Is it true? A man's cheating and a woman's cheating both are different things?

[Dkc123]

Yes!

No!

[bamesjond0069]

Yes. Totally different.

1. Men usually just cheat for casual sex with no interest in leaving. While women usually cheat when they intend to leave their relationship.

2. Men primarily value fidelity from women, it's top 1 or 2 on men's short list of qualities he wants from a woman. Where women also value fidelity but it's not at the top, it's in a large list and typically down near the bottom. It's more a core function of the relationship for men and less for women.

3. It's humiliating for a man to be cheated. It's not for women. A woman might feel humiliated. A single woman might laugh at her, but it's not complete humiliation in front of everyone everywhere like men experience.

[suzzieQ]

Cheating is cheating period... it's not different

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ so women cheat with easy dudes and men don't value fidelity much and its not humiliating for men to be cheated on? Or is it the other way? So it's the same? Pretty sure i listed 3 differences so clearly if there are differences then it's not the same by definition.

[suzzieQ]

Well cheating is cheating; the motivation might be different but in the end, it is the same violation of consent and fidelity

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ except it's not. Is cheating while out of town and very drunk and never done again with a total stranger the same as cheating with a spouses family member and having their child and then publicly announcing that they cheated to everyone you know? They aren't the same. The situations surrounding said cheating event can be drastically different.

[suzzieQ]

By definition that is both cheating. You can distinguish between a fling or an affair, but at the end of the day and by definition it is still cheating. How a person cheats may vary from person to person but at the end of the day it is still cheating.

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ I don't disagree. But you're claiming "... in the end, it is the same violation of consent and fidelity" which I don't think anyone actually believes this. Your basically saying a car accident that leaves a light paint scratch and one that kills a family and leaves another crippled are both simply "car accidents" and exactly the same. How people react to both accidents are 100% different and rightly so.

[suzzieQ]

a car accident is still a car accident regardless of severity.

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ sure and is this a classroom where we are all masterbating to hypothetical scenarios? They might be car accidents both but in terms of everything else they are drastically different. If you don't believe it go crash at 100mph... no? Why not? I'll bump a bush with my truck at 2mph for a joke who cares?

[suzzieQ]

Now you are starting to catch on. Cheating is cheating no matter the severity or how its done. If you want to argue about the differences in how men and women cheat then that is the methodology of the cheating, but it is still cheating.

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ and an irrelevant conversation. Not sure why women insist on derailing conversations about nonsense but you're not the first and won't be the last. So yes it's still cheating and as I said on the initial post yes it's totally different. Wow, thanks for wasting all my toilet bowl time on this one post.

[suzzieQ]

I dont chose how you spend your time; you chose so you can't put that on me.

[bamesjond0069]

@suzzieQ I'm not. Do you have anything interesting to say or more nonsense? This is why women should just keep quiet, they usually have nothing useful to add.

[suzzieQ]

Then why are you here? If you truly though that why aren’t you on some all male site? Haha

[monorprise]

@suzzieQ Children are the main issue, when a man cheats the law still protects the woman's right to the man's support. When the woman cheats the man could be tricked into spending his life raising anther man's child instead of his own.

[suzzieQ]

@monorprise paternity tests aren’t exactly a new concept

[monorprise]

@suzzieQ Nor are they particularly helpful under many state's current laws in marriage.

[suzzieQ]

@monorprise which laws are you referring to?

[victoriaxoxo]

That's stupid. I don't agree with any of those points. 1. No, women cheat because of both. Sometimes it's physical attraction and sometimes it's issues in their current relationship. I think men are the same. If you love your wife and she loves you and you both have good, frequent sex, then why cheat? It still happens sometimes but that's just poor impulse control but overall if the relationship is happy and there is sex, I think both parties are way less likely to cheat. 2. Oh dude, wtf no. Of course it's important that the guy is faithful. There is a lot of studies behind why women want faithful men, one big example is to guarantee the survival of their offspring. You don't want some guy who will ran off with another woman and have kids with her. You want someone who is committed to you and your family. 3. No no and no. Being cheated on as a woman is extremely humiliating, it breaks down your perception of the relationship. It traumatizes you for years to come. I personally could not continue the relationship after I was cheated on. A long time ago, women used to forgive cheating because they had no money and had no where to go. They stayed for the kids because they had no other choice.. doesn't mean it wasn't humiliating.

Please understand that were the same species, all these things affect men and women the same.

[bamesjond0069]

@victoriaxoxo "No, women cheat because of both" sure but usually it's when the relationship is over or to monkeybranch.

