Do we really have it easy in finding a partner?

[SarahS98]

We can have a hard time finding our partner too.

Before meeting my now fiance, I was struggling too. I had to weed out several men that either found waiting till marriage unbearable, believe in living together first, one that said marriage was just a piece of paper, one that didn't want kids, one that was into clubs every weekend, etc. I found him by random chance at a supermarket (after a female friend stood me up) when I wasn't even looking.

Many men seem to think you have things so easy in the dating and relationshp world. Really do you? I had a hard time.

Updates

1 y

Oh and I also dumped a guy with a high sexual count too. The amount of guys I had to weed out (reducing my dating pool) was overwhelming at one point. It was easy for me finding a like-minded partner either.

[Weapon77]

Notice how what you were listing were just a few of all the guys you had as options, dated, and were able to dump. You got to try out one option, decide if he was a good fit or not, then move on to the next one. That is totally the opposite of the experience of most guys. Most guys don't have options to choose from. They work ridiculously hard to just get 1 girl, and many guys don't even have success in doing that. I can describe this in more detail if you'd like. And feel free to PM me about my own dating experience and that of my male friends and relatives versus that of my female friends and relatives to give you a better idea.

Also keep in mind that it sounds like you are a high quality girl, and the difficulties you went through are average for high quality girls. Girls who don't just have sex with anyone are rare and extremely valued by men as relationship material, so almost all men want that girl. But the bads guys want her for the wrong reasons and must be weeded out (like you did). But girls who aren't as great actually have an easier time dating than you, believe it or not, at least until you get to nasty girls (they have a terrible time, but it's mostly their own fault). For instance, if you just had sex with all of those guys you mentioned, you would've had a much easier time dating. But you are better than that, so you deserve guys who are better even though that can be harder. My sister had to go through a terrible guy before she met her husband.

But I think you might not be considering how good guys like your fiance snatch up girls like you as soon as they meet them, while bad guys run through all the other girls. It leaves almost no good options for most guys, and they have to weed through a lot worse than you've had to before maybe, hopefully finding a good match.

[SarahS98]

Good point. Yes both gender have their own difficulties finding a partner in different ways. I also had to weed out men that were ok with just a relationship and living together but no to marriage. The interesting thing is I met my fiance at a supermarket by random chance. I was suppose to go to an arts museum with my female friend and she stood me up and the rest is history. It's interesting how a good person can be found when you weren't even looking and by random chance.

[Weapon77]

Well that actually helped me, believe it or not! haha So thanks!

I've been single for 7 years because I'm searching for the kind of person you are, but the girls I've found so far like that were all already married or about to be. It feels like I've been conspired against 😅😆 But anyway, a lot of it might have to do with me losing a ton of confidence when I started losing my hair at 19. And some of it might have to do with how I always thought it was rude to ask out a girl in a store or a waitress. But now it sounds like I should be open to random encounters in the bread aisle or whatever haha

[SarahS98]

yeah I think you should just communicate with people in general and be open to any encounter. Things happen when you're not even looking.

[Weapon77]

That's what people keep saying to me, but that literally only happened once during my first year of college 7 years ago. Nothing has happened since really, and absolutely nothing happened while I wasn't looking. So now I don't know what to think. It's exhausting, so I basically gave up

[SarahS98]

You can also try dating sites but if you want a good site, then you would have to pay once a month.

[Weapon77]

I've been doing dating sites and stuff for years, and it's terrible. You are right that paying is the only way to get something good. Meeting people in person is what I want to do though. Hopefully I'm just doing something wrong that I can figure out how to fix

[SarahS98]

I think it would be great if more women were to do the asking out but not many will do. That must be frustration for you men, I know... always have to be the one introducing yourself and asking her out on a date. I've asked a couple guys (not in comparing to guys asking me out but have done a bit) out on a date before too. That's the only modern thing I don't mind doing. Off course neither of those guys shared similar interests but oh well.

[SarahS98]

I get how it's frustrating to you, you're trying and no result. Don't give up though. I still believe she's out there somewhere.

