Friends first. But it doesn't take long to decided if we are interested in beginning a committed relationship. If we didn't know each other before the first date, it might only take a few dates. I was never into hook ups. I sought committed relationships. But I was fine getting sexual soon and going steady. I mean, I didn't have to think I wanted to marry her yet or anything. It takes a long time to get to know someone well enough to know you want to spend the rest of your life with them and make a pledge of "til death do us part". That's a once in a lifetime thing. And I had no interest in girls who thought sex was a major commitment, let alone wanted to save themselves for marriage. Sex is one of the ways you get to know each other once you decide to go steady.
Many women say that they would want to become friends first, but then they know at least one guy in the friendzone that likes them romantically but would never give them the chance to get out of the friendzone. Sexual attraction cannot be negotiated with, it is just there or not there.
I met the wonderful young man who is now my husband of nearly 20 years, and there was no friendship at the beginning, we went straight to the first date and it was off to the the races. I’m sure there’s benefits to starting out as friends, but I’ll never know :-).
I voted friends first. I would love a crazy romance, love at first sight, fall hard but I know myself, I would get bored easily, it happened before. He said one thing, and I fell out of love. Okay, as I think now, I was more in lust than love. Friends first is a slow burn, It allows and force me to go slow and actually get to know the guy without any pressure only some underlying sexual tension that makes things more interesting. But there's a danger of being stuck in friendzone, both sides, or someone quicker comes along and snatches your chosen one.
In the case of my wife, we were flirty friends for almost a year before dating. There was some sexual tension and teasing and a lot of flirting but we didn't dive into dating right away. I like it that way.
I've done the other way in bars and it never worked out for me in the long run. I think it's because it's fairly easy to establish chemistry in the right setting and possibly with some alcohol in the middle. Yet that doesn't necessarily suggest we'll get along together so well in the long run.
I think the most natural and most likely way for long-term success is to date within a community of like-minded people who can vouch for each other. That's the way I did with my wife; she was part of the same community/social circle/friend group. So I already knew with a good deal of certainty her character -- whom our mutual friends could vouch for -- and she knew mine, before we went on our first date.
I never got attracted instantly except for one moment. But it didn't go ahead as I've only seen her on public transport. And it was only one time as well. In most cases, I need more time. But I need to test out this instant attraction thing because this incident I mentioned was rather new. (two days ago actually). So I'd like to test this out a bit more.
I’ve had a few instant romances and they’ve all fizzled out as fast as they started. I’m only interested in becoming friends first, then if we’re compatible we can go from there.
As for me friends first would be the best way to start a relationship & falling in love over time & really getting to know that special someone is what I’m looking for.
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