"There is a lot of studies behind why women want faithful men, one big example is to guarantee the survival of their offspring." Women tend to care more about financial fidelity ie many women would prefer a man fuck a ho once in awhile than drop 30% of his income on another woman.

"Being cheated on as a woman is extremely humiliating, it breaks down your perception of the relationship. It traumatizes you for years to come. I personally..." all personal issues... you didn't mention the part where people laugh at you and make fun of you and call you a cuck and make jokes about you. These things can definitely happen to men.

[victoriaxoxo]

But men also cheat when something is missing in their relationship. Sometimes when there isn't enough sex for example. Also no I don't think most modern woman are ok with the guy cheating as soon as he's spending all his money on her. Most modern women more or less earn the same as their partners, guy's money is nowhere as important as it used to be. I think in the old days, women had to put up with men's cheating because they were financially dependant, I still think it hurt them just the same. If I found out my partner cheated, I would be filled with rage and I would feel broken and inadequate. First thing that would pop into my head if the guy cheated would be why I wasn't enough? Was I not attractive enough? Was I not nice enough? I would assume he never ever liked me.

One interesting place to look to back up my point is in certain polygamous relationships in various African countries. In those set ups the women are fully financially dependant and the guy takes care of their needs. They usually have their own house to live in and food and whatever else they need. Even though all these materialistic things have been taken care of, the women in those kind of relationships are highly depressed, suicidal and suffer from various mental issues as a result of knowing their husband is having sex with other women. Even if the woman is the main wife and gets the most money, the fact that he is sleeping with other women causes her signifiant distress. www.researchgate.net/.../224943991_A_Comparison_of_Family_Functioning_Life_and_Marital_Satisfaction_and_Mental_Health_of_Women_in_Polygamous_and_Monogamous_Marriages

[victoriaxoxo]

Also to add to that, I don't know if you know but for women who agree to be in a polygamous marriage, these women are usually women who have already been married or had a child. In those cultures where a woman's virginity is highly valued, these women are see as 'used goods'. This means that her chances for a successful 1:1 marriage and extremely low but she can't go and live on her own because she has no job or money as it's not acceptable for women to work in those cultures. It is then her only way to survive to find an existing marriage where the husband wants a 2nd/3rd or 4th wife. The woman will be very depressed but it's her only way to survive. It's a very fucked up situation to put a person in. I also think it's messed up when women do this to men too. Some women will date 2-3 at once and all these guys will know there are other men there but will have to agree to it because that's one way for them to get guaranteed sex. I think this is also a bad practice.

[victoriaxoxo]

I have to agree with you on your third point. People do make fun of men for staying in those relationships more often than they make fun of women. It's very toxic and unhealthy. It should be that his wife is seen as evil and people comfort him but instead he is seen as weak for not leaving. This happens to women but not as often, mostly people just feel sorry for the woman. The result of this is that when a woman gets cheated on, she tells everyone so everyone can make her feel better. But when a man gets cheated on, he prefers to keep it a secret and he doesn't get any support from anyone.

[bamesjond0069]

@victoriaxoxo "Sometimes when there isn't enough sex for example" I agree. Most of the time this is why men cheat. This is not why most of the time women cheat.

"Most modern women more or less earn the same as their partners, guy's money is nowhere as important as it used to be" relationships don't bear this out. The vast majority of men out earn the women. You also need to include stay at home wives and stay at home husband's. If women really didn't care about money since they had their own why not marry a man who works at McDonald's? The job is irrelevant right? 🙃

"filled with rage and I would feel broken and inadequate. First thing that would pop into my head if the guy cheated would be why I wasn't enough? Was I not attractive enough? Was I not nice enough? I would assume he never ever liked me." Agree. That's a normal enough response. Men also feel the same kinds of ways. Now what's different is when your social groups find out do they say "can I go fuck him since he's sleeping around what's the harm?" Do they call you names? Do they make jokes about how bad you must be in bed? Say things like "well she must have a gaping cavern so i mean everyone knows men like it tight" Just curious. This is what many men have to deal with. Just saying.

[victoriaxoxo]

I think the first one is just to do with women having slightly lower sex drives. Like if men wanted less sex than the woman, I think a lot more women will try to cheat because of lack of sex.

And yh completely agree with your point about society looking down on men who got cheated on. It's ridiculous. Also women are smart, they will cheat and they will find a way to make it the guy's fault. I don't buy into any of that bullshit women say when they cheat; 'oh he worked too much', ' he wasn't emotionally available'. Jesus, you just cheated on him, you should be apologetic and not blame it on him. That's disgusting behaviour on women's side.

