What is/are the key 🔑 to long term relationships? How long are/were your relationships? How did they last that long?

[Pinay_ako]

is this statement true or false?

Or what made them not last as long?

[hyperben]

tolerance/patience, sure they will put some smelly shit in your fridge, drink the last of your favourite drink, leave skid marks on the toilet, snore/fart and do every combination of annoying nonsense but so do you so as long as they tolerate your bullshit, tolerate theirs

[Pinay_ako]

Wow that’s a good answer

[marvis6]

Communication, respect, understanding, planning together and listening to each other's opinion about everything

[Apple1996]

I've been with my husband for 9 years. I think what keeps us together is the love and passion we have for each other. If the love is real it'll never die out. So there really isn't any specific keys to this besides make sure you settle with someone you actually love cuz if not it's nothing then a friendship. Which is great and everything but without the passion/love it's not a relationship so it won't last long term.

[MzAsh]

Mutual respect
Equal footing

Active listening
Direct communication
Emotional regulation
Empathy
Conflict resolution
Patience
Self awareness


15 years
One before that lasted 6 years

[BullShark]

Above all the things that I will mention later on, personally speaking, the key to a healthy long term relationship in my opinion is mutual respect and trust. You shouldn't be keeping secrets from your S/O and whatever's bothering you, I feel like it's better if you tell them even if you know they might not understand. If they truly love you, they'll never judge you for anything and make an effort to try to understand you better, but to do so, you need to open up to them as well and be open and direct about your feelings and insecurities to them.

As for myself, the last relationship I was in lasted for five years. Now you might think like many others that it might've been a long term relationship, but if anything, it was far from it. Our relationship was always choppy. She was never really open with me and only ever cared about herself. She was, in a manner of speaking, a selfish lover if anything. As long as it was meaningful and useful to her, she was happy with me. Otherwise whenever things would get difficult, like her worrying her parents were snooping into her phone or her mom finding out we were seeing each other again, instead of standing her ground and defending what we had, she'd cut herself off from me for days. Sometimes even weeks and months even, as long as she wanted.

She also had a nasty habit of keeping secrets and was oblivious that no matter how much you might lie, in the end, your secrets eventually come to the light, which is what happened. During our "breaks" or even while we were together, she was still in frequent contact with her ex and I first found this out via a mutual friend of our's who followed her on her socials at the time when she would be on her breaks. She sent me a screenshot of them cuddling together in a questionable position. At first, I thought the photo might've been fake and that there's no way this is the same abusive guy I fought for her safety a couple years ago, but it was definitely him. I was shattered at the thought. Why him of all people? She obviously denied it and cried that the photo was a fake and that someone's trying to frame her to make her look bad in my eyes, and I was so hopelessly in love with her, that I bought the lies and believed every word she said.

Then one night while she was sleeping over at my place, her phone started ringing in the middle of the night and I reached over to shut it off and see who it was. It was him. She was still asleep so I quietly took the phone out of the room and picked-up the call, staying silent as I listened to that wretch talk the other line. He sounded horny and restless, asking her why she hadn't checked his messages yet and where she disappeared off to. I could feel my blood boil at this point so I warned him not to call her again and blocked his number from her cell and then checked the said messages he was referring to earlier. They were apparently sexting and exchanging nudes the day before, just before she came over to my place. I felt completely worthless and betrayed at this point and the feeling is unexplainable.

The next day I confronted her about the whole thing and as usual, she denied everything. Then after pressing a bit more, she finally snapped and admitted the whole thing, breaking me even further when she told me that she still loved him and was still attracted to him and that she didn't feel the same thing with me. That I didn't have the ahem "physical attributes" she wanted in a partner. She always liked taller guys who were 6'2 and above while I was a "short" 5'10. Emphasis on short. Then further blamed me that it was MY fault for falling in love with her and hurting myself, and I agreed. We cut it off then and there and it's been three years since.

[MrNameless]

So sorry dude for going through all that man. At least you came off as a stronger person.

[BullShark]

@MrNameless thanks fam

[dynamicyandere]

I think one of the important keys to keeping a long term relationship alive and well is passion and teamwork.


Passion is important to keep the excitement in the relationship alive, that raw energetic attraction should be kept and maintained—if not strengthened. It takes a lot of awareness and perception to understand exactly what draws you two to each other, but once you figure out what it is, don’t lose sight of it. Nurture it. Grow it. Strengthen it. Understand how the chemistry works between you two, and you will keep your fire for each other burning for years. Staying super attracted to each other is also a sure way to prevent falling out of love.


