If a potential partner that you’re falling for and sees a future with wants an open relationship, what would you say?

[Pinay_ako]

They tick all the boxes of your ideal partner, what would you say to their proposal?

This question is based on my last post where others do not prefer an open relationship…

What do you think?

[starfoxxy90]

Actually my boyfriend who literally cheated on me and had been in open relationship which I never agreed upon.. He told me I was boring yet he did get caught and told me that I would not regret taking him back. He would keep denying that I was just overreacting and that he was not cheating on me between 2015 and until 2021. He was in so-called relationship with gold-digger female dog lol... which I already found the evidence and he kept on denying It would play off & told me I was just being overreacting. And even my Dad who sadly died from cancer in 2017. The Boyfriend of mine still kept saying he was dating me. He told his own mother and family that I dumped him and behind my back. So honestly I don't promote any open relationship because it's fair for anyone in the long run.

[starfoxxy90]

Sorry I meant it is *Unfair is for everyone in the relationship. Because why would I want to enjoy some other female or person to be getting taken out on dates. Then that boyfriend still told me she forced him to buy her 4 different engagement rings so she could prove to her friends that she was in a Real Relationship. And honestly, it's not the truth. I don't think no one need to buy 4 engagement rings after the woman claims and lies that she lost only one yet he needs to buy another three other Zales rings. Yet I get just cheap Jewelry from Kay Jewelers which was only $120.00 and she gets multiple rings and she even planned a wedding & everything which is sickening and then she lied and had told me I was the crazy ' C' and that she had always going to have him. When she then January 2020 she then goes and has him arrested and then breaks up with him and then lies and starts to tell lies in court which she was even told by the Judge toward both the boyfriend and the other female to Stop All Contact and Stop all communications between every party's. Which she then sends him an email and message on Gmail saying about telling him , how I had met her and how I am such a 'C' and How I was such a stupid idiot and how She and did not like how I talked to her. which I have ever right yet she was the one who had lied and did many crap against Illinois state laws and which I know from being a in extremely toxic ex-relationship in my past that I would never go back to the abuser. She continued to contact the now ex-boyfriend of hers which he claims was abusive.

[KAT247]

If that happened after I established a relationship with them and then they decide to tell me that that’s what they want, I’d consider the relationship fake and I’d leave immediately. I would lose all feelings at that point.

[Pinay_ako]

This is what I meant! Thank you

[OlderAndWiser]

I would say, "I am so very sorry to hear that because, otherwise, I think we are a good match. But if you don't want monogamy, I wold never want to try to force you into that, so the only reasonable thing we can do is to say goodbye!" And I would turn and walk away.

[Smoke-n-Growls]

I'm open to it if we can agree to shared conditions.

Personally, I'm okay if there's sex outside of the relationship, but I need and expect romantic and emotional fidelity. (As in I'm the only "spouse" and the first person in my partner's mind).

There's a lot of conditions I'm considering (haven't done this in practice, exactly, yet):
- all partners need clean STD tests
- all partners must be childfree and/or on contraception.
- we get to meet new partners and have veto for any reason

I might also want my partner/myself there for the occasion.

Basically, if we can come to an agreement and keep our communication open, then I see no problem.

I've been cheated on before. It wasn't the sex with another person that bothered me. It was the lying and dishonesty that hurt me most. I get it if I can't give everything sexually my partner may want (I've got a pussy but hate anal and maybe my partner really wants that or wants cock).

[Kabluie]

much the conditions of our poly relationship, just that STI tests need to be regularly, meeting new partners isn't always required since not everyone is always local.

[USLegionary]

If I was sexually attracted to them I'd agree to it so as to have sex with them but without any real intention to commit to a long term relationship of any sort because if she cheats then she Belongs to the streets. It similar to men when the have an friends with benefits relationship going on, she's good for hooking up with even having fun with but not for a long term relationship though the difference may be loyalty.

[Stars12122]

I think this is really a matter of knowing yourself and what makes you happy. Each person is different but no one should feel they need to enter into a non-monogamous relationship just to keep someone.

Some things are deal breakers for a reason and I think this is one of those cases. Even if someone ticked all the other boxes if they hit on a deal breaker then the deal's off. I personally wouldn't want to be in a non-monogamous relationship. It's just not for me. Even if I was falling for someone I know it just wouldn't work. I would kiss them goodbye and wish them well.

[Lionman95]

I´d say no because I fear her leaving me for someone different. For me an open relationship is such an issue because I´m born infertile with a low libido so sex isn´t that much of a focus to me. So if I allow her to sleep with other guys chances could be high that the relationship doesn´t last long.

@pinay_akoThat´s why I commented under the other question of yours that open relationships are a redflag to me.

[Pinay_ako]

Hence this is the question that your answer inspired me to ask…

[Lionman95]

Yes now I understand.

