Meeting Long Distance Relationship Boyfriend for the Second Time: How to ensure things will be different this time?

[Simply_M3]

Three years ago, I met my long distance partner in a language exchange app. After communicating regularly using the app, we decided to exchange phone numbers. Long story short, we couldn't stop talking to each other via texts, phone calls, and video chats. Chemistry was inevitable and we decided that we wanted to meet. When we met, we were both college students. He found a work abroad program from his country that allowed him to travel and work in the states for the summer so we could me. (I told him he had to come to me first). I decided to me him, face to face, in the state he was working in. He was living with a bunch of others that worked abroad so I booked a hotel and we met initially at my hotel. We spent a few hours together and eventually did the deed. Honestly, it was one of the worst decisions as emotions were high and everything just moved too fast, resulting in damaged egos. We never saw each other again physically after that. He continued working and I enjoyed the new city solo. Over the last two years, we have talked on and off via messages, phone calls, and texts... it has been a difficult journey as it has been both beautiful and chaotic, silent even sometimes. However, we can't stay seem to disconnect with each other. Over the last two years, we have both changed immensely and have sensed matured. We agreed that we should meet each other again, face to face with hopes of doing things the right way this time. He is due to arrive in my city in just a few short weeks and he will be staying for 6 days and five nights. I'm extremely nervous because I love him more than words can express, but I don't want things to end up like last time. What are some tips or advice that you all can provide for me my LDR boyfriend for the second time?

[DumBear]

I dont really understand how someones ego got damaged from sex with their partner. Was he really bad or fast?

Sex is sex just take things slow if you two do it again..

I would meet in public and not at your home or hotel. Go out and tour the area.
Go eat. Talk. Get used to each other.
If you want to have sex then instead plan to sleep with him overnight.
So even if the deed is bad or fast you can cuddle afterwards and be close.

He could just be an awkward guy who is better online vs in person.
Who knows, good luck tho and make plans to do stuff vs planning about sex.

[Simply_M3]

Well, let's just say that it was a unique circumstance lol. The sex wasn't planned the first time, it kind of just happened. No one was necessarily bad... it was just that we both ended up feeling insecure. Him more than me... due to the fact that I said that I didn't want to do a round two because I felt like we were moving too fast (I didn't say a reason, I just said no at the time). Not to sound sexist, I believe that the mail ego is slightly more fragile when it comes to things like that.

You're right... I appreciate your advice. I have several activities planned for us to do. And I may consider staying with him a few nights just to get to know him in his natural environment.

You could definitely be right about the difference in person vs online.

I appreciate the well wishes.

[DumBear]

Ahhh, okay.
Well. Its kinda on you that you allowed that to happen and then said you didn't want round 2 without explaining why exactly to him.
I get why you did though, its just a rough situation.
Its perfectly normal to have sex immeadiately after meeting someone youve been talking to so long. One of the things people do during long distance is fantasize with each other about what itll be like when close.
I have had a few ldr and when we finally met we immeadiately hugged and made out and laughed and tears and just happy. Then we would immeadiately go and have sex. Of course afterwards we cuddled and talked and were just close with each other. Im not one of those people who hop right into hard sex though. I like foreplay and buildup.

I dont think it was wrong to do that between you two.
I hope u guys spend some time together and hope u have explained all this to him at some point prior.
If not maybe explain it to him now. It wasn't that you werent attracted. You just freaked out. And wanted time to process what happened.

Enjoy your visit with him!! Get out of your head after sex if you do it!!

[Simply_M3]

Thank you so much for advice! I totally agree that it was my fault for not being upfront with him, and I'm steadily working on improving that aspect of my communication.

We do intend to spend a lot more time together and we have been communicating on a deeper level more frequently.

I truly appreciate your advice and I will be taking heed to it! Thank you so much!!!

[DumBear]

Glad i was able to help some maybe!

[Miristheiss]

I'd say don't have a long distance relationship. He needs to move where you are or you need to move where he is or you break up.

[Simply_M3]

I agree that long distance will not work for us. However, I believe that we should spend more time together in person before committing to such a permanent decision.

[Iron_Man]

How many years has it been going on? Just have a positive outlook walk on the beach and hold hands talk positive stay positive and be positive. But no sex

[Simply_M3]

Thanks for you response!

We began communicating in 2018 via the communication app.

I'm planning to do some fun activities which will allow him to get know my state and is to get to know each other. Definitely, not intending on having sex hahaha.

[Iron_Man]

Great and good Luck

[Anonymous]

Chances are you two gonna fuck again anyway. Sorry but you just sound like an extremely horny girl.

[Simply_M3]

That's totally not my attention. Trying to establish something more stable.

[anylolone]

How were egos damaged?

[Simply_M3]

Is it okay if I message you? My response is much too long!

[anylolone]

The message feature exists for a reason. Go for it.

[Simply_M3]

Well we chatted for a spell until the wee hours of the morning. Obviously, things were awkward at first.
Eventually, it led to us making out for the things got hot and heavy.
Mind you this was 2 years ago. I had been celibate for six years. He and I both expressed that we were nervous. I know I was wondering what he was thinking... vice versa.
Anyway, the sex was great... we were both pleased until toward the end I happened to notice on the wall that there was a piece of art of a painted impregnated woman with a fetus. That threw me all the way off. Mentally, my mind started to race and I kept thinking this is a mistake... we were moving too fast... Afterwards, we began to chat a little more and he wanted to go for round 2. He was very respectful, gentle, but persistent. I told him point blank, no. I didn't want to again. I regret not explaining why... I should have told him what I was thinking.
Eventually, the night came to a close. We talked on the phone briefly... texted a bit here and there. We were supposed to meet up again but we never did because he kept coming up with excuses. Eventually, I just said forget it and that I never wanted to talk to him again.
He kept trying to explain that he was working and he was upset by things I said. He regularly checked all my statuses and posts. Over the course of two years he would contact me sporadically. I even blocked him a couple times. But, he kept insisting. A year later I agreed to finally talk to him on the phone one day. He kept asking about my life, family and well-being and said he still cared about me. At the end he said, can I ask you something? He said I am unforgettable and he can't forget the night we shared. He said this, "That night, when were together... did I not please you? Were you not impressed. Why did you say no?

[Simply_M3]

I just posted here. I don't have enough points yet lol

[anylolone]

hum... Well, that was out of left field...
I don't think you gonna be that unlucky again.

But just talk to him, be honest, say you were just scared of getting pregnant.
Use condoms if it happens.

[Simply_M3]

Hahahah I know. It was a crazy situation.

I'll be transparent with him.

Absolutely, safe sex is a must. ALWAYS.

[anylolone]

Good luck!

[Anonymous]

wouldn't know as i got stood up last year after traveling 3000 miles to see them for their birthday

[Simply_M3]

I'm so extremely sorry that that happened to you. That's horrible.

[888theGreat]

never had one