Do you have issues asking for help, or care?

[VaguelyAsianLisbeth]

I normally don't like to get too personal, but my boyfriend is struggling. He's hyper-independent and just let's himself suffer through a problem so that he doesn't bother people. He's very smart and capable, and so good at solving things on his own. But it tires him out, and he doesn't have to.

Therapy of course can help. But what can I do to help him get used to asking for support? How do I ease him in to letting me take care of him sometimes?

[BarryLiverstone]

He sounds like me to some degree because when I have a challenge I often try to solve it myself so that I don’t expose others and potentially hurt them in the process. Must be my instinct to be protective. Also because I try to give to them and only want them to feel safe.


My suggestion is you talk to him about his day to day life and offer to take on one small aspect of his responsibility or even offer to team up with him on it. That way he doesn’t feel like you are hurt or unfairly being tasked with a burden. But instead it’s your opportunity to show him you can handle it and moreover show him you are not negatively affected. That’s going to increase his confidence and trust in you and allow him to delegate more responsibility in the future. Often times the small tasks translate to more emotional delegations.

[VaguelyAsianLisbeth]

Can always count on your wisdom :)

[Andres77]

If he’s that resistant…sometimes you just have to let them fail…a little bit. But then show that you were there all the time.

depending on their attitude they might realize that you were right or…they might become even more stubborn. Some things you can’t fix.

a technique in convincing someone to do something is to get them to think it was their idea. THEN they’ll do whatever is required because it was their idea.

[Agape93]

Yeap. I usually don't say anything until it gets bad or almost too late.

Try helping in the background. If he's working on something, clean up a bit around him. If he's stressed, just be there for him. The little things help

[Smoke-n-Growls]

He needs therapy. It's normal to ask for help, and there's likely many deep rooted reasons he feels he shouldn't ask for it.

Learning to ask for help is part of being an adult.

[Phoenix98]

I ask for it when I genuinely need it but if I can fix it or solve it myself I will even if it’s frustrating.

[Noodle_fan]

yes , i think it is because i just get used to it , the idea of expecting someone help is almost never popped

[Jamie05rhs]

A year from now, you'll come back asking "why can't my boyfriend do anything on his own?"

[QuietRunner]

Professional work help sometimes yes

sometimes I want to figure it out for me

[jimmy2]

Just tell him you care and want to help him