[bamesjond0069]

@victoriaxoxo "Like if men wanted less sex than the woman, I think a lot more women will try to cheat because of lack of sex." But they don't. So this isn't the most typical scenario. The most typical scenario is the woman is done with the relationship and wants to leave but doesn't want to be single so she cheats with men she perceives as better than her current boyfriend and then eventually leaves him for the other man or tries to anyways.

Men simply just lack sex and have sex usually with women they perceive as less than their relationship. And that's it back to business as usual.

Both men and women do both strategies however men mostly do the one and women mostly do the other. In large part because of the average sex drives as you mentioned but probably other factors as well.

[victoriaxoxo]

But do you not think if men had the option of say 20/30 women and 5 of them were better than their wife (more attractive, outgoing, funny etc.), they wouldn't choose the 5 better women? I feel like they would. But men don't have that choice, they have maybe 2 women who are willing and neither are better than their wife. The woman though has a choice of 20/30 men and 5 are better than husband. Is only logical to choose from the 5, in case the husband finds out she can then leave with one of them. I don't know you really think men wouldn't choose the 5 better women if that was on the table?

I also think men tend to stay in unhappy marriages for longer because they know their pickings are slim. So they power through. Women know that they can replace their husband somewhat easily.

[wysiwyg2525]

Why cheat when you can join in on the fun. We are in a new Era that it should not be frown upon. Come on everyone thinks about it. Let just look at your internet history. Look when you open minded and wanting to do this always have rules and never play together. I prefer mfm, mmf, mmff, mff, mfmf and so on. Whe your mind accept this and stops listening to society who rather judges you and tells you who to be with, who to hang out with, who to date and so on. When you say f**k society, you then will began to live life for you and not the judgement of society. Remember that society don't care if your happy. It just judges you. Just read these comments.

[UCrayCray]

Of course it’s different.
When a woman cheats, she’s a whore. A slut. A gold digging home wrecker who only thinks about herself. A selfish twat.
When a man cheats, it’s because the woman he’s with isn’t giving him what he needs. She’s cold. She’s not giving him enough sex. She’s just not taking care of her man. And if she is doing all those things, and he still can’t keep it in his pants, then it’s just “boys being boys.”

[JennaWillow]

... I don't know what world your living in, but it isn't the same one as me. That might have been true 60 years ago, but I can't accept that it's true today. Cheating is abhorrent regardless of who does it, and everyone agreesm

[JennaWillow]

agrees.*

[SparkyDi]

@JennaWillow I agree entirely. Cheating is Cheating, doesn't matter who is doing it.
Would you mind answering some questions? Follow me if its k.

[UCrayCray]

@SparkyDi @JennaWillow
I sometimes forget sarcastic tone doesn’t always translate well to text.
Rest assured, I was being sarcastic.

[JennaWillow]

@SparkyDi I followed you

[JennaWillow]

Ah I see, no worries then :)

[ummi59]

A man can cheat not becouse he doesn't love his partner, but when a woman cheat she cheats becouse she doesn't love her partner any more.
Note that men cheat for pleasure

[Dkc123]

Not for pleasure either! Most of the time it's just to let the demon out of the body 😆

[BlueScorpio]

cheating is cheating regardless of what sex is doing it. It's betrayal and lack of respect for one's relationship.

[monorprise]

When a man cheats the law protects the woman's right to his resources/work.

When a woman cheats the man could end up being tricked into working his life to support and raise anther man's child.

[Dkc123]

@monorprise that's true and not fair

[BlueScorpio]

@monorprise so moral of the story is don't cheat and be a good partner/spouse. Actually you can get paternity test before baby is born?

[monorprise]

If your already marred the test won't nessarly help you depending on your state.

[coachTanthony]

Cheating is simply a sign of disrespect no matter what the reasons are behind it.

[Guy13]

Definitely different and go different reasons.

[MrOracle]

Yes, it's different. That doesn't mean it's justified, okay, etc., but it's usually different. Things can be different and still be wrong.

The difference is that men cheat typically because they want more sex or because they want sex with a new/different partner - but in most cases, it's just for sex and there is no emotional connection with the person he's cheating with. It doesn't mean he has any less feelings for his partner - he's not looking to replace her or anything - it's just a sexual desire. Again, not saying that it's okay.

When women cheat, it's almost always for EMOTIONAL reasons, and she's almost always looking to replace her man with a new one. Very few women cheat just for casual sex the way men do.