[Weapon77]

Good point. It would be great if an interested girl would just talk to me. She wouldn't even have to ask me out if she just gave me good signals. I try to think she's out there, but if so, why would it take so long? That's the confusing part unless she's from another country and either I have to travel there or she has to travel here 😂 I'm trying to not worry about it anymore and just workout, work on my writing, and do cool stuff when I can

[SarahS98]

Yeah you can try working on your hobbies. I think the waiting might be worth it at the end. Some people wait longer than others. I guess luck plays a part in life.

[Weapon77]

There is definitely some luck involved. And yes, I know some people wait longer than others, but I don't see any logical reason I wouldn't have even found a few decent options at 26, almost 27 years old. And the odds of finding a good girl now have to be decreasing rather than increasing, right? They are all being snatched up by other guys. I sure hope it's worth it in the end, because right now it's super confusing. All I can think is that I'm far uglier than I think or I come off like a loser to girls.

[SarahS98]

I wish you luck. I really wish you find her sooner. Maybe a relative or friend knows of any girls near your area or with similar interest. For a man, I think you can still find good girls even when you're older. You don't have a biological clock (limited time to have kids) like we do so age isn't that much of an issue vs a woman your age not finding a good man.

[Weapon77]

Eh, my family for some reason is useless for helping me with dating lol Long story.

Fair point, but I'm balding, so I have a hard time believing the girls I like will like me, especially the older I get and more hair I lose. I donxt technically have a biological clock physically, but hair-wise the clock is already done ticking. I just can't see a 20 year old being interested for much longer

[MrOracle]

No one is saying that it's easy for women, but it's definitely easiER than for most men.

Have you heard of Norah Vincent?

https://www.youtube.com/embed/Ip7kP_dd6LU

She was a woman who lived as a man for 18 months, and was ultimately so disturbed by how she was treated by women (as a man) that she went to Belgium this year to have assisted suicide.

She was sure she'd have it easy as a man - after all, she was a woman, so of course, she would know what women wanted from a man and would be able to lock them right in, right? Except, that's not at all how it went. How it actually went is that she ended up with serious mental health problems that ultimately led to her suicide.

There are dozens of lesser examples on YouTube of women trying to attract other woman as a man, and they're always shocked at how much harder everything is as a guy:

https://www.youtube.com/embed/DZTIbHIsIYw

Again, this is not to say that it's a walk in the park for women - it isn't. Women absolutely DO have to work at it, and they MUST vet the men they are interested in, and they have to work against their feelings (which are almost always attracted to the hot/popular bad boys) and use their logic and reason if they hope to avoid being used - and women really struggle to deny their feelings in favor of logic.

But, except for those top 10% men (the hot/popular bad boys), it's INCREDIBLY difficult for most men to find a partner, ESPECIALLY for a serious relationship - because modern women (as opposed to traditional women) have NO INTEREST in what men want in a woman for a serious relationship, and have no intention of providing him with any of those things except sex. And roughly half of men can't even get that.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. She actually offed herself because of that? Holy shit!

[MrOracle]

@Jamie05rhs Yes, just a few months ago. Living as a man (and she was a lesbian, so she was attracted to women), she was SO lonely and isolated and treated so badly by women (and given none of the sympathy or breaks that women normally get) that it seriously messed her up mentally. She was treated in three different mental health facilities, but never recovered from that depression, and so she went to Belgium, where assisted suicide is legal, and killed herself.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pbqRzDbDaXU
Start at 4:55.

[Jamie05rhs]

Damn!

[Jamie05rhs]

That's fuckin' tragic.

[Jamie05rhs]

Wow. I remember watching a documentary about her a few years ago. I thought her experiment was really fascinating.

[Jamie05rhs]

That is really sad.

[Jamie05rhs]

Not to be insensitive or anything, but I am just wondering... Do you think that her not actually being a man played any part in her romantic rejections? How great of a part do you think pheromones actually play in the male/female dynamic?

[SarahS98]

Wow that's a terrible tragedy. I think she should've gone back to her life as a woman and move on from that bad experience.
I do agree men have their own struggles too. Yes it would be better if more women ask a couple men out on a date. That's the only one aspect of modern dating I will agree with.

