Boyfriend grinded with another girl while drunk. Would you forgive your significant other if they did this?

[Anonymous]

Hello everyone! I would really appreciate your opinion on this. On my birthday, my boyfriend and I went clubbing. We drank, but my boyfriend was very drunk and was dancing with me (he usually doesn’t dance). I went in the bathroom and when I got out, he wasn’t there. I sat down and waited for him for around 10 minutes, in which two guys asked me to dance but I politely declined. I went to go look for him and I found him at the bar (most likely he went to go get more drinks for us) and I see his hands on a girl’s waist while she was bent over grinding. The next morning we talked about it. He didn’t remember it happening and said he blacked out. He kept saying sorry and I could tell he was genuinely sorry. I told him even though I drank a lot, I still remember I had a boyfriend. Alcohol is not an excuse. He apologized and agreed, but kept saying he was blackout drunk and it’s not something he’d ever do sober. He’s been good since then, but this is still in the back of my mind.

Thank you for you’re opinions <3

[MrOracle]

Here's the thing: I don't drink. I choose not to, and I choose not to be with people who get drunk (I don't care if a girl has a glass of wine or a cocktail, but I care if she's getting drunk). I choose this because I understand that people get really drunk and then do really, really stupid things. Often things that cause relationships to end. Sometimes things that cause lives to end. I don't need that kind of messiness in my life, so I avoid it altogether.

You allow alcohol - and drinking past the point of being drunk - into your life. That's going to lead to messy situations, hurtful situations, even dangerous or deadly situations. The first thing that goes when you start drinking is your judgement - and then what do you have to rely on? In your situation, I'd support you if you left him and I'd support you if you stayed with him, but if you continue to have drinking in your relationship to this degree - even if only on "special occasions" - then expect this kind of messiness to be a part of it too. And next time, it might well be YOU who did the awful behavior because you were too drunk to know what you were doing. People do that all the time. I'm not saying that it's an excuse - it isn't - it just means that alcohol (or drugs) means your relationship is constantly at risk, and for what?

Speaking for myself, I certainly don't want to waste my time and energy that way. A good relationship is too important and too hard to find to risk it on getting drunk or high.

[OlderAndWiser]

If he is GENUINELY remorseful and not merely sorrt that he got caught, then

1. he should recognize that he has a significant problem wth alcohol,
2. admit that his drinking problem caused a potential end to his relationship,
3. decide that his relatioship is more important than alcohol, and
4. commit to not drinking or even getting into treatment for his drinking problem,

because. . . what else would assure you that this problem won't happen again.

Frankly, "I blacked out" is an easy excuse to fabricate.

[Confusedblondegirl]

ugh i would be so stressed and feel so unsafe with him. i’ve been single for so long (literally forever) that if i even end up in a situation as minor as that i would leave him because i couldn’t handle the anxiety. i’d rather wallow in my lonely misery than be with someone who is even in the slight bit reckless

[yucychan]

No. I would not.
And I don't believe the bs he is feeding you. Because I can guarantee you he knows what he is doing at that time, and he wanted to grind that girl.

[TruthBringer]

First when I read your title I was thinking "No". After reading the rest I have not changed your mind.
If my girlfriend did this I would instantly dump her. And here is why, if your significant other did this, then it is not the alcohol's fault, but rather theirs. Alcohol is no excuse to overstep boundaries. Afterall, it's not you who forced them to drink, they decided to go to a place full of random strangers ready to mess with each other and consume alcohol which will guarantee make people do stupid shit. So why should I forgive my significant other if my significant other decided to play with fire?

I would just ditch and find someone actually loyal with more impulse control.

[genericname85]

i mean it's a fringe case. would you allow your partner to dance salsa with another girl? that's pretty close and sometimes knees even touch genitals... so yeah. I don't know. i'd forgive that. i'd draw the line at kissing and "putting their hands on them".

[LegendaryIcon]

Why did you believe him when he apologized?

The girl I'm talking to asked me if I'm a criminal (have I ever been in jail, basically). I told her no, which is the truth but, she just automatically believed me. Why? Why didn't she continue asking me questions about it. I mean I suppose there's not much more you can ask but, she just up and believed me. You don't know if I am or not, why should you just believe me right away?

[horatiohornblower]

Maybe if he totally stops drinking. Since he's proven he can't be trusted with alcohol.

[litty]

That's pretty messed up to do it on your birthday. I wouldn't forgive him. A drink mind speaks a sober heart.

[Vegasrunner]

Lol, this is a funny story. Do you mind if I share it to highlight an opinion?

[Dchrls78104]

No, I'd dump; the first dealbreaker would be the drunkenness.

[jasco]

Most people don't realize what their doing when their drunk so yea I would

[Anonymous]

I guess that happens my girlfriend she's done stuff like that

[Shawn411]

If it's payback then probably.

[DaveJord]

I probably wouldn't.

[ChiPaPa]

Nope. Good bye

[888theGreat]

Only fools get drunk

[Anonymous]

He can't be forgiven