So, yes, there is definitely a difference, and people should be aware of the differences. The fact that there are differences doesn't mean that either one is okay, but they ARE different.

[Anonymous]

Yes I believe so. It’s still cheating regardless of the reason. But most women will not cheat unless they’ve emotionally checked out from their current partner. So by that time the female has already developed feelings for another person. Men on the other hand tend to cheat for the sex. Most of us could bang another chick, then go home to our wives or girlfriends w out getting attached emotionally. I’m not justifying one over the other, they just have different reasons for why. Some the same, but emotional wise one usually has feelings, the other doesn’t when it comes to cheating.

[Maybe_1day]

Cheating is a bad trait and the biggest disrespectful act, not just to your partner but to yourself too. Why cheat? If you're not happy, just leave, breakup and then do what ever you want to do. That way you won't be labeled as a disrespectful person. Who ever does it, it's wrong and it doesn't matter for what ever reason. Cheating isn't an option, it's clearly a choice. Then pls use that choice after you've broken up. It's just disgusting.

[suzzieQ]

No, it is not at all different. Cheating is cheating. That is like saying that murder is different when a man commits it as opposed to a woman who commits it.

The only difference the excuses that people will use to try and justify it.

[Alex8736]

if someone even had the slightest intention of cheating they should not get into any relationship

[suzzieQ]

@Alex8736 agreed. Cheating is cheating regardless of sex or gender.

[Alex8736]

amen

[Anonymous]

I think getting cheated on hurts men more if the guy she cheated with has a bigger dick. There's a feeling of not being good enough for her.

When a woman gets cheated on, especially if the woman he cheated with isn't prettier, there's just a sense that he's a dog that can't be trusted. She can blame him, rather than blame herself for not being good enough.

[Sasha0426]

I don’t know how true this is but women do it for love and men do it for sex. If I’m wrong, correct me. I’m just going by what I’ve heard.

[Dkc123]

Not sure about love! but I feel like there are many reasons for women when they develop feelings or horny or just want to get back at someone they're mad at...

But about men once the demon is out of the system they go back to their family or loved ones and love them more...

[HighValue]

If they are unmarried it is the same. If they ARE married, it is worse when a woman cheats because if he divorces her, the court will help her to steal from him and punish him even if she was the one in the wrong.

[monorprise]

When a man cheets the law protects the woman's right to his resources/work.

When a woman cheats the man could end up being robed working his life to support and raise anther man's child.

[Phoenix98]

Cheating is cheating the only difference is that when men cheat it’s usually purely physical while when women cheat it’s usually emotionally.

but that doesn’t change the fact that it’s wrong and a shitty thing to do regardless.

[Labokachulaa]

When I was younger I always felt that cheating is when you're having sex with someone who isn't your current partner or spouse..

But now, as an adult my definition of cheating has changed.

[Grond21]

The internal motivations may be different, at least on average. But the damage and destruction it does is the same. It is equally wrong and equally abhorrent

[CateM]

Cheating is cheating, regardless of the cheater's sex

[LimitedBenefits101]

Yes its different.

Men cheat while still loving their women

While women cheat with their emotion

[Lexi_87]

Nope... cheating is cheating there's zero difference

[JDAC092299]

Nah I see no difference, people deceive for different reasons sure but cheating is cheating and each reason is not gender exclusive

[dragoblack]

Cheating is cheating. It is a betrayal of trust and the relationship, regardless of who does it. If you're not happy with your relationship, either talk about the issues or break up.

[JessicaEarl]

They’re different because men and women are different

[suzzieQ]

cheating is cheating, just like murder is murder.

[JessicaEarl]

@suzzieQ sure, moral equivalency. But definitional difference

[suzzieQ]

The definition of cheating is not gender dependent. The definition of cheating doesn't changed based on the gender or sex of the transgressor.

[JessicaEarl]

@suzzieQ the question is if a man cheating and a woman cheating are different things. Yes they are. Because I’m one, a man is cheating. And in the other, a woman is cheating. End of discussion

[suzzieQ]

Then why not just say it is different for everyone lol of John is cheating that is different than Sam cheating... lol thats why they dont say female cheating or male cheating... they just say cheating.

[JessicaEarl]

@suzzieQ I don’t know who “they” is but the asker phrased it a certain way and I answered her question.

[suzzieQ]

I mean grammatically

[JessicaEarl]

@suzzieQ this is the dumbest internet argument I’ve ever been in