How to prevent hin from breaking up?

[Anonymous]

so my ldr boyfriend and I had a big fight. He was barely talking to me and we were fightong. I apologized for my mistakes and asked if he can give me the chance tp make it better and he said sorry but no. Today I asked him if it means he is breaking up with me and he hasn't opened my message even though he was online. I dont know how to prevent him from breaking up and if he is breaking up.

[YourFutureEx]

Sometimes doing less is doing more. Damage has been done. Touching the wounds will only hurt.
So... Let them heal!

You have apologized to him. That conveys that you regret your wrongdoings (if any) and you take the responsibility of the situation and are willing to sort things out. That's what apology means and you cannot practically say (and 'do' in ldr) anything more than that.

Now the more you'll try to get his response, the worse the situation will get and the chances of him coming back will decrease. Give him space and let him calm down because right now, he is not in the situation to think properly (neither do you). Begging him will further annoy him and your desperation will make you look guilty in the situation which will further justify his decision of breaking up with you.

Furthermore, relationships work the best with proper power balance. If you're the only one afraid of losing the other, while he isn't, then even if this issue is resolved, another one will arise in future and you'll be the one afraid of losing her loved one again which isn't the best place to be.
Pleading makes you lose that power balance. So remember, the one who lost the least temper in the heat of the moment and simply apologized and gave the space, keeps one's power the most and is the least vulnerable.

I wish you best of luck.

[Asker]

Thank you so much. Do you think he already made up his mind?

[YourFutureEx]

This is a probability. In long distance relationships, you need to stay very alert and observer the patterns and unfamiliarity because you don't get to notice subtle physical things about them.

When a person loses interest and wants to dump their partner, a lot of times, they cannot do it right away because it's difficult. Even if they aren't attracted to you, it doesn't mean that they don't mind hurting you. And the biggest thing they're afraid of is the fear. The fear of breaking up with someone they once loved.

So, what generally happens that their behavior will change. They'll become short tempered, illogical, provocative, distant and most importantly, they'll stop doing the 'efforts'. All those things that they did to impress you.

These changes will sometimes alarm you and you may mess things up by getting involved in their arguments. So, in those cases, if you want to save the relationship, you will need to be a well behaved person with solid boundaries. They'll try to provoke you and pull you in the arguments, you'll need to neutralize it.

It may last for months tbh. And one wrong move will give them escape. They'll put the blame on you and break up with that excuse.

With that being said, there's still hope because just like people break up, people make up as well. And every single couple has arguments.

[Asker]

He read my message and i have no answer yet..

[YourFutureEx]

Do not contact him now. He must feel that anxiety of losing you in order to get back together again. As long as he's in that state where he thinks you're the one at fault and causing annoyance by contacting him again and again, he'll never change his attitude.

[Asker]

Okay thanks. I think he isn‘t sure yet if he is going to break up bcs he would already say „yes“ if he did.

[Asker]

Can I do something else too for him to know he can lose me like this?

[YourFutureEx]

No you cannot actively do this. Especially now in this situation. You can only do it when the relationship is going happily.

Now, all you can do is to give him space. It'll give him time to heal and also convey the message that you're not clingy or desperate for him.

In fact, you'll come across as a bigger person who tried to resolve things, first one to apologize and gave him space.

[Asker]

I texted him that it would be nice from him to tell me if he needs space or is breaking up and that im there for him when he is ready to takk and he said „okey“

[Asker]

talk*

[YourFutureEx]

You shouldn't have :(

[Asker]

Why? I just wanted to know if he broke up. I hope he will reach out but today is the 3rd day of no contact and i dont think he will. Tomorrow is my b-day if he doesn't congratulate i will know it over..

[YourFutureEx]

What was your last message to him? The one you mentioned in your question details or the one you replied to me with?

[Asker]

The one i replied you with and after he said okay, i sent him a text where i said ok i guess you need space tell me if im wrong when not then we will talk when you make your mind

[YourFutureEx]

By saying that you gave him the power to do whatever he wants and you bestowed the freedom upon him from the anxiety of losing you.

I told you time and again to not to contact him after apologising but you didn't listen.

[Leonharted]

He probably is, and there's nothing you can do to stop it. You can't control other people, and trying to is a fool's errand.

[Asker]

Then why isn‘t saying anything, like „yes im breaking up“?

[Leonharted]

Because he doesn't want to talk about breaking up for hours, I'd imagine.

[Anonymous]

Just give him some space and time to calm down. You've apologized and he knows how you feel, just let that sit with him a bit. He'll come to you when he's ready to talk.

[Asker]

Thank you. Was it wrong to ask if it means he is breaking up?

[Opinion Owner]

No, you were just trying to figure out where his head is at. But it doesn't sound like he knows yet or is ready to talk (think if you were mad at him). So trying to "convince" him or anything right now is probably just annoying to him because he's not ready to talk yet. That's why I say just give him a bit of time.

[Asker]

Now he opened my message but i have no answer yet..

[awkward_author]

At this point, there's nothing you can do. He's either going to break up with you or he's not.

[boggboss]

Do u understand how toxic asking how to prevent him breaking up with me sounds

[Asker]

I only meant to ask how to fix it so he dont break up

[boggboss]

U can't do anything at this point u have to hope he wants to work it out

[Anonymous]

can't stop what has already happened, all you can do is accept it and move on and try to fail better next time.

[LegendaryIcon]

ldr doesn't work

why you're putting up with an ldr, i dk

[Asker]

Fight wasn't about the distance. We visit each other often and we are together for 4 years now..

[Anonymous]

Open your eyes, it is over. He's just too weak to say it.

[Asker]

Well if he can ignore me he could also say it is over. He didn't nreak our desls yet too. For he example we had a deal to not have Instagram and he did kot activate it yet. We broke up before and it was not like this

[slatyb]

Have you ever even met? Find a local boyfriend.

[Asker]

We visit each other often

[Anonymous]

You can't control him