[MrOracle]

@SarahS98 She did go back to her life as a woman, but living as a man and experiencing how men are treated completely shattered her pre-conceived notions. The original experiment was to experience "male privilege", but she was shocked to experience what men actually deal with, and the indifference the world has to men's issues and suffering. As a woman, she'd always had people ask how she was doing, take an interest in her when something was wrong, etc., and when living as a man, NO ONE CARED and no one made an effort to see how she was doing. She attempted to date and was horrified how women treated "him" - even the ones who weren't in any way mean - they were just indifferent. She felt tragedy and personal guilt about that, that she could never shake, even after years of in-patient mental health care. Her experiment lasted 18 months in 2004-2005, and she'd been back living as a woman ever since then, but her revelations were so disturbing she couldn't cope.

[Jamie05rhs]

Omg...

[SarahS98]

Thank you for conforming it. That's sad to hear what she went when disguised as a man. I think society focuses too much that men are men and can handle themselves on their own. They fail to understand they're still humans and need compassion and help from others sometimes too.

[LazerBean]

Personally, I think whether it's easy or hard is 100% up to the mindset of the individual. Yeah, I had to weed out some guys before found my husband. Was it hard though? No, not really at all. Talking to someone isn't hard, in my opinion. Meeting up at a restaurant isn't hard. Letting someone know that you two just aren't compatible is it hard. Now you can choose to do things that make it harder, like letting yourself get emotionally involved too quickly, or taking rejection personally, or stressing out over not finding exactly what you want as soon as you want. But the fact is, you don't have to do any of that stuff. Dating can be as easy as you want. It's all mindset a choices.

[SarahS98]

True. It's easy to weed out those that don't match your interests and values. I just don't think men are right in saying we have it super easy in finding a partner. I think everything in life has challenges.

[BlueScorpio]

It maybe easier attracting a mate for women, but it's definitely harder to weed the ones out with bad intentions thus making the process in finding a good partner harder or longer. I think that's something a lot men don't understand or think about often. Not all attention from men is good attention cause a lot if them have secret motives or just want to have sex with nothing else attached.

[SarahS98]

Yes indeed. There are many users out there. There are also the men get a girlfriend just for fun and to have sex, make her move in with him and never propose (or keep telling her ''one day we'll have kids''), wasting her time. Those men are still just getting sex without commitment.

[Jdjfjcjj]

You can weed out so many guys by asking yourself basic questions like these (and most women deep down know this, they just aren't attracted to the guys left when they young)

Where you meet him says a lot. Was it at a bar or hookup app?

What his social media picture say ahout him? Does he look like a partier?

Who he hangs out with can go too. Do they look like party animals?

Is he more extroverted or introverted?

Does he seem like he has a purpose in life?

It's far easier then women tend to think.

[Jamie05rhs]

@Jdjfjcjj It's even easier then that. Just don't give him sex. Then all the ones who just want sex will leave.

[SarahS98]

@Jamie05rhs
He's now 30 years old and I met him at a supermarket. He doesn't go to bars and only had one past girlfriend before meeting me. He doesn't like posting too much on social medias except to post about his family and about creative art drawings and deep meaning of it. Nope, he definitely doesn't look like a party animal.

[Bethany22]

It's hard for women, absolutely. If it's just a piece of paper, then why are they so reluctant. With regards to sex, we should come up with our own way of undermining what they want. 'It's just 4 seconds of a strange sensation'

[SarahS98]

The one that said it's just a piece of paper had no problems with living together and having a child with a girlfriend. LOL
I wanted to laugh so hard... so no to marriage but yes to having a child with a girlfriend. Kids are responsibilities too.

[BlueScorpio]

Basically wanted to make you a forever girlfriend and single mother, therype of women most men complain about but have no problem making.

[SarahS98]

@BlueScorpio
Indeed. The look on their faces when there is no game those men can play with me, as there is no way I'm giving away sex until marriage. LOL

[DenizLikesTennis]

your story sounds similar to mine. Like really. The only thing is that I have a super hard time finding a partner. As a guy. The ones you met will find easy-to-get girls for a couple of days only because of their personalities.

