His family is staying with us, are they crossing boundries?

[Anonymous]

Hi all,

My boyfriend has his family staying with us from overseas for 2.5 weeks. I've just met them for the first time and even though we live in a small apartment, I had agreed for them to stay as I knew how much it would mean to my boyfriend. They have been really nice so far, and we've all been going out for dinners and day trips together to show them around.

My boyfriend and I have always offered to pay for things here and there (ontop of covering our own costs) such as ubers, groceries for everyone, dinner, lunch etc. His sister, however, has not offered to pay for anything at all. His mum has stated that his sister had no money so we can't expect her to pay for much. His parents were nice enough to pay for 2 dinners for his family + me. This was all fine and well until..

Now, where they want to split every single little cost by 5 (the 4 of them, plus me). I know full well his sister will not be pitching in, despite this split (as she just bought property and claims to have no money). So this isn't fair.

I would like to think since they've all had free accommodation by staying with us and using all of our facilities would be saving them tons of money, so charging us after offering to cover 2 dinners is starting to come off as stingy to me? Should I keep quiet or say something?

My boyfriend and I split rent and bills 50/50 so this is just as much my apartment as it is his. I don't get how is sister is getting a free ride while i'm paying for a huge portion of this while hosting them.

[crossdressingrihno]

Well if they're paying for themselves and this one person isn't paying for themself then I feel you shouldn't have to put your money into that one person unless everyone else is also pitching in for that person

However if they're not helping to pitch in with that one person then you should have to fork any money over to that person for food or whatever when you eat out or stuff like that because it's a matter of or they willing to contribute
If someone doesn't have money or if they claim not to have money then obviously someone has to take accountability for that and since you're the host that shouldn't be you but yeah if they're willing to pitch in on her behalf then it would be nice of you to do that as well but only if they are willing to

[crossdressingrihno]

I meant you shouldn't have to pitch in if no one else will

[Realistic07]

You do realize is the leaseholder you are solely responsible for the property. If something is getting on your nerves then you need to learn how to set those boundaries.


As far as his sister not working well it’s time that they get jobs. It’s understandable putting out a helping hand, but there’s a big difference between helping and enabling.


It’s time that they get up and find work.

[Asker]

Thanks! yes his sister works full time, just doesn't want to spend money it seems? I just don't understand why you'd expect someone else to pay the expenses of your holiday

[Realistic07]

If they were saving up to get a place of their own I would understand, but right now it just seems like they’re taking advantage.

I would sit down with my boyfriend and discuss what future plans are looking like. Are they going to stay there for very long, how much do they have saved to get a place for their selves, compare how much money you were spending to how much money you are spending now.

If he doesn’t understand that you basically had your home taken over by people you don’t know then he is living a fantasy life and he needs to come back to reality.

That said good luck, hopefully in discussing it you can both come to some sort of agreement, and or arrangement.
Nevertheless if you don’t begin to ask the questions you need to ask, and really start trying to actively help them understand the concept of savings, and getting them a real plan to get out Into their own place you might just be stuck with them.

So the big things talk to your boyfriend, figure out a plan for them to save money, keep track of their savings, help them find place, help them move out To being self-sufficient. If you’re not doing those things you’re not doing anything.

Good luck.

[IMuser]

Do you want to mess up a normal relationship for some money? If the money involved is not significant than the relationship, then don't bother BUT subtly, ask him about his sister: how will she manage herself and if she ever needs help in career or something, you will be happy to help.

[Alix29]

I have been in the a similar situation but is it possible they are struggling

Don’t have arguments with your boyfriend over this because maybe one day you might need to return the favour

Cost of living is hard now but remember family will always much help each other

[Asker]

Why would someone go on holidays if they can't afford it? I'm sure buying a house on your own indicates you have money (something I can't even do myself). I'm not loaded so can't afford to cover all her costs.

[Iron_Man]

That’s not a big deal on that pain for the food when you hardly have any money where is the sister staying at? Does she live in America or the foreign country

[Asker]

She has money to buy property, and go on holidays (things I can't even do), but expects everyone else to pay for the holiday? She works full time so I don't understand why the costs are falling on me.

[Iron_Man]

Well then she should pay

[AviatorTom]

Welcome to learning to live with your partner's family. There's not much you can do about it... just do the best you can to accept them as they are.

[Danny_dan92]

Well. Seems like your boyfriend invaded your apartment. And him living with you was the first tactical move

[YourToy69]

Family and $$$, sometimes it is like water and oil

[Anonymous]

Noops, i don't think so !

[In_Trance]

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