Many people who are not religious and who want a long term relationship think their best chance of having a long term relationship would be to save or re save their virginity with their partner that they love until marriage.
This is because most long term relationship are sustained when a couple finds things they like to do together other and have similar values. Some may think yes you can have a long term relationship and have sex before marriage but on average sex in known to release happy hormones which can make partners forget about their doubts of each other temporarily and sooner or later they realise they are not compatible and leave the relationship. Which this is a negative as it can cut an invested relationship short.
So don’t you think that you can build a strong relationship with someone through their personality, and then when you know they are right for you, you by this point should love them right? Well if you know what type of person they are and if you love them would you save your virginity til marriage to prove to your partner that you are completely committed and love them in order to have the best chance of a long term relationship?
Would you save or re-save your virginity with a person you love until marriage?
This differs for everyone. Some people approach sex too emotionally or simply out of necessity. It depends on the person's faith and the environment they grew up in. Marrying someone I don't have sex with would be a big risk for me because sexual compatibility is very important to me and it has nothing to do with love, it's all chemistry. I find terms like "losing" virginity or being used by someone very repulsive, while at the same time associating purity with sexuality is pretty ridiculous. When you get married and have sex, innocence disappears then, or it seems like we are all the seed of a sin... To me, the body language of love is making love and it's a pretty innocent thing. I was 20 when I first had sex and I didn't want to be a virgin anymore. He was older than me, but I liked him, our relationship ended very quickly, but I never regretted it, I even wished I had done it earlier. It was a late age for me and it didn't have a fairy tale ending, but I always saw it as a good experience. Since the age when I first discovered sexuality, virginity was unimportant to me, I was just looking for a nice man. Everyone's point of view is different, of course, some people can be very influenced by the first time, it is best for them to wait for marriage.
I've never had vaginal or any other sex, but I've had something like kissing and touching with my past relationships. I think it's called making love. But i regret it and i have been alone for almost 6 years. İf marriage is in my destiny, I will tell my partner about them. But I wish I hadn't experienced any of them. Loving someone who doesn't love you but only uses you for your body makes you numb.
I haven't thought about that, I would think that kissing and touching before marriage without sex would be fine. But now that you have mentioned that you felt numb because they did not love you it must be horrible, I would have felt used.
"re-save"? lol. Is that some woman thing where you think by abstaining for a while you somehow put the cock back into the bottle? That is ridiculous.
Waiting until marriage is the worst possible thing you can do. I have broken up with a couple women due to being incompatible sexually. You can "learn" sexual compatibility. What if he or she is into some weird shit? or what if they are unwilling to do what you need to have a satisfying sexual experience? While sex isn't everything, it is very important to a marriage. Especially when you are young. You need to know ahead of time what is what. And no, you can't just "talk" about it. Many people don't know what they are into until they start having sex. You save yourself a lot of years of misery by just having sex first. Don't let something that someone made up a couple thousand years ago dictate how you live your life. If you want to be religious... if that is what makes living life acceptable for you... awesome. Have at it. But if there is a god, it doesn't give a shit who you fuck or when you fuck.
I was trying for years to wait for the right girl, then after a bad breakup at 19 I gave up on that happening and tried a random hookup. But I couldn't go through with it because I wasn't attracted to the girl. I'd love to keep it until I meet the right person, but it doesn't seem like that will happen. I know tons of my friends wish they had not lost theirs until they met their husband or wife though. It makes sense because it just makes things less complicated.