I got to known to the sweetest girls and also to the opposite... man... if I had the confident, where I am at now, I'd kill it and make her be mine. Because I am a romantic guy. I like to have long and deep meaningful conversations. Well... I didn't have a father figure or any mentor beside me neither. So it took me too long to build my persona, characteristics etc. Now I can't find like anyone because everything has changed like it was before. My personality, maturity, standards etc.

I don't see myself so attractive though. Just an average guy who goes to work and comes back home. 🤷🏾‍♂️. With good morals... born in a world that's cruel and makes you believe being good is... yeah... unattractive. Or whatever. Now Sorry for reading I have told you too much.

We are all not born the same. It is what it is. So I thought... lets just get the best of us. My passion is music and I am progressing so well😍. One day I will make it. And if not, It is what it is. I am soo proud of my achievements that I put so much effort in it.

I am soooooooo happy for you though in finding your special one :). I wish you both so so much good luck and happiness🍀🎅.

About me: Let's see if I can find her at least until mid 30s... because I am so much concerned about it. If I can't... then I have so many stories to tell hahahaha :D

[SarahS98]

You're 26 and that's still young for a man. I think you'll find her one day when you're not even looking.

[FilmGuy93]

Women can absolutely struggle with finding a partner, but I think women also make it harder than it needs to be. It makes sense that they do it though. Men don't realize the pressure women experience to "get it right" on a super short timeline when it comes to dating. Like, it's not just finding someone you can work with. It's finding someone you vibe with, and can trust longer term to support you and not royally fuck you when your best years are behind you. And realistically, you have to figure out how to do that before your mid 30s.

Dating is so much higher stakes for women than it is for men. I think men forget that y'all don't really have time to be patient with us while we figure our crap out.

[SarahS98]

Yes indeed. Now that I'm engaged and our wedding is set for March 20 (I'll still be 24 since my b-day is on April 7), I calculate I'll have my first child at age 25-26, my 2nd at age 28 and final one in my early 30's. I would've already used my fertile years and I can later focus on perhaps writing a novel, working on getting my Master's or Ph degree (proceed on expanding my education; I just have a bachelor's at this moment). But at least I've focus on the main priority first. The others can wait for later.
Personally (not offense to other women) but I find it pointless to just live together with a boyfriend for many years and not getting what it's important, commitment and kids. By the times those women that remained ''forever childless girlfriend'' figured out the man isn't ever proposing, they are nearly 30 by then and have to start all over; they've wasted their years for nothing.
I tend to be good with math (always was... I had A's in all math classes) and maybe my flaw is analyzing too much. I tend to apply more logic into things (ex: risks vs benefits) than emotions and feelings. I think my brain is wired a bit differently, more into the logical side.

[SarahS98]

Or if I'm lucky and have twins or triplets on my 1st pregnancy (since my mother had my twin sisters on her 2nd pregnancy and then got operated afterwards... having twins is after all genetic too), I might stop it there and proceed with my other goals later on when the children are older kids.

[FilmGuy93]

There's definitely no one-size-fits-all approach to romance in life. But I think women especially need to stop thinking they can just drift through life and chance upon a guy who will scratch all the itches they need scratched. You absolutely do not have time to drift through life. You don't need to be uber driven and focused all the time either, but we have got to stop acting like men and women gain happiness from the same things.

[SarahS98]

I've tried telling that to other girls and they won't listen. By the time they get older, they'll realize I was right the whole time.

[FilmGuy93]

Sounds about right. The things people simply don’t believe are true will never cease to amaze me.

[Aerissa_Jade]

It appears to be easier for women to get a date, but to get a good quality man is very hard.

Men however have a harder time getting a date and then have to weed them out too, so I agree, it isn't easy at all but it simply appears to be to those who have a harder time getting a date.

I'd prefer to say its harder or harder, there is no easy about it at all.

Congratulations on finding a nice partner, best wishes.

[SarahS98]

Thank you. Yes if someone were to accept any low quality person, then yes finding any partner would be easy lol. But yes finding a good man is just as hard too. Thank you.

[BJP21]

Im having a terrible time, as a guy, especially with my age of 39. The word family seems to be a cuss word to a lot of girls I talk to. I never used the word sex, just the fact I even mention the word family turns them off. I often wondered if I am saying the wrongs things. I know I dont smell, my breath smells like peppermint, I floss, I shave, I wear very light cologne. Im prepared to give my heart to someone only to have it kicked back. I find as a guy who is part of the serious bunch has it NOT so easy.

