A close friend of mine texts me everyday it's been an year , he never speaks about other girls also but never asks me out I don't get his intentions?

[Anonymous]

We were college friends , we initially met in college and its been 2 years graduating from that college now we are studying in different places , he texts me everyday on random topics , he treats me as a close friend , but I prefer talking over phone more than texting to which he doesn't really respond, he never makes any plans to meet up also... I think I have started to develop a bit of feelings for him.. I am not sure if my feelings are superficial as we have barely spent real time (face-face) with each other... I am not sure where this is even going and am I wasting my time.. or would I lose a really good friend If I stop talking to him.. please share your opinions on this situation

[SueShe]

If he was truly interested in hitting on you, he would have done it a long time ago. Although, you are the only one to tell whether he is a shy and introvert person and is more comfortable talking long distance over the phone or text than on a face-to-face basis.

The fact that he has not asked you out or is not interested in meeting you personally on a more frequent basis leads me to believe that he is perfectly happy just having you as a platonic friend. That is pretty rare nowadays.

I would suggest that you don't start involving feelings as they will only hurt you in the long run. Just keep texting/calling him on a basis that does not have to be on a daily basis but perhaps 2-3 times per week.

He would certainly understand that you have also a life of your own and that you have better or more productive things to do than to spend them on the phone. That way, you distance yourself from him and you don't allow feelings to develop.

[Asker]

He is a shy and introvert person , at least that's what I know about him but I am afraid he's just using me for an ego boost or smtg like that.. as he has never really emotionally invested in this friendship.. and I am an emotional person.. thats the problem.. or maybe I am expecting a bit too much.. not sure

[SueShe]

You need to protect yourself first and thus, the best thing you can do is to slowly distance yourself if you have the feeling that he is (mis) using you for his sole benefit. You don't want to get hurt emotionally. It has been 1 year and if you just sit there and reply, you are not moving on yourself. You cannot do what is best for you because you keep hoping.

[Asker]

I did think of this but he is the only friend I have , I don't have anyone else like him... I am so stuck it feels like even if I want to get out of all this it's getting impossible

[SueShe]

This is not a quality friendship because it seems to me that it is a one-way road. You invest your time and energy and you are not getting much in return.

If you want quality friends, you have to invest time. You could join a club or take up a hobby where you can share the same interests. When you share common interests, you can talk about topics that both interest you and the conversation is flowing much easier. It does not have to be a male friend. You can have very good friends of the same gender.

[Asker]

Agreed... will try that out

[SueShe]

Also, make use of the MHO that you can give to the one that gave you the most helpful reply.

I believe that @PrettyPriya did a great job 👍

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe Thank you for such a nice compliment. I hope my now big head can make it up to the top of the page. Of course, your advice is excellent as always as well. I think the asker got some quality answers and advice to help.

[Asker]

Sure👍

[Asker]

@PrettyPriya totally agreed... really thankful for the advice

[PrettyPriya]

Why does he have to have any intentions? Why can he not just be a friend? If you have developed feelings for him, you are going to need to make the first move considering you have been talking for 2 years and he hasn't made any sort of move.

Of course, you risk the chance of ruining a friendship by doing so. If he doesn't feel the same way, he may be off put by the gesture and distance himself.

I'm not sure it is realistic to be honest. If you spend very little in person time with this guy, how are you going to connect on a meaningful level for a relationship?

[SueShe]

how about pretzels and champagne?

[PrettyPriya]

@SueShe I would certainly say pretzels and champagne to be connecting on meaningful level! My goodness me, if the gentleman offered such a rendezvous, I am not sure I could resist.

[SueShe]

Let me have a serious word with Ben :-)

[PrettyPriya]

I had sent a screenshot of this to him in a text message. I received back a series of laughing emojis and a "I am headed to the shops... will be late" with more laughing emojis. 🙂

[SueShe]

Shucks, I thought I could perhaps blackmail you to let me use the pool :-)

[PrettyPriya]

I will so inform my parents that if a nice young lady with a basket of pretzels makes a visit, to please alert me at once, show her to the courtyard and ready a room. I will be over with the champagne. 🍾

[Asker]

Yaa you are right maybe I am just reading into things a bit too much , and as u said I think it would be better for me to just distance myself a bit and one more thing I am really unhappy about is that he has never really emotionally invested in this friendship.. I nowadays feel he's just doesn't have any emotions... like he doesn't tell me he values me and I had suddenly stopped texting for a few days in the middle as I had some personal issues going on... so even if I haven't replied he never had my back and never tried to ask me why I stopped texting him.. so j sometimes feel he doesn't even care for me as a close friend

[PrettyPriya]

Ok, so I think you may have already hit on something that I was going to say after reading the first couple of sentences. Maybe he has some personal issues going on that you are not aware of.