Nope.. mabey back 80 years ago. But today no. It's not that type of world anymore. Don't get your heart broke by depending on another person to take care of it. You're going to get your heart broken that's a given. If you put your trust in another person to remain loyal to you and you alone you're going to be heartbroken over and over again it's just facts. There's not a lot of people out here who are willing to sacrifice for the sake of your relationship with them. Times have changed get used to being with somebody who always has eyes for something different. I know that sounds really grim but I'm just dealing with reality. I'm the type to be with one person and one person alone but nobody else is around me I've been all across the states everywhere is the same. I had to learn to go with the flow and protect my heart and not get so set on one person. It's 2022 and variety can be a good thing. No more fairy tales sweetie I'm sorry for the bad news but I promise it's the truth. Just protect yourself protect your heart have safe sex and be careful because it's a ugly ugly world and people are super messed up. If you find somebody that you enjoy being around makes you happy and they are truly down for you and you alone they are truly an old soul and you feel in your gut that they're only yours and they only want you then go for it but don't get tricked they're tricky out here. Good luck in the dating world but yes try to save yourself as long as you can women like that are diamonds they're very rare and awesome. Don't get into something so fast that you lose yourself be aware and stay safe.
I would but for a religious reason... I converted to Christianity so I now see it as sinful to have sex outside of marriage. Unfortunately I was around 25/26 when I came back to faith and I hope I can do a better job with my children than my parents did with me and my brothers. It's nothing to do with pureness or saving myself for someone because I don't believe sex makes you dirty... it's to honor God's wishes which I believe are with good intentions for us... I think most of evil in this world comes from sex outside of marriage (that includes all kinds of sexual violence).
No. I did not save my virginity - I was raped, so it was stolen from me in a way. I will not pretend to be born again or save myself, or re-save myself for anyone. But I place no value on virginity myself.
Let me repeat that - the number of times my SO has had sex before me means nothing to me. Yes, we will talk abou it, either way. It has nothing to do with the level of commitment we achieve. At all. Sex has barely nothing to do with commitment. Love does not require a breaking of the hymen or a first ejaculation in a vagina.
I will go further and say I think this kind of mentality, of excluding sex until marriage, is extremely harmful for society as a whole. I will repeat that too. Extremely harmful, since it warrants this saved and re-saved virgins license to - they think - criticize people who had sex, and makes the more vulnerable amongst them to feel less worthy of love.
But you know what, it's late, and this is enough for now.
I waited until I was 19 to have sex and he wasn't my boyfriend or the love of my life, he was just a guy friend in college and I just wanted to get it over with. I didn't get married until I was 28 and 1 thing that connected us from the beginning was a strong sexual attraction. I did go to Catholic schools and they taught us the same, to wait until marriage, but I was young and provocative. Immature. This generation doesn't value the concept of love, sex, and marriage anymore. If I could be 19 again, with what I know now, but in 2004, I wouldn't have had sex w/my friend. I wouldn't have done many things! If you want to wait until you are married, then wait. That person will feel very special I'm sure.
I’ve hated that about our generation for a long time. Did someone sit you girls down somewhere and tell you to control men with your vaginas or something to save the world? I mean yeah, it can APPEAR that way but that’s not how the dynamic works.
@love_conquers_lust a lot of it was the media of the early to mid August 2000s with the explosion of the girl power movement. This taught women and girls how to manipulate men and control them making women view us as literally subhuman. This got even worse when women started getting addicted to social media and taking over predominately male spaces online where they developed their own parallel version of English that is feeling based relying on nuance instead of definition. Women basically don’t see men as human and they speak in code that they can’t even understand; essentially they have used a chaotic form of confusion strategy to gain control and because they didn’t think it would work they don’t know what to do now. And hilariously because women are completely incapable of admitting defeat they’re trying to get men to win back our positions by getting more and more unreasonable but are refusing to let men just take it back thus spiraling us further into the decent of madness and degeneracy. It’s like someone going to the cockpit to help land the plane only to ignore the instructions of ground control, flipping the plane over, and dive bombing it upside down into the side of a mountain just because.
@love_conquers_lust No and it's irate that females today actually think a man really will put her on a pedestal just for sex. Sure, men love sex, but if there's nothing more the woman can offer, why be together? Girls today don't seem to get that.
