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My experience through social meetups is that people pleasers and vulnerable people attract abusers and not tender souls. It seems confident and strong people attract kind people, while weak people attract abusers. I don’t know why, I love to protect vulnerable people, but it seems most healthy people avoid them.
Confident people know their worth and don’t look to others for affirmation. And that attracts the kind and loving sort of partners.
People pleasers doubt their worth, so they look to people who they believe can give them worth. And an abuser is more than willing to convince them of whatever they believe their value ought to be.
It might be that confident people are able to know their too good for abusers, and also know they can't fix broken people, so they go after healthier individuals.
Opinion
10Opinion
Unfortunately, that is definitely a pattern you are noticing, and it's because predatory people are brilliant at identifying easy targets. Confident people aren't generally easy targets, and very gentle people pleasers are very easy targets. I have dealt with this myself actually because, despite being a guy, I have always tried to treat girls with respect and please them all the time. But that caused many girls to see me as a loser and reject me, while others would completely ignore me. A few would befriend me, and then a few others would prey upon me in various ways (using me for attention, homework help, mock me or use me for amusement). Then there were the ones who express romantic interest, but they often ended up being extremely mentally unstable (wanting me to be a punching bag or an excuse to act out), and a few of them stalked me.
It made me realize I needed to change something, so I started that process during college, and have finally after 7 years become confident enough to not fall prey. Hopefully that means I'll find a kind, good girl soon, but it's still been rocky in that regard. Having trouble finding good options even though I go on some dates. Maybe it's because I'm still afraid to talk to girls I like in bookstores and such.
Confident and strong people KNOW their worth (most likely) and KNOW not to tolerate BULLSHIT from anyone. Thing is, no one's perfect and they're BOUND to mess up somewhere down the line!
Also, confident in the wrong direction is STILL the wrong direction, as I learned recently so yeah...
Nice is one thing. Being a people pleaser is hard why would you even? !
And when you're vulnerable (or desperate) you'll usually take ANYTHING. On the other hand, if you're fine in a relationship or not in one, that will show through your actions and thoughts too!
Being confident certainly helps. I think that what happens is emotionally healthy people identify and want to be around other emotionally healthy people, while they will turn-off emotionally unhealthy people because they make the unhealthy people feel insecure.
Cause they are their own problem, and their own solution.
You can help someone who want to help themselves, but not someone unwilling to participate in their own rescue.
Which, for instance, is most people under an unfavorable situation.
Eh I don't think that's always the case. There's different kinds of displayed confidence. Coming across as cocky or self absorbed gets mixed into that. I think there's a kind that's really just not caring about certain things that gets viewed as confidence too
I think I attract my boss. I had a meeting with her for 35 minutes today. I kept it going with all kinds of topics about work.
Yes and no. You can very likely attract narcissist because they are very extroverted and need to suck to positive aspects from victims. I think also when your viking high you see narcissist more easily
I think confident people attract people they want nice or not.
One day 2 women offered me massages and the more confident one got my offer as she poke better
That's the general idea, but it doesn't always work out that way.
I'm not confindent at all.
i really think so
Maybe.
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