Do you have a hard time trusting someone? your partner, your friends ect?

[Finchie40]

I know I can’t fully give myself to someone if I can’t trust them , I remember a time in my life that trust wasn’t even an issue for me until I got backstabbed and betrayed from giving my heart to someone and then they turned around and stabbed it. Now I have a lot of walls up from protecting myself from ever being betrayed again , so taking these walls down is very hard for me to do and I hate that about myself , I become my own worst enemy to the point it’s hard for me to be fully happy , When a girl shows signs of selfishness towards me I immediately protect myself and have a hard time trusting her , I get flashbacks from how my ex was treating me during the time she was cheating on me , so my insecurities rise and my radar goes off that this girl is up to no good and I hate that about myself I know not everyone is a cheater but sadly I am broken inside to the point I feel like I can’t give myself 100 percent to someone anymore , I constantly feel like someone is going to take advantage of my heart again especially if she has insecurities as well. I know lack of confidence is a huge turn off in a relationship so I feel like I don’t have that in me anymore because I have so many walls up to protect myself. Nowadays all I hear and see is people backstabbing and cheating on each other to the point does love really exist? If a girl can cheat on me it’s over , because I learned in myself to resist temptations , when resisting temptation used to come natural to me when I gave my heart to a girl , but after I was betrayed , resisting temptation was hard for me to do because my trust for girls was broken , but I knew I couldn’t experience love if I couldn’t resist temptation for someone so I learned in myself on how to. The problem I have now is did she learn how to as well? I so want to fall in love again but sadly I feel that ship has sailed.

[FieldOfVision]

I completely understand your predicament and I'm sure many other people do to. Unfortunately, we live in a broken world full of insecure people. Some betrayals are unavoidable and I am in the exact state as you are. I don't trust anyone, not because I'm afraid of the betrayal itself, but because I don't want my heart to break. Based on many observations, the more you love someone, the more the betrayal will hurt. I've never been in a relationship so I can't necessarily understand that aspect, but I was betrayed by someone I loved, that being my own father. Then again, I was naive but I still trusted him. I won't get into any detail but the point being, you aren't alone in this. I learned just recently that not all people are bad. Of course, no one is perfect but the good in people are what gives us hope. It's easy to believe the glass is half empty and one bad moment can ruin a good day. Just remember to think about the good. I'm being very hypocritical right now because I am having a hard time trusting people too but it's true. There is good in the world. A very wise individual once told me that living a life in fear prevents exploration of the things that make you happy; therefore, living in this state isn't living at all. Lack of trust can also lead to shame and being uncomfortable in your own skin and falling for it creates lies in your head. Everything has a cause, and taking recognition in why you feel this way allows you to learn how to fix it. Best advice I could provide is not to dwell in this forever, it makes life a living hell... believe me. I wish for the best, man.

[Finchie40]

Yea the thing that haunts me is someone not being honest with me , someone telling me they love me and care about me but then goes behind my back and cheats on me , and then comes back to me acting like they still love me , when a girl starts not wanting to be intimate with me or affectionate with me when before it was t an issue , that to me is an indication that she is more than likely up to no good when she constantly makes excuses as to why she isn’t in the mood , when she used to be all over me before and I didn’t have to even say a word , then all of sudden now she is making a bunch of excuses as to why she doesn’t want me touching her or kissing her like I am not allowed to initiate intimacy or affection unless it’s on her terms , she will say things like she is stressed out , or she doesn’t feel good , putting up all these walls as to why she doesn’t want to be intimate or affectionate with me all of a sudden , instead of jumping the gun and thinking the worst case scenario I will talk to her and express my feelings of concern as to why she doesn’t want to be close to me anymore , I start feeling my wants and needs aren’t being met I start analyzing shit in my head , does she not find me attractive anymore, did she meet someone else, is she interested in someone else? Is she telling me the truth am I being insecure? But no matter the case I know something is wrong and she isn’t telling me something like she is trying to string me along until something better comes along or she already has someone else and wants to see where it goes before throwing on the towel with me , My ex did this to me to find out she was having an affair with a co worker , so anytime a girl does this to me I have a harder time tolerating it because of what happened to me before when I just sat back with Sucker written on my head. It’s like if you are going to cheat on someone be honest about it don’t strong someone along for your selfishness, and sadly that’s what most people do

