Why does my boyfriend don't want us to be friends on social media?

[sphinx23]

I do understand at first why we both don't wanna add each other on our social media. It's for a healthy relationship. But now that we're on an LDR. I wanna know about what he posts or puts on his social media even if we talk all the time. We don't post anything related to us on socmed. We only use it to communicate with our friends and family only. But I still wanna know his interaction with everyone. Is it wrong to add him?

[BlueScorpio]

He's hiding you from someone else that he has on his profile. Could be another girl, friends or family he doesn't want others to know about you. Since your in a long distance relationship, he could be talking to other women and don't want them to see you on his profile. My husband and I added each other and we don't even get on Facebook anymore, it was during the time we were dating. I never saw it as big deal, you just hit add friend button and that it. I feel like some guys turned into a big deal because deep down inside some of them just weren't ready to claim you and rhe relationship officially in front of others, especially online.

[MoniqueTLC]

Specifically in a LDR, you should have your partner on social media. Could be a warning sign that he may not want you to see what he gets up to. Your boyfriend should WANT to have you on his profile too. Yes, some people aren't active social media posters and it shouldn't be a tool to judge how someone feels about you, but in a LDR, it does help.

I'd ask him about it in a casual convo. Give you some peace of mind too.

[sphinx23]

I asked him twice and he said we'd talk about it when we see each other. But the last time, he went back home. He just ignored the issue. Is it so sus?

[MoniqueTLC]

Mmmm that's a little bit suspect. Don't let him disregard your question. You deserve an answer from him. If there was nothing to it, he should just be able to speak to you about it. Definitely keep at him about it.

[sphinx23]

Hypothetically, I ask him again and he refuses. If were me, what would you do?

[MoniqueTLC]

If that were me, I'd consider it a Red flag. It would also be a sign that he's not taking my feelings into consideration. Even if your partner doesn't 'like' social media, or doesn't think it's necessary, if it's important to YOU there should be some level of understanding for them.
I'd probably take some time and think whether or not the relationship is going to work in the long run. It might sound a bit dramatic over social media, but it sets the tone for the relationship moving forward.
Also, if you get an off feeling about it, trust your gut/instincts. Easier said than done though I know x

[sphinx23]

That's so insightful. Thank you for this. I don't have an off feeling for now. It's just the LDR is making me think of these things. I don't post him or about us on socmed because from where I come from people judge a lot and feel so entitled of everyone's lives. I don't wanna share him online because I just want to have what we have private as simple as that. Though both of our family and close friends know about our relationship

[sphinx23]

But I also wanna know his interaction online no matter how "rare" he posts. I don't plan to pry on his older posts before our relationship. But I don't really know how I'd open the topic about adding each other again on socmed. I don't know if I'm thinking the right thing.

[Effably]

Him not being willing to be friends on social media is sus.
While it may very well be reasonable and not malicious, if you two are to ever be serious he also can't hide you away. This is one of those things where he will just have to explain himself and then give in anyway.

[sphinx23]

He always says that he saw a lot of people's relationship got broken because of unnecessary things on socmed. I do agree, too. And many people feel so entitled and think they have anything to do in a relationship. But since we just started to be on LDR. I still wanna know how his interaction with everyone. Do I sound so paranoid now?

[Effably]

So be friends first. You don't need to declare your relationship to the world right away.

I am not trying to sound the alarms. People have weird hangups. But this is an obstacle you will both have to tackle, not ignore.

[sphinx23]

You as a man, do you think it's right? And how about you? Do you add your significant others on your socmed?

[Effably]

I do. Granted I barely use them. But I do, absolutely if she asks.

[sphinx23]

If she asks you said. But if she won't, are you going to offer to add each her?

[Effably]

Probably not. But that is because I basically do not use any social media outside of my work-related accounts.

[sphinx23]

I see. Well, if it's a work-related account. I would understand if you won't add offer her to be added. But hypothetically, you are active on socmed and it's for personal use, would you offer to add her?

[sphinx23]

If you won't offer her to be added*

[Effably]

Hypothetically, maybe. But it would be more akin to me mentioning it. Perhaps I'd boast about a post I made or something like that to gauge interest rather than directly offer.

I do not really think that sharing it is a big step or deal. I do think that not being willing to share if asked is a bad sign. Most likely it would be on her to ask, but she'd get a yes.

[sphinx23]

Very good point. It's not about directly offering, but once asks the willingness is something to be considered. Oh my goodness. I don't wanna think badly about our situation now but you guys have all good points together. Hopefully he'd say yes the next time I ask again. :(

[Effably]

Again he might have a good reason. Its just that, especially for a LDR, it is important to have clear and open communication. So him hiding his personal life from you or you from it is less than ideal.

[FilmGuy93]

I think it makes sense to ask him if he’s cool with that before you do anything. Just tell him that you think it makes more sense to add him, now that the situation has changed. I love dating women who are comfortable voicing ideas like that.