That is entirely possible. You never know if there is a family struggle or problem. Maybe (hopefully not) someone got real sick, or there was a death in the family. It is impossible to know or guess. Maybe he isn't comfortable sharing that right now.

My best advice is to sort of match his level of interest. Don't be overly eager, nor cut off communication if you value his friendship. Maybe just for now respond in kind as far as frequency and tone until you see a positive change. Am I making sense?

[Asker]

Yaa will try that , thank you for you opinion and advice 😊

[PrettyPriya]

Certainly my pleasure and I wish you the best. This could be a vary temporary thing with your friend and better days are ahead. Good luck to BOTH of you two. 🙂

[kinggeorge007]

I have been in his place before. I was a shy introvert myself. I have been texting with several girls for very long times for months/years (not overlapping months/years) but they were just using me for time passing. Or probably they just considered me as a good friend. I don't know.

I have 3 such cases happened to me. Every time I tried to confess my feelings, they've either ghosted me or intentionally broke me into pieces. (The heart break actually helped me to get out of my introverted nature to some extent)

So if it wouldn't go in your way there will be a painful memory but you can learn a lot from it. So you don't have anything to lose.

I would recommend you to express some feelings, give him some hints. Who knows he maybe waiting for a sign.

Or you just can initiate things too. I personally love it when girls initiate things.

[Asker]

Maybe... I will try that.. but as I am also an introvert it would be quite tough for me also

[TheLoneTerran]

I think your description made it pretty clear. "Close friend". There are people who text every day with their friends. I tend to be an every other day or so person, but people are busy so its fine. Your friend just sounds like they have some topics that interests them or they think might interest you. I know that I didn't talk to my female friends about my dating life unprompted.

[slatyb]

It's possible he's just perpetually clueless. But now you are apart and can't date even if you wanted to. If the opportunity arises, date other people. Time and tide wait for no man, and neither should you.

[Asker]

Maybe that's the right thing to do...

[Smartgirl_hey]

That's not right. There's one guy who used to text me a lot started with general talks and he finally proposed me one day. I never rushed him or forced him to do that. He himself proposed me after getting comfortable in talking with me. You need to do the same. You need to let things be as it is and one day he will get the courage to take things to next level if that's what he is looking for. Some guys like to get comfortable in talking with girls then only they will make any move. Give him that comfort of letting himself as he is before you and if he have any sort of feelings for you too, he will start finding ways to make this to something more

[crossdressingrihno]

To me it sounds like you are in the friend zone

Despite what a relatively small group of men like to say online most men are totally capable of being in a friendship with a female without wanting to get into their pants

[crossdressingrihno]

The reason I say that bottom part there is because unfortunately it's very common for men to go online saying really creepy stuff that makes all the rest of us look bad

[Asker]

Maybe this is the case , and even I am quite confused about my own feelings.. so its better I just keep quite for a few days

[crossdressingrihno]

Sounds good

[crossdressingrihno]

If you're into him you can tell him but take plenty of time before doing so

[Asker]

Yaa..

[Part2603]

A much better question would be what are your intentions?
Why don't you invite him to visit you in person and see how you feel then?

[Asker]

I have tried this, he doesn't really like going out in general I guess that's what he said

[TommyMountainFigure]

It wouldn't make it much of a relationship if he doesn't like to talk to you, only text!

[Asker]

Exactly that's why I sometimes feel even a bit of feelings I have is superficial cuz we haven't spent real time together

[Chaddi]

Does he become closer the further you are away? This can mean that he's afraid of following through.

[OldWorldOrder]

It sounds to me like you need to work on your own confusion about your own desires in life before worrying about some guy's intentions.

[spartan55]

Need to spend time in person to have any chance whatsoever.

[boggboss]

I would guess he just enjoys having u as a friend he can speak too

[RuthlessAggression]

I don't understand what it is YOU want. You're friends with him, but at the same time you want him to ask you out.

You might want to figure out what YOU want before you ask about what HE wants

[driven159]

then you need to take the first steps some guys are shy and don't like to be turned down, so you need to make the first moves

[Waldoe]

ask him, he is the only one with answers, everyone else can only guess

[Anonymous]

you could ask him out or make an effort and pick up the phone to call him yourself

[Whatever2929292]

Try asking him about it then

[Anonymous]

Maybe he's asexual.