The potential for sex is high up on the list for me, certainly, despite me being extremely conservative in that department. First thing I’m usually checking out is the ass, no matter her weight. But, that’s just a starter. It does not end there. I have to screen. Even if she is everything I want physically, as I get older, I crave compatibility when facing uncertainty. There are too many liars, fibbers, and exaggerators. Frankly, I’m scared I exaggerate too often and would want someone to call me out on it if they felt it could help me. That to me is a characteristic anyone should have. And there are more.
I do wish we could go back to our materialistic beginnings in the 90s when the Woke shit was in its infancy stages, smart phones didn’t exist, and face to face interaction was the primary means of communication before AOL instant messaging hit us like opioids. Diversity was in all the shit we played with, not our demographic. Race was rarely even brought up. I think this is typical of more homogenized groups. No point in discussing race when people are the same, thus it was more about personalities.
In this day and age women are taking advantage of marriage to steal a man’s profits or ruin them financially.
Man on the other hand seem to see women only as objects in this day and due to low-value women on dating apps, hookers, and access to porn. So most ladies in a man’s eyes are objectified.
Just because these stereotypes could be predominately true in western countries does not mean that all westerners are like this. Meaning there is still hope for decent people to find another significant other of decency. Therefore, marriage and love can be genuine. I know it is rare in today's society but I feel that saving your virginity can be helpful for a woman to find a man that loves them because if a man only sees a woman as a sex object he would leave her as there are plenty of women who want sex as well. Saving your virginity possibly cannot be helpful for a man looking for love as some women will do anything for money but if a woman never pays for dates or hasn't got an equal contribution to finances it is a simple red flag for men to pick up before being in a committed relationship. But if love is hard to come by or is an 'illusion' I would rather not be in any sort of relationship, even marriage.
That doesn't make marriage a fairy tale. It means western society is becoming too godless, faithless, materialistic, petty, and immature to deserve to have or know it. Love and marriage are not what should be on trial here. Those who have betrayed these concepts are who should be on trial. And that's most of western civilization. It has betrayed its own very foundation, to pursue worthless things.
I think that’s stupid. What if a women never gets married then she’ll end up never having sex in her life. No guy is racing to marry me lol I will never get married. Only lucky women can marry a million times by any guy they want. It’s overrated and stupid. Also it’s imposible to a date a guy so 5-10 years then Marry , he won’t wait that long for sex, in fact all women have bfs as they give them sex that’s the only reason women have bfs left and right.
well, maybe no guy is racing to marry you because you aren't looking for a man in the first place no one will marry you just like that. Well if men are not patient with the women they love it proves that he does not love her that much, it's not like they will never get married if they love each other. I understand that it can be frustrating if you never marry that you never have sex if you save your virginity but why would someone want to have sex with someone meaning less it would mean that those memories would be meaningless and thus a waste of time. Your opinion is actually very helpful, I do appreciate it.
I mean it would be meaingless to have sex with a hookup guy but if u have boyfriend like me strong bond and know him 4 years then it’s not meaningless.
I don’t think men want to marry women I just hear about men cheating so I don’t even think I’ll marry my boyfriend. I don’t think any guy will race to buy me a ring. It just only happens to hot women men drool for like puppy or lucky women.
I wouldn’t. Sex is one of my love languages and I enjoy having sex while trying new things with my boyfriend. I’m against sleeping around for meaningless sex, which is why I need to be able to have sex in my relationships to see just how compatible we are in bed. If we’re not compatible then I will try to work on it with him during the course of our relationship - but incompatibility can be a deal breaker for me.
I don’t want to go into marriage blind not knowing what I’m settling down with for the rest of my life, I also don’t want to divorce lol But with relationships, if we’re not sexually compatible and we’ve made attempts to work on it but it’s still a mismatch, we can always just break up and stay as friends.
you're NEVER going to be good with EVERY partner. Sexual compatibility is about making sure you and your lover enjoy the same things in bed which pretty much guarantees that you'll be a better fit for each other. Losing virginity is VERY different than normal sex because anxiety is high and most dont know what they like in bed until they get comfortable with sex. Most people dont get "good" until they have sex with someone 3 times because theyre more relaxed and know what to expect.