[sphinx23]

I always voice out my ideas. I never stop myself from saying things. We did talk about it before but it was just forgotten right away

[FilmGuy93]

Gotcha.

[Anonymous]

He's hiding you, someone, or his activities online. Doesn't he care if you're doing the same to him? Definitely sus.

If you both agreed with a serious relationship, I will definitely find it as a red flag and initiate a break up. If he comes back, make him prove that he really loves you.

Someone can definitely take advantage of this situation, especially if you're on LDR.

[Kylal412]

Hiding shit! Any guy I have dated added me right away so to not add you means he is hiding something and I’d most definitely can be a relationship or it can be a past one that’s not done yet. Keep your guard up or just drop him.

[sphinx23]

We're in a serious relationship and dropping him it's not an option if this is the only issue. But since everyone thinks it's a red flag, I won't turn a blind eye on it and be on guard.

At first, we really had the same reason of not adding each other on Facebook. We wanted to have a separate time and space at least online. Our family and friends know about us. We just don't post of us on socmed. Only recently that I had a change of heart because we're on an LDR. He refused twice. Tbh, I'm kinda scared to ask for the 3rd time. I won't know how I'd react if he refuses. :(

[Kylal412]

You guys still can have separate time and space even being friends on fb and if it’s about privacy then you both probably shouldn’t even have a fb to be honest. But you came here asking because I’d does bother you. I personally am just saying that it is a red flag because it shouldn’t be such and issue for him 🤷‍♀️

[sphinx23]

Yes. You do have a point. And I agree, it shouldn't be an issue. Because if it's me, I'd be willing to add him immediately.

Well, for both of us, being on Facebook is kinda of important. (1) We're both working overseas, FB is the main socmed to reach and check up on everyone back home. (2) we both use it even before we met each other (3) he's not so active on socmed (but I won't know for sure since we're not friends there) (4) It doesn't bother me at all, because from where I come from, many couples do this especially those who are married and in a long-term relationships and they have the same reasons like ours. However, I had a change of heart this time.

[Kylal412]

Well whatever you’re comfortable with really. I think differently so I personally would be like wtf is wrong with you lol. But if it bothers you it should bother him too. Something so small should never be an issue.

[sphinx23]

Thanks for your opinion. It matters to me. 😊

[Kylal412]

Anytime!! Here to help ❤️

[Infinity12]

He's either seeing someone else, or wants to, or is looking. Or there may be some other reason he is hiding you, or, is hiding info about his life from you. None of which is good! This is like having a double life!

[Sarahshahy]

I don’t want to be brutal but it’s a sign. One of my close friends had same issue and later she found out that dude was cheating on her.. Talk to him and ask him reasons behind his concerns

[sphinx23]

How long did it take your friend to find out about his boyfriend cheating on her? And how? If I may ask.

[Sarahshahy]

Well that guy told her he doesn’t use any social media (they were dating) Later he moved to another country for the university and my friend realized he made Instagram account without informing her. I don’t know the story much detailed tbh but I know they didn’t break up after this incident. Just later she found out he was with someone else

[sphinx23]

That's sad. I feel sorry for your friend. My boyfriend he only has FB. And we talked me most of the time on Messenger and sometimes other apps and personal #s, too. However, we both restrict each other from our page. But I have a change of heart recently, but he flatly said no and gave me the reasons I mentioned earlier. He doesn't use FB much as he said and sometimes when he posts, he asks me to check it first or if it's picture, asks me which one is better to post. So with this case, I think it's better to add each other. Right?

[itsalyssaagain]

Add him. My ex boyfriend had the same stupid rule and I thought aw he really cares about us and doesn’t want social media to come between us. No it was because he was sleeping with another girl the entire time and didn’t want me to find out.

[TransAm85]

He's hiding shit. Y do I have a PIN on my cell phone? I've been married 9 years, but I still talk to an ex sometimes.. If ur b/f is really serious, he wouldn't be hiding anything from u.

[Moonshae]

He doesn't want someone to see he has a girlfriend, probably his other girlfriend.

[spartan55]

"I still wanna know his interaction with everyone"... such bullshit... translation: I want to make sure he isn't talking to females...

[Lynn7dsd]

usually when this happens its often because they have another girlfrined or wife.

[Ms_Facesitter]

Sussy... He either wants to hide himself from you or wants to hide You from others. It's a red flag for me.

[Anonymous]

Why. So you can monitor his social interactions with people and his online behavior? Why is that important for your relationship?

[sphinx23]

Should we put importance on that? Why or why not?

[ironmidget]

Its probably due to the fact he is hiding something

[sphinx23]

Probably. But I trust my guts. I don't have an off feeling so far. But since everyone voiced out that it's a red flag then I won't turn a blind eye on that. Will definitely discuss it with him as soon as we see each other in a couple of days. But I dunno how I will start the conversation fr.

