Is it unfair to expect that your partner should uproot their whole entire life to move to another state/country/city to be with you?

[BeeNee]

[YourFutureEx]

I'd not call it "unfair". It's just a "bitter truth" that you'll need to swallow. If you love someone who lives far away, one of you (most likely the girl), will have to move to be with them, even if it costs them all their investments on their career and hobbies. If they cannot, you'll have to reconsider the relationship. Long distance relationships are continued with the intention that one or both of you are going to relocate to a place where both of you can live together. It's not unfair because it's not a rule made by the humans. It's a law made by the nature that a couple has to be together to function.

Practicality is the most fundamental thing about relationship. Even more important than love. You cannot love someone till eternity if odds are against you because we don't live in a fairy tale with guaranteed happy endings.

[BeeNee]

This is only a hypothetical, but I get what you're saying and agree that if you start a relationship long distance, you have to literally expect that you will have to have this conversation if you are going long term, but I guess I'm more meaning, if you were both in the same place when you started dating and one of you got an opportunity elsewhere or just wanted to move elsewhere to start fresh, is it fair to ask your partner to leave with you.

[YourFutureEx]

Married couples do this all the time. The thing is, there's a lot of communication and planning, but for teens and people in their 20s, they're figuring out their lives (& their partner) and breaking up is so normalised, so they'll keep the options open in mind while their partner will get the breaking news. So yeah, it's different from LDR because in this case, you didn't know what you were signing up to. Only one party had the information.

And that is unfair.

But there are exceptions like I mentioned how it's common among married couples. And in case of college students, you know your partner and you will get a placement and that will most likely set you apart, so you see it all coming, which makes it fair in such cases.

Although totally unrelated, lemme also mention how this is a side effect of women empowerment. Women are finally earning enough and can move different places. Back then they were only reliant on their husbands so they'll have to move with them and it was all the headache for the husband to take care of her expenses. Not saying it was easier for women but at least it didn't have much impact on their lives. But now there's a pressure on women to be independent which is leaving both of the parties vulnerable in these situations. Women's lives are better now, but side effects do creep in.

[NathanDavis]

it is something for both to communicate, discuss and decide... this is the fair, for both partners to address it and to come to a resolution together

this is also the reason why my previous two relationships didn't go further because we both had plans and lives that just didn't match nor aligned together that well, for us to continue together and move on with the next steps... either her or me would have had to QUIT, quit... a lot in our lives, and goals, family, friends... our roots as well, and a big big part of our future

and then we both decided that it would be very unfair, but also a detriment to both of our happiness... because neither of us would have felt happy pursuing our own while knowing very well that the other had to sacrifice theirs

[BeeNee]

Makes sense. I think it sucks though when it becomes a sort of ultimatum for love, sort of "if you truly love me, you'll move," because asking someone to walk away from their entire life, family, friends, job is A LOT, and I don't think your love for that person is the entirety of it because it is easily arguable that for example, you love your family whom you've known longer than that person too. The opposite could easily be argued as well, that if that person loved you, they'd stay and not ask you to leave all that. Then as you intimate, I guess you just break up rather than sacrifice your ultimate happiness.

[NathanDavis]

that is true, it is certainly a difficult situation to deal with... either way it goes, it will sting

so it depends on our concepts of love, personally... I've always wish the very best for the one with me, even if if their best will not happen with me in their lives

but that's just life sometimes

[BeeNee]

I think that's the most unselfish thing you can do is recognize that both of you won't be happy and say it's best you go find your own happiness and they go find theirs rather than try and drag out something that will leave you both miserable. The problem often lies with trying to get two people to agree to this same line of thinking rather than accuse the other of not loving them enough to move.

[MendaciousMarxist]

absolutely not, it's completely selfish to think someone will simply go along with whatever you want for the sake of a relationship. it sounds toxic too

[dustybiker]

Expect, yes. People who expect tend to have no idea how to communicate.

[Guy13]

This is an assumption if married. This is a consideration when dating. This is a Hell No ... if living together, Significant Other, and or Partner...

[OlderAndWiser]

That should have been dscussed in the VERY early stages of dating. If you are at the point of confronting this issue, then it is probably too late to avoid disappointmen or resentment!

[Twalli]

Yes, so often I see people move to be with a significant other and then break up. Also, it sometimes happens that they stay where they are to be with a SO and they break up, and due to staying they can't get the education they want. I always said, and say, that work and education are more important than a romantic relationship.

[HighValue]

If you meet someone from a different area, one person must move for it to work long term. Why do they want to move?

It is best to give the person a choice. Move with them or end the relationship.

[spartan55]

Uh yeah, unfair is a pretty light term. I'd say more like unrealistic, selfish, etc. There may be some circumstances but those should be discussed and agreed upon.

[Surely]

I think that it would depend on how deeply rooted your partner was. If they had a good business going or ill parents. That would be tough to decide.
If they just had a regular job and no other connections, then why not?

[jshm2]

No.

My last partner did just that.

It's all about how committed you are to the relationship.

[Anonymous]

It becomes increasingly difficult when the kids are of school age. They need the stability where possible.

Couples can negotiate. Sometimes the main earner needs the flexibility. Sometimes there is no option but to move.

[CuriousMufuxka]

No. I did a LDR 10 years ago that eventually failed in 2015. She never asked me to move. I asked, I suggested and didn't give up. Expectations are about as fair as whoever believe them to be.

[Blackcupcake]

to EXPECT it, is unfair yes… to hope and wish, and for them to be willing, isn’t…

[SlavicThor]

Very unfair, love is unconditional and free no one should feel pressured or made to feel or act a certain way

[BJP21]

I uprooted when I met my former girlfriend but, I was living at home with mom and dad. I wouldn't exactly call it unfair if its by choice.

[Jack0ff779]

I got no problem with that. The only thing i have to figure out is where i would live and what i would do for income and health insurance since mine only covers my state

[Alex8736]

would this be due to a job moving to another state?

[BeeNee]

This is just a hypothetical question, but I would assume so because otherwise you got into the relationship long distance already knowing that you were going to be long distance until one of you agreed to move or broke up or you just stay long distance.

[Alex8736]

for me personally i have been throwing feelers out to probably transfer from Boston to Florida to be closer to family

[BeeNee]

any luck?

[Alex8736]

I'm pretty much content for now but always keep options open for opportunities

[Lliam]

It has to be a mutual decision.

[alice55]

Yes it’s pretty un fair

[Sasha0426]

I mean, that’s something y’all need to talk about.

[Jennz6]

No, not if you love ❤️ each other

[Anonymous]

Yes. I would never relocate for ANY woman.

[Agape93]

Yeap absolutely

[AsaKyo]

Yes, it is

[Anonymous]

I moved countries.

[Anonymous]

Yes.

[Guardian45]

Nope.