[Finchie40]

Bottom line people have a hard time being honest within themselves so that’s why I have a hard time trusting , don’t treat me like a convenience, if you want to fuck someone else go fuck them but end it with me first or right after don’t come back to me like everything is ok because you can’t accept that you are a selfish piece of shit , I do t want to stick my dick onto a girl that just had another guy stick his dick into her , to me that is so dirty and degrading that you can actually do that to someone , making them the biggest scum on this Earth

[FieldOfVision]

Based on my perception of the situation, from how it sounds, she is extremely manipulative and the type of person who gets a pay off from a relationship. I could be wrong. All I know is that just blatantly cheating on someone is an act of selfish behavior and you don't want to get involved with someone like that. I like to call them parasites, moves onto the next person if she's bored. I could be wrong. Again, I've never been in a relationship so I wouldn't understand. I find human psychology fascinating though. Just know that if she's the one being selfish, she's the one looking like the idiot.

[FieldOfVision]

Based on observation, you got to pay attention to red flags. The earlier you catch something immorally unhealthy, the better. It's not necessarily lack of trust but there is something called boundaries.
"Being able to say, "no," and accept when someone else says, "no" Being able to clearly communicate both wants and needs. Honoring and respecting their own needs and the needs of others. Respecting others' values, beliefs, and opinions, even if they are different from one's own."

[FieldOfVision]

There is a good book called, "Boundaries by Dr. Henry Cloud and John Townsend" front cover displays a pencil with graphite line down the middle.

[Finchie40]

Thank you , and again all I can do is love someone the same way I want to be loved , if she wants to walk away I let her go , we can’t force someone to love us , so if they think the grass is greener on the other side then say good luck to you , hope it works out for you but don’t think I will be standing here waiting , that’s my answer to move on as well

[lightbulb27]

It's a good emotional thriller you have going on, in your own mind and heart.

I was the opposite, I'd give trust easily to the wrong people. I saw that pattern in my mother... probably taken up and learned from her. where she got it, don't know. "Wounds"... that is programming by another power, control. That's how it works in the human psyche in general.

Trust develops ages 0-2... when we don't remember that much.. according to science. Things might have gotten messed up back then, so have to do some sleuthing inside yourself. All of this stuff maps back to childhood, what you learned.

Yes love and commitment exist, they are choices. So do fragile humans that can fail. A woman that doesn't get what she needs, without strong values... or that takes meds, is dangerous. God help the men who have those women.

This is all about you though, it's your life. You picked her and the relationship went the way it did with those two people. I would ask myself... what is it about cheating/commitment that means to you. Why does it hurt so deeply... and where does that root into childhood? That has meaning to you. Obviously going in with fear is a recipe for disaster, going in with emotional strength and love means you.

Once you find the roots as to why you made the choices you did, and resolve this, it can get you to a new "energy" and you don't fear as much, because you won't repeat. You won't use control to protect.

That said... anyone can fall prey to an accident, a mistake... maybe there are few lessons. My assumption is there is some "value" in this that can be extracted and that is how you get past it.

I'd also ask what "love" means to you.

you don't have to tell me... but explore

[Chazmatazz269]

I don’t think my process for achieving trust is difficult. By comparison to a lot of younger people, it’s impossible. Ell oh ell!
We have to weigh the risks of trusting against the rewards of having people within that sacred circle. For each of us it’s going to be different. I’m old, and old skool. I thought i was doing great until real adulthood set in. All of my friends and family had kids and other priorities, and i found myself out in the cold. Now i wish my boundaries were different, but old habits die hard.

[Random_g]

I don't understand how building walls is seen as negative , we seek to build houses to love in to feel protected and secure , it's the same for the heart.. I trust people but I have my lines they don't Cross it and I don't Cross theirs.. Even when it comes to partnership, you are not two people completing each other but two individual come together to work things up together and find peace in this chaotic world we're living in, so once you don't find peace , move out.

