selfies on my instagram story because it bothers him that other men react to them and I automatically felt more attracted to him!
There are other situations where he asked me if i could stop calling my man friend at night and not to show a lot of cleavage when I go out and I also felt more attracted to him. He is never rude or aggressive when he asks me to do this stuff so it makes me do it happily.

I also feel attracted to the idea of "serving him", as in, taking care of him by serving him food and doing things for him.

I am trying to understand why I find it attractive🤔 but I think that it's tied to the fact that I'm very attracted to the image of a strong masculine protecting man that is in control and in charge of the situation.

And "serving" my man would kinda reflect my level of appreciation and respect for him. We can't all marry actual kings but you can make a king out of your man/husband by treating him as one I guess 😂

[Levin]

I mean, I can see the attraction in it.

However, what you describe, and the specific circumstances in which he does it, might be indicative of personal weakness and insecurity.

For example, why should it bother him if you're calling a male friend? That's none of his business. Why does it bother him if you show a bit of tit? Again, posting on instagram. Why does it bother him? None of his business.

I suppose I've just known enough women with controlling and aggressive dickheads to see the potential pathological aspect to this. One particular guy stabbed this girl's male friend, and is serving 8 years in prison. This is one of my work colleagues. I've also seen enough videos on the internet, including one where a guy stabbed her girlfriend to death, to know this sort of thing isn't a joke, and can easily escalate.

Also, what's the personal psychology of women like these? Being submissive isn't a bad thing. But these things are on a sliding scale, and being too submissive isn't good. Again, this can be a cover for personal female weaknesses. We can't deny the laws of nature. Extreme yang is attracted to extreme yin. Meaning, that extremely active (or indeed domineering) men are attractive to extremely passive women. It's important for a woman to have some kind of nous and a separate identity and live in the world of her own.

I suppose, different cultures and to each their own.

I like submission sexually and maybe generally it's quite nice to have strong gender roles. Having said that, it can clearly stray into controlling and personally weak behaviour.

[Mark83]

I don't think this has anything to do with you being submissive, I wouldn't jump to that conclusion so quickly. Wanting to do things for someone you love is fairly normal, especially early in a relationship.

Whether or not he's protective really depends on his reason for asking you these things. Two theories:

A) If he told you to take down those selfies because he wants you to be safe from stalkers, online creeps and so on, he'd be protective and that's appealing to you because you want a strong protective man, as you said.

B) He could have asked you to do it because he's jealous and he wants you for himself. In other words, he's insecure and protective of himself and, more importantly, your relationship. In that case, it would be appealing to you because it gives you the security of knowing that he's really into you. His insecurity would appeal to your motherly instincts of nurturing and caring for others.

Without knowing you two I can't tell which one is more likely but does one of these make sense to you?

[PBandJ_Nerd]

No, I don't think it is. There's nothing wrong with liking to be submissive. I know I would like it if my future partner made a list of chores for me to do while their at work. As well as me doing what they might need more of. It's only abusive if your partner makes you do something you disapprove of, makes you do illegal things, tells you to harm others, them, or yourself, etc. If these things don't apply to you and he treats you well then it sounds like a healthy relationship. Being submissive means different things to different people.

[SphynxUK]

You think he says these things because he cares. You think it shows how much he loves you. This you like him even more.
Your blinded at this point in your relationship.
Serving a man is quite different. It’s about doing things for him to make him comfortable because you love him.


He is ALL about control and you cannot see it. When it gets to the point of abuse and coercive control you might feel differently. But this will be 10 years down the line, when you’re tip toeing around him, afraid of making him angry.

[OlderAndWiser]

It is probably a cultural thing that you "inherited" (were taught) when you were too young to think critically.

[HiveBee]

Is that what it is? isn't this the never ending debate of nature vs nurture?

Lol I just always wonder. I personally feel like this kind of stuff is nature.

Not that women are, by nature, designed to serve men.

But that nature instilled into ALL of us, this dominance and submissive sexual tendancies.

I think its nature. It goes both ways. It's not about culture.

Even if our culture, where supposedly men rule and have all the privilege.

Even still, men have fantasies of being taken advantage of by women.

If it was all about nature, no Male human would have submissive fantasies.

Yet in reality it's nearly 50% of us who have them.

I think its nature to have this sexual power dynamic, and it takes whatever form it needs to come into awareness or fruition.

What do you think?

[OlderAndWiser]

@HiveBee I think that genetics may give women a potential for submissiveness but that potential is either developed or suppressed by your upbringing. You have given me an idea for a myTake!

[MzAsh]

You’re young and you likely don’t under the psychology behind why he’s mate guarding you this way. There’s a lot more to it than what you think.

[Finchie40]

Trust me it’s a turn on to men if she listens , it shows him that she is into him and loves him , so if he only controls you once in awhile then that’s a turn on , if he is controlling you all the time then he has issues and you should probably reconsider
That relationship Cuz that is considered abuse and manipulative , so if he is only doing
It to you once in awhile then that’s fine , Girls usually love that reassurance that her man is dominate and when she plays submissive that turns him on like crazy

[Anonymous]

yes... that's weird... and not quite the healthiest relationship in the world. but i've seen worse. you are in the beginning stages of a controlling relationship. don't let it get taken too far... you say yes to one thing, it'll slowly turn into more things. pretty soon you'll be walking on eggshells and not even know who you are anymore. you have to want to please yourself too, not just him...

my boyfriend would have to have a pretty damn good reason to ask those things of me. and vice versa.

[Anonymous]

Obviously, your friends are idiots.

