Why am I letting this bother me?

[Anonymous]

I’m eight months pregnant. I left the father of my child in early June because he was physically abusive toward me while I was pregnant and before. I decided I wanted better for my child and left. I blocked him on everything and I’ve been doing great with ignoring his “I’m sorry” “give me another chance” messages from text free numbers. We have mutual friends and they mentioned to me that he has a new girlfriend. It doesn’t bother me that he’s seeing someone else but more so that he’s more worried about dating again and sex rather than getting the help he needs for himself and the child we created together. I would be more than willing to let him be in his life but only if he got extensive help for his abusive ways and he doesn’t seemed to be worried about getting help as much as he is worried about catching a new victim.

[ohsheeT]

It bothers you because he is the father of your child it bothers you because everything could have been right if he would have been honest with himself and then something about it it bothers you because you know there's going to be another girl that it happens to it bothers you that he is that way and cannot see it you can't let it bother you you have to let it go because he's not going to change until he either gets a big trouble hurt somebody and goes to jail or he makes that commitment to himself to do something about it but you know down deep he's not going to because he doesn't think that he has a problem that's what bothers you it bothers you that you're going to have a child and if it's a boy you're going to have to do everything in your power to teach him how to treat people and no matter what for the rest of your life let's say you get another boyfriend and let's say you guys get into an argument when you do something like this you're teaching your child in that moment this is how you handle problems if there's abuse you're going to teach your child you have to hit to get what you want if you yell and scream you're teaching your child to get what you want you have to yell and scream you have to be aware of everything that you do and say around your child because that's the part that teaches them not you teaching them ABCs is how you act and how you treat other people how you treat your friends how you communicate whether it's with your voice or with body language you have to be careful you have to take your child 10 times better than you are that should be your goal is to put that much love into your child to know how much they are loved you don't have to yell and scream to discipline them you don't need to take away from them to discipline them if anything you give them more responsibility and you show them you communicate with him in a very calm peaceful loving way very quickly it doesn't have to be long and drawn out it doesn't have to be about you it needs to be about them very easy so they get the point it bothers you because you love him and you want him to be part of your child's life and he's not going to be there because of the way he treats you and you know that he cannot hold his tongue back or even his hands Maybe that's why you upset that's what bothers you you have to let it go you are a bigger person than this that's why it bothers you

[HighValue]

Why do women think it is okay to steal a child from the father and try to prevent him from seeing it?

He never abused the child.

If you think he is unfit to be a parent, the same could be said of you since he was already abusive to you and you stayed with him BEFORE getting pregnant. that shows you may be with another abusive partner in the future and still stay with them once your child is born too.

[Asker]

You make no sense seeing as me going through what I went through with him has taught me to be more aware of the signs and leave even at the smallest red flag. Something I didn’t do but should have when I first met him. And you say “He didn’t abuse the child.” If he abused me he’ll definitely abuse our child. I left him because I know I would never abuse my child, I was never even whooped as a child growing up. I was disciplined but not by being whooped which is why me being pregnant was the reason I left for good because I wasn’t gonna allow my child to endure what I did. Also, the last thing on my midnight right now is dating or getting into a new relationship because for one that isn’t what’s important right now and two, I know I’m still healing. By the time I date again I’ll be more than cautious of an abuser and pick wisely next time because as years go by, due to what I went through with him, I’m only get wiser and learn from that traumatic experience so I know I wouldn’t date an abuser again. You’re speaking ignorantly on abuse without knowing much about it obviously because it’s never easy to just “leave”.

[HighValue]

You had your chance to leave after the first time and didn't. That shows that you WILL get another partner like that. And since you will now have a kid form someone else, good men will avoid you. You lost most of your value as soon as that happened.
And statistically, MOST children that are abused are in single mother households.

[Asker]

boy I stopped reading your reply the moment you said I lost my value because I’m gonna have a child as if I care about what a man thinks or want or as if I’m thinking about dating when I’m more focused on being a mom for the first time. and as if that’s really true because these men play step dad very often and as far as the child being abused in single parent homes, I could care less about a statistic because my child would never be apart of any “statistic” if I have anything to do with it.

[HighValue]

Same thing a lot of the women claim that have been in your position. Statistics are REALITY, not some made up wishful thinking by ignorant people that want to live in fantasy land.

[FilmGuy93]

Sounds like a reason thing to be upset about. You were treated poorly and you don’t want to see someone else get treated poorly.

[Anonymous]

More likely with how you reacted he just sees you as a mistake. And is planning to just do better than try to waste the time fixing it with you.

[Googlemyahoo]

Before getting pregnant you weren’t aware he was an asshole?

[HighValue]

She was. She was already abused and STILL got pregnant by him and stayed with him. Poor decisions on her part and now she will have to live with the consequences of her decisions.