You don't be an open book to anyone rather have big title that says who you are and only the one who purchase that book can read it.. And work for your personality, have experience so it won't be a 15 page book.

What I'm trying to say is it's okay to have boundaries and walls, you don't need to share everything with others, we all have our privacy, have a relationship where you two provide for each other to get what you want, it's like when you kiss someone and they kiss you back but if they don't kiss you back than they are not interested, so give care to get care back, give love to get love back, give respect to get respect back... Etc. once they don't give you back, walk out.. No trauma needed, it's just they didn't do their part.

[Guy13]

Yes, people in general and across the board I have difficulty trusting. That's normal though as no one trusts unconditionally…. I hope ‼️

[jennifer_bloom]

If I'm dating a guy I will trust him until or unless I see evidence he is not fully trustworthy. I do not assume or speculate about cheating without evidence.

[Anonymous]

I’am having same issue with a men I’m dating
I’m 31 he is 37
See even though I’m 31 Its funny but I am a late bloomer he is my 1st date actually lol. First men I love like and miss.


Few days days ago in our date he said “ When a relationship finishes and we break up I feel like I will never find someone else. It feels like I will not find someone “ . This hurt my heart because what does he mean by that?
I’m there sitting my ass being a virgin , beautiful , a women early 30s who’s telling a 37 years old men I like you.. why is he saying that. I realized he said that maybe because he feels heartbroken and he believes he will never find love. Also he doesn’t women easily now too. That I could tell.
In the beginning of our date we started as let’s be friends since we met online we had no idea who he was or who I was for him. Fair enough. But meeting multiple times we finally kissed. But even now he is still protecting himself a lot.. I think people take their time and sadly people like me who’s not my fault his hearts is broken have to walk within his step until he finally realizes — she is where with me she is love
Hopefully

[Opinion Owner]

She is here with me *

[TheVigilantFox]

After 36 years of abuse and lies I don’t trust anyone, I overthink to the point of depression and I have awful anxiety all due to other people, even if I did have friends or a partner I’d never trust them, they’d have to do something spectacular for me to even begin to trust them.

[Finchie40]

The same way I feel , and it sucks big time , my doctor put me on Zoloft and it has calmed my anxiety down some but it didn’t cure it completely , I feel the only way I could fully give myself to someone is if they are on the same exact page as me , if they aren’t then they are wasting their time , Cuz any signs of them being selfish and over stepping boundaries I lose all respect for them , If a girl can’t make me her top priority she will not be mine , I have had my heart shit on to many times from girls to the point my trust for girls is hard to come by , I won’t cheat on her but i will make it clear to her what she is doing is selfish and if she doesn’t change that behavior then there is the door and don’t let it hit ya in the ass on the way out , You can’t expect me to remove selfishness for you if you can’t remove it for me , if you don’t want to be intimate and affectionate with me then you are best to grab your things and go because I am not a fucking punching bag and i will not tolerate that shit for very long you better have a damn good excuse as to why you don’t want to be affectionate with me because their are girls out there that want that from a man , so if I am not good enough for you then you better make your plans and go , Girls’ were brought up to think they are supposed to be taken care of , that a man has no feelings , that he is just a provider and a protector , she acts like if she doesn’t get her way she is always right and he is wrong , she will latch on to toxic girlfriends that will feed her brain that her man isn’t good enough for her , that she deserves better , he doesn’t trust you he doesn’t respect you and yes those toxic girls are correct I don’t trust a girl that chooses friends over me when she tells me to choose her over my friends and that’s the problem with girls they are very selfish individuals that only really care about themselves , they will go spread their legs to some guy that gives her a more masculine energy and

[Finchie40]

And act like her man at home isn’t good enough , she will start pointing out flaws in him without pointing out flaws within herself , I have experienced both sides of the spectrum and it’s fucked up

[TheVigilantFox]

The thing I dated for a year and 9 months took advantage of me she made me feel like s**t she hit me and made everyone hate me she lied and lied and then when I finally had enough and left she smeared my name and is harassing me to the point she’s getting me banned on every site I go on, all the people she’s friends with are still supporting her which is baffling to me they’re scumbags as well as her, she took advantage of me when I was at my lowest I hadn’t long lost my Nan and then I lost my father (he was a narcissist) I’m glad he’s gone but that’s not the point the point is is that she knew I was vulnerable yet she abused me anyway, I f**king hate her and I hope she ends up like my father….. dead. She’s ruined relationships for me now as getting with anyone I’ll always wonder when they’ll start abusing me and it will ruin any chance of me staying with anyone due to her. So her and my father have literally ruined my life.