[ironmidget]

Tell him exactly how it makes you my ex girlfriend did this first she blocked her friends list then she blocked me she said that she didn't want drama. Come to find out the drama was me finding out she was still talking with her old boy toy. If he can't share all of himself, there is a reason either you are the secret or someone else is

[sphinx23]

This line "either you are the secret or someone else is". I hope neither of the two. But it makes me thinking about it. Because if the situation is different. If he's the one who asks me to be friends on Facebook first, I won't hesitate at all. It's totally fine with me. Sometimes when we're spending time, I would often show him my Facebook feeds or timeline if necessary like if I wanna show my post or my friends' comments on my post. I don't really care if he gets my fone and scroll down and check it himself. I would scroll it down sometimes and if he finds something interesting and wants to go back to a specific post, I do it for him and let him see and read. But he never does it. He would save the pictures or screenshots some of his posts on Facebook and show me. But that's all.

What does it look like to you from a man's perspective though?

[ironmidget]

To me that just means you have nothing to hide and you actually want to share things and yourself. Everyone you know has a FB and safe to say everyone he knows does too

[Clyde_123]

Maybe he is hiding something or he has a secret girlfriend on social media

[sphinx23]

That was my first idea. But I'm giving him a benefit of the doubt. Actually both of us have the same opinion at first. I wanna have my own space at least on socmed, since we're always together then. But since us being in an LDR, makes me want to monitor everything. I was thinking that I maybe paranoid. But I'm not doing it to pry on him. I just simply wanna know everything. Is it wrong of me to ask for such?

[Clyde_123]

Of course not. You are his girlfriend. You have a right to know everything. You wanna meet his family or friends. Did you just met him on internet?

[sphinx23]

Nope. We're solid. We met in a country where we both working at. We're from different countries, too. He's American, I'm Asian. I already met his parents online since they're in the US and his cousins, other relatives and colleagues who are living in this country. And the new ones he's working with in the other country. Also, he asks my opinion, asks me to check and choose what to post if he wants to though he's not so active in using Facebook. It's the only one he has. Is it too much for me to ask to be friends on socmed?

[Clyde_123]

No really did u really ask him whats the reason of not adding you on social media? Tell him your thoughts. Ask him why.

[sphinx23]

I asked him. He just said that he just doesn't want to have something good that we have because of social media. Knowing there are too many toxic people there. At first, it was fine. But I asked again after a couple of months. During this time, he's in a different country. He said we'll talk about it when he returns. But when that time came, he just said the same thing and told me that we should think about it. That was last month. He'll be back here in a week, and I don't know how I'd start the conversation again. Because tbh I'm scared that he'd say the same thing and it will definitely drive me crazy.

[Clyde_123]

Thats weird. I think he is really hiding something. Thats a red flag.

[sphinx23]

I don't wanna think that way since I don't feel anything off but since everyone here says it's a red flag, so I think I need to reevaluate myself. I don't want to turn a blind eye on this. But I'm hoping it's not really.

[Luckycharms12]

Maybe doesn't do social media. Or he wants his love life private and just his business which is understandable

[sphinx23]

He said he wants us to just be happy without social media. He said many couples break up because of socmed and he doesn't want us to be like that

[Luckycharms12]

Seems reasonable

[sphinx23]

Is it? Would you do the same?

[Luckycharms12]

I don't so social media really what's app or Snapchat only thing really use when I do

[Kusz76]

If he doesn’t want you on his social media he’s got something to hide 100%

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he is wanting to hide you. Often times LDR don't work out sadly

[sphinx23]

Do you think being friends on socmed is helpful? He said he thinks it's not because he saw a lot of relationship got broken because of unnecessary stuff on socmed

[Opinion Owner]

While relationships do get broken because of social media this does not happen to all relationships. He couple simple still add you and if he still any kind of behaviour like jealously than he can delete you but the fact that he is straight up refusing to add you screams red flag

[sphinx23]

Is it really a big deal? He once told me that both of us are both jealous type since we're both Leos. And if we see our friends (especially opposite gender) comment on our posts for example pictures and say something we don't like, it can lead to questions or maybe arguments, so he said it's not good if ever. So what do you think?

[Opinion Owner]

I see it as a red flag

[sphinx23]

I understand your point. I don't know how to convince him though. I'm thinking it's a cultural difference since both of us are from different countries.

[BubbaTech]

Beware, something 🤔 is Amis.

Is he involved with another woman? Is his family against you? Lots of potential possibilities.

[Philyouup]

i guess he is not that serious with you. seems to me a true partner would not mind. Still up to sketchy shit perhaps

[Darine123]

He hiding shit from you , cheat or scared that another girls gonna see you there

[slytherinalumni2008]

For me that would be a big red flag that he might be cheating on me.