The next thing is teamwork. You have to think and function and work as a team. There is no me vs you. There is no I am right and you are wrong. There is only us. There is only our team. There is only us vs the challenge we are facing together. Life will throw so many different obstacles and challenges your way and you have to be able to face every one of them as a team. Your loss is my loss. Your win is my win. We celebrate wins, as a team. We take on challenges, as a team. We support each other during a loss, as a team. We’re a team determined to stick together and work through anything life throws at us. We fight, not each other, but the forces that try to divide us.


Keep our passion alive and our teamwork strong has helped the love between my SO and I grow deeper and more fulfilling over time. In 3 months, we will have been together for 4 years. She’s the love of my life, and it’s like we’ve never truly left the “honeymoon phase”. I think that’s because we intentionally keep our passion alive and we’re very diligent with addressing potential issues in our relationship early on and never let things go unresolved.

[dynamicyandere]

Keeping our passion alive*

[ChiTown33]

Well I don't speak from experience. But I would say Trust, communication, and consistent effort. Are probably the 3 keys. Trust: because if you can't trust your partner you can't effectively love them.

Communication: To me most relationships downfall is due to lack of communication. Either deciding that they already KNEW what their partners expectations were and were unwilling to ask. Or that they were unwilling to effectively communicate what they NEEDED to feel fulfilled in the relationship.

Consistent effort: I have 4 sisters. And they're all married, from 17 to 36 years. Most importantly they are all married still! Life will try you. Work, bills, kids, friends, social commitments. Over time all will Sap your attention. So it's oh so important that partners always remember to make time for eachother. Think about it. Are you the same person you were 20, 10, or even 5 years. Ago? No. People WILL change over time. If a couple doesn't grow together they WILL grow apart.

That just my take though.

[Pinay_ako]

And I love every word!

[ChiTown33]

Thanks 🙂

[ObscuredBeyond]

Having the know-how to know when not to pursue a relationship in the first place, can help you find better ones later.

For most of my life, I lacked experience. I sought to get a little, just so I could know what the big deal was. But the door was always slammed in my face. And then that door would be reopened, just so my face could be assaulted a second time, before I even had the chance to get up and find another door! The hate was extremely gratuitous and senseless. And good lot of those women became really messed up later. God wasn't amused by how they treated me either. But was even less amused by those who ignorantly defended my abusers!

Later, I knew how to spot red flags sooner. Women who wanted to start trouble would have to try harder. I see that they're bad news a mile away, I don't even try to get with them. So the only chance they have to hurt me now, would require them to act like male high school bully Hollywood stereotypes. Which only the truly crazy ones would dare attempt. Or, they'd have to assassinate me outright. Which would also be senseless.

The other issue, is knowing how far is safe to go with an LDR. Most LDRs are doomed from the start. The bonus is, getting someone to go online with you may lead to them betraying things about themselves they wouldn't otherwise. Meaning, the relationship is less shallow later on. You don't have to guess as hard what they're really all about. Unless she's a bot. They're notoriously good at hiding their true nature, until you trip them up.

[Krissi45]

wel if you never had a father figure like me, uncle figure or brother figure this can cause e a lot of problems I am there because i never had any of that. Every guy i see then becomes my dad so if they are jerks to me for no reason i relate that to my dad rejecting me all over again. Has nothing to do with me wanting to date them just want to feel beautiful to them or worth love regardless of if I'm their type. If my significant other is can't meet this need it is a problem Marilyn Monroe would understand.

[Pinay_ako]

So you’re saying, a man has to be like a father figure to you for you to like them?

[Krissi45]

Basically

[Haha456]

honestly, I think some people can remain married longer than others simply because they have a higher BS tolerance. My mom has been married to my dad since 1990. My dad is bad tempered, verbally abusive, turbulently moody, arrogant, egotistical. The only reason my mother had been able to stay married to him for 30 years is because she is a push over. She can handle being yelled at. If it were me, I wouldn't be able to stay married to a man like that for a week.

All the bullshit that everyone spews on here about love , respect, and consideration is just fake shit that people without life experience just assume. Quite often, married individuals have a lot of flaws and its only up to their spouses to deal with them. Its more of a "take a look at the bright side " type of mentality.

