What type of love does a cheater even feels?

[ChicanaChick]

I've heard the phrase that if you cheat then you can't/don't love them. I've a couple friends who have been cheated on and others who were the cheaters.

A friend that cheated claimed to still love her boyfriend, to still have those intensive feelings and still referred to him as the love of her life. Even though she cheated and did wrong, she was still in love, infatuated with him.

So apparently even cheaters can feel emotions for their partners, a messed up one I guess. But honestly what type of love does a cheater even feels?

Updates

1 y

I've never cheated nor ever been cheated on either (well not that I know of). I'm trying to understand from a supposedly remorseful cheater's POV, what type of love can they feel?

[D_Bone_Steak]

They love what they are getting. Nothing more, and nothing less. The only reason they feel "bad" when they get caught is that they're losing something. It could just be the loss of trust. Like "awe, poor me, now I can't convince him I'm just out with the girls or staying at my friend's place because I drank too much anymore"

There's a reason most people think cheaters are fucking scum. They promise to cut off all their other options and then you promise it back and do cut off all your other options... then they just suddenly have options popping up left and right and they have to take them while you are at home alone wondering 'wtf?' ... sort of makes a person wish they kept their options too. ... or to make some new ones.

[ChicanaChick]

So basically they're screwed in their heads and they likely are distored in what love is. My friend for instance claims that even when she cheated, she still hasn't stopped feeling infatuated with him, never stopped being in love with him. So I guess that's not the same as actual love.

[ChicanaChick]

While no doubt a cheater can feel something, I guess if the cheater allows their partner to take them back... that's still selfish. They are removing their partner out of other options.

[D_Bone_Steak]

Yes and yes. The act of cheating is a selfish act to begin with. Break it down...

Kids playing tag, and one kid starts lying, manipulating, and making up rules just to not be tagged... AKA cheating. If you didn't learn what it really is on the playground, you're going to fuck around and find out in adulthood and it will probably hurt more as an adult.

[Sixgunsound]

This is one of the many many reasons that kids who were forced out of school for two years, especially the lower grades who spend more time on the playground, because they don’t have access to the character formation training that their older peers already got. Add to that the obsession that the modern world seems to have with screens, and you can take a few more points out of the nations emotional intelligence quotient.

[Sixgunsound]

Kids are behind in social and emotional development*

[D_Bone_Steak]

@Sixgunsound Very true my friend. Very true. It's like one thing keeps happening on top of the other and the general population just keeps getting dumber and dumber.

[Sixgunsound]

George carlin has a bit called Dumb Americans that should be required viewing before graduation in this country.

[Sixgunsound]

When someone is in love with passion, and love with love, or in love with lust, they are not in love with their partner. So while they may enjoy the emotional roller coaster of dating or God for bid marriage, I don’t believe that cheaters are at the emotional maturity level where a serious adult relationship is appropriate. You don’t just accidentally fall onto or into someone else’s private parts, so it is a conscious choice.

[ChicanaChick]

So basically the cheater can feel emotions for their partner but their views of love is so distorted. They don't love their partner. My friend likely doesn't love her boyfriend... she's just infatuated. The way she talks sounds more like lusting over him than actually real love.

[Sixgunsound]

That is what it usually looks like to me, looking in from the outside.

[20yearsolder]

Cheaters don't feel love. Has nothing to do with love. Typically it has to do with having an orgasm

[ChicanaChick]

That's basically just short-lived. So basically they're just in love with the idea of thinking they love their partners but don't.

[20yearsolder]

Basically they're wanting to get laid by somebody else. I'm guessing that they're bored in the bedroom

[ChicanaChick]

Yes but many times when the cheater is either caught or discovered in their lies, they do an 360° turn (try going back to the person they cheated with) and start begging for a 2nd chance. That's what my friend did and he took her back. Yet, prior to that they were so calculating with their cheating, lies and trying to avoid getting caught. Why then cry and beg for a 2nd chance if they enjoyed the moment?

[ChicanaChick]

I'm trying to understand the cheater's point of view... they do many of them still want to go back to the person they're begging for a 2nd chance instead of being with the affair partner?

[20yearsolder]

That's a great question, I don't really know. If it were me, it would be over. If I caught her or she caught me that would be the end of the relationship. No crying or begging. If I were desperate enough to go out and look for a piece of side ass then I definitely wasn't happy in the relationship that I was in