First off he's asking you to have a bit of self-respect. Most men don't like their women advertising themselves like a prostitute on the street. I mean you talk to a "guy friend" at night, about what?, you go out with cleavage exposed (and I'll assume the Instagram photos are hardly professional). To them, it implies that the woman can't be trusted in a relationship and is very likely to cheat.

As for "serving him" as long as it's mutual and he does things for you again your friends are idiots

[Browneye57]

Gee, a woman that more or less gets it. Yes, this is how you keep a man - he needs these three things:
1. Sex
2. Food
3. Love/respect/attention
If you give him all of these he could need or want he'll remain forever loyal and in love with you. Men are very simple, not stupid or dumb, just simple. If you fail don't be surprised when he wanders off looking for a woman who will.
About two thirds of women get this - the rest either don't believe it, can't be bothered, or simply refuse.
He will swim through shark infested waters to bring you lemonade. __Dr. Laura

[TheBigGuy9]

Oh jeez “Pick Me” attitude? I can really see where society is going with this one. I had this happen once to me, though it was a much different experience. Today, it’s telling you to stop posting cleavage pics.

Different actions same principle.


Now, you’re asking why does that get you excited? Well, because I know what you did, you did on purpose. Simple test. I imagine you’ve had a lot of failures?
So, of course the Diamond in the rough is going to peak your interest, but don’t get too excited! The pool only gets smaller and smaller from there. Good luck!

[MrOracle]

You're submissive, and you're fulfilled by taking care of your man (who I presume also takes good care of you), and there is absolutely nothing wrong or bad about that. As you said, if he's treating you like a queen, why would you not treat him like a king?

[The_Maphio]

It's not controlling if you agree with it. It would be if he tells you to do stuff, you'd not want to and he somehow forces you either with physical force or a stronger personality than yours.
If you're in line with doing as he says, you probably have a similar mindset and that'd be nothing special, really.
Just two like-minded people doing various tasks aimed at one single goal together.

[ohshee]

I think in many ways it's very hot and sexy whether it's pretend controlling our weather is passion and desire I think there's something beautiful about it this is something that I think I need to experience on every level with many different things just to feel that passion that desire because there has to be a bond in there too

[JSmuve]

It's not weird. It's the way things should be. Guys are attracted to compliant women who do what they're asked but a lot of women see that as being "weak" and think that because they're "equal" that they don't have to do anything. Those women tend to be argumentative in relationships as they jockey for the dominant role in the relationship because being submissive and compliant is beneath them.

[yogrego]

let me just start off by saying after seeing your profile Pic that you are so much more than "decently attractive". in fact you are stunningly beautiful and easily one of the hottest girls if not thee hottest girl on this entire sight. don't ever sell yourself short. you are beautiful and I would treat you like the beautiful amazing queen that you are and nothing less ever.

[Anonymous]

I think a lot of women find this attractive, but the stigma around it keeps a lot of people acting holier than thou about it. I haven't had a girlfriend who didn't appreciate being led or taken care of on some level. I enjoy doing it too, and knowing that in my power and control, is the capacity to reward, please, and encourage.

I have my own ideas about why people like it, but I won't bore you with them.

[Pogi-Paddy-2]

I believe that this is more of a cultural etiquette that most Western women don't understand or like. If it makes you feel good as a woman, then who really cares whether someone else doesn't approve.

Remember those who don't like it or disapprove do not live in your skin. As long as you are confident with yourself and your actions in life, that is all that matters.

[Still-alive]

Its ok but i hope you have the fortitude and wisdom to recognize if it ever went too far or crossed a line into actual controlling territory where he mo longer politely asks but slowly demands. And soon you'll be in a situation you might have trouble leaving.

but if they remain this way its all goid I suppose

[Birdlegs]

I noticed that most girls I’ve been with liked being told to do things for me. Not necessarily big things but it seems that most of not basically all of them were not only happy to but were like excited that I needed their help.

[BarryLiverstone]

Ties back to your parents; what was their relationship with each other and with you?

[NorthAfrican]

I'm very close to both my parents and they are still happily married to each other!

[BarryLiverstone]

There it is. You see how your mom happily submits to your dad and how he loves and protects her. So that’s why you want to duplicate that kind of relationship because you know how happy they are

[NorthAfrican]

Could be it, yes!

[BarryLiverstone]

In addition they rightly so love and support you so you have self worth and realize when your guy asks for things that he’s doing so respectfully and not to objectify you.

[BarryLiverstone]

Do nope, it’s not weird and is extremely healthy. I’m sure as trust and intimacy builds he will also gladly do things for you and keep you safe as he recognizes how special you are in his life

[BarryLiverstone]

By the way your friends may be pissed off due to jealousy. Not everyone comes from such a stable home so they don’t have the role models you did growing up. Your responsibility is to now be a good role model for your kids and theirs in the next generation

[KaiserDeEmperana]

Well I mean I’m a man so I can’t really say but I know that I just enjoy it when I can do stuff that I feel like only I can do for a person I care about and enjoy it when someone I care about does something for me that I can’t do so like if I cooked while a family member did the dishes or I guess more in the sense of something only I could do my sister painting a door and I install the door that type of thing

[he-takes-a-part]

Its normal to find yourself in such a situation. Your soul could be of a helping nature and instills a sense of philanthrophy inside you this being coming from deepest of the heart you can simply consider it normal. But make sure that help doesn't turns out into exploitation.

[ItsTheNephilim]

Wow. Pretty traditional and submissive. Not weird but it's only good when you have the right man for yourself. Men these days are mostly unbearable. Just don't let yourself get abused by your submission and choose very wisely and it will all be good.