[matchrestore]

Honestly, one of the biggest ones is financial health. If you're barely making it from paycheck to paycheck (or getting into more and more debt each month) that stress will eat away at even the best relationship. Early in our marriage, my wife and I were still making intro level wages, my work was mostly gig based and my income varied wildly from month to month, and there wasn't much leftover after student loans, rent, and utilities. I'd say 90% of our disagreements were about money, even if it wasn't overtly about money, and money problems aren't easy to solve - unlike the fed, we can't print cash. Now that money isn't as big of an issue, 90% of our problems actually can be solved. We still have our disagreements of course, but its far less stressful when the solution doesn't require money we don't have.

[ohsheeT]

The key tell you long relationship is do not lie once one person lies it's just a matter of time until it's over.

The moment you you go from walking on air to no trust in a little more time games start . there become attitudes questioning everything it's just a breakdown it's just a matter of time before everything starts breaking down because of one lie and because of that one lie everything else starts breaking down so I would say don't do anything stupid that you think you have to lie about because once you do it's over with it's just a matter of time

[ProVox]

One marriage of 8 years lasted about 7 years too long. Jealousy and lack of trust on her part made it a nightmare. I was in college, she was a high ranking corrections officer who had cheated on her first husband, therefore she conditioned herself on being overly suspicious. Checked phones, emails, surprise drop-in's at work trying to "catch me." I felt like I was being treated like one of her inmates. I would go to bed every night expecting a 4am random cell shakedown; ok, j/k on that last bit.


A 12 yr relationship lasted because of complete honesty and trust. If you can hand over your phone or laptop for them to use and not think twice about it, that's a good start and a great, refreshing peace of mind.

🗝️ 🗝️: Honesty, trust and confidence in the relationship.

[Valso]

Longest with a girl - 8 months. The same girl that hurt me and made me give up dating and having relationships forever.

Longest with a guy - 3 years. The end of that wasn't our choice but none of us were ready to come out of the closet, so we had to end it.

[Pinay_ako]

Wow the guy relationship lasted longer.. do you guys still talk

[Valso]

No. We had to break up altogether bc his father at the time decided to move to the States. A few years ago they had come back to live here but the old feelings had gone cold already + he was married anyway. Now all we have are our secret memories together and he's a complete stranger to me now, considering we were both 18 when we ended it, which was... almost 20 years ago.

[AnderM]

We had a couple of the same hobbies. Yet still different in many ways.

We really liked each other, and wanted to help improve one another. Her mood would bring me up when I was down, and I felt like I was the same to her.

I think both of us restricted ourselves from masturbating and too much porn. Built up some tease & tension and not doing it 10 times per week, made it all that better and loving.

We had common goals and a few bad habits we wanted to lay behind.

It lasted 2½ years and I hope I get to find something similar :-)

[Daniela1982]

The truth is:

And they don't cheat because they have no need to.

[ChooChooHaha]

YES: Patience, loyalty being a 2 way street, both of you being on exactly the same page as far what you guys want, , standing up for each other, having each other's back, communicate, respect, honesty. NO: double standard bullshit, no other people bullshit (no flirting, talking, etc., THANK GOD for my ex in that dept.)

[ChooChooHaha]

THANK GOD part is 120% true by the way. The absolute worst was him double taking/ eyefucking in that dept.

[ChooChooHaha]

And this lasted almost 9 years, married for just over 6.

[Phoenix98]

Personally I think taking your time and building a good strong foundation and building a strong cemented connection. Having good chemistry with each other. Is important.

and most importantly mutual patience/understanding, trust, respect working together through the hard and difficult times and lastly communication.

i think those are the keys to a long lasting relationship.

thats what my past experiences have taught me.

[Subarugirl]

Communication, integrity, honesty, and respect. Relationships take work and they take effort to maintain, it's not where each person is at 50/50 it should be 100/100.

The one constant in this life is that nothings stays the same, including people and relationships, they are always changing and you need to embrace that change or you will fail.

[Aerissa_Jade]

No idea, but maybe a love potion or convince cupid to cast that spell on them. Sooner or later, he always cheats or does something unforgivable.

[Pinay_ako]

What makes you say that

[Aerissa_Jade]

They all, always have.

[backdoorman]

Haha, I think that meme hits on some really important points.

To me, at the highest level, the main requirements for lasting relationships are love, communication, compromise and putting your partner's needs ahead of your own.

But as the meme points out, part of that has to be good conflict resolution skills and great sex.

[HumeyraHaktanır]

The real key to a long-term relationship is respect and honesty. I don't think sexuality has anything to do with it. Because I said this, many people may dislike my comment, but this is my opinion. 😏