[dustybiker]

If you are already hurt it’s hard to trust again until you realize how unfair that is. Everyone new deserves a chance to show who they are. That is how you begin to heal. Allowing them to.

If someone hurts you, you can never trust them again as the seeds of doubt have been planted. Once a hurter the possibility of repeat is always there.

Life changes good people. I didn’t used to think, so but it does. People can be influenced and swayed. To me it’s not about trust in general. It’s being prepared. Sometimes you have to cut people from your life until they see how things really are.

[Jamie05rhs]

I feel ya, dawg. I really do. All I can say is trust the warning signs. You've learned through experience the red flags that you need to avoid. So don't second-guess yourself. If something doesn't feel right, back away carefully and run. Running is not always a bad thing.

This is just my opinion. I hope you don't mind.

[nilex4185]

That's totally me and u have explained it so well , that also how i feel about myself till date , but tbh now i have stopped thinking about trusting issues and all
I'm just studying ( or doing what i like ) just to distract myself from thinking all this and to be productive bcoz thinking about this won't help me buy my food.
And also the more we think about it the more we feel it the more we become like that. U can start resisting this urge of thinking it will help a lot.
I'm doing it too sometimes I fail but not thinking about these keeps me more happy. And i want to be happy.🕊️

[SexyRedd1966]

I used to, but now I learned I just trust myself... I don't have to trust anyone, so if they show me some fuck shit I keep it moving... I watch their actions... my dad always told me go by what a man does, not by what he says... so if his words don't match his actions they're lying to me... so trust your instincts

[Orion76]

No, i dont and i have noticed lately that nobody trusts nobody. I trust almost everyone around me to some extent otherwise i can't be around them, in the end i can safely say i was screwed over by everyone i knew with the exception of my parents. I wish i have the skill to deal with people and not trust them so if you have hard time doing so you are gonna be just fine.

[FilmGuy93]

So… the lady I’m semi-entangled with now is not someone I fully trust, but I don’t doubt her sincerity and affection for me. Our problems come down to the fact that she says and does things in ways that just don’t really make sense, when you think about them.

[Juxtapose]

You have to remove the idea of guaranteed outcomes and instead think of trust as a calculated risk. Carefully assess the person and know that no matter what there's always a chance they could betray you horrifically. If that sounds unacceptable to you then you're better off as a hermit.

Remember, even the person you trust most in the world has a very small chance of kidnapping you and torturing you to death. Nothing is guaranteed!

[KathrynTaylor]

Not really. You get some people with a graduate degree in Dickheadery everywhere. There are plenty to be had. But amongst them, there are good people, too.

[Anonymous]

I trust people easily but only up to a point. If i give people a chance to betray me and they take it, I may forgive them. But if I give them another chance and they betray me the same way, then holy shit they're gone so fast...

[LiamJHayden]

Friends: no. The ones I call "friends" have been with me a minimum 15 years, and two more than 20.

Partners: yes, I struggle here. My longest romantic relationship has lasted about ten months.

[NathanDavis]

nope... not at all

but I am very selective

[TJ1892]

Yes, but I think it's only a natural feeling when you feel as if your trust has been betrayed previously. For me anyway it's just human nature, your going to have your guard up as a result.

[OG956]

I'm not able 2 date, because of bad experiences, so that means, that I'm looking only 4 friends (if that person would earn my trust, then I would maybe...)

[Kingofkings1992]

I trust literally no one, except my direct family.

[Anonymous]

Learn to trust yourself first.

[alcorriher]

yes i do