I don't know if i can wait til marriage again but i always prefer to wait until i an in a longterm relationship and in love so that usually takes at least 6 months of waiting. But most of my exes never made it past that mark. Very few couldnt wait that long but the ones willing to wait, we ended for different reasons like realizing they werent the one for me
I didn't loose my virginity until my wedding night with my husband. I had known him since Jr high school and we were good friends for a long time before we got married
I am abatinent. And I don't believe I am a car that should be test driven before beibg bought. I am a girl with high self worth, family values and moral values.
I will marry the man I love regardless of how well he fucks.
I know right. Why does it matter ‘how well he fucks’ when you are not going to do it for that majority of a day. And there are more and many other important things to value in a relationship.
Plus if I love him I will get turned on. But if i don't love him I will feel disgust for even getting a light sexual touch let alone letting him inside. And his skills won't change anything. They won't change my disgust
I was raised Christian and everyone in the church harassed us about staying a virgin. Now that I’m 36 I don’t see the point at all. I think someone should “loose there virginity” in the moment with whoever they choose. To many rules around sex. This whole idea causes so many problems between men and women.
A woman's chastity is very important to good quality men my dear, it's probably the most important factor. This cannot be simply dismissed. There are many males where this isn't an issue. But if a woman is looking for the best bang for her buck so to speak, the your chastity is your greatest asset.
Your 48? Are you a virgin? I know a lot of good quality men and they see women as equals and don’t hold them to a higher standard than themselves. When you say good quality men I think you mean closed minded and sexist men
@Orange85 Well that's extremely harsh my dear. A woman values a man who can provide, most men (and I know this doesn't come as news to you) value a woman with a low or no body count.
Both statistically and scientifically she makes a better life long partner.
I understand why you may be upset about this, no different than men who are broke with no people skills become upset that women like men with money. They may even call her stuck up and evil for wanting a man to provide for her. But that's her biology. That's the way life has been setup.
Really just depends on if you think for yourself and not just whst society says. I don’t go after men for money or to be taken care of. I take care of myself. I’m not upset. I always just lie and tell men I’ve only been with a few amount anyway? Who would ever no. This is so silly to me. I’m a great partner. I’m funny loving and interesting. I get why men think this way about women so most women just lie about the number. like I said you will never know. I wouldn’t go for a man that wasn’t sex positive anyway. Not attractive
Would it be fair for a man to lie to a woman by convincing her that he has money and can look after her, just to steal a night with her?
I don't think it's fair to shame men for their biology, just like it wouldn't be fair to shame a woman for hers. I don't believe it has anything to do with society, but your entitled to that belief.
This is biological, the chemistry of a woman changes when she sleeps with a man. Statistically women who are virgin's before marriage have the lowest divorced rates.
I said I don’t date men for money? You and I live in two different worlds. It’s not really biology. It’s society. And the ability to think for yourself. A lot of women don’t dare men for money and a lot of men know that there are way more important things to worry about than if a woman is a virgin. Take care.
Oh and if a woman slept with a man just because he said he had money… they are both clowns and deserve each-other. Sex should be exchanged because of interest in the person and love only
I would love to know how you re-save your virginity? Once you are no longer a virgin you can not undo that... What... Poof I am a virgin again?
There are no guarantees that even if both people save themselves for marriage that the marriage will last. Being a virgin before marriage won't make the marriage last any longer if things go wrong.
Sex won't save a marriage from say jealousy, or lack of trust...
Yes, but you can sustain your innocence with another which means you have not lost your virginity with that person. Thus, it is possible to re save your virginity with a person. if you look up the second definition on virginity and think outside the box.
