Is my husband gaslighting me?

[Anonymous]

Yesterday we went out for my birthday. I bought a really cute outfit that made me feel sexy. I asked him if he was comfortable with me wearing it and he said it was okay. As long as I was with him it was okay. We get to the bar and we’ve had some drinks, well my friends wanted to go dance and my husband doesn’t like to dance so me and my girlfriends went to go dance. He seemed like everything was fine and we were all having a good time, we got home and he started yelling at me telling me that I was being disrespectful to him. He said it’s because I left him at the table to go dance, I asked him why he didn’t communicate with me about this and he said he shouldn’t have to. I’m annoyed because I can’t read his mind and with his vibe with me and our friends he was fine. He then told me that I was dressed like a whore. Which makes me even more upset because he was telling me that I looked beautiful and that it was fine if I wore my outfit for my birthday weekend. Is he gaslighting me or am I crazy?

[FilmGuy93]

That's not technically gaslighting; that's just him being a difficult, non-communicative asshole.

Gaslighting is when the person is trying convince you that you are crazy by telling you that you are wrong about a definite, provable, factual thing. You had no reason to know what he was thinking.

An example of gaslighting would be if a woman started openly flirting with your husband in front of you, and when you point it out and ask him to refuse her advances, he tells you that she isn't being flirty and you need to stop being so jealous.

The gaslighting happened because he's denying something that you can openly see, and telling you that you are imagining things.

[Leopard23]

That's not gaslighting. Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic in which a person, to gain power and control of another individual, plants seeds of uncertainty in another person's mind. The self-doubt and constant questioning slowly cause the individual to question their reality. It's a form of abuse.
Sounds like he's just insecure about the relationship and needs reassurance.

[electromagnetic]

I mean you did ask him if he wanted to dance.
It’s not like people didn’t know y’all were together. Girl. Cut yourself a break. You’re not a mind reader. If he was upset by it, he should have approached you and said
‘Hey I feel uncomfortable alone. Can you sit with me for a bit’ but completely cutting you off from enjoying yourself sounds rather silly.

[KittyKat90210]

Yes he's gaslighting you. He said you looked beautiful and it was fine if you wore that, and later told you that you were dressed like a whore? Not cool. And I agree that he should have said something at the time if he didn't want you leaving him at the table so you could go dance. You didn't do anything wrong.

[LiamSawyer]

He's the one being disrespectful to you, if he really cared he'd make the effort to learn how to dance with you instead of bitching about being left alone at the table which obviously was his choice. He should be glad you were dancing with your girlfriends and not with some hot guy considering how sexy you were looking. He needs to apologize and get his ass to a dancing school or shut up.

[LiamSawyer]

@Asker I wouldn't exactly say he's gaslighting you as it doesn't appear that he's trying to manipulate you, he's just being an unfeeling selfish asshole.

[SnowedIn]

You're not crazy but he's not gaslighting. You two had a disagreement and some really bad communication based around what appears to be a lot of assumptions and unspoken feelings/wants. But no gaslighting from him.

[driven159]

I don't know how long you have been married if it is a short time then you need to think if you want to spend the rest of your life with him because he is not going to change.

[Tomisworthless]

Pretty sure he was noticing a lot of men desiring you since you looked really sexy and were having fun and was really upset that he didn’t prevent that from happening

[Anonymous]

Maybe he was drunk, sounds like something a woman would say instead of a man, he needs to speak his mind not bring it up later

[Danael31]

I don't know if "gaslighting" is the right word, but I'm gonna say he's being wrong.

[Anonymous]

That's not what gaslighting means.

[Luckycharms12]

No that's not talking open and honest