[letuswaltzforthedead]

I'm strictly monogamous, I can't sleep with two people and love both of them. If I'm doing that, my relationship with one of them is over. If he want a open relationship for himself, so he can see other people, then I don't care. At least the guy was open about it, I guess.

[ADrifter]

@Pinay_ako - My answer would be... I don't have time for trash in my life.

Open relationships are for losers. It's cheating where their low morals & ethics are excused by a pathetic claim that their partner is okay with it. Reality is, most partners aren't unless they're also disrespectful/ignorant & lacking ethics / morals cheaters too.

These sorts of people don't give a fuck if their partner is okay with it or not. They'd cheat even if it wasn't "open" because all they care about is their own lousy lives.

[Kaneki05]

So if they are the ideal partner then they would be be Bi so that when they say open relationship they mean themselves with other girls not guys. Since I would not be jealous of that.
Therefore ideal partner is as so because I have no problem with that. And if they meant with guys then that's not my ideal partner so it's a paradox to the question.
And you would really have to go by case on case bases to that but mostly it's gonna be a nah thanks.

[idk87334F]

HAHAHAHAHA no. NEVER EVER. If they ticked off all the boxes of my ideal partner, then they wouldn't even have mentioned about wanting an open relationship because that's DEFINITELY off the table. I don't know, I just feel that a romantic relationship is for two people only, and if that person can't accept that, well then he wasn't the one for me in the first place. Just no.

[MCheetah]

That would kill all romance, then and there. I couldn't be with a woman who doesn't respect me/won't respect me. Though I have two bigger, more serious dealbreakers: Trans (a male) and bi (lesbian). Those are "no shot in Hell" traits only barely worse than being a cheater/whore.

Trust is a two-way street.

[TheoPfeifle]

Have you read "The Rational Male"? 🤔

[MCheetah]

No...

[TheoPfeifle]

I was just wondering.. some of the way that you word things sounds like you might have read it. Sounds to me like you have a good head on your shoulders, and wouldn't need to read it, anyway, brother. It was pretty much idle curiosity.

[MCheetah]

Oh, okay. Thanks.

[TheoPfeifle]

I'm coming out of a relationship that I didn't realize was abusive, until my therapist opened my eyes to it, and coming into an understanding of a new diagnosis that I've got, two or three months ago. I've noticed some changes, in myself, regarding the perception of others, and I feel like I'm coming to a healthier attitude, and recognizing other people's healthy attitudes, as well. The inverse of that would also be a heightened ability to recognize when a situation isn't good for me, so I can avoid it. The particular wording of the way you were making your point, it sounded like some things I've read recently, and I found it interesting.

[GingerGuy]

Well that changes "see a future with" and "tick all the boxes" with a lot of people. It probably would with me. It makes those statements untrue, you just didn't know that part about them before.

[Pinay_ako]

I know like you’re into each other and you already have plans in the future that you’ll marry them one day then suddenly they say, are you ok with an open relationship? Tick all the boxes except this surprise!

[ChiTown33]

No. There's nothing more to say. When I choose her. I mean ONLY her. I DESERVE the same respect. If she needs the love, honor, and commitment of more than one man then I'm not the man for her.

[ChiTown33]

Let me add I don't condoan open relationships. I don't see how you can claim to love, honor, and commit to more than ONE person. But I'm also not trying to judge either. So let me just say to each there own. But I'll never understand people who say open relationships work.

[ChiTown33]

Condone*

[Pinay_ako]

Me too. No matter how much I want him in my life, I will have to walk away or let him go.

[ChiTown33]

👍💯

[MrOracle]

She can find someone else to have an open relationship with. Either I'm the only man in her life, or I'm not in her life.

[Daniela1982]

Sounds to me that they aren't interested in being faithful and monogamous. Nothing like giving someone your permission to cheat, which is the only future that kind of relationship offers. You are basically a friends with benefits/fuck buddy.

[Kori1236]

No, I’m monogamous I don’t share. So if they wanted an open relationship they wouldn’t tick all the boxes for me. Better for us both to part and find our person than to say and try and make open work when I’m opposed to it

[RavVid]

Well along the lines of the last answer if she says "Guess what Honey! We're having a baby!!", I don't think I'll be wanting to say "That's Great Honey! Do we know what color it will be?"

Nah. Count me out.

[Dinklex3]

If they want an open relationship then they aren't for me.

That's a deal breaker and their interest in that shows that they do not check "all the boxes".

[midnightmoon05]

Deal breaker for me. We don’t share certain values, so… next.
I dated a guy who is great in many ways. However, he takes drugs. That relationship ended.

[Rose_84]

No they don't tick all the boxes if they want an open relationship. My requirements are :

Exclusivity, unwavering loyalty and only loving one person no matter what.

[Drumlin2001]

Depends on parameters. Open for both of us? Just seeing others or bringing people into our bed (threesomes/foursomes)? Would need to discuss then see how I felt