[HighValue]

The guy that wanted a LTR, living together, and was willing to have kids was likely just trying to avoid the possible and likely ABUSE by women (theft during divorce). You should have offered a prenuptial agreement. Any woman that insists on marriage and refuses a prenuptial agreement is a thief.

[SarahS98]

I'm actually going to sign it so I don't mind. The guy that wanted a LTR (aka a forever girlfriend whom he eventually dumps) simply didn't want marriage at all but conveniently would've had no issues making me a single mother and the child grows in a dysfuctional upbringing. No thanks. No way I'm going to be happy about that deal.

[SarahS98]

If they want to continue fooling other women with the ''forever girlfriend' or single mother game, I'm not her... lol. I've been warning other girls about it. Some listen and others don't.

[Chazmatazz269]

That argument stems from the fact that most women have options. As you pointed to yourself. Men have fewer options. Most men aren’t “weeding out” suitors. Ell oh ell! Even decades after women’s liberation and the age of sexual enlightenment, 99% of heterosexual dating is men chasing and women choosing. So yeah, by comparison you definitely had it easier than most men.

[SarahS98]

I have options but my dating pool shrunk by a lot when my requirement was waiting till marriage (no cohabitation unless engaged at least) and someone that doesn't have a sleeping around past. Lets say the number of men on the line would've been 100... with what I wanted then it likely reduced to 5 men.

[Chazmatazz269]

That is the nature of standards. Now imagine being a man and having to chase down all of your options. They DON’T come to you. Then imagine being a man with standards. You have any idea how much time, energy and money the average man has to spend to find FIVE suitable potential mates? Ell oh ell!

[SarahS98]

Yes both genders have their own different difficulties. People with standards overall have it harder than a low quality person that accepts anything.

[Rapport]

I think it's easy for woman to get a guy, yeah, sure.

I just think it's hard for y'all to find someone a guy that you like to actually like you back, that's the real difficulty.

Like yeah, it's easy to get with a guy, but it's not like you're just finna go for any guy just because they're an option or whatever.

It's not easy finding a partner if you're actually trying to find someone your compatible with.

In terms of attractiveness, intrests and etc...

[SarahS98]

Yes if I were to just focus on finding a guy, even the ones only interested in hook-ups would be lining themselves up too. All of the sudden, I get many to select.
If I were to want a boyfriend, the list is still longer.
However, once I mentioned marriage, the list gets shorter. Once it's specified to waiting till marriage (no cohabitation unless engaged at least), then it becomes a very short list. What was 100 men on the line, gets narrow down to maybe 5 remaining men on the line.

[Rapport]

@SarahS98 exactly

[Anonymous]

Women take a passive role in dating because they are pursued by men. Women have to "weed out" the guys they don't want until they find one that meets their standards. That is women's "challenge". Women love to say they have higher standards than men, and that is true only because they can.

Wouldn't it be nice for us guys to take a passive role and "weed out" the women who are pursuing us?

Of course women have it easier.

[alice55]

Yes and now if you have a good face and not atrocious personality it's easy though the person (man or woman) will in 90 % of time try to change things on you, hair make up, clothes, weight, behavior , etc..

[bamesjond0069]

Women have it way easier. y'all just have a hard time because you make dumb mistakes. Give me average looks as a girl and I'll land a hot millionaire as a husband in less than a year. y'all just being dumb as a box of rocks frankly.

[SarahS98]

If I had it easy then there wouldn't be any need to weed out other men that don't have the same goals nor interests.

[bamesjond0069]

Sure but as a woman you can just ask them a few questions and next next next. y'all usually play silly games and date guys for like 5 months then decide he's not the one... one date is more than enough to know and as a girl you could go on a date damn near every day if you want to.

