Is withholding affection/sex a form of abuse in a relationship?

[TheBMG]

I've had a friend trying to convince me that someone withholding affection/sex in a relationship is a form of abuse. I'm guessing they are looking at it as if you are knowingly withholding these things to prove a point or to get what a person wants. However, calling it abuse seems a little much. What are your thoughts?

[Carolus]

Yes, abuse has many forms, it’s abuse since the party doing it has a motive. Either to force / manipulate the other to do something or as punishment for doing or not doing something. When there is a disagreement between two, letting the other party reach out emotionally and even having make up sex is part of resolving issues but if the affected party refuses and makes demands until they are met, that is abuse. In most cases, women will do it to punish men. For example, a man comes home late, maybe his phone switched off due to power or some, she’s mad and don’t wanna listen, she doesn’t hug him, shouts, she denies him sex, that is abuse.


I once asked my late girlfriend, may her soul rest in peace, why she never denied me sex even when we had an argument or did wrong and she told me, “I want you to stop hurting me and not push you away to have sex with other women” and she had a valid point. It’s lack of affection and intimacy that force people to cheat.

[jahaims]

Yeah. Google it. There is a name specifically for that type of abuse

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t say withholding sex is abusive, it isn’t.
However, what kind of affection? Physical affection (hugs, kisses, cuddles, hand holding), Emotional affection (I love you’s, validation, truthfulness, connection)?
If there is a lack of emotional affection, it can be considered emotional neglect, which could be considered abuse.


Lack of physical affections and sex is not abusive.

[TheBMG]

I believe like physical affection like a hug or kiss. I also know it was communicated about her not saying “I love you” back to her partner Hus
Band and Wife are both withdrawing from the relationship.

[Carolus]

NB: No offense intended, but coming from a ladies’ point of view, it can’t be seen as an abuse because most use sex especially as a “weapon” to force or punish their men. Come home late, didn’t call during the day, forgot a special day and you ain’t getting no cookie.

[slatyb]

Yes, it is. I would instantly leave a partner who behaved that way. I have no time for games. Tell me what you want and I can decide if I, willing to change my behavior. If not, they can decide if they will stay or leave. If they are demanding something I can’t give, it’s probably doomed.

[Wester1967]

Yes. ... It also works like this: my ex wife started flirting and hanging out with other dudes. Like she was handing me a loaded revolver to play Russian Roulette. I quit sleeping with her because I wanted to make 110% sure that if she got preggers it wasn't mine. I filed for divorce 3 weeks later because I didn't want to "abuse" her by withholding sex.

[EmotionalMess]

I think it does is abuse if it's a situation like you described, after all you're creating a frustration in your partner just to assert your point of view over your partner. Certainly there's worse types of abuse I suppose, but anyway.

[Anonymous]

Only if it's deliberately to hurt someone. This is a fine line because most women do it in response to a perceived action or inaction. So it's really not a deliberate hurt on their part.
This is why it's oh so important for 2 people to communicate. I'm not saying it's always easy or that you'll completely see eye to eye. But if you let things fester for too long sometimes there can be little to no way back. Never forget what brought you together celebrate it regularly.

[bgreek]

Yep, it's abuse
My question would be where do you draw the line?
There are 8 billion people on the planet earth
Why play stupid games like this?
Give her the pink slip, and find someone that's an upgrade

[Anonymous]

The definition of abuse is being taken to ridiculous levels.

If somebody is upset about something in the relationship are they supposed to pretend that everything is ok according to those people?

[rod23]

Yeah feels like abuse but I dont think you can categorize it as, if it was I'd be in that same boat, nothing worse than a sexless relationship you can't get out of

[Twalli]

It's not abuse, and if I was in a relationship like that (even a marriage) I would end it right there. I have very few rules, one is NEVER use sex as a bargaining chip

[HazyDaze63]

Abuse? No. Childish? Yes.