Probably not. To be perfectly honest, most women have nothing to offer but their sex these days. Why would i wait to find out that she’s selfish and/or lazy regarding sex just so she can take out kids, everything i own and half or more of my income indefinitely? Marriage starts out a losing game for men. At least tell us we’re guaranteed good sex for the early part or it goes away entirely. No joke, it’s going away already for exactly this reason. Look at current stats on engagement and marriage compared to the last 100 years. All time lows are not incidental. Men are waking up.
I never said that i only want sex. I don’t think anyone is saying that. I can share hobbies and interests with family and friends. I don’t need that from a woman. What else is any woman going to offer? THAT’S the challenge modern women who insist on marriage are always going to face. It’s not on me as a man to change because my value hasn’t changed. As a man i am still expected to be a provider before, during and after the marriage. Most people expect a return on their investment, men and women alike. So what’s in it for me to be the endless stable provider? Nothing as far as i can see. Which is why i’ll never marry. And i’m not the only one. Again, marriage rates are at their lowest in decades, and declining.
If this meant going back in time to stop myself (or more accurately stop her) from having it happen, yeah I would. The unfortunate part is that it's part of who I am now, and it's an evolving process. Were I to be able to re-save it, I might not turn out to be the same guy, could be different, better or worse. It's all speculation at this point, but I do think it would be much better ro wait for that special someone and share a first night of passion on the wedding night.
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Anonymous
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Nope, been there done that and it was a huge mistake. It's like buying a lifetime supply of a food you've never even tried before. What we found out was that neither of us liked the food we bought but it was too late to exchange it. It's a great way to ruin a relationship. Intimacy and sexual compatibility are too important to leave to chance.
But, can’t you make it work. So if sexual compatibility is important would you leave your partner if they become disabled and could not have sex if you were sexually compatible before? Is it that important?
Is it that important? Only a woman would ask that question. It's like a man asking a woman "is emotional support really that important?".
Yes, I could make it work if she was disabled, and I would if that happened. But that's not the point here. I can choose to go into the biggest decision of my life blindly, or I can choose to make an informed decision. Why would I do the former if I have a choice? It's a no-brainer to me.
why are you all obsessed with sex? That's why there are a lot of idiot men, do you even have any hobbies? Do you all do any gardening, cooking, or fixing things around the house? or are y'all who watch porn and dream about your partner's body?
I have owned my home for 4 years now. I spend a lot of time fixing it up and doing improvements. I remodeled one of the bathrooms last year and just finished building a shed in the backyard for my yard equipment and storage. I have a garden of herbs and tomatoes that I use in a lot of the cooking I do. I do a lot of cooking and am pretty good at it (I'm making osso buccu for my fiancée and me tonight). I play guitar and build acoustic guitars as a hobby. I've build 9 so far and am pretty proud of the way they are turning out. I sold the last one to a guy who fronts a local band and I get to go to some of their concerts and listen to him play the guitar I built, which is really fun and satisfyingly. I have a good job and earn good money. I'm engaged to a really good woman with whom I have a lot in common, both sexually and otherwise.
I'm not obsessed with sex any more than any other healthy man my age. That you see it that way is exactly why I feel the way I do about getting to know a woman sexually before marriage.
I have no experience but even after meeting the right guy I think when the time feels right you should do it. You also see if you are compatible in that area too
I knew a Jesus freak who was waiting for his perfect Christian girl to come along. He even thought he knew who it was but took no action because he was waiting for God to make the magic happen. Well of course nothing happened. Then he died. Good things come to those who wait but not to those who wait too late.
Nope, never. People constantly mock those who aren't sexually active, I can't deal with that kinda shit. Being a virgin was hell for me, especially since I never got to do anything else sexual with a guy, not even a kiss. I don't want to be a "loser".
Find friends or people that don’t you don’t judge you that means they aren’t real. Not all people are cruel, don’t think too much what others think - I have dealt with it and making excuses isn’t any better.
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