[CA4444]

The only that’s easier for women is to get sex, in general

[SarahS98]

True but not to actually find a partner that wants marriage. If I were to ask men who just wants sex, 100+ men line up for that. If I were to ask men who wants sex with a girlfriend, another 100+ line up for that. It changes nothing. They're still just getting sex.
If I said who wants marriage but only sex after you make her your wife, out of those 100+ men that were in line... only 5-10 men are still there. lol

[Looksnicholas]

Does depend what each person and each gender is looking for, who what when where what how. Lol. That old chestnut.

[that1guy19]

I think girls have different challenges. But I think guys feel you have it easier because guys usually are expected to make the first move.

[SarahS98]

Yes both genders have its challenges. We might have several men throwing themselves at us but at the same time, neither of them are like-minded and don't share the same goals and interests.

[that1guy19]

Ya girls I think have the choices to make of who they want which is stressful and they always seem they have expectations to live up to it seems

[aaron210419]

Just about any girl can have almost any guy, and your options widen vastly if you don't have superficial expectations. For guys, this is not true.

[Jamie05rhs]

Why were you concerned about reducing your dating pool? Do you find it necessary to keep a "pool"?

[SarahS98]

Before I found my now fiance, it was hard to find a good man that'll wait till marriage. I don't do what many girls are doing nowadays, moving in together and pretending to play house without commitment.

[SarahS98]

To reduce the dating pool means reducing the number of men available that'll accept that and be ok with it.

[Jamie05rhs]

@SarahS98 Right. But you found him. So you don't need a pool anymore.

[SarahS98]

Yes true. Now that I found him, the pool vanished. I was referring to men that believe we have it easy in the dating world to find our man.

[Jamie05rhs]

@SarahS98 Okay.

[Anonymous]

duh. It was hard for you because you had very high standards that most men like myself cannot reach.

[SarahS98]

I find it interesting how two simply requirements (waiting till marriage and no sleeping around past) made it so hard. It was worth it. I do not play the hook-up nor forever girlfriend game.

[Anonymous]

You think that's bad? Wait till your fiance cheats on you, then dumps you. 🤣🤣🤣

[SarahS98]

Why would he cheat and dump me? There is really no excuse to cheat.

[Opinion Owner]

I don't know if you picked the right guy it WON'T happen. It's just a common tale on this site. "OH, my fiance, the man of my dreams, it took me forever to find him". Cut to a yr. Later "we're no longer together. I was going through his phone and found out he's been hooking up with this spanking for the last 8 months". 🤣🤣🤣
I truly hope you found a good. Based on most women on this site though you'd be in the minority though.
Good luck! I wish you success.

[Opinion Owner]

Skank* not spanking🤣

[Opinion Owner]

Found a good guy*

[SarahS98]

Well he knows I won't tolerate cheating. My own parents cheated on each other but I won't have the cycle repeated. For me once a cheater, always a cheater.

[Opinion Owner]

Well good! I'm sure that's all you have to do is tell a cheater "I won't tolerate it". And as a result they won't. You should coach these other women so it never happens ever again. 🤣🤣🤣

[SarahS98]

Well it just means they already know your stance on it and if they still do it, then you proceed on either breaking up or divorcing. Infidelity is a good reason to end a relationship or marriage.

[Opinion Owner]

I couldn't agree more.

[Opinion Owner]

But it's best if you just choose to never get involved with a cheater. The signs are ALWAYS there. Most women just use thier feelings too much and thier head not enough.

[SarahS98]

Indeed and he has given me no reason to distrust or suspect it.

[Opinion Owner]

And I hope that NEVER changes.

[TopTier]

Not sure it depends

[Anonymous]

I just want sex from women thats it

[SarahS98]

Do you say that in the beginning? If so that's good.
We hate the guys that actually say they're looking for a relationship and BS girls, then make the girl waste her time for nothing when it was only sex he wanted.

[Opinion Owner]

If I say it in the beginning I won't get sex so i have to lie my way through

[SarahS98]

This is what I warn girls about, users like you that will lovebomb and promise them the moon and the stars just to get into her pants and leave afterwards.
Eventually you're going to tired of meaningless moments of lust as the years go by and you start aging more (aging forgives no one). There are certain girls that are into sex without you having to lie your way through.

[Opinion Owner]

I am trying to change

[SarahS98]

How? Until you actually take the first steps to change, trying means nothing.