Is it a red flag or just his perspective?

[Anonymous]

I'm afraid to fall in love because I'm afraid of falling for the wrong person. There’s a guy I really really like and I'm friends with his brother as well. His brother and I are close and we talk about my feelings for him too. I'm falling in love with him and his brother is basically telling me I'm being dumb. They have a lot of rivalry apparently and I don't know if it's because they hold grudges against each other or if that's who he truly is. For example, he says his brother says he's prideful but with me he apologizes when he needs to and he's letting his guard down with me. I know people deal with people differently based on their relationship with them and I think that his opinion is biased but it's my first time being in a situation like this where I'm this close to loving a guy and I'm conflicted as to whether i should run or not.

Updates

1 y

Oh my gosh, his brother has a girlfriend😐 we're literally like siblings and don't see each other that way at all😐 he's like my annoying brother most of the time and he knows it

[teamvic]

Well it could be a bit of both

He is his brother so he does know him better than you but at the same time he doesn't know THAT dude of his brother as you do. So maybe he's telling the truth but to you, maybe you make him feel and act differently you know🤔

If you like him go for him I see no harm, but if you start seeing red flags, well then you can't act completely suprised because him brother told you

Maybe he's like this now but when he gets comfortable with you he starts to act the way his brother says he does. Maybe not

[teamvic]

That side* not that dude

[Anonymous]

You're an idiot, letting yourself get deeper and deeper emotionally involved instead of just finding out of you work as a couple or not.

Date. Date casually. Don't start falling in love with someone you're not dating.

[Asker]

Thank you for your advice but calling me an idiot isn't necessary nor is it respectful to say

[Opinion Owner]

It's the truth though.

[SnowedIn]

Wow. Not sure where the hate is coming from in all the comments to you.

You've got some great questions here.

Don't be afraid of love or falling in love. You can't find love if you don't try to love or date. If the person is wrong, you'll know.

What you describe isn't a red flag to me. And if I were in your situation I wouldn't see it that way.

But, yes, I do see the brother's perspective as just that -- his perspective. Yes, brothers are close and all that but they sure don't have the bonds that sisters do. More broadly though, you don't have any good way of telling whether the brother has your crush's best interests at heart -- or yours. Plus there's the rivalry you mention.

I do have to offer you caution: talking about the guy you're falling for with his brother can (will) never end well. So, my advice: if you like the one guy, ask him out. Spend time with him. One of two things will happen: he'll say no or he'll say yes. Then go get coffee or McDonald's or do something together where you can get to know each other. You'll find that you like each other -- or not. But don't do the talk to the brother thing. That makes a person look indecisive. Be bold and confident.

Best wishes with this!

[Asker]

Thank you so much🥰 I'm not leading his brother on though, he's in love with another girl and his brother isn't someone I'd be romantically involved with at all. I'll get frustrated honestly but I understand your point🙃 I'm not allowed to date until I'm 18 and his mom thinks we should wait until we're both adults as well so we're close "friends". I'll take your advice and not talk to his brother about it again. Thanks again for your advice🙃

[SnowedIn]

You are most welcome! I hope you know I'm not one of the ones who thinks you're leading either of the brothers/anyone on. :) If what I said implied that, I'm sorry. You seem sharp and your thinking is clear. Keep it up.

[Asker]

Thanks for understanding, i think the others comments got to me🥲. I think I can understand why talking to his brother about him may not end well but I'm not 100% sure i get it fully. Can you elaborate on that?

[Asker]

Now I'm mad because i meant to give you MHO but my phone was sticking and i gave it to the wrong guy😭😪
You gave me the best advice❤

[SnowedIn]

Sure! What I've found in a lot of years is that when you talk about one person to another person, it's very rare that what gets said doesn't get back to the person being talked about. This goes for crushes, school, work, church, etc. Not always but most of the time. And when I say may not end well it might be that what you meant isn't repeated the same or is lost in translation, or the one person is like "why wouldn't they just talk to me directly" or you get the wrong side of the story, etc. Particularly when, in this case, they're brothers.

This is all the long way of me saying it's always better to be direct. And I know that is hard and scary and uncomfortable and a whole host of other things. But it's the better way! :) Just like girls would rather a guy just ask them out instead of just awkward silence for days, weeks, months -- guys don't want to guess what a girl is feeling or thinking (and we suck at guessing).

Am I making any sense?

[SnowedIn]

Oh! THANK YOU! No worries at all. You win award in my mind for selecting MHO. Too many people don't and just let the bot do it.

[Asker]

Yes you are!😃 I understand fully. I spoke to my crush about my fears too. He always encourages me to open up and says I'm free to be as affectionate as I want but I'm always worried about overdoing it you know? I've gotten called corny a lot, and things like painfully optimistic, too affectionate but people around me don't like being affectionate like giving hugs and I love them so I get pushed away sometimes or they cringe at me😅 i didn't think it would affect me but I've recently realized how it made me afraid to as open and loving as I'd like to be because I don't want to get called corny🥲

[SnowedIn]

Oh wow can I relate. I hear you. For most of middle school, high school, and beyond I was called naïve, too optimistic, too affectionate, too [fill in the blank]. So I literally understand. Obviously the problem in life is that some people don't want that affection or optimism. But here's the thing: that's you. That's authentic. Genuine. As hard as it is (and I know it's easy for me to say) be you. Be affectionate. Optimistic. Authentic. Genuine. Sure, don't love bomb and be clingy, etc., but be you. Again, as hard as it is to put into practice, if they [whoever they are] don't want the affection and the you, they've helped you by putting themselves on the list of people you care about because they are human but not the list of those you invest in and allow into your circle. Be open. Be you. :)

[Asker]

I love this😊 thank youuuu!

[SnowedIn]

Of course!

[jshm2]

You're being a moron, and loving the drama.

[KrakenAttackin]

You are cock teasing two brothers, knock this shit off.