I always figured that when it comes to comfort men and women are actually wired dfferently.
The vast amount of men default to tackling the problem. That is, we identify the cause, evaluate it and supply a simple solution to the best of our abilities.
Women on the other hand tend to tackle the emotion itself. Similar procedure but fixing the state of mind instead of the cause of the state of mind.
Honestly both are valid. It can be hard to tackle your problems when you're a mess and if you never tackle them you would perpetually remain a mess.
My suggestion is basically to either do both parts or see which she wants. When all else fails a tight hug and a willing ear usually works too. But you know, if you want to work on the interpersonal stuff do try to understand what she is actually asking for. It might not be as simple as hammering in the nail she stepped on and pouring some anti-bacteria on the wound.
Best thing to do is ask her the problem and listen to her. No need to talk but pay attention, after she has completely vented, just give her a hug. One hug can go a long way. Yes, if she does something wrong then you have the right to tell her, but tell her after she has vented and completely released her tension.
Maybe try being a little bit more empathetic? If your dad has a past history of being emotionally abusive... then hmm... it may have effected you-- but you are the only one who can really answer that... As much as you wanna fall back on other past relationship feedback (of what they said) I don't think you should bc that would be saying that you trust that you're like this... when that could be wrong.. Just be there and comfort her, maybe hug her, tell her its gonna be okay? Maybe get her mind off it and take her to do something that makes her happy? :)
Let her vent, but don't offer advice to try to fix the problem. Often times, women just need to get their emotions out. Just listening means a lot.
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6Opinion
To you it may be an "overreacting" matter. But before you do, you need to look at the situation through HER eyes. I know that is difficult to do, seeing as Men and women are wired so differently. But you need to ask her WHAT SPECIFICALLY it is that upsets her the most, and start from there.
Being that you came from a complicated past, it would be difficult to perceive this differently than her. But a major part of the foundation of any relationship is SUPPORT.
Hug her and ask what you can do to help. Tell her your here for her.
It's hard to learn what to do. I grew up in a very, huggy, touchy feely family however it still took me years to know how to react to my girlfriends' emotions.
The important thing is that you care and your trying.
You probably have emotional walls built up as a defense mechanism. I’d try to understand why she’s upset and just shrug and apologize. Most relationship fights are emotional toe stubs and we’re all venting at each other. If you like her, do her a favor and accept responsibility for whatever she blames you for and get on with the makeup sex.
I’m not that good with words or speeches either, so I would just hug/hold them.
I assume you were the one